PLATINUM BLONDE
Story by Harry E. Chandlee and Douglas W. Churchill
Adaptation by Jo Swerling
Dialogue by Robert Riskin
Shooting Draft, 1931
Property of
Columbia Pictures
FADE IN:
INT. CITY ROOM OF NEWSPAPER OFFICE - DAY - FULL SHOT
General atmosphere, typical of a busy newspaper office.
Copy boys running about, shirt-sleeved reporters and rewrite
men pounding away on typewriters. Little wire baskets
containing cylinders of copy whizzing back and forth, such
as are used in some department stores, etc.
SOUND
Morkrum machines, typewriters, telephone bells and all
other sounds relative to a newspaper office when shot has
been fully established:
CAMERA STARTS TRUCKING DOWN MAIN AISLE
It takes in the battery of Morkrum machines clattering
away; the crescent-shaped copy desk; the desk of the
sporting editor, with a big cauliflower-eared pugilist and
his manager standing by the side of the sporting editor, a
hefty guy in his shirtsleeves, smoking a big cigar and
wearing a green eye-shade; the desk of the society editor,
a prissy old lady, who takes down a worn copy of the Blue
Book as the camera passes her and starts looking up some
data; and any other interesting or typical bits that can
be thought out. At the far end of the room is the desk of
Conroy, the City Editor.
Everything shows evidence of feverish activity and great
haste.
2. CLOSE SHOT
On Conroy, the City Editor at his desk, speaking on the
telephone.
CONROY
Yeah, that's all I ever get from
you guys - a lot of hard luck
stories. You come back here and
I'll give you an assignment. It
will be a last interview - with
the cashier!
He hangs up, looks around with a scowl.
Stew! Stew Smith!
REPORTER
Oh Mr. Conroy, give me a crack at
that Schuyler story, will you?
CONROY
You? If you ever got your foot
into a drawing room, you'd step on
a sliding rug! Stew is the only
man that's got brains enough to
handle this. Scram!
A Copy Boy rushes by on an errand.
CONROY
Say Spud, did you find Stew?
COPY BOY
Not yet.
CONROY
Well, did you look in the—
COPY BOY
First place I looked.
CONROY
Not there, eh? For cryin' out loud,
where is that—? Go and dig him up!
Stew! Stew Smith!
CAMERA TRUCKS ON:
Until it takes in a sort of make-shift screen, concealing
a corner of the room.
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
3. CLOSE SHOT
On the other side of the screen. Stew Smith is holding
something in his hand. His hat tilted back on his head,
and he is regarding this plaything intently. Gallagher is
sitting close to him, also gazing intently at the plaything.
Gallagher is a girl, one of the sob sisters[2] on the
newspaper, dressed in a trim but inexpensive little tailored
suit.
STEW
Here it is. Pray for me, Gallagher.
Pray for me. Hold everything . . .
4. CLOSE SHOT
On the object in his hand, one of those hand-puzzles where
you have to land jumping beans in the holes.
5. DOUBLE SHOT
GALLAGHER
Stew, your hands are shaking. You've
been drinking again.
STEW
Come on, come on. Here they come,
Gallagher! Here they come!
Conroy's shouts are heard in the background.
GALLAGHER
(conspiratorially)
The boss is getting hoarse.
STEW
There's the third one. If I don't
get the last one, there's a certain
sob sister I know that's going to
get a kick right in the . . . oh!
Whoops, almost had that.
MED. CLOSE SHOT
Conroy, the City Editor at his desk, looking about with a
scowl for Stew.
CONROY
(bellowing)
Stew! Stew Smith!
The Copy Boy races over to whisper something to Conroy.
CONROY
What? The screen?
7. CLOSE SHOT
On Stew Smith
STEW
Gallagher! I made it!
8. MEDIUM SHOT (FROM CONROY'S ANGLE)
The screen, concealing the washbasin corner.
CONTINUATION, SCENE 6
A wrathy Conroy, his eyes centering suspiciously on
something. With his eyes on the screen, Conroy reaches out
and grasps a heavy telephone book on the corner of his
desk. Still looking off, he heaves it forcefully.
MED. CLOSE SHOT
Showing the screen. The telephone book crashes into it,
overturning it and revealing Stew and Gallagher on the
other side. They both look up, startled. The newsroom erupts
in laughter.
CONTINUATION, SCENE 6
Conroy, glaring off fiercely.
CONROY
Come over here!
10. MEDIUM SHOT
Conroy at his desk. Stew saunters into the scene.
STEW
Look, I quit!
CONROY
Yeah?
STEW
Yeah.
CONROY
Yeah?
STEW
You're always picking on me. It
took me three hours to get those
little gadgets in those holes, and
you screw it up in a minute. Hey,
look!
He gives the hand-puzzle to Conroy, who is immediately
captivated by the fascinating object in his hand.
CLOSE DOUBLE SHOT
STEW
(superior)
Mmm, not as easy as it looks, is
it?
Conroy puts it down with a disgusted look.
CONROY
Aagh! No wonder you're batty. Would
it be imposing too much upon you
if I asked you to do a little work
today? Just to sort of break the
monotony?
STEW
With me you can always do business.
CONROY
Do you know what to do in a drawing-
room?
STEW
It isn't a question of knowing
what to do, it's knowing how to
get in one that counts.
The telephone rings, Conroy answers it.
CONROY
(speaking on the
phone)
Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay.
He hangs up, turns back to Stew.
CONROY
Now listen, we've got a tip that
the Schuyler family has finally
made a deal with that chorus dame.
STEW
Gloria Golden?
CONROY
Yeah, little Gloria.
STEW
The human cash register. Got her
hooks into the Schuyler kid, eh?
CONROY
Right - for the first time this
year.
STEW
(modestly)
Well - it's only April.
CONROY
Come on, get going, get going!
STEW
(loftily)
Get going where? I can write that
yarn without stepping out of the
office.
CONROY
Yeah - and get us into a million
dollar libel suit. It wouldn't be
the first time. Now, you get over
there and get a statement out of
the old lady, the sister, or the
kid. Any of them - but get it.
STEW
(resigned)
All right. Give me a voucher for
expenses.
12. CLOSE DOUBLE SHOT (ANOTHER ANGLE)
CONROY
What expenses? All you need is
carfare to Long Island. You'd better
get a shave and a shine, because
you, you're going to have a tough
time getting in there as it is.
STEW
I know those bluenoses. Their
ancestors refused to come over on
the Mayflower because they didn't
want to rub elbows with the
tourists. So they swam over.
He turns away and exits.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN:
EXT. THE SCHUYLER HOUSE - DAY - MEDIUM SHOT
Someone pacing outside the mansion gates.
EXT. THE SCHUYLER HOUSE (ANOTHER ANGLE) - DAY - CLOSE SHOT
A guard dog pacing inside the gates.
INT. INSIDE THE MANSION - DAY - CLOSE SHOT
A parrot on its perch, hopping from foot to foot.
INT. SCHUYLER DRAWING ROOM - DAY - CLOSE SHOT
Michael Schuyler, a callow youth with the usual dissipated,
spoiled look. His fingers are nipping out little chunks of
a folded piece of paper, dropping the bits on the floor.
This is indicative of a habit of the individual in question
when undergoing nervous stress. He is very fidgety and
apprehensive, as he glances around.
CAMERA PANS OVER TO SHOW
Anne Schuyler, a beautiful and aristocratic, though slightly
hard girl, a few years older than Michael.
CAMERA PANS OVER TO SHOW
Mrs. Stuyvesand Van Alstyne Schuyler, mother of Anne and
Michael. A grande dame, stern and glowering. Her attitude
indicates suppressed nervousness and anger. She glares
over in the direction of Michael. Then she turns and looks
in another direction.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(viciously)
Dexter Grayson, if you were any
kind of a lawyer, you'd get those
letters back!
CAMERA PANS OVER TO SHOW
Dexter Grayson, the family lawyer standing, his hands
clasped behind his back, just completing the pacing of a
few short steps in his best courtroom manner, his head
bowed in an attitude of deepest thought. He is dressed in
striped afternoon trousers and black coat. He turns to
regard Mrs. Schuyler.
GRAYSON
But I keep telling you how difficult
it is, Mrs. Schuyler. The last
time I asked her for those letters,
she made very uncouth noises with
her mouth.
CAMERA PANS OVER TO SHOW
Anne Schuyler, trying desperately to keep from laughing.
CAMERA DRAWS BACK
To reveal a full shot of the room and group. They are in
the magnificent drawing room of the Schuyler home,
resembling the Union Depot and furnished with almost
imperial splendor and magnificence. They very much resemble
a jury in session. As they continue:
MICHAEL
I don't know why you're making all
this fuss. I only sent her six of
them.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(sarcastic)
If you had to make a fool of
yourself, why didn't you tell it
to her instead of writing?
MICHAEL
Because I couldn't get her on the
phone.
MRS. SCHUYLER
Imbecile!
ANNE
You should have known better than
to write, Romeo. I found that out
a long time ago.
MRS. SCHUYLER
I should say you had. At the rate
you two are going, we'll have to
leave the country to save our faces.
ANNE
Splendid, Mother. Let's hop over
to Monte Carlo. It's a great place
to save a face.
MRS. SCHUYLER
Oh, shut up!
A butler appears in the doorway. He is about to say
something, but he stammers and turns.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(stopping him)
What is it, Smythe?
SMYTHE
Pardon me, madam - but what am I
to say to the newspapermen?
Mrs. Schuyler looks distractedly at Grayson.
17. CLOSER SHOT
Mrs. Schuyler and Grayson. She rises and speaks imperiously:
MRS. SCHUYLER
Dexter, go out and tell those
ruffians I have nothing to say.
Grayson faces her placatingly.
GRAYSON
You can't do that. Leave it to me.
I know how to handle reporters.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(with a shudder)
All right, then - get it over with.
MEDIUM FULL SHOT
Grayson turns officiously toward the waiting butler.
GRAYSON
We've decided to see the reporters.
Send in the man from the Tribune
first.
SMYTHE
Very good, sir.
MRS. SCHUYLER
Oh, Smythe, some bicarbonate of
soda, quick - double strength. I
know those news mongrels[3] will
upset me.
SMYTHE
I've anticipated it, madame. The
bicarbonate is ready.
The butler exits.
INT. SCHUYLER LIBRARY - DAY - FULL SHOT
This room resembles the Grand Central Station. It is lined
with bookcases filled with gorgeous first editions and
special bindings, and is furnished in the extreme of
magnificence and luxury.
Present are Stew and Bingy, reporter from the Tribune.
Stew is seated, idly leafing through a first edition.
Bingy, still with his hat on, spots an expensive music box
on a nearby table, opens it and does a little jig to the
tune that is emitted.
20. CLOSER SHOT
Bingy, as he lingers at the table. He is a lazy, sloppy-
looking guy. His face needs a shave and his pants need
pressing. There is a spot of dried ketchup on his tie. On
the table is a humidor. Bingy opens it and lifts out a
handful of cigars.
CLOSE SHOT - STEW
As he looks up from the book, he suggests:
STEW
Hey Bingy, you'll find the
silverware in the dining room.
CONTINUATION, SCENE 20
Bingy turns, putting the cigars in his pocket.
BINGY
Much obliged.
MEDIUM FULL SHOT
Smythe enters.
SMYTHE
(frigidly)
Mr. Grayson has decided to see
you.
Both Stew and Bingy start forward eagerly. Smythe continues:
SMYTHE
The gentleman from the Tribune,
first.
CLOSER THREE SHOT
Bingy beams broadly and Stew is disappointed.
STEW
There are no gentlemen on the
Tribune.
SMYTHE
I understand, sir.
Smythe leads the way out. As Bingy passes by, Stew trips
him.
BINGY
Say, take it easy! Take it easy!
Listen, my boy. No use you hanging
around here. Just buy the Tribune
tonight and read all about it. You
can rewrite it for your last
edition.
STEW
Couldn't make the last edition.
It'd take me four hours to translate
your story into English.
BINGY
Oh, is that so?
STEW
I'm afraid.
Bingy turns to leave.
STEW
Take off your hat. You might make
an impression.
Bingy dutifully doffs his hat.
STEW
Impossible. Put it on again.
BINGY
Hey, make up your mind, will you?
Bingy hurriedly puts his hat back on as he disappears.
INT. SCHUYLER DRAWING ROOM - DAY - MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT
By the door which leads out into the hall. The butler enters
and stops, standing stiffly. Bingy enters behind him,
shambling awkwardly. He stops in some consternation as he
sees:
25. MEDIUM SHOT (FROM HIS ANGLE)
The Schuyler jury. Grayson, Mrs. Schuyler, Anne and Michael,
all surveying him in varying degrees of unfriendliness.
CONTINUATION, SCENE 24
Bingy hesitates uneasily as he regards this impressive
assemblage. Quickly, he takes his hat back off. Then he
smiles nervously and starts forward.
BINGY
Hi, folks!
CONTINUATION, SCENE 25
Grayson comes forward to meet him, attempting to be very
cordial. Bingy is seized by a sudden impulse to sneeze. He
does so, violently. There is awkward silence. Mrs. Schuyler
throws off a visible shudder.
BINGY
What's the matter? Isn't there a
'bless you' in the crowd?
GRAYSON
You're the Tribune man?
BINGY
Yeah, hello. How are you?
Bingy extends his hand. Grayson pointedly ignores it.
GRAYSON
(cordially)
Fine. Have a seat.
BINGY
Thanks, I will.
Bingy crosses the room, taking note of the beauteous Anne.
GRAYSON
This way.
BINGY
Oh, man!
Bingy sits gingerly on the edge of a handsome chair.
BINGY
Oh, boy!
MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT
Bingy and Grayson. Grayson picks up a very flossy and
expensive cigarette box from the small end table beside
the chair. It is made of gold and semi-precious stones are
inset in the cover. Grayson opens the lid and takes out a
cigarette, but pointedly does not offer one to Bingy.
Grayson remains standing before the reporter, who is very
uncomfortable and ill at ease.
GRAYSON
Fine newspaper the Tribune.
BINGY
Well, I should say!
GRAYSON
I knew your managing editor very
well.
BINGY
Is that so?
GRAYSON
Yale '21, I believe.
BINGY
(uncomprehending)
Huh?
GRAYSON
We were classmates.
CLOSE SHOT - MRS. SCHUYLER
She clears her throat menacingly, as she looks sternly at
Grayson.
MRS. SCHUYLER
Ahem!
BINGY
What's the matter? She got a cold?
CONTINUATION, SCENE 26
Bingy and Grayson. Both look over. Grayson gives her a
quick reassuring glance, as though to say "leave it to me
now." He continues his conversation with the reporter.
GRAYSON
I got him his job on the paper.
I'm a stock-holder, you know.
BINGY
Is that so?
GRAYSON
As one Tribune man to another—
He laughs.
BINGY
(laughs)
Yeah!
GRAYSON
But right now I'm acting in the
capacity of Mrs. Schuyler's
attorney.
BINGY
Oh, that's all right with me. I
won't hold it against you. But you
see, I'm here to find out about—
GRAYSON
I know, I know. But there's no
truth in the story whatsoever.
BINGY
Oh yeah?
28. MEDIUM SHOT
Grayson and Bingy. He takes Bingy by the arm and leads him
over to a corner of the room, assuming a confidential pose.
GRAYSON
(speaking as they
walk)
However, I've taken the trouble to
prepare a little statement. Here
it is. Here.
CLOSER TWO SHOT
Grayson and Bingy. Grayson takes an envelope out of his
pocket and hands it to Bingy. Bingy opens the flap and
sees the contents.
INSERT: ENVELOPE
The corner of a fifty dollar bill protrudes.
BACK TO SCENE:
Bingy quickly shuts the envelope up. Grayson is watching
him closely.
GRAYSON
So, you see how silly that rumor
is?
BINGY
Why, sure. It's a lotta hooey.
GRAYSON
That's what I wanted to say, but I
couldn't think of it.
Grayson starts leading him toward the door. CAMERA PANS
WITH THEM as Grayson leads him toward the door, talking as
they walk.
GRAYSON
Thank you very much.
BINGY
All right, all right, don't mention
it.
GRAYSON
Give my regards to your managing
editor.
BINGY
I certainly will.
They stop at the door. Bingy extends a handshake, which is
again refused. He stops and looks back at the jury.
MEDIUM SHOT FROM HIS ANGLE
The Schuylers all sitting silently and contemplating him.
BINGY
Well, so long folks!
He flutters his eyes at Anne.
BINGY
Thanks!
He takes one last look at Mrs. Schuyler and is again gripped
by a violent sneeze.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(rising to the
occasion)
Uh, bless you!
ALL
Bless you!
BINGY
Thanks.
The butler appears in the doorway behind him. Bingy exits
past him, beaming.
BINGY
(waving to butler)
So long!
Grayson nods to the butler.
GRAYSON
Smythe, bring in the other reporter.
SMYTHE
Yes, sir.
INT. SCHUYLER DRAWING ROOM - MEDIUM FULL SHOT
The group awaiting the advent of the Post reporter. Stew
is shown in by the butler, still carrying the Conrad book
in his hand. They give him the once-over. Mrs. Schuyler
raises her lorgnette with a magnificent gesture. Stew eyes
them with animation, not in the slightest discouraged by
this supercilious scrutiny. He starts toward them.
32. MEDIUM SHOT
As Stew approaches them.
STEW
Schuyler's the name, I presume?
Yes, thank you, thank you. My name's
Smith - Stewart Smith. No relation
to John, Joe, Trade or Mark. Of
course you can't have everything.
He smiles engagingly on them. Stew addresses Mrs. Schuyler
ingratiatingly, disregarding her expression of obvious
distaste.
STEW
Nice set of Conrads you have out
there, Mrs. Schuyler. I was just
glancing through this one.
(indicates the book
in his hand)
What's Michael tearing the paper
about?
GRAYSON
Just a habit. Mr. Schuyler is a
bit put out by all the rumors going
around.
33. CLOSER SHOT - STEW AND GRAYSON
STEW
Rumors? Rumors? Since when is a
breach-of-promise case a rumor?
GRAYSON
No breach-of-promise case has been
filed. The matter has been settled
out of court.
STEW
(very cagey)
Oh I see, but Gloria doesn't seem
to be satisfied with the twenty
thousand dollars.
MEDIUM SHOT OF GROUP
At this, Mrs. Schuyler rises wrathfully.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(furiously to Grayson)
Dexter Grayson, you told me it was
only ten thousand—and you didn't
even get those letters from that
Jezebel!
STEW
Oh, so you did give her ten thousand
dollars, eh? and there are
letters...
Behind Stew's back, Grayson makes violent gestures for her
to shut up.
STEW
Well, well. That takes it out of
the rumor class, doesn't it?
GRAYSON
We admit nothing. However, I have
a little statement all prepared.
He takes Stew's arm and walks him off toward a corner much
in the same manner as he handled Bingy, and lowers his
voice confidentially.
35. CLOSER SHOT - STEW AND GRAYSON
Apart from the others.
STEW
A statement? Good.
GRAYSON
I have it here.
STEW
Good.
Grayson takes an envelope out of his pocket and hands it
to Stew. Stew puts the book under his arm, takes the
envelope and extracts the contents. It is another greenback.
STEW
(with interest)
Fifty bucks, eh?
He regards it a moment, then replaces the bill in the
envelope. His voice is matter-of-fact, and almost casual.
STEW
Don't you know you should never
offer a newspaper man more than
two dollars? If you do, he'll
think it's counterfeit. I don't
need fifty dollars. As a matter of
fact, I've got fifty dollars.
Grayson is considerably disconcerted. He tries again.
GRAYSON
The man from the Tribune seemed
perfectly satisfied.
STEW
Who, Bingy? Yeah, Bingy would. He
never saw fifty dollars before.
You could have bought him for six
bits. Funny thing about Bingy. The
more he gets - the more he prints.
He looks stupid, doesn't he? But
oh how smart he gets when he bends
over a typewriter.
He hands the envelope back to Grayson and turns away.
36. MEDIUM SHOT
Schuyler group - taking his action with dismay. Stew starts
walking back toward them, talking as he walks, Grayson
beside him, considerably distracted.
STEW
So ten grand was the amount you
gave the girl? Any other statement
you folks would like to make?
There is an explosive chorus from the group.
GROUP
(ad-lib talking at
the same time)
That's not so!
We have nothing more to say!
We'll make no statements.
He turns to them, holding up his hand and speaking
plaintively.
STEW
Wait a minute. Don't get excited.
I wouldn't worry about it. A little
publicity never hurt anybody.
CLOSE SHOT - MRS. SCHUYLER
She is on the point of an apopletic stroke. She advances
menacingly toward Stew. She calls to Grayson.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(shrieking at him)
Dexter, have this person leave
immediately.
MEDIUM SHOT - THE GROUP
Stew is not at all perturbed. Dexter takes him by the arm
and starts to lead him out.
GRAYSON
I think you'd better go.
STEW
Go?! Wait a minute - that's a great
story! Newspaper reporter was
forcibly ejected from Schuyler
Mansion, and—
Anne comes up to him.
ANNE
Wait a minute—
He faces her and cannot help but register an appreciation
of her beauty.
ANNE
Don't mind Mother.
STEW
(cheerfully)
I don't mind her if you don't.
CONTINUATION SCENE 37
Mrs. Schuyler, almost choking in her wrath at this
outrageous stranger.
MRS. SCHUYLER
Anne!
CLOSE SHOT - ANNE AND STEW
Anne stifles a smile at this cheerful insolence.
ANNE
I'm sure you're quite willing to
be decent about this.
STEW
Decent? Why Miss Schuyler, I want
to be noble.
Anne continues in her most devastating manner.
ANNE
You're not going to print this
silly thing, are you?
STEW
(noncomittally)
No? Why not?
She puts her hand lightly on his arm.
ANNE
Because my name's Schuyler too.
And I haven't done a thing, but
I'll suffer with Michael. And so
will Mother.
CLOSEUP - STEW
He has been listening to this and enjoying it immensely.
He looks over at Mrs. Schuyler.
41. REVERSE ANGLE ON MRS. SCHUYLER
Who is making a show of holding back a flood of tears.
CONTINUATION SCENE 40
STEW
Mother's suffering already!
CONTINUATION SCENE 39
Anne, not wanting to lose her point,
looks up at Stew pleadingly.
ANNE
As a special favor to me, you won't
print that story, will you?
CONTINUATION SCENE 40
Stew, looking down at her in frank approval and admiration.
ANNE
(pleading)
Please—
Stew hesitates still.
42. MEDIUM SHOT
Mrs. Schuyler, Michael, and Grayson. All watching the couple
intently, hanging on the next words—wondering if Anne is
going to succeed. They are tense and expectant.
CLOSE SHOT - ANNE AND STEW
He is looking down into her soft, melting eyes. Then he
smiles.
STEW
You know something, lady, if you
sold life insurance, I'd go for a
policy in sixty seconds.
ANNE
Oh, thank you, I knew you'd
understand.
CONTINUATION SCENE 42
The three. They relax and exchange
relieved and triumphant glances.
Apparently Anne has won.
MEDIUM SHOT - ENTIRE GROUP
Stew turns aside.
STEW
May I use your telephone?
ANNE
(eagerly)
Certainly. Right over there.
STEW
You're all right.
She indicates. Stew starts for the telephone. Anne walks
to her mother's side. Stew gets to the telephone and picks
up the receiver.
STEW
Hello, Beekman 1300?
(he turns to wink
at the group)
That's an unlucky number. You know
that, don't you?
CLOSE SHOT - STEW
At the telephone. He turns back to the instrument as he
gets his connection.
STEW
(into phone)
Hello, Toots? Is Conroy there?
Give me Conroy.
(pause)
He isn't? Try the washroom, will
you?
While he waits for the connection, he turns and addresses
the group expansively.
STEW
Say, I interviewed a swell guy the
other day - Einstein. Swell guy, a
little eccentric, but swell. Doesn't
wear any garters. Neither do I as
a matter of fact. What good are
garters anyway—?
(he turns back to
the phone)
Hello, Conroy? This is Smith
talking. I'm up at the Schuylers.
No, I'm not having tea - that is,
not yet.
(again, he winks
expansively at the
group—then returns
to Conroy)
Is she beautiful? Oh boss, her
pictures don't do her justice. If
I was that guy Ziegfield - what?
46. CLOSE SHOT - ANNE AND MRS. SCHUYLER
Anne smiles in spite of herself at this flattery. Stew's
voice goes on.
STEW'S VOICE
Yes, it's easy to see where her
beauty comes from. From her mother.
For the first time, Mrs. Schuyler unbends to the extent of
giving forth a smile. She cannot help but be pleased at
this compliment. The atmosphere is now very friendly.
Everybody feels that everything is all right.
CONTINUATION SCENE 45
Stew at the phone
STEW
Now wait a minute. Just hold on.
Keep your shirt on. I'm coming to
that. The Schuylers admit the story
is true. Right. They gave the gal
ten thousand bucks. But she's got
some letters - and she's holding
out for more dough - and it looks
to me like she's going to get it.
47. MEDIUM SHOT - SCHUYLER GROUP
Horrified and shocked at this betrayal and double-crossing.
STEW
(on the
phone—breezily)
Right boss. I'll be right over.
Right - no, I don't think I can
get any pictures now. Right.
He casually hangs up and turns from the phone.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(involuntary gasp)
Oh-h-h . . .!
Anne confronts him as if he were a reptile of the lowest
order.
ANNE
(voice cold as ice)
I've met some rotters in my time,
but without a doubt, you're the
lowest excuse for a man I've ever
had the misfortune to meet—
Stew starts walking toward the door, still holding his
book. The family is tremendously indignant and agitated.
Stew stops, turns, looks at them. He is met by icy glares.
He indignantly takes a nickel out of his pocket and hands
it to Grayson.
STEW
(with dignity)
Well, if you feel that way about
it, here's a nickel for the phone
call.
He glares at them—turns and walks out.
They watch him walk out, stunned and open-mouthed.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN:
DAY
INSERT: Dingy board sign outside a building.
JOE'S
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INSERT: Three column heading in newspaper:
SCHUYLER HEIR SETTLES BREACH OF PROMISE SUIT FOR $10,000.
Gloria Golden, Follies Beauty, Retains Love Letters.
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INT. JOE'S SPEAKEASY - DAY
MEDIUM FULL SHOT
A reasonably respectable speakeasy, smoke-filled. Quite a
number of men and a few women are leaning on the bar and
seated around at the tables. Stew and Gallagher are seated
at one of the rude round tables, smoking, drinks before
them. Gallagher is reading the newspaper story.
49. CLOSE SHOT - STEW AND GALLAGHER
She is grinning at the story.
STEW
—and she walked up to me and put
her hand on my shoulder and said,
(mimicking Anne)
'Mr. Smith, You wouldn't print
that story, would you?' Oh no, I
wouldn't print it - read it!
CLOSE SHOT - GALLAGHER
Over Stew's shoulder. She laughs at his attempted imitation.
GALLAGHER
You're sure going to be poison to
that Junior Leaguer[4] from now
on!
STEW
I hope not . . . I've got to call
on her this morning!
Gallagher looks up in astonishment.
GALLAGHER
You what?
STEW
Sure, I must drop in on the mad
wench. Her wounds need soothing.
GALLAGHER
For heaven's sake, Stew, are you
completely bats? What for? I thought
the story was cold. You can't go
back there.
STEW
Sure, the story is cold, but I'm
not. I'm sizzling - look! Psst!
He moistens a finger, touches it to his wrist, and makes a
sizzle noise.
Gallagher looks over quizzically—a little suspicious—a
little jealous.
GALLAGHER
(a drawn-out knowing
utterance)
O-o-oh! Came the dawn, came the
dawn!
CLOSE SHOT - STEW
Over Gallagher's shoulder.
STEW
And with it came love! Oh Gallagher,
you've got to meet her. She's it—
GALLAGHER
—and that—
STEW
(enthusing)
—and those and them.
Gallagher takes a sip of her drink before answering.
GALLAGHER
Well, I've seen her pictures, and
I don't think she's so hot.
STEW
(disparaging gesture)
Oh, you don't appreciate it. Her
pictures don't do her justice.
Why, Gallagher, she's queenly -
she is queenly - and I know queens!
(continues in
exaltation)
And oh, has she got herself a nose -
and I know noses too. That little
snozzle of hers is the berries, I
tell you. And is she cute when she
throws that little snozzle to the
high heavens!
52. DOUBLE SHOT
GALLAGHER
Of course I haven't got a nose.
Stew gives her a hurt look.
STEW
(shaking his head)
Sure, sure. You've got a nose,
Gallagher. You've got a nose. But
there's different women, Gallagher.
You know, like brewery horses and
thoroughbreds.
GALLAGHER
(deliberately
misunderstanding)
On now, Stew, don't be too hard on
her. I wouldn't call her a brewery
horse.
STEW
Gallagher! She's the real McCoy!
GALLAGHER
And the rest of us are truck horses?
STEW
(reproachfully)
There you go, talking like a woman!
GALLAGHER
(a trifle resentfully)
Well!
STEW
Well, you're my pal, aren't you?
Then don't turn female on me.
During these last few speeches, Gallagher has been regarding
him with a curious expression. She loves being his pal,
but wishes he would realize she is also a woman.
53. MEDIUM SHOT
Stew seems a little resentful of her attitude. He rises.
STEW
Pay that check, will you Gallagher?
I'll give it back to you some time.
Maybe.
He flourishes the book of Conrad, which has been lying on
the table in front of him, and makes a grand gesture.
STEW
I go now - I go with Conrad in
quest of my youth! Fry those
tomatoes, will you, Gallagher?
He strikes a pose—and exits.
Gallagher, sits, looking after him, considerably disturbed.
CLOSER SHOT - GALLAGHER
Sitting, looking dismally after Stew.
She opens her bag and takes out a mirror, surveying herself
with frank disapproval. She pulls out a curl of hair before
each ear, tries to soften the severe brim of the hat. She
puts a finger to the tip of her nose and tilts it up,
studying the effect. Then, with a sigh of disgust, she
throws mirror and bag onto the table.
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INT. SCHUYLER ENTRANCE HALL - DAY - LONG SHOT
Smythe, the butler, previously introduced, comes from the
direction of the rear of the house, and proceeds down the
long, vast hallway towards the front door. The bell keeps
ringing steadily.
The butler reaches the wide front door.
56. CLOSER SHOT
As the butler opens the door and reveals Stew standing
outside, hatless, a book in his hand, a spring overcoat
slightly askew, the pockets bulging with contents. The
butler quickly tries to slam the door in Stew's face, but
Stew's right foot comes forward with a practiced
newspaperman's gesture and he forces his way into the room.
STEW
(reproachfully)
Now, now Jeeves.[5] Was that nice?
Was that being a gentleman, Jeeves?
Was it, Jeeves? Your name is Jeeves,
isn't it?
SMYTHE
(stiffly)
The name is Smythe.
STEW
Smythe! Well, well, well! With a Y
, huh?
(wags his head)
Congratulations! What a small world.
Brothers under livery. Shake!
(he grabs the
butler's hand)
Now, as a Smith to a Smythe—
SMYTHE
(glacially)
Mrs. Schuyler is not at home.
TWO SHOT - ANOTHER ANGLE
STEW
I know, I know. I waited outside
till she went out. She's a very
nice lady, but we don't vibrate
well together.
58. MEDIUM SHOT
Anne, dressed in smart sports
clothes, starts to cross thru the
hall. She stops as she sees the
butler engaged in conversation
with Stew.
SMYTHE
(hollowly)
No one's at home, sir.
Anne starts walking toward them. Stew spots her.
STEW
Now Jeeves, what would you call
this - 'no one'?
Anne comes up to them.
CLOSER THREE SHOT
Anne looks up and sees that the butler is frowning and
uncomfortable and addresses him.
ANNE
What's wrong?
SMYTHE
Mrs. Schuyler left orders, Miss,
that if this person came here again,
I was to call the police.
STEW
That's a good idea - telephone the
police. The number is Spring 3100.
Get a couple of cops over and we
can have a rubber of bridge.
ANNE
You may go, Smythe.
SMYTHE
But I—
STEW
Now the lady said you may go—
The butler bows stiffly and exits.
ANNE
(to Stew—directly)
What do you want?
STEW
Well, I tell you, yesterday when I
was here, I had one of your books
in my hand, and when I got outside,
I realized I still had your book
in my hand. So as long as I had
your book in my hand, I thought I
might as well take it home and
read it. This morning, I got up
and put your book in my hand, and
here's your book in your hand.
He extends the Conrad book, and Anne, making no effort to
take it, he throws it on the table.
ANNE
(haughty)
That's considerate of you.
STEW
Yeah, that was considerate of me.
I recommend you read it.
CLOSER TWO SHOT
ANNE
(stiffly)
I'm not interested in your literary
recommendations.
STEW
Well, maybe it's a bit heavy for
you. Perhaps if you'd like something
lighter - something with a touch
of romance—
He takes a package of letters out of his overcoat pocket
held together by a rubber band. He extracts one of them
and opens it.
STEW
Just listen to this—
(reading)
Adorable Babykins—
Does her miss her Baby? Him sends
his booful li'l sweetums a billion
oceans full of kisses. Bobo is so
lonely—!
ANNE
(interrupting coldly)
Just a moment. I don't see how
that trash could possibly concern
me.
Stew advances a little closer, putting up a finger.
STEW
(mysteriously)
Ah! But you don't know who Bobo
is. And you don't know who Babykins
is.
ANNE
I'm not interested. Smythe will
open the door.
She begins to walk away.
STEW
(brightly)
But Bobo is your brother, Michael.
And of course nobody would ever
guess who Babykins is.
Anne turns and stares at him, incredulously, for a moment.
ANNE
Where did you get those letters?
STEW
I stole them when I was interviewing
Babykins about Bobo.
Anne looks up coldly.
ANNE
I suppose you're going to print
them?
STEW
No - give you another guess.
61. MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT (TRUCK SHOT)
The two.
Anne surveys him with frank scorn and dislike.
ANNE
(scornfully)
Oh, I don't need another guess.
It's quite obvious.
STEW
So, it's obvious, huh?
She turns toward the library.
ANNE
Will you step into the library?
STEW
(with alacrity)
Sure, I'll take a chance.
Anne walks majestically with head held high—thru the
hall—thru the living room and to the library. CAMERA
TRUCKING AHEAD OF THEM. This is a very long walk with Anne
walking ahead, Stew trailing.
STEW
(while walking with
Anne single file)
You know, the Indians used to walk
like this.
(pause)
Except the squaw always walked in
the back—
(pause)
You know why that was? That was in
case of attack from the front.
(pause)
Of course, if the attack was from
the rear, she had to depend upon
her papoose.
(pause)
Oh yes, the papooses always had
bows and arrows.
(pause)
Of course, if she wasn't
married—then she'd have to protect
her own - er, er—
(indicates rear
with thumb over
shoulder - still
walking)
What country is this library in?
(pause)
Miss Schuyler, how about carfare
back to the front door, huh?
INT. SCHUYLER LIBRARY - MEDIUM SHOT
Anne sweeps in, followed by Stew. She walks directly to a
desk, opens a drawer and takes out a large check book. She
draws up a chair and seats herself.
63. CLOSE SHOT
Anne at the desk, starting to fill in the date on a blank
check.
ANNE
What are your initials - Mr. - er—
CLOSE SHOT - STEW
Who has remained standing. He is watching her with a
peculiar expression.
STEW
Smith. Stewart Smith. My friends
call me Stew. It's an injustice
too because I hold my liquor all
right.
CONTINUATION SCENE 63
Anne writes on the check. Then she looks up.
ANNE
Will - uh - five thousand be enough?
65. DOUBLE SHOT
STEW
For what?
ANNE
For the letters, of course.
MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT
As Stew walks closer and addreses her.
STEW
Gee, you shouldn't do that, Miss
Schuyler. That's all right for
your lawyer friend, but you
shouldn't go around thinking you
can buy people.
(hands her the
letters)
They're yours.
Anne has been listening to him with a puzzled expression,
impressed by his obvious sincerity.
ANNE
I don't know how to thank you.
Mother'll be so grateful - she'll
probably want to kiss you.
STEW
Your mother will want to kiss me?
Give me back my letters.
(grabs the letters)
That's the breaks I get. It's the
mothers that are always grateful
to me.
(with a smile, he
hands the letters
back)
Here.
ANNE
You're a peculiar person. Why the
other day I pleaded with you not
to send in that story and —
(gestures with
letters)
67. CLOSE TWO SHOT
STEW
(patiently again)
I know but that was news. This is
blackmail and I don't like
blackmail.
Anne is regarding him with searching scrutiny. She smiles.
Her icy, belligerent attitude has vanished.
ANNE
won't even pretend it isn't a very
great favor. I wish there was
something I could do for you—
STEW
Well, you could make this table a
little - uh - a little less wide.
(he leans over closer
to her)
There is something you can do for
me, Miss Schuyler.
The smile goes out of Anne's eyes—the suspicion returns—she
is saying to herself—"I was right the first time!"
STEW
(engagingly)
I haven't had any lunch yet. Have
you got anything in the icebox?
The hard, disdainful look leaves Anne's face as she stares
at this incredible guy with his incredible request. With a
twinkle in her eyes, she responds:
ANNE
Oh, you fool!
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INT. SCHUYLER DINING ROOM
MED. FULL SHOT
A lovely, sunny room, cretonne drapes and colorful painted
furniture. Stew and Anne are sitting at the table. Anne
looks amused and definitely speculative. Stew has the manner
of having lived in this house all his life. He draws the
cup of tea to him and puts in a lump or two of sugar.
Between him and Anne on the corner of the table is a
modernistic, squatty little tea-pot.
STEW
After years of research, I finally
discovered that I was the only guy
in the world who hadn't written a
play, so believe it or not, in my
spare time I'm now writing a play.
CLOSE TWO SHOT
Anne is casually amused.
ANNE
Really?
STEW
Yeah, I haven't figured out the
plot yet, but it's laid in a
Siberian village.
ANNE
You're a bit eccentric, aren't
you?
STEW
Me? No - most ordinary guy in the
world, me. Only one thing wrong
with me—
ANNE
You don't wear garters!
Stew helps himself to another lump of sugar.
STEW
Naw, that's just a symbol of my
independence.
He leans closer, looking directly into her face.
STEW
I'm color blind. That's what's
wrong - I'm color blind. I've been
sitting here for a half hour looking
at you and I don't know yet whether
your eyes are blue or violet.
Anne smiles at this unexpected statement, and stares at
him very critically.
ANNE
I'm just beginning to believe that
something could be done with you.
STEW
Say, you could do anything with me
you wanted to. Putty - just putty,
that's me.
(leaning closer)
Now getting back to those eyes of
yours - would you mind if I kind
of got closer so I could see them?
ANNE
Not if you're going to lose any
sleep about it.
70. CLOSE SHOT
He gets closer, takes her chin in his hand and gets an
eyeful.
ANNE
Now, how would you like them—open
like this?
She smiles radiantly.
STEW
Close them both.
(getting warm)
Something tells me I'd better leave.
During the last speech Mrs. Schuyler enters and stops in
the doorway, surveying this astonishing scene with stupefied
indignation and rage.
Anne gets quickly to her feet as Mrs. Schuyler sails
forward.
MRS. SCHUYLER
That's an excellent idea.
ANNE
Oh, hello Mother!
STEW
(easily)
Hello - hello, Mrs. Schuyler. Come
right in. Will you have a slug of
tea?
He hospitably indicates the table. Mrs. Schuyler is
speechless with fury. She does not immediately reply. Then:
MRS. SCHUYLER
What is this person doing here?
ANNE
Why—
Stew goes on.
STEW
As a matter of fact, I was just
trying to decide the color of Anne's
eyes. I can't tell whether they're
blue, or whether they're violet.
What would you say, Mrs. Schuyler?
MRS. SCHUYLER
(bursting)
Why—
ANNE
(quickly)
Don't say it, Mother, please. Mr.
Smith came here today to do us a
great favor.
71. CLOSER SHOT
Anne, Mrs. Schuyler and Stew. Mrs. Schuyler, with an effort,
restraining her impulse to yank Stew out by the collar,
speaks:
MRS. SCHUYLER
(bursting with wrath)
Indeed? Perhaps he will do me a
great favor.
STEW
(elaborate bow)
With pleasure, Madame!
MRS. SCHUYLER
Get out of here.
ANNE
(distressed)
Oh, Mother!
STEW
(with dignity)
It's all right. It's all right,
Anne. I can take a hint. A bit
subtle, but I get it. It's all
right.
ANNE
Please go. I'll explain to Mother.
He steps close to Mrs. Schuyler's side.
STEW
The caviar was lovely, Madam.
72. WIDER SHOT
Stew starts to the door, smiles at Anne, and remarks to
Mrs. Schuyler as he passes her:
STEW
You must come over and see us
sometime.
Mrs. Schuyler freezes in inarticulate anger, as Stew gives
a courtly bow and exits.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN:
INT. SCHUYLER DRAWING ROOM - NIGHT
73. MEDIUM SHOT
Anne in a stunning evening dress is seated, a cocktail in
one hand, cigarette in the other. Dexter Grayson, in evening
clothes, is standing before her.
GRAYSON
Where were you yesterday?
CLOSE SHOT - ANNE
She has a faraway, speculative look in her eyes.
ANNE
Oh, Stew and I went for a long
ride.
(dreamily)
Dexter, is there any finishing
school we can send him to?
CLOSE SHOT - GRAYSON
GRAYSON
(witheringly)
Yes - Sing Sing.
CONTINUATION SCENE 74
Anne. She ignores this crack.
ANNE
Just the same, he's going to be a
different person when I get through
with him.
CONTINUATION SCENE 75
Grayson. He is looking at her,
deeply disturbed.
GRAYSON
When you get through with him?
76. DOUBLE SHOT
ANNE
Yes, it'll be a very interesting
experiment.
GRAYSON
(sneering)
To make a gentleman out of a tramp?
ANNE
Exactly.
GRAYSON
Now, Anne, you remember how much
it cost to get rid of that baseball
player?
ANNE
You don't seem to understand that
this one's different. He has brains.
MED. CLOSE SHOT
Grayson seats himself beside her on the divan.
GRAYSON
(fervently)
But what about me, Anne?
She looks at him coldly with almost an expression of
dislike.
ANNE
You? Oh, don't go serious on me,
Dexter.
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INT. PENTHOUSE APT. - NIGHT
MED. SHOT TRUCKING
An elaborate, modernistic roof apartment, thronged with
people all in evening dress. Stew and Anne are walking
down among them. Anne is radiant, and Stew is happily
guiding her among the stuffed shirts. Anne stops before a
group. There is the sound of conversation, laughter, clink
of glasses, music from stringed invisible orchestra, etc.
ANNE
Hello, Natalie. Mr. Stewart Smith
. . . Miss Montgomery, Mrs. Eames,
Mrs. Radcliff, Mr. Radcliff—
STEW
How-di-do.
GROUP
(ad-lib
acknowledgements)
79. MED. CLOSE SHOT - DEXTER GRAYSON
Standing, helping himself to a cocktail, which a footman
is passing about. Dexter looks off with a frown of
disapproval.
80. CLOSE SHOT - GROUP OF WOMEN
They are looking off in Anne's direction.
FIRST WOMAN
Say, who's Anne's new boyfriend?
SECOND WOMAN
Well, if these old ears don't
deceive me, I believe his name is
Smith.
FIRST WOMAN
Smith! Can't be one of the brothers -
he hasn't a beard on.[6]
SECOND WOMAN
Well, he must have something if
Anne has got her clutches on him.
There is the sound of a piano chord being struck.
MED. FULL SHOT
Mrs. Baxter, the hostess, is standing importantly by the
grand piano at which is seated an anaemic-looking young
man. Beside her stands a stout, swarthy Italian with
bristling mustachios. Mrs. Baxter bows toward the swarthy
one, who bends almost double in acknowledgement. There is
a polite scattering of applause, and some of the guests
seat themselves.
Martini starts to sing.
Unnoticed by the rest, Stew and Anne slip out of the door
into the roof garden.
EXT. ROOF GARDEN
MED. FULL SHOT
A most beautiful, romantic spot. Rose trees in blossom, a
vine-covered pergola, a splashing fountain, a few choice
marble statues, low, deep chairs placed to make a gorgeous
spot. Stew and Anne enter from the direction of the house.
The garden is dark except for the lights from the interior
of the house. From within, comes the voice of the singer
rendering an extremely romantic, sentimental Italian love
song. This will continue to the FADE OUT of the scene.
Stew and Anne walk, still hand in hand, toward the edge of
the pergola where the shadows are deeper and where a couple
of glorified steamer chairs are placed. There is a full
moon overhead.
She leads him toward a waterfall effect, a glass partition
down which water trickles. They go behind the dimly lit
fountain and sit in a low, deep divan. We see them in
silhouette as they go into a passionate embrace. All we
hear is the faint voice of Martini—and the uninterrupted
splashing of the fountain.
CUT TO:
CLOSEUP - ANNE & STEW
On divan, arms around each other.
STEW
Anne, pinch me, will you? Throw me
out of here. Give me the air. Throw
me out of this joint, will you?
Anne smiles happily and pinches his nose.
ANNE
Why should I? We're happy, aren't
we, darling?
STEW
Throw me out - because I'm beginning
to get goofy ideas, and they concern
you, Anne.
ANNE
(passionately)
None of your ideas can be goofy,
Stew, if they concern me.
STEW
(struggling)
My name is Smith - well, that you
seem to have been able to stand
for the last month. I'm white,
male and over twenty-one. I've
never been in jail - that is, not
often. And I prefer Scotch to
Bourbon. I hate carrots, I hate
peas, I like black coffee and I
hate garters. I make seventy-five
bucks a week and I've got eight
hundred and forty-seven bucks in
the bank - and - I don't know yet
whether your eyes are blue or
violet.
ANNE
(although he is
very close to her)
That's because you're too far away,
Stew.
Throughout his speech, Anne never takes her eyes off him.
As he fumbles now, he turns. Their eyes meet. His
overwhelming desire for Anne overcomes him.
He dismisses as futile his effort to be practical, sweeps
her into his arms and kisses her passionately.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN:
INT. CITY ROOM OF MORNING POST - DAY
MEDIUM FULL SHOT
Typical atmosphere, as before.
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
85. MEDIUM SHOT
Featuring Stew at his desk, which is directly in front of
the battery of Morkrums whose clatter comes into the sound
track.
Stew finishes up a phone call. He sits at his desk, staring
pensively at his typewriter. He is smoking a pipe and is
in his shirt-sleeves. His hair is rumpled, and strewn over
the desk is a bunch of crumpled up pieces of paper,
indicating that he has made numerous unsuccessful starts
at writing something. A fresh blank sheet of paper is now
in the typewriter.
Nearby, at another desk, asleep in a swivel chair, with
his feet elevated to the desk, the low snoring of another
reporter blends with the sounds of the Morkrums and other
noises of the City Room. At the reporter's elbow is a
telephone.
86. MEDIUM SHOT
Desk of Conroy, the City Editor. A small upright plate on
his desk indicates his position. This is near the copy
desk. Characteristic activities are background for any
action that may take place. Reporters come up to throw
their stories on Conroy's desk; the phone rings, etc.
A boy comes in with a large number of newspapers under his
arm which he throws on Conroy's desk. There are several
copies of each of the rival newspapers in town. Conroy
spreads them out and begins to examine them.
CLOSE SHOT - STEW
It is evident that he is nervous and jumpy about something.
Finally he starts to pound the typewriter.
INSERT: Sheet of paper in typewriter on which is being
typed.
ACT 1
SCENE 1
A STREET IN ARABY 88. CLOSE SHOT - GALLAGHER
As she talks on the phone to one of her girlfriends
GALLAGHER
(sotto voce)
Sure I got a new dress. A new hat
too. (listens) Well, I'll try to
get Stew to come with me. (she
glances in his direction) Yeah -
he's all right. You know, he thinks
he's stuck on some society gal.
(listens) Naw, it won't last. It
better not last!
CLOSER SHOT - CONROY
Hastily glancing over the headlines of the papers. The
phone rings. Without looking at it, Conroy answers:
CONROY
What? Oh, I'll be surprised, eh?
Listen if there's any news in that
sheet that I haven't thrown in the
wastepaper basket, I'll eat it.
He is looking down at the papers and suddenly his eyes
focus on something which causes the cigar to drop from his
mouth and an expression of mingled amazement and rage comes
into his face. We do not see at this point what it is he
has read, but we know it must be something sensational.
Abruptly he hangs up the phone.
CUT TO:
CONTINUATION SCENE 87
Stew, as he studies his typewriter. Over his CLOSEUP comes
the excited outraged voice of Conroy.
CONROY'S VOICE
Hey Stew! Stew Smith!
A look of infinite weariness and disgust comes over Stew's
face and he grits his teeth.
STEW
Me?
His general expression registers "Good god, there he goes
again." With one finger he pounds out four letters:
INSERT: Sheet in typewriter: Next to
STREET IN ARABY
STEW HAS TYPED:
NUTS
He yanks the sheet out of the typewriter.
CONTINUATION SCENE 89
Conroy. He looks over and bellows furiously.
CONROY
You double-crossing hound! Come
over here!
CONTINUATION SCENE 87
Stew gets up from his machine, crumples the sheet of paper
into a wad and flings it at the sleeping reporter. The wad
strikes him in the face; he wakes abruptly and automatically
reaches for the phone. He picks up the receiver and in a
voice fogged with sleep calls a number. Stew exits.
90. MEDIUM SHOT
At Conroy's desk. Conroy's expression is one of bitter
reproach as he leans back in his swivel chair as Stew
approaches and stands by the desk.
STEW
Now listen boss, if you're going
to kick about that expense account—
CONROY
(interrupting
fiercely)
Do you call yourself a reporter?
91. MEDIUM SHOT
Of other reporters, the older man at the copy desk, and
perhaps a sob sister or two nearby, who look up with
expectant interest, expecting to hear Stew get a bawling
out.
CLOSE SHOT - GALLAGHER
At her desk. She looks up worried and apprehensive.
CONTINUATION SCENE 90
Stew and Conroy.
STEW
It has been alleged - yes—
CONROY
You wouldn't know news if you fell
into a mess of it, nose first. So
you're the bright lad that's never
been scooped!
STEW
(defensively)
Not on my own beat, no.
CONROY
(howling so that he
can be heard all
over the room)
No? Well, where were you when that
happened?
He slaps the copy of the Tribune furiously and shoves it
into Stew's face.
CLOSE SHOT - STEW
Not knowing what it is all about, Stew, with an injured
expression, takes the paper and looks at it.
INSERT: FRONT PAGE OF TRIBUNE
ANN SCHUYLER ELOPES WITH REPORTER
(with subheads giving more explicit information)
94. MEDIUM SHOT
The other reporters, copy readers, sob sisters, etc., seeing
the unusual commotion and Stew's bewildered reaction, get
out of their chairs and cross over to the City Desk, where
they take up other copies of the same paper to look at.
There are amazed and excited exclamations.
95. CLOSER SHOT - STEW AND CONROY
Stew, still staring dumbly at the paper. A few others are
crowding around, glancing over his shoulder, etc.
CONROY
I've heard of people being scooped
on their own funerals, but this!
Holy mackerel! Why, it's news when
Anne Schuyler gets her fingernails
manicured, but this! She gets
married to one of our own reporters
and the Tribune beat us to it!
(he notices other
reporters milling
around)
Well! What do you guys want? Go
on, get back to your desks. Go
back to your work.
(returning his
attention to Stew)
Now don't tell me you were drunk
at the time and don't remember! Or
is this one of Bingy's snow-storms?
STEW
No, no - it's true, all right,
only we didn't want to get it in
print yet, that's all.
CONROY
Why not?
STEW
Well, you see, I've acquired one
of those new mother-in-laws, and
we were afraid she wouldn't
understand the whole idea. So we
were going to wait till she went
to Europe.
CONROY
What do I care about your mother-
in-law! You're still working for
this paper, aren't you! Or are
you?
STEW
Yes, sir.
CONROY
Well, it's your business to get
news! And here you had a story
right in your own lap and you let
the Tribune scoop us on it. Making
a first class Grade A monkey out
of me. If it ever happens again -
just don't bother about coming
back. That's all.
He dismisses Stew with a wave of his hand.
STEW
Thanks for your congratulations.
96. MEDIUM SHOT
Stew turns away from Conroy's desk, and a group of his
confreres come up, surrounding him in a series of ad-lib
congratulations. (Some slightly profane, pounding him on
the back, whooping, and in general manifesting great
surprise and glee.) This group is increased by copy readers,
office boys and everybody jabbering and shouting at him.
GROUP
(ad-lib
congratulations)
Stew manages to break thru them
and exits from scene.
97. MEDIUM SHOT
Gallagher—to intercut with above scene. She gets up and
goes over, CAMERA PANNING WITH HER and picks up another
copy of the paper and reads the headlines.
CLOSER SHOT - GALLAGHER
Her face stricken and sick as she reads about Stew's
marriage. Abruptly she turns away, out of scene.
99. MEDIUM SHOT
At Gallagher's empty desk. Stew comes in trying to stave
off the mob. He turns on the congratulators, pushing them
off.
STEW
What's the matter with you mugs?
Can't a guy get married without
all this?
(looks around)
Where's Gallagher? Anybody seen
Gallagher?
He forcibly breaks away from them and walks back toward
the door, the last of the wisecracks and goodnatured jeers
being flung after him.
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INT. JOE'S SPEAKEASY
MED. CLOSE SHOT
Gallagher is seated alone at a table, looking very forlorn.
Her life is suddenly empty. A drink is in front of her,
untouched. She is fighting hard to keep her emotions under
control.
Stew enters the speakeasy and mingles with patrons, who
offer congratulations. He comes to a stop by the table.
She looks up, forcing a smile.
STEW
Well, well, well! Gallagher, old
pal! There you are. What did you
run away for?
GALLAGHER
I didn't run away.
Stew draws out the other chair at the table and sits down.
CLOSER SHOT OF THE TWO
He looks across at her, grinning boyishly, utterly unaware
that what he has done has hurt her deeply.
STEW
Sure, you ran away. Aren't you
going to congratulate a guy?
GALLAGHER
(with sincerity)
Sure. I wish you all the luck in
the world, pal.
She puts her hand tenderly on his.
STEW
Thanks, thanks.
GALLAGHER
I hope you'll be very happy.
Stew expands under the comradeship of Gallagher. He wants
to talk.
STEW
Oh sure, we'll be happy. What's
the matter with your eyes?
GALLAGHER
It's the smoke.
STEW
(calling to bartender)
Joe! A little snifter.
(returning his
attention to
Gallagher)
Say, wasn't I a lucky guy to fall
into a girl like that, huh?
(he notices the
newspaper, which
Gallagher has been
reading)
Look at that! I don't know how I
rate that, Gallagher. Gosh, there's
a swell girl. I want you to meet
her.
GALLAGHER
Who me? She wouldn't want to meet
me. I'm just an old load of hay.
CLOSE SHOT - STEW
As his drink is served.
STEW
Ah! Thank you, Joe.
(returning his
attention to
Gallagher)
Tell you what - we'll have one of
those parties down at your house -
one of those spaghetti parties,
you know. Gee, we haven't had one
of those in a long time, have we
Gallagher?
CLOSE SHOT OF THE TWO
GALLAGHER
(quietly)
Not since you broke into society.
STEW
(waxing reminiscent)
Remember the time we had a spaghetti
party, and while I was serving the
spaghetti I dropped it on the floor,
and while those mugs weren't
looking, I picked it up and served
it to them anyway! Remember that?
Yes, Anne would love that.
CLOSE SHOT - GALLAGHER
Looking across at him.
GALLAGHER
Do you think your wife would walk
up three flights of stairs just to
eat out of paper plates?
105. DOUBLE SHOT
STEW
Who - Anne? Sure, Anne would love
that.
GALLAGHER
Remember, she's a Schuyler.
STEW
Now get this, Gallagher - Smith.
That's the name.
GALLAGHER
(murmurs)
My error.
STEW
Well, if she doesn't want to come,
I'll come down alone.
GALLAGHER
(shaking her head)
Oh no, you won't, Mr. Smith. You're
a married man now. Mother always
warned me never to run around with
married men.
STEW
(resentfully)
Say, what kind of a pal are you?
You're not going to leave me flat?
Gallagher tries to be elaborately casual.
GALLAGHER
Oh, I'll call you up some time.
And if your social duties permit -
why -
STEW
Cut that out. Just because I'm
married - there's no reason for
that.
Gallagher looks up and off, seeing something that startles
her.
106. MED. SHOT
Conroy, the City Editor, entering the speakeasy.
CONTINUATION SCENE 105
Stew and Gallagher.
GALLAGHER
(interrupting in a
whisper)
Hey, ixnay - here's the ossbay.
Stew looks around, also startled.
107. MED. SHOT
Stew buries his head in the newspaper, in pretense of
looking for something. Conroy appears at the table and
stops. He indicates Stew.
CONROY
What's the Benedict looking for in
the newspaper - his lost freedom?
Stew slowly sticks his head up over the top of the table,
looking up.
STEW
(grinning sheepishly)
Well, if it isn't old Fagin[9]
himself.
Conroy sits down at the table.
STEW
Gallagher and myself just came
over here to do a little work on a
story -
CONROY
(disgustedly)
Baloney!
(calls off)
Joe! Bring me a special!
CLOSER THREE SHOT
Gallagher tries to be very bright and smiling.
GALLAGHER
(to Conroy)
Isn't it swell about Stew's
marriage?
CONROY
(looking straight
at her)
Is it?
Gallagher, self-conscious, realizes this tough old buzzard
is on to her. She looks back at him for a moment - then
drops her head. Stew is oblivious to this by-play. Conroy
turns to Stew.
CONROY
Well, when are you quitting?
STEW
Quitting? I'm not thinking about
quitting.
Joe comes in with a drink for Conroy.
CONROY
take it you don't have to work for
a living any more—
He takes a sip of his drink and looks over meaningfully.
CONROY
—Mr. Schuyler .
STEW
(in a flash of anger)
Now get this, Conroy. My name is
Smith. Always was Smith - and always
gonna be Smith.
CONROY
Is that so?
STEW
That's so.
CLOSEUP - CONROY
He shows that he is genuinely interested in Stew and his
problems, but can't help being a little sarcastic.
CONROY
Anne Schuyler's in the Blue Book -
you're not even in the phone book.
Think that one over, sucker.
CAMERA PANS to CLOSEUP of GALLAGHER.
GALLAGHER
(quickly in Stew's
defense)
That doesn't make any difference—
(QUIETLY)
—if they love each other.
CAMERA PANS BACK to CLOSEUP of CONROY.
CONROY
Blah! It's like a giraffe marrying
a monkey.
(looking off at
Stew)
Listen - you'll never be anything
but just the reporter that married
the Schuyler's millions. Stew Smith
is dead and buried. From now on,
you'll be just Anne Schuyler's
husband. A rich wife's magnolia.
If you can smoke that without
getting sick, you're welcome to
it.
CAMERA PANS to CLOSEUP of STEW:
GALLAGHER'S VOICE
But that's perfectly ridiculous.
STEW
(defensively)
Wait a minute. Now, Gallagher, let
me do the talking. Get this, Conroy -
Anne Schuyler has got a lot of
dough, all right - and I married
her, all right - but her dough and
me? No connection.
MED. CLOSE THREE SHOT
Gallagher is looking fixedly at Stew - very much worried
about Conroy's dismal prophecies. Conroy shakes his head
in sorrowful gloom.
CONROY
(as if he had not
heard Stew)
Just a boid in a gilded cage -
STEW
A what?
CONROY
You heard me. A bird in a gilded
cage.
STEW
Aw, you've been reading a lot of
cheap tabloids. Anne and myself
are going to move downtown in a
nice little flat, we're gonna forget
all about this social stuff, and
we're gonna be known as Mr. and
Mrs. Stew Smith. How do you like
that?
CONROY
(sarcasm)
And live on your salary, I suppose?
STEW
Yeah, live on my salary - that is,
until I finish writing my play.
CONROY
(snorts)
What play?
STEW
My play.
CONROY
The one about the Siberian
bloodhound?
STEW
Siberian bloodhound? No. That's
been all rewritten. It's laid in
Araby now.
CONROY
Araby?
STEW
Sure.
CONROY
Araby, my eye—!
111. WIDER SHOT
Conroy, having finished his drink, pushes back his chair
and rises. He puts an affectionate hand on Stew's shoulder.
CONROY
Well, I'm sorry to see a good
reporter go blooey—
(starts away)
Let me know when you're quitting.
STEW
I'm not quitting!
CONROY
No?
STEW
No!
CONROY
(singing)
'For he's only a bird in a gilded
cage, a beautiful sight to see—'
(he waves his hand)
Tweet, tweet - ha, ha—
He laughs loud and raucously and exits.
112. CLOSE SHOT - STEW AND GALLAGHER
Stew glares after Conroy.
STEW
(under his breath)
Laugh - laugh, you hyena!
Gallagher realizes that Conroy has hit home with the truth
and is sorry for Stew. She puts her hand over his
sympathetically.
GALLAGHER
Don't pay attention to him, Stew.
He doesn't know what he's talking
about.
STEW
Pay attention? I'm not paying any
attention to him. You think that
guy could get me upset? Hah! Not
that mug. He's a tough mug - hard,
cynical. He doesn't know the fine
things in life - that guy.
(he swirls his drink,
thinking)
A bird in a gilded cage, huh?
It's getting so a guy can't step
out without being called a magnolia.
Stew Smith, a magnolia! Not me.
Say, I'm not going to hang around
and be a speakeasy rat all my life!
I'll tell you that. Not me, not
me. I'm going to step out and mean
something in this world. You watch
me.
(he swirls his drink,
clearly bothered,
lost in his own
thoughts)
Say, am I a lucky guy to be near
Anne Schuyler? I've been hit with
a carload of horseshoes, and believe
me I know it. Lucky, I'll say I'm
lucky!
(pause)
Don't you think I'm lucky,
Gallagher?
GALLAGHER
Sure - I think so, Stew.
STEW
I knew you would, pal.
(clearly bothered)
A bird in a gilded cage, eh?
GALLAGHER
How is her family going to feel
about it?
STEW
Her family? Oh, they'll be all
right. I'll bring them around.
(swirling his drink)
Gilded cage?! Besides, I'm not
marrying her family. Stew Smith in
a gilded cage! Stew Smith? Ha!
(clearly bothered)
That mug. What does he know?
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INT. SCHUYLER DRAWING ROOM - DAY
MED. FULL SHOT
Another jury scene. This time it is Anne who's on the
carpet. Grayson, in correct afternoon attire, his hands
behind his back and his head sunk, is pacing back and forth
in a very depressed and gloomy fashion.
Anne is seated, her demeanor betokening sullen defiance.
Michael is pacing, nervously smoking a cigarette.
MICHAEL
I don't know what you need me here
for - it isn't my funeral.
Mrs. Schuyler stands by a table, staring at a spreadout
newspaper which is laid out on the table. She flings the
newspaper aside.
MRS. SCHUYLER
You stay right here, Michael. Some
day you'll be head of this family,
but thank heaven I shan't be here
when it happens. And I hope you
never have a daughter who gives
you gastritis as Anne has me!
She pulls the bell rope for the butler.
ANNE
Now Mother, calm yourself. There's
no use in getting so excited.
114. MEDIUM SHOT
Mrs. Schuyler is vastly agitated.
MRS. SCHUYLER
Oh, isn't there?
(as Anne starts to
get up)
Sit down!
(looking off)
Smythe!
The butler appears in the doorway.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(in a weak, agonized
voice)
Some bicarbonate - quick!
SMYTHE
Double strength!
The butler bows and exits. She passes a nervous hand over
her eyes. Anne comes up to her.
ANNE
Mother, if you keep this up, you'll
have a nervous breakdown before
you go to Europe.
115. CLOSER SHOT
Anne, Grayson and Mrs. Schuyler.
MRS. SCHUYLER
It's a good thing your father passed
away before he saw insanity ravage
the family. I can't imagine what
made you do such a thing. A
reporter! Of all things, a reporter!
A barbarian who lets his socks
come down!
ANNE
Mother, I promise you that he won't
be a reporter much longer. Once I
get him away from that atmosphere
and get him away from a man named
Gallagher—
MRS. SCHUYLER
(as Anne starts to
get up again)
Sit down!
116. WIDER SHOT
The butler enters with a tray on which is a glass of
bicarbonate of soda and brings it to Mrs. Schuyler. Walking
immediately behind the butler is Stew, airily debonair.
The butler glances somewhat uneasily at Mrs. Schuyler as
he presents the tray. She glares blackly at Stew without a
word of greeting, and taking the foaming glass from the
tray, starts to lift it to her lips.
STEW
(airily)
Drink hearty, Mother.
Once more, Anne starts to rise out of her seat.
MRS. SCHUYLER
Anne!
Mrs. Schuyler pauses - glowering at Stew. Stew nods
perfunctorily to each member of the jury, the total
innocent.
STEW
Hello, Anne. Mr. Grayson.
(to Michael)
And you.
(to Mrs. Schuyler)
Mrs. Schuyler!
Grayson does not acknowledge the greeting. Mrs. Schuyler,
having drained the glass, dismisses the butler with a wave
of the hand, and directs her attention again to the matter
at hand.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(in command)
Well, what's to be done? He's here
now.
They are all silent - reluctant to speak in front of Stew.
Stew looks at them all - a little puzzled - then he walks
over toward Mrs. Schuyler.
MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT
Mrs. Schuyler and Stew.
STEW
Nobody seems to want to do anything—
(to Mrs. Schuyler,
brightly)
Why not ask me? Perhaps I can offer
a suggestion. Do what about what?
MRS. SCHUYLER
(witheringly)
About what? Your marriage to Anne!
STEW
(with a tone of
dismissal)
Oh, my marriage to Anne. Now Mrs.
Schuyler, we don't want you to go
to any trouble about that. We just
want the usual blessings, that's
all.
118. MEDIUM SHOT
Mrs. Schuyler's eyes flash. She draws herself up with
haughty dignity.
MRS. SCHUYLER
Young man, I want you to know that
I object violently to this whole
affair!
This finally brings Anne out of her seat. She rises and
crosses to Stew, making a show of embracing him.
ANNE
Now Mother, your attitude is
perfectly ridiculous. It's done
now. Stewart and I are married.
STEW
(to Mrs. Schuyler)
I'm afraid she's right, Mrs.
Schuyler. I'm really very sorry,
Mrs. Schuyler, that you feel this
way. I was in hopes that you would
like me. I'm not the burglar that
you think I am. After all, we're
married. I think the thing to do
is to kiss and make up - Mother.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(furiously)
Stop calling me Mother!
STEW
(easily)
All right, Grandma—
MRS. SCHUYLER
(glaring)
This man's impossible! I can't
talk to him. Grayson, let's go
where we can talk - hic!
(she emits a burp,
then fixes a glacial
look at Anne)
See what you've done to me!?
Without another word, she turns and flounces angrily out
of the room. Grayson follows her. At the doorway he pauses,
starts to say something. They all look at him expectantly -
but no words come out.
STEW
Got it too, huh?
Grayson gives a harrumph and exits.
CLOSER MEDIUM SHOT
Anne, Michael and Stew. Michael grins at Stew.
MICHAEL
Who won that round?
Michael starts moving toward the door.
STEW
(ruefully)
I'm afraid your mother won that
round - that is, she got in the
last blow.
MICHAEL
I don't feel the way they do. You're
really not as bad as everybody
thinks.
STEW
(effusively - shaking
his hand)
You're beginning to appreciate me,
eh? Thanks!
MICHAEL
Don't worry too much about Mother -
she's enjoying this. Come on
upstairs, I'll give you a little -
He indicates a snifter, grins and exits. Anne crosses to
Stew and puts her arm around his shoulder.
STEW
(to Michael)
A little—? Sure, I'll be right up.
(to Anne)
He's all right. I like him.
ANNE
I'm glad.
He sees two figures pass above in a proscenium alcove,
first Mrs. Schuyler, then Grayson. He makes an elaborate
bow to each, and is impressed by Grayson's return bow.
STEW
He can bend!
120. CLOSER SHOT
Anne takes a step backwards and sits down with him on one
of the divans. CAMERA TILTING DOWN WITH THEM. He puts an
arm about her.
ANNE
Come here baby!
Anne starts fussing abstractedly at Stew's tie. They kiss.
ANNE
haven't seen you for three hours.
You're neglecting me already—
During her speech she has been picking away at a stain on
his tie. Stew looks down and notices it.
STEW
What's the matter? Something I et,
no doubt. Egg marks the spot—
ANNE
You ought to get some new ties,
Stewart.
STEW
I don't need any new ties. I've
got another tie - I've got another
one besides this one. And it's a
pip, too. There's only one thing
wrong with it. You know what that
is? It has a little weakness for
gravy, and once in a while it leans
a little toward ketchup. Of course
that's only in its weaker moments.
When you move down to my place,
I'll show it to you.
Anne is somewhat taken aback at the suggestion that she's
to move into his place.
ANNE
Your place?
TWO SHOT - ANOTHER ANGLE
STEW
Yeah. Oh, it's great. Of course it
doesn't compare with this coliseum
of yours here, but 'twill serve
m'lady, 'twill serve.
(elaborate)
The architecture has a little
feeling of Missouri Gothic - and
the furniture sort of leans toward
Oklahoma Renaissance - with a tiny
touch of Grand Rapids.
ANNE
(gently insistent)
Don't you think it's silly of us
to think of living there when we
have this whole big house—
STEW
When 'we' . . .? You mean, you'd
like to have me live here in your
house?
Anne cuddles closer into his collar.
ANNE
Sure. We can have the whole left
wing and be all by ourselves all
the time.
Stew is slightly dazed.
CLOSEUP - STEW
He is slightly dazed.
STEW
(cynically)
We could have the whole left wing?
Wouldn't that be nice! Would that
be room enough for us?
123. TWO SHOT
ANNE
(seriously - missing
his sarcasm)
Oh darling, of course it would. If
it isn't - there are six rooms and
two baths - but if that isn't
enough, Mother will give us the
blue room too, I think.
STEW
Oh, Mother will give us the blue
room. You haven't a red room, have
you? Well, bless her heart.
Wouldn't that be nice! My, oh my -
six rooms and two baths and a blue
room. I guess she would let us
have the right wing if we needed
it, wouldn't she?
ANNE
But we don't need it, I'm sure.
STEW
I see, we won't need that. Plenty
of room, plenty of room.
124. WIDER SHOT
He gets up and paces the floor. He looks at Anne and sees
that she is taking him seriously. He drops down beside
her.
STEW
(dropping his kidding)
Look Anne, you're not serious about
this, are you?
ANNE
Of course I am Stewart.
CLOSER TWO SHOT
STEW
Now let's get this settled—
She cuddles closer, tweaking his nose.
ANNE
You have the cutest nose I've—
STEW
Never mind my nose. What kind of a
chump do you think I am? You think
I'm going to live here in your
house - on your dough? What do
you think my friends would all
say? Don't be silly. I'd get the
razzing of my life for that. 'A
bird in a gilded cage' - that's
what I'd be. Not me. Oh no, not
me!
ANNE
What do you think my friends would
say if they found me in a little
cheap flat?
STEW
It isn't cheap. It's nice.
ANNE
(cuddling closer)
Listen Stew baby, let's not talk
about things like that now—
STEW
Wait a minute. I'll do anything
you ask me, Anne, but I will not
live—
ANNE
(cuddling closer -
and stroking his
nose)
Oh, I love that nose. It's such a
sweet nose.
They kiss.
STEW
Nevertheless, whether the nose is
sweet or not, I'm not going to
live in your house. You may as
well get that straight.
They kiss again, longer.
STEW
You do want me to be happy, don't
you? Then I'm not going to live in
your house . . .
They continue to kiss as . . .
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INT. STEW'S BEDROOM - MORNING
CLOSE SHOT - STEW
In bed, asleep, all curled up, his head on his arm. CAMERA
TRUCKS BACK showing the magnificent bedroom, with carved
wooden panellings, a raised, canopied bed. The clothes
that Stew has taken off the night before are draped
haphazardly about the room. When the Camera gets to a point
that takes in a LONG SHOT of the room, the door to the
hall opens and a correctly attired valet appears. He closes
the door noiselessly, goes over to the windows, and draws
the brocaded drapes aside. Then he crosses to a covered
object and with a small flourish removes the cover -
revealing a birdcage. He approaches the bed.
127. CLOSER SHOT
As Dawson the valet stops beside the bed. The valet leans
over and speaks distinctly.
DAWSON
Mr. Smith, sir—
There is no movement from the form on the bed.
DAWSON
Mr. Smith, sir!
Still no response. The valet taps the bedclothes-shrouded
shoulder gently.
DAWSON
Mr. Smith, sir—
Sleepily, Stew turns, his eyes heavy with sleep.
128. MEDIUM SHOT
DAWSON
How do you like your bath, sir?
STEW
I like my bath all right. How do
you like your bath?
Stew peers up, puzzled.
STEW
Who are you?
DAWSON
(surprised)
I'm your valet, sir. Dawson is the
name, sir.
STEW
You're my what?
DAWSON
Your valet, sir.
Stew still stares at him. Then he nods to himself - thinks
he gets the idea. Stew kicks back the covers and sits on
the edge of the bed in his pajamas. Still sitting on the
edge of the bed, he starts to slip his feet into a pair of
slippers. The valet bends on one knee to help him.
STEW
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I'll do that for you some time.
That's very sweet. Say listen,
what did you say your name was?
DAWSON
Dawson, sir.
STEW
Dawson, huh? Was I very drunk last
night?
DAWSON
Drunk, sir?
Stew rises and starts to reach for a dressing gown, but
again the valet beats him to it - holding it for him and
helping him slip into it.
STEW
Yes. I must have been pretty much
plastered if I hired a valet.
DAWSON
Oh, but you didn't engage me, sir.
Stew, surprised, turns on him quickly.
STEW
Who did engage you then, if I didn't
engage you? What are you doing
with my pants—
The valet picks up his pants.
STEW
Did you take anything out of those
pants?
DAWSON
Oh no, sir!
STEW
What are you doing fooling around
in here?
DAWSON
Miss Schuyler - I mean, Mrs. Smith -
she engaged me this morning, sir.
Stew pulls out a cigarette. The valet, without missing a
beat, leans over and offers a light. A wary Stew accepts.
STEW
Hmmm. So Mrs. Smith engaged me a
valley, huh? That's very nice of
Mrs. Smith - to engage me a valley.
129. WIDER SHOT
Stew walks over and gets a cigarette out of a box on a
small table, waving his hand in a gesture of dismissal.
The valet is right behind him, holding up his bathrobe for
Stew to step into.
STEW
(putting on the
bathrobe)
Say, you are nice. You're all right.
You'd make a good wife.
DAWSON
Thank you, sir.
STEW
But not for me! Though I like you
well enough. You're a nice fellow.
You're all right. But I'm sorry I
don't need any valleys today.
The valet pays no attention to him, but walks around the
room, picking up the clothes that Stew has flung about.
DAWSON
Oh, but indeed you do, sir, if you
don't mind my saying so. A
gentleman's gentleman, as it were.
Someone to draw your bath, lay out
your clothes, help to dress you -
it's really most essential, sir.
Stew, with his cigarette between his lips, stands watching
the valet as he retrieves the various articles of cast-off
clothing. The valet's manner is somewhat patronizing. He
walks over to a chifferobe and starts opening the drawers,
preparatory to laying out fresh things for Stew. Suddenly,
Stew stalks over to him, takes him by the shoulder, and
yanks him around to face him.
130. CLOSER SHOT - STEW AND DAWSON
The valet is astonished and somewhat alarmed at the
belligerent expression on Stew's face.
STEW
(over-sweetly)
Are you trying to tell me that I
need someone to help me put on my
pants and button them up?
DAWSON
Quite so. Quite.
STEW
Now I'm sorry. I appreciate your
efforts. But I don't need anybody
to help me button my pants - I've
been buttoning my pants for thirty
years all right, and I can button
'em with one hand as a matter of
fact.
DAWSON
Now Mr. Smith, now please—
Stew is rapidly losing his temper.
STEW
You've got a nice face, Dawson,
you wouldn't want anything to happen
to your face, would you?
The valet puts a bewildered hand to his face.
DAWSON
Oh no, sir—
Stew releases him with a definite motion toward the door.
STEW
All right, outside!
DAWSON
(bewildered)
I beg your pardon, sir?
STEW
(gesturing violently)
Outside!
The valet gazes at Stew as if he thinks the man is insane.
He is considerably alarmed.
DAWSON
I think I understand, sir. You
mean you want me to go?
STEW
(smiling admiringly)
There you are. You caught on. You
see, you're nice and you're smart
too. You caught on right away.
Outside! Go on! Outside! And don't
come back!
131. MEDIUM SHOT
The valet starts edging toward the door.
DAWSON
No, sir. No!
Stew's eyes bulge as he notices the birdcage for the first
time.
STEW
Wait a minute, what's this?
INSERT: Birdcage.
BACK TO SCENE:
DAWSON
That's a canary, sir.
STEW
That's a canary! Who brought that
in here? Canary, huh? Go on, get
that out of here. Get that out of
here!
DAWSON
(frightened)
Yes, sir. Very good, sir.
STEW
(ranting)
A bird! A bird in a gilded cage!
Get that thing out of here!
DAWSON
Yes sir!
The valet hurries off, carrying the birdcage. As he nears
the door, there is a light tap on the door connecting Stew's
room and Anne's. The door opens and Anne comes in, wearing
a ravishing and revealing negligee. She carries a small
jeweler's box in her hand. She crosses the room toward
Stew.
ANNE
Good morning, darling.
She looks over and sees Dawson at the hall door.
ANNE
Oh, Dawson, see that all Mr. Smith's
clothes go to the cleaners this
morning, please, will you?
The valet bows. Stew looks at her blankly.
DAWSON
Very good, madame.
He closes the door discreetly and goes out.
132. CLOSER SHOT - ANNE AND STEW
As they hug.
STEW
Say, who is this mug?
Anne sits down on the rumpled bed.
ANNE
I've got a present. Shut your eyes.
Keep 'em closed. I know you're
going to love them.
STEW
(eyes closed, feeling
the package)
Little - couldn't be an automobile,
could it?
(he opens the package)
Well, well! Ain't that nice!
He holds them up - expensive garters.
ANNE
Do you like them?
STEW
Got my initials on them too. They're
cute. They're nice little things -
what do you do with them?
ANNE
You wear them of course, silly.
STEW
Oh no. No, no. Not me. I haven't
worn these things for Years.
ANNE
I know that.
STEW
Besides I'd look foolish. I couldn't
look Gallagher in the face.
ANNE
Darling, I don't care whether you
can look Gallagher in the face or
not, but you're gonna be a good
boy and wear garters.
STEW
Honey, I love you. I'll eat spinach
for you. I'll go to the dentist
twice a year for you. I'll wash
behind my ears for you. But I will
never wear garters!
His arms go about Anne. Under the force of his embrace
Anne sinks back on the pillows. Stew leans forward looking
down at her.
133. CLOSE TWO SHOT - STEW AND ANNE
Nose to nose.
ANNE
(adopting a sing-
song)
Oh, yes you will my dear - oh, yes
you will my dear - you'll wear
garters and you'll like it too!
STEW
(picking up her
sing-song)
Oh, no I won't my dear - oh, no I
won't my dear - I'll wash behind
my ears, but no I won't my dear!
He bends to kiss her again, but she gently resists, and
continues the sing-song.
ANNE
Oh, yes you will my dear - oh, yes
you will my dear - you'll eat
spinach but you'll wear garters
too!
STEW
Oh, you can't carry a tune - you
can't carry a tune - all you are
good for is to sit and spoon, spoon.
Oh no, I won't wear garters—
ANNE
Oh yes you will wear garters—
They melt into each other's arms.
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INT. CITY ROOM OF NEWSPAPER OFFICE - DAY
MEDIUM FULL SHOT
General activity, as before.
CAMERA TRUCKS DOWN THE MAIN AISLE until it centers on Stew
at his desk, sitting low in his chair, his feet cocked up
on the corner of his desk, reading a newspaper CAMERA TRUCKS
UP CLOSER centering on his feet on the desk. One trouser
leg is pulled slightly up and reveals a garter.
MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT
Stew, reading the newspaper. It is opened up before his
face.
INSERT: Headlines - about a three-column article:
ANNE SCHUYLER AND CINDERELLA HUBBY TO OCCUPY SCHUYLER
MANSION
As Stew reads this, he looks very glum and depressed.
136. MEDIUM SHOT
A reporter, the one Stew had socked with a wad of paper in
an earlier sequence, shambles past and stops abruptly,
staring at Stew's feet.
INSERT: Of what he sees. Stew's feet. The socks are
strangely taut.
BACK TO SCENE:
The reporter glances up and sees that Stew cannot see him,
and then carefully lifts Stew's trouser leg a few inches.
INSERT: Stew's feet and legs. As the reporter's hand lifts
the trouser leg, the fancy solid-gold garters are on full
display.
BACK TO SCENE:
The reporter stares at them goggle-eyed. He can hardly
contain himself at the sight of the garters. He looks off:
REPORTER
(cautiously)
Psst!
137. WIDER SHOT
One or two other reporters hear him and look over curiously.
The reporter looks very mysterious and important and makes
a motion for silence and caution. They get up and cross on
tip-toe to join him.
138. MEDIUM SHOT
The men around Stew. They quietly gather around his feet
and the reporter who made the discovery proudly displays
his find. One or two more step by and all stare. Stew still
has the paper up in front of his face.
FIRST REPORTER
Is it real?
2ND REPORTER
Of course it's real!
3RD REPORTER
Any diamonds on them?
REPORTER
Musta set him back at least six
bits.
MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT
Stew. (Camera behind him and shooting over his head.) He
is suddenly attracted by this unusual conversation and
lowers his paper, revealing the group of six or seven men
in a huddle round his feet.
2ND REPORTER
One just can't wear those and be
decent.
3RD REPORTER
Yes you can, if you belong to the
Four Hundred.[12]
2ND REPORTER
I wonder what number he is.
Stew flares in anger. Several of them are bending low to
get a close peek. With a violent gesture, Stew kicks his
foot forward and sends a couple of them sprawling. Stew
gets to his feet.
STEW
Go on, get out of there! What's
the matter with you mugs? Didn't
you ever see a guy with a pair of
garters on before?
140. MEDIUM SHOT
The two reporters who have done most of the talking scramble
to their feet. The second reporter speaks in mock
perplexity.
REPORTER
What do you suppose he wears them
for?
2ND REPORTER
Can it be possible to hold his
socks up?
3RD REPORTER
Yeah, exactly.
(effeminately)
You know, one's hose look horribly
untidy when they hang loose-like,
don't you think so, percifield?
Stew gets up as his phone rings. He pays no attention to
it. Hank, another reporter, answers.
4TH REPORTER
(same effeminacy)
Yes, my dear chap - they look
ghastly - they look ghastly!
STEW
Go on! Screw! Get out of here!
He starts out when Hank calls to him:
HANK
Hey, Stew!
Stew turns.
HANK
(indicating phone)
Your policeman!
Stew comes back and, frowning, picks up the phone.
141. CLOSE SHOT
Stew at phone.
STEW
Hello? Oh hello dear. Wait just a
minute—
(to reporters,
hovering around)
Come on! Beat it, will you? Screw!
Screw! This is my wife! In your
respective chapeaux and over your
cauliflower ears.
REPORTERS
(ad-lib teasing
comments as they
exit scene)
INT. ANNE'S BEDROOM
CLOSEUP - ANNE
She is lying on her stomach on a rubbing table, as used by
a masseuse. We see a considerable part of her back, on
which a middle-aged Swedish masseuse is industriously
working. Anne has the telephone in her hand. Throughout
her scene, we hear very telling whacks:
ANNE
(into phone)
But it's nearly six o'clock darling,
and you know how long it takes you
to dress.
(pause)
But the Ambassador is coming at
eight, and you've got to be ready
by the time he gets here.
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. SCHUYLER LONG ISLAND ESTATE
LONG SHOT OF ESTATE
DISSOLVE INTO:
EXT. FRONT ENTRANCE GATE
Two footmen stand at either side of a huge iron gate. Cars
and limousines are arriving, dropping off guests in evening
wear.
INT. CORRIDOR SCHUYLER HOME
145. Gallagher is just entering. Smythe holds door open
for her.
GALLAGHER
I'd like to see Miss Wilson, please.
SMYTHE
Who shall I say, madam?
GALLAGHER
Miss Gallagher of the Post.
SMYTHE
Yes, miss.
He leaves.
INT. SCHUYLER RECEPTION HALL
MOSS AND FONTANA are doing a beautiful tango. Guests
scattered around the room, watching interestedly.
CUT BACK TO:
INT. CORRIDOR SCHUYLER HOME
Gallagher is still waiting. Smythe enters, leading Miss
Wilson, a refined-looking girl of 26 or so, her hand
extended.
SMYTHE
Miss Gallagher of the Post.
MISS WILSON
Oh yes - of course. Miss Gallagher?
GALLAGHER
Yes.
MISS WILSON
I'm Miss Wilson - Mrs. Schuyler's
social secretary.
GALLAGHER
I was sent from the Post in place
of our social editor.
MISS WILSON
Yes, of course. Miss Ramsey
telephoned me. Well, what would
you like to have?
GALLAGHER
Why, a list of the guests. That's
the usual thing, isn't it?
MISS WILSON
Yes, of course. I'll get it for
you—
(SMILING)
In the meantime, would you like to
take a look around?
GALLAGHER
Yes, thank you.
The CAMERA MOVES WITH THEM as they start for the Reception
Room.
MISS WILSON
That's a lovely dress.
GALLAGHER
Thank you.
(pause)
Where is Mr. Smith?
MISS WILSON
Mr. Smith? Oh, you mean Ann
Schuyler's husband?
GALLAGHER
Yes.
MISS WILSON
He's probably very tired. You see,
he's had to meet all these people
personally tonight.
GALLAGHER
I bet.
MISS WILSON
You newspaper people have a lot of
fun with him, don't you? What is
it you call him - the Cinderella
Man?
CUT TO:
INT. ENTRANCE OF BALLROOM
Moss and Fontana are just finishing their dance. Gallagher
stands in doorway with Miss Wilson, watching them. Excited
voices comment on the dance. Miss Wilson beckons to
Gallagher to follow her.
CAMERA TRUCKS with them as they weave in and out of crowd.
Miss Wilson points out celebrated guests to her.
MISS WILSON
There's the Spanish Ambassador.
Gallagher steals a glance at the celebrated gentleman.
GALLAGHER
You know, he looks like one.
Miss Wilson laughs delightedly. At this point they are
interrupted by a butler.
149. MEDIUM SHOT
BUTLER
Miss Wilson—
MISS WILSON
Yes?
BUTLER
Mrs. Smith would like to see you.
MISS WILSON
(to Gallagher)
Will you excuse me? Make yourself
at home for just a moment, please.
GALLAGHER
Thanks.
Miss Wilson follows butler out of scene. Gallagher is left
alone. She wanders about the huge ballroom, peering here
and there, searching for Stew. Finally she comes to a large
open French door and steps out.
INT. TERRACE LEADING OFF SCHUYLER BALLROOM
Several groups of men and women are seated at tables.
Gallagher enters from ballroom, glances quickly at all the
men. Disappointed at not finding Stew, she crosses terrace
and descends broad stone steps and advances into garden.
INT. SECLUDED SPOT IN GARDEN
Stew, his head cupped in his hands, is seated on a stone
bench. Gallagher wanders into scene. She sees Stew and
stops. Stew does not move. Gallagher, with a happy smile
on her lips, moves closer to him. Stew suddenly becomes
conscious of someone near him and looks suddenly up. He
sees Gallagher; his face breaks into a happy grin.
GALLAGHER
Mr. Smith, I've read some of your
plays and I'd like an autograph.
STEW
Well, well! If it isn't my old
friend! Turn around, gal! Let's
get a look at you.
GALLAGHER
There you are—!
CLOSER SHOT OF THE TWO
STEW
Well, daughter of the slums - how
did you get out of the ghetto?
GALLAGHER
I'm pinch-hitting for our society
editor tonight. I wanted to see
some life in the raw.
STEW
Aw, you wanted to see some life in
the raw, huh? Well gal, I'm afraid
we ain't got no raw life up here.
GALLAGHER
Well, I'll have to look someplace
else.
STEW
No, no! Maybe we could interest
you in some well done butterflies,
or perhaps some slightly fried
pansies, or better still, some
stuffed shirts. And guaranteed
every one of them will give you a
good stiff pain in the neck.
GALLAGHER
(fixing his tie)
Say, who's been tying your ties
lately? It looks rotten.
He suddenly realizes there's something different about
Gallagher. He takes a step back so as to look her over
carefully - blinks his eyes.
STEW
Gee Gallagher, do you look good!
What are you doing to yourself?
GALLAGHER
Nothing.
STEW
What did you do to that hair? And
where did you get that dress?
GALLAGHER
I dyed one and washed the other.
STEW
(enthusiastically)
Oh, you dyed one and washed the
other. Well! You certainly look
good.
153. ANOTHER PART OF THE GARDEN
Anne is walking in direction of Stew and Gallagher. She
stops suddenly when she sees them. Her body stiffens.
CUT BACK TO:
ANOTHER SHOT - STEW AND GALLAGHER
From Anne's angle. Gallagher is facing in the direction of
Anne.
GALLAGHER
Don't turn around now - but there's
a very beautiful girl up there who
seems to be staring at us.
STEW
Staring at us?
GALLAGHER
My mistake - she's glaring.
STEW
Must be my wife.
He turns - sees Anne.
STEW
It is my wife. Hi Anne. Don't go
away. Stay right there, because
I'm going to bring a friend up I
want you to meet.
They exit.
MED. CLOSE SHOT - ANNE
Standing as before. She is looking off with slightly
narrowed eyes. Stew and Gallagher come up to her.
STEW
Anne, prepare yourself for the
treat of your life. This is
Gallagher.
ANNE
(astounded)
Gallagher!
STEW
Sure - my pal on the paper. She's
subbing for the society editor
tonight.
Anne turns an acid smile on the uncomfortable Gallagher.
CLOSER THREE SHOT
ANNE
Oh, yes, of course. How do you do?
STEW
Gallagher, this is Mrs. Smith.
Anne winces slightly at this name.
GALLAGHER
How do you do?
There is a short, awkward pause.
ANNE
(bitter-sweet)
You know, Stewart, you failed to
mention that Miss Gallagher was a
very beautiful young girl.
STEW
Gallagher?
Gallagher flashes a look at Stew - seeing that he fails to
get the dynamite behind Anne's casually pleasant phrases.
Anne plunges ahead. Her tone is unmistakable now.
ANNE
Yes. As a matter of fact, you failed
to mention that Gallagher was a
girl.
STEW
(surprised)
Didn't I? That's funny. Isn't it
funny?
ANNE
(with a world of
meaning)
Yes - isn't it?
156. CLOSE SHOT - STEW AND ANNE
Stew is beginning to realize that all is not well as it
could be.
STEW
You see, we never look at Gallagher
as a girl—
He breaks off.
ANNE
(with her eyes on
Gallagher)
No? What do you look upon her as?
STEW
(fumbling for words)
Why, down at the office, we always
look at Gallagher as - eh - just
Gallagher, that's all.
CAMERA PANS QUICKLY TO CLOSE SHOT of GALLAGHER. She tries
to back Stew up.
GALLAGHER
(not so comfortable
herself)
They all consider me just as one
of the boys.
STEW
Right!
MED. SHOT OF THE THREE
ANNE
(a deadly acid smile)
Indeed? How interesting.
GALLAGHER
(same kind of smile)
Yes - isn't it.
Anne takes Stew's arm, drawing him away from Gallagher.
ANNE
Miss Wilson will give you the guest
list and any other details you may
need, Miss Gallagher.
GALLAGHER
(resenting the tone
of dismissal)
Thank you. I'll go and look for
her at once. Goodbye, Mrs. Smith.
ANNE
Goodbye, Miss Gallagher.
GALLAGHER
Goodbye, Stew—
She leaves scene.
158. MED. CLOSE SHOT - STEW AND ANNE
Stew turns and faces her.
STEW
That was kind of a rotten thing to
do, Anne. After all, Gallagher is
my friend. The least you can do is
be courteous to her.
ANNE
I thought I was very charming,
Stewart.
STEW
You did? That's a lot of hooey!
I'll go and apologize.
He promptly walks away from her in Gallagher's direction.
ANNE
(furious)
Stewart, please!
She glares angrily at the departing Stew.
EXT. TERRACE
159. CLOSE SHOT
Gallagher has just reached the ballroom when Stew catches
up to her.
STEW
I'm sorry, Gallagher - really, I
am sorry.
GALLAGHER
(reassuringly)
Oh, that's all right, Stew. Forget
it. As far as she's concerned, I'm
just part of the hired help.
STEW
No, no. Strange, I've never seen
Anne act that way before. (pause)
It's funny I never thought to tell
her you were a girl, isn't it?
GALLAGHER
Yes.
INT. SCHUYLER ENTRANCE HALL
MED. CLOSE SHOT
The butler is just opening the door. Bingy, looking more
disreputable than usual, steps inside.
BINGY
Hello, there, Meadows![13]
SMYTHE
(disapproving once-
over)
Who is it you wish to see, sir?
BINGY
I want to see Stew Smith. Oh excuse
me - I mean Mr. Smith.
SMYTHE
Pardon me, Mr. Smith is engaged.
We are having a reception here
this evening—
BINGY
Oh, a party! Great, great! Jolly
times and merry pranks. That's me.
I'm a guy who loves parties. You
know—
He is distracted by two elegantly-dressed ladies strolling
by.
BINGY
—a beautiful pair of shoulders!
But listen now, as a favor, will
you please make it snappy, Laughing
Waters,[14] and tell Stew Smith I
gotta see him because if you don't
my whole family's going to die.
SMYTHE
I'll tell Mr. Smith at once, sir.
Have a seat.
BINGY
Well, I got a seat, but I have no
place to put it.
The butler turns to leave, then turns back, his face
expressing distinct disapproval.
SMYTHE
Pardon me, sir, but I've heard
that one before.
INT. SCHUYLER BALLROOM
161. CLOSE SHOT
Stew and Gallagher standing together. The butler is seen
leaving the scene, having just informed Stew of Bingy's
presence at the reception.
STEW
(to Gallagher)
Excuse me. I just want to make
sure and see he doesn't take away
any of the vases.
(starts to leave,
then turns back)
Well, well, well! My little pal,
Gallagher, a girl, huh?
(unexpectedly, he
bends to kiss her
hand tenderly)
That's just to give you an idea
that I know how to treat a gal.
Get fresh with me and I'll sock
you in that little nose of yours.
Excuse me. I'll be right back.
He exits. Gallagher is left staring at her hand wonderingly.
INT. SCHUYLER ENTRANCE HALL
162. MED. SHOT
Bingy gets up from his throne chair, and crosses into the
doorway of the library opposite him. He stops by a carved
low-boy, and curiously examines a large antique vase.
Stew comes in and stops with a smile as he sees him.
Bingy, his hand on the vase, looks up. Stew walks over to
him.
STEW
(referring to vase)
What's the matter, Bingy, a little
clumsy to get in your pocket?
Bingy sets down the vase and surveys him.
BINGY
No. I was just looking at it.
Pretty, ain't it? I was just looking
for the price tag.
INT. SCHUYLER LIBRARY
CLOSER SHOT OF THE TWO
Bingy looks him up and down in silent, insolent scrutiny.
Stew begins to burn.
STEW
What do you want?
BINGY
Oh, nothing. I just blew over - I
wanted to see how the old newshound
looked made up for a gentleman.
STEW
(sore)
Would you like to have me turn
around for you, Bingy?
BINGY
Oh boy, I'd love it.
Stew makes a complete turn and faces Bingy again.
STEW
How's that?
BINGY
(appraisingly)
Not bad - not good - but not bad.
You ought to be able to fool about
almost anybody.
STEW
Is that so? Well, have you seen
enough - or would you like a
photograph?
BINGY
A photograph? What's the matter?
Hasn't mama had you done in oils
yet?
(singing)
"Just A Gigolo . . . "
STEW
Now get this mug. You've got the
kind of chin I just love to touch.
And if you don't get out of here,
I'm going to hang one right on it.
Bingy assumes a conciliatory attitude.
BINGY
Take it easy! Take it easy, Dempsey.
Just relax, my boy, relax and open
your pores.
CLOSER TWO SHOT
Stew glares at him. Bingy goes on.
BINGY
I bring a message from Garcia.
STEW
Yeah?
BINGY
Yeah. The boss sent me over to
offer you a job. He wants you to
write a daily column on the Tribune.
STEW
(skeptically)
Yeah - go on.
BINGY
It's all right. You can write your
own ticket. A hundred and fifty
bucks a week.
STEW
(thinks a bit -
quietly)
I'll bite. What's the catch?
BINGY
There's no catch. This is on the
up and up. Of course all you have
to do is just sign the article -
by Anne Schuyler's Husband.
165. MED. SHOT
Taking in the doorway. The butler starts to pass by. Stew's
eyes are blazing.
BINGY
Well, how does the old Cinderella
man feel about that?
With a quick motion, Stew clips Bingy on the jaw. Bingy,
caught unawares, reels backward.
CLOSER SHOT IN DOORWAY
Bingy describes a backward arc, just as Smythe, the butler,
seeing he can be of service, steps forward and catches
him.
SMYTHE
Well done, sir. Very neat.
STEW
(through his teeth)
That's what I think of it, Bingy!
Bingy sags in the butler's arms. The butler looks at Stew
inquiringly. Stew nods.
STEW
(to butler)
Smythe, the - er - gentleman is
leaving.
SMYTHE
Yes, sir.
Bingy is carried out. Stew stands glaring after them.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN:
INT. SCHUYLER HOME
MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT
Anne and her mother at the breakfast table.
ANNE
Good morning, Mother. Didn't I
tell you that he'd be marvelous.
Everybody thought he was so charming
last night.
MRS. SCHUYLER
I was so worried for fear he'd
knock over a vase or something. I
must have acted like an idiot.
(notices the morning
paper in Anne's
hands)
What does it say about the reception
last night?
ANNE
Oh, the usual thing. Blah, blah,
blah attended the blah, blah
reception and wore the same blah,
blah things.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(reproachfully)
Stop it. Anne. You're behaving
like the person you're married to.
ANNE
You don't have anything to complain
about, Mother. He was all right
last night, wasn't he? I told you
not to worry about him.
MRS. SCHUYLER
It was a miracle. The man was ill
or something.
She suddenly notices front page of paper Anne is reading.
Her face freezes in horror. She screams.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(screaming)
Ah-ah-ah!
ANNE
Mother!
MRS. SCHUYLER
(frantically
gesturing at paper)
Look! Look! The front page!
Anne turns paper and reads the article.
CUT TO:
INSERT: NEWSPAPER
CINDERELLA MAN GROWS HAIR ON CHEST ATTACKS REPORTER IN
SCHUYLER HOME.
"I wear the pants," says Anne Schuyler's husband.
"It's Okay with me," says Anne.
168. MEDIUM SHOT
Mrs. Schuyler gets up. Paces wildly about room. In a frenzy.
MRS. SCHUYLER
I knew it! I knew it! I felt it in
my bones!
She is interrupted by the entrance of Grayson, who dashes
into the room, his eyes ablaze. In his hand he has a copy
of the morning paper.
GRAYSON
(tapping paper in
hand)
Did you see the papers? "Cinderella
Man Grows Hair On Chest!" This is
the most terrible kind of publicity
that could possibly—
MRS. SCHUYLER
(interrupting)
Don't you think I know it, Grayson?
(as Smythe the butler
enters with tray)
Smith - send for Mr. Smythe! Er -
Smythe, send for Mr. Smith!
SMYTHE
(as he turns to go)
Double-strength!
MRS. SCHUYLER
(muttering, as she
exits scene)
"Cinderella Man Grows Hair On
Chest!"
GRAYSON
(close behind,
contemptuously)
"I wear the pants," says Anne
Schuyler's husband!
INT. SCHUYLER ENTRANCE HALL - DAY
169. MEDIUM SHOT
Stew, now dressed in a business suit, comes from the
direction of the stairs and stops just before he gets to
the door of the drawing room. From within there is an
ominous silence. Stew looks longingly in the direction of
the front door - then back at the drawing room, squares
his shoulders and goes in.
INT. SCHUYLER DRAWING ROOM
170. CLOSE SHOT
As Stew stops just inside the doorway. He had been prepared
for this, but it strikes terror into his soul, just the
same.
MEDIUM FULL SHOT
From his angle in the doorway. The jury - Dexter Grayson,
hands behind his back - is standing, gazing at Stew with a
fishy eye. Mrs. Schuyler stares haughtily. Anne is crying
softly.
CONTINUATION SCENE 170
Stew - looking around at the gallery of faces. Then he
forces a jaunty smile to his face as he starts to enter,
whistling as he goes.
STEW
Good morning, everybody—
(he gets a cold,
frigid, silent
reception)
Well, maybe it isn't a good morning,
huh?
(to Anne)
Anne, did you ever get the feeling
that there was someone else in the
room with you?
172. MEDIUM SHOT
MRS. SCHUYLER
Have you seen this?
(shows him newspaper)
STEW
Yes - the worm!
MRS. SCHUYLER
I beg your pardon?
STEW
He's a worm - and I'm gonna step
on him!
MRS. SCHUYLER
To engage in a brawl! A cheap,
common brawl, in my own home! "I
wear the pants!" The pants ! Not
even the trousers!
GRAYSON
I've tried to stop the evening
papers, but it's useless.
173. CLOSER SHOT - STEW AND GRAYSON
STEW
You quit trying to stop anybody—
GRAYSON
Well, at best you might deny it.
STEW
Why deny it? The more you deny,
the more they print. Let them alone!
The thing to do is to sit still
and keep our traps shut.
GRAYSON
Traps shut!
STEW
Certainly! I'll take care of this
guy Bingy myself, personally.
(sees Anne crying)
Now what are you crying about?
174. MEDIUM SHOT
ANNE
Is this true, Stewart? Did you
really say it?
STEW
Yes, I said it. Sure, I said it. I
didn't say it for publication,
however.
MRS. SCHUYLER
And you struck him right here in
our house—?
STEW
Yes, I'm sorry, I struck him right
here in your house. And I'll strike
anybody in anybody's house that
calls me a Cinderella Man.
GRAYSON
Well, what else do you expect them
to call you?
ANNE
Dexter.
CLOSEUP - STEW
STEW
(burning)
That's the fourteenth crack you've
made to me. I'm keeping count.
When you get to twenty, I'm gonna
sock you right on the nose. As a
matter of fact, I ought to sock
you right now.
MEDIUM FULL SHOT
MRS. SCHUYLER
Anne Schuyler, are you going to
sit there and watch this man insult
us? Haven't you any decency left?
ANNE
(defending him)
Why doesn't Dexter show some
decency? And you might show some
too, Mother. What do you expect a
man to do when he's called such
names?
(to Stew)
I'm glad you hit that reporter,
Stewart. He deserved it.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(rising)
All right, all right! It's your
funeral, Anne Schuyler!
She flounces out. Grayson remains behind.
STEW
(to Grayson)
Go on, beat it, shadow.
Grayson turns to go, then braves the last word.
GRAYSON
Cinderella Man! That's fifteen.
He leaves in a huff. Stew puts his arms around the crying
Anne.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN:
INT. SCHUYLER DRAWING ROOM
177. FULL SHOT
Six or eight people of distinction scattered around the
room. All dressed in full evening clothes. Among them is
Grayson, Anne, her mother, and one man in aviator's uniform.
The men have their coats and hats in their hands, the women
have their evening wraps on. Apparently they are ready to
leave for someplace and are being detained. An indistinct
murmur of ad-lib conversation is heard.
178. CLOSE SHOT
On Smythe, the butler, as he approaches Mrs. Schuyler.
SMYTHE
Pardon me, madam. They phoned
through from the Mayor's committee
to remind you it's past the hour
for the reception.
MRS. SCHUYLER
Are the cars ready?
SMYTHE
They've been ready for the last
half hour.
MED. CLOSE SHOT - GROUP
Including Captain White, a young, handsome aviator.
AVIATOR
(modestly)
I hope I don't have to make any
speeches tonight, Anne.
ANNE
Oh, you can't disappoint all the
women. After all it isn't every
day they get to see a famous round-
the-world flier.
AVIATOR
Yes, I know, but they scare me to
death. This is the fourth dinner
you've taken me to this week. I'm
running out of material.
ANNE
Are you complaining?
AVIATOR
Yes, there are always too many
other people around.
LADY
Anne, it's getting late. What are
we waiting for?
ANNE
We're waiting for my husband—
(lightly, concealing
her irritation)
If you'll excuse me, I'll run up
and see what the slowpoke's doing.
(to aviator)
I'll be right back—
She starts out, climbing stairs to Stew's room.
INT. STEW'S BEDROOM
180. MEDIUM SHOT
Stew stands in front of a mirror, fumbling with his dress
tie. He pauses, his hands still on his tie.
ANNE
(reproachfully)
Stewart! We're all waiting for
you. Where's your valet?
STEW
I poisoned him.
ANNE
Stop trying to be funny, and get
ready, will you?
As he struggles with his collar, it springs off.
STEW
I'm not going!
ANNE
What are you talking about?
STEW
I'm talking about - I'm not going
out.
CLOSEUP - ANNE
ANNE
(controlling her
anger)
What am I going downstairs and
tell those people?
STEW
Go downstairs, and tell them -
anything. Tell them I'm not going.
Tell them I'm not home.
ANNE
(getting angrier by
the minute)
Stewart, would you mind telling me
why you're not going?
CLOSEUP - STEW
STEW
Yes, I'll tell you - for the same
reason I've never wanted to go out
with those social parasites, those
sweet-smelling fashion plates. I
don't like them. They bore me.
They give me the jitters.
ANNE'S VOICE
Do you know you're talking about
my friends?
STEW
Yes, I'm talking about your friends,
and they still give me the jitters.
183. DOUBLE SHOT
ANNE
Well, are you going - or aren't
you?
Stew makes a move to embrace her.
STEW
Anne, come here. Listen—
ANNE
(sternly - slipping
away from him)
Look out for my lipstick, Stewart.
STEW
I'll tell you what. Let's you and
me sneak out all by ourselves—
ANNE
(interrupting)
Are you crazy?
STEW
Think of the fun we can have -
we'll sneak down the back stairs
and get in the valet's Ford. How's
that?
ANNE
Will you stop being silly, Stewart?
STEW
(trying hard)
I'll tell you what let's do - I'll
take you and introduce you to all
my gang. Would you like that?
ANNE
(hard)
But I don't want to meet your gang.
STEW
I don't mean the newspaper fellows
that you don't like. Another gang
I know - you'd love them. They're
writers and musicians and artists -
a great crowd of people - people
who do great things. People who
are worthwhile.
ANNE
Meaning, my friends aren't
worthwhile, I suppose?
STEW
Oh, they're all right, Anne. But
I—
ANNE
(interrupting
belligerently)
That's exactly what you mean. Heaven
knows you've made that clear to me
often enough. Well, I'm sick and
tired of it. I've given you party
after party - I've taken you to
some of the best houses in this
town - and introduced you to people
of importance - and are you
grateful? No! You insult them and
act like a bore. I'm sick and tired
of having to make excuses for you
and the things that you've done.
Perhaps it's just as well you're
not coming tonight. Maybe I can
enjoy myself for once without having
to worry about you, and what you're
going to do.
With which violent declaration, she flounces out of the
room, leaving Stew staring after her, angry and hurt.
Impulsively, he follows her to the door - a retort on his
lips. When he gets there, however, she has vanished. He
returns to the room, wanders about thoughtfully, extracts
cigarette from box, fumbles it - walks to window - stares
out - turns back to room - heaves a lonely sigh.
He notices his reflection in the mirror, and gestures toward
it.
STEW
And that, my friends, is what is
known as the society belle telling
ex-star-newspaper-reporter to go
to - how-have-you-been, Mr. Smith!
184. CLOSE SHOT
As Stew sits in a typewriter chair. He rolls up the sheet
in the machine so that he can read what is already written.
INSERT: TYPEWRITTEN SHEET, IN TYPEWRITER
ACT 1
SCENE 1
AN HACIENDA IN MEXICO
Strumming of guitars are dimly heard.
BACK TO SCENE:
He studies it for a moment, frowning in dissatisfaction.
He's stuck. He leans back in the chair and looks up for
inspiration.
INSERT: A BIG CLOCK, TICKING AWAY THE TIME.
INT. SCHUYLER GRAND FOYER
185. LONG SHOT
Of Stew Smith pacing the grand foyer. Seen from overhead,
he is dwarfed by the surroundings. He tries hopscotching
on the pattern of the floor. That wears thin quickly.
Supremely bored, Stew gives a shout and is rewarded with a
cavernous echo. Smythe the butler then appears, nervously
crouched behind some grillwork.
186. MEDIUM SHOT - STEW AND SMYTHE
SMYTHE
Did you call, sir?
STEW
Smythe, come here. I want to talk
to you.
(Smythe looks
unenthusiastic.)
Come on, Smythe, talk to me. Smythe,
I'm going nuts. I'm going nuts in
this house! This big . . . come
on, I'm not going to hurt you.
Come on, what's the matter with
you?
Stew gives another shout and is rewarded with another loud
echo. This coaxes Smythe out from behind the grillwork.
STEW
Shhh! Do you hear something?
SMYTHE
Yes, sir.
STEW
You try it.
SMYTHE
(reluctant)
Me, sir?
STEW
Yeah.
Smythe gives it a timid try.
STEW
No, no. Give it more volume.
Smythe gives a more satisfactory yell. Stew nods approval.
Smythe begins yelling and shouting in earnest.
STEW
No, that's enough. I just wanted
you to get the idea. Now you know.
This house is haunted.
SMYTHE
(incredulous)
No, sir!
STEW
Yes. Have you looked in the closets
all over . . .?
SMYTHE
Yes, sir.
STEW
Found no skeletons?
SMYTHE
No, sir.
STEW
It's haunted just the same.
SMYTHE
Yes, sir.
Smythe has heard enough. He turns to leave, but Stew grabs
him.
STEW
Smythe, what do you do with yourself -
I mean, when you're not carrying
those double-strength - what do
you do with yourself?
SMYTHE
Well, sir, I putter.
STEW
Smythe! I mean - when you're alone
and want to amuse yourself, then
what?
SMYTHE
I just putter.
STEW
Hmmm, you just putter. Do you have
to have a putter to putter?
SMYTHE
Oh no, sir. I putter with me hands.
STEW
Well, isn't that nice? You just go
right ahead and putter with your
hands. That's all right. How do
you do it?
SMYTHE
Well sir, I'll show you.
He demonstrates, touching objects on a table and blowing
dust off a lampshade.
SMYTHE
That's puttering, sir.
STEW
No! Well, well, well! That's all
right, if you like it. Can anybody
do that?
SMYTHE
Oh no, sir. Some people are natural
putterers. Others can never master
it.
STEW
Oh my. You mean, some people are
born and never will become
putterers?
SMYTHE
Yes sir.
STEW
Oh my, wouldn't that be tragic? To
know that you could never be a
putterer.
SMYTHE
Yes sir.
STEW
How about me? Do you think if I
concentrated and put my whole soul
into it, that some day I might be
a putterer?
SMYTHE
You sir? Uh-uh. You could never be
a putterer. Not a good putterer,
sir.
STEW
Well, if I couldn't be a good
putterer, I wouldn't want to putter.
But why? What makes you think I
couldn't be a good putterer?
SMYTHE
Well sir, to be a putterer, one's
mind must be at ease. A person
with a problem could never be a
putterer. For instance, sir, a
fish can putter in water but not
on land because he'd be out of
place. An eagle can putter around
a rugged mountaintop but not in a
cage, because he'd be restless and
unhappy. Now sir, if you will pardon
me, with all due respect, sir, as
a Smythe to a Smith, you are an
eagle in a cage.
STEW
A bird in a gilded cage?
SMYTHE
Yes.
STEW
That's all I wanted to know!
Stew rushes off upstairs. Smythe gives the echo one last
try.
FADE OUT:
INT. STEW'S ROOM
187. MEDIUM SHOT
As Stew makes a telephone call.
STEW
Hello, Gallagher old pal. How are
you, old pal?
INT. GALLAGHER'S ROOM - NIGHT
188. MEDIUM SHOT
A simple room, probably in a boarding house or cheap hotel.
Gallagher is on the phone. A typewriter stands nearby.
GALLAGHER
Oh, hello Stew. I'm pretty good,
can't complain. How's our gentleman
of leisure?
CONTINUATION SCENE 187
Stew at phone.
STEW
I'm on the coast of Norway and I
can't get out - will you come and
get me out of the coast of Norway?
CONTINUATION SCENE 188
Gallagher at phone.
GALLAGHER
Oh, your play. Hmmm, Act One, Scene
One: Coast of Norway - and then a
lot of blank. Is that it?
CONTINUATION SCENE 187
Stew at phone.
STEW
Yeah. Come on, don't be silly.
(pause)
All right, if you feel like you
need a chaper-one, call up Hank.
Yeah. You'll find him at Joe's, no
doubt. Yeah. Hank would be my idea
of a perfect bodyguard.
(pause)
Sure you would. I knew I could
depend on you, old pal. Snap it
up, will you, Gallagher?
CONTINUATION SCENE 188
Gallagher at phone.
GALLAGHER
Okay.
She hangs up, joyful at the prospect of seeing Stew. She
hums softly to herself as she picks up the receiver again.
INT. SCHUYLER ENTRANCE HALL - NIGHT
189. MED. SHOT
SOUND - BELL RINGING
Stew comes out of the library. Smythe is going down the
hall. Stew intercepts him.
STEW
Smythe, I'll get this. I'm expecting
some friends.
SMYTHE
Very good, sir.
MED. CLOSE SHOT
At entrance door. Stew enters and opens it. Gallagher and
Hank enter.
STEW
Well, Gallagher! Glad to see you.
GALLAGHER
Hello, Stew.
STEW
Hello, Hank. How are you?
HANK
Fine, but kinda thirsty.
STEW
Come right in - I'll get you a
drink.
HANK
Okay - you remember Joe—
STEW
Sure.
HANK
I sort of invited him along to
bend an elbow. You don't mind, do
you?
STEW
It's all right. Bring him in.
Joe appears in the open doorway. Stew sees him.
HANK
Come in, Joe. It's all right.
STEW
Hello, Joe.
JOE
Hello kid, how are you? Glad to
see you.
Stew starts to close the door.
JOE
Just a minute - Johnson's outside.
You don't mind if he comes in and
dips a beak do you?
STEW
No, no, bring him in. The more the
merrier.
JOE
Come on in!
Johnson appears in the open doorway. Stew sees him.
STEW
Hello, Johnson.
JOHNSON
Hello, Stew, old pal. How are you?
STEW
Glad to see you. Come in, kid.
Stew starts to close the door.
JOHNSON
Wait a minute. I got two of the
boys I brought along - they were
cruising around with nothing to
do. You don't mind if I bring them
in?
STEW
You brought two of the boys? That's
all right. Bring them in. What's
the difference?
The two enter, followed in a single file by 12-14 men and
women, all of whom greet Stew as they enter, ad-libbing
hello's and hand-shakes. Stew stares at them dumbfoundedly.
MEDIUM FULL SHOT
They swarm into the hallway and overflow into the rooms on
either side. The butler stands aghast at this invasion.
Stew starts to close the door when three or four more troop
in, shouting cheery greetings. Stew regards them in
amazement.
CLOSER SHOT - STEW
As he watches them file past.
STEW
I'm sorry nobody could come.
HANK
The rest of the gang had to get
out the morning edition - but
they'll be down later.
STEW
Now Hank, are you sure they're
coming? It will be lonesome without
them.
(to Smythe)
Smythe, take this crowd in there
and give them a drink. And find
out what the boys in the back room
want!
Smythe gulps nervously, as he is dragged off by the
revellers.
INT. SCHUYLER DRAWING ROOM
193. FULL SHOT
The gang have taken seriously Stew's suggestion that they
make themselves at home. They have draped themselves about
the place - a couple are strumming on the piano and others
are inspecting the room in awe-struck attitudes. Smythe is
being propelled around the room by the revellers.
SMYTHE
It isn't done, gentlemen! It isn't
done, I say! It isn't done!
INT. SCHUYLER ENTRANCE HALL
194. MEDIUM SHOT - GALLAGHER AND STEW
STEW
Well, Gallagher, you certainly
took no chances, did you?
GALLAGHER
I'm sorry, Stew. I asked Hank, and
Hank did the rest.
STEW
I see. Hank brought them all. That's
all right. We'll give them a drink
and throw 'em out. How's that?
GALLAGHER
Okay.
STEW
(as Smythe passes
by, being propelled
by revellers)
Smythe! Give them one drink and
throw 'em out!
SMYTHE
(dazed)
Yes, sir.
Bingy pokes his head in the door, wearing a false beard.
STEW
(spotting him)
Is there a green elephant standing
beside that bwana?
BINGY
No, it's just little Bingy Baker.
Stew rolls up his sleeves, preparatory to launching a punch.
BINGY
(warningly)
Uh-uh.
Bingy dons a pair of glasses, and points to them
meaningfully. He enters, cautiously, watching Stew warily.
BINGY
(striking a pose)
Big Chief Bingy come to white man's
tepee to make friends. Big Chief
very sorry. To show how sorry -
will bend over and let white man
kick Big Chief where sun never
shines.
STEW
Excuse me, Gallagher. I wouldn't
miss this one for the world.
He bends over, and Stew winds up and delivers a hard kick
to his backside. Bingy straightens stiffly, then removes a
bottle of alcohol from the target area.
BINGY
Fire water all right.
(he takes a drink)
Both start laughing.
BINGY
Well, Stew, that's all thrashed
out. By golly, I'm surely glad to
see that you're not really sore.
You know our racket - after all,
news is news.
STEW
Sure, sure. That's all right. That
was a great story, Bingy. A great
story - wish I'd printed it.
BINGY
I gave you the breaks, didn't I?
That hairy chest story!
STEW
(indicating Bingy's
false beard)
You've raised it up to the chin, I
see.
(laughs)
Go on in the other room and get
yourself a drink.
Bingy emits a war-whoop and proceeds into the drawing room,
where Smythe is still being held hostage by the party.
195. CLOSER SHOT
Gallagher and Stew.
STEW
You know what I should do with
you? I should sock you right in
that funny little nose.
GALLAGHER
Yes - and I'd love it.
SMYTHE
Sure, you'd love it.
He draws her out of the entrance hall, and the CAMERA MOVES
WITH THEM as they head upstairs, the party around them
going in full force.
INT. STEW'S SITTING ROOM
196. MEDIUM SHOT
Stew and Gallagher enter. Apparently they have been talking
about Stew's play on the way upstairs.
GALLAGHER
How far have you gotten?
STEW
Well, I've just been able to get
off that Norway coast - so far.
Stew gestures toward the typewriter from which a sheet of
paper is protruding. Gallagher crosses to it. She rolls up
the sheet so she can read what is typed on it.
GALLAGHER
(reading)
'Act One - Scene One - A Street in
Old Madrid—'
She turns as Stew walks over to her.
GALLAGHER
(smiling)
Well, you're not getting your play
done, but you're certainly covering
a lot of territory.
STEW
(grins)
Haven't I covered some territory?
It feels like I've been on a Cook's
Tour[18] some place.
CLOSER TWO SHOT
Stew, standing before her.
GALLAGHER
(seriously)
Stewart, have you ever been to Old
Madrid?
STEW
(grinning in spite
of himself)
Been where?
GALLAGHER
To Old Madrid.
STEW
Never even been to New Madrid.
GALLAGHER
Then how do you expect to write
about it?
STEW
Oh - draw on my imagination, I
suppose.
GALLAGHER
Did Conrad draw on his imagination?
Stew is brought up with a start.
STEW
Did who?
GALLAGHER
Conrad.
STEW
What do you know about Conrad?
GALLAGHER
I don't know a thing about him,
but isn't he the one you're always
yelling about?
Stew is noticeably impressed with this point of view.
STEW
Gosh, you look cute.
Gallagher warms up to her subject.
GALLAGHER
Isn't he the one that always writes
about things - only the things he
knows about?
STEW
Right.
GALLAGHER
Didn't he go to sea before he wrote
about it?
STEW
Right.
198. MEDIUM SHOT
GALLAGHER
Then why don't you write about
something you know? Write about
yourself and Anne. The poor boy
who marries a rich girl - now
there's a swell theme.
STEW
Gee, that's an idea, Gallagher.
That's an idea there. I wonder
now...
GALLAGHER
Oh, sure. She'd make a beautiful
heroine...
STEW
(warming up - he
puts arm around
Gallagher's shoulder)
And there's her mother - and what
a character that old dame would
make with her double-strength -
and that lawyer friend of theirs -
he'd make a great villain - and
there's you!
GALLAGHER
(smiling)
What could I be?
STEW
You could be something.
(inspiration
striking, he dashes
to the typewriter)
I've got an idea, Gallagher. Let's
get this set. That's a great idea
for a play. Pal, get me a cigarette,
will you?
GALLAGHER
Here you are.
STEW
All right, thanks. Now, let's see.
How will I start? Hey pal, how
would you start?
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INT. SCHUYLER ENTRANCE HALL
MED. FULL SHOT
Shooting through into the drawing room. It is many hours
later. The members of the party, including Smythe, are
pretty well lit. On the floor of the entrance hall a dice
game is in progress. In the drawing room four or five are
hanging over the piano singing "The Grasshopper Jumped
Over Another Grasshopper's Back."
In general, a large time is being had. As the scene opens
a door-bell is ringing. A key is heard in the lock.
200. CLOSER SHOT - GROUP - IN ENTRANCE HALL
The outer door starts to swing open. One of the party
guests, very wall-eyed now, and carrying a whiskey bottle
in his hand, staggers toward the door. It opens wider, and
Anne and Mrs. Schuyler and Dexter Grayson stand gasping in
the opening. The guest comes up to them.
GUEST
(starting to close
door)
Say, you can't come in here - this
is a private party.
Anne pushes the door violently, which sends the guest
sprawling. He stays where he lands, holding the bottle in
both arms across his chest. Anne and her mother advance
into a CLOSE SHOT and look off with incredulous horror and
amazement.
201. MEDIUM SHOT
On a drunk Bingy as he peers at them from an alcove above.
BINGY
(recognizing Grayson)
Hey, my old classmate from Harvard!
Whoopee! Harvard, '98!
(spotting Mrs.
Schuyler)
Hello, mama!
202. MEDIUM SHOT
Most are too cock-eyed or too engrossed in the ongoing
crap game to notice them.
DEXTER
I know who's the cause of it all!
ANNE
Oh, Dexter!
One of the men wanders in from the drawing room in time to
hear this conversation. He assumes an attitude of
exaggerated courtesy and gallantry as he bows before them.
Anne and her mother are almost bursting with fury. They
spot Smythe, across the room, thoroughly in his cups.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(to butler)
Smythe! Smythe - who are these
people?
Smythe comes stumbling up, a grin plastered on his face.
SMYTHE
(thoroughly plastered)
Friends of mine. Very lit-lit-
literary people.
GRAYSON
(confidentially, to
Mrs. Schuyler)
He's drunk.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(aghast)
Smythe, you've been drinking.
SMYTHE
(proudly)
I have. Double-strength!
GRAYSON
(confidentially)
Very drunk.
MRS. SCHUYLER
(indignant)
Where is Mr. Smith?
SMYTHE
Well, for crying out loud, I don't
know. And I don't care. Whoopee!
He jubilantly exits scene.
GRAYSON
(confidentially)
Very, very drunk.
INT. STEW'S SITTING ROOM
203. MEDIUM SHOT
Stew gets to his feet as an idea strikes him.
STEW
Now Gallagher, if we could only
get a great scene - a tremendously
emotional scene - something that
would just wring the hearts out of
the public - to bring the curtain
down in the second act - that would
be okay. Couldn't dig one out of
your hat some place, could you?
GALLAGHER
Nope - afraid I'm all out of tricks
tonight.
STEW
Now, we've got it right up to where
the boy's wearing his white spats
and going to teas and the frau
enters - how's that?
GALLAGHER
Very good.
MED. CLOSE SHOT
At the partially opened door into the hall. It opens wider,
and Anne looks in. She stares in horrified amazement.
205. MEDIUM SHOT (FROM HER ANGLE)
Gallagher, her shoes off, sprawled out on the chaise longue,
stretches luxuriously and yawns. CAMERA PANS TO Stew at
the typewriter, hair mussed, coffee pot and cups prominent,
the dressing gown over the back of his chair. Neither of
them has seen Anne.
CONTINUATION SCENE 204
Anne. She gasps as she quietly steps further into the room.
CLOSE SHOT - GALLAGHER
Gallagher, caught in the midst of a grand stretch, sits up
abruptly, startled. She stares uncomfortably off at Anne.
CLOSE SHOT - STEW
At the typewriter. He glances up momentarily and very
absently, and goes right on typing.
STEW
(absently)
Oh hello, Anne– He types furiously.
ANNE
(tight-lipped)
Good morning. What does this mean?
Stewart looks up surprised at the tone of her voice.
STEW
What does what mean?
MEDIUM SHOT - THE THREE
Gallagher, sensing scene, starts hastily looking for her
shoes. One of them has been shoved under the chaise longue
and she has to get down on her hands and knees to retrieve
it. Anne comes in and confronts them, her hands on her
hips.
STEW
Oh, that mob downstairs. I guess I
got so interested in the play I
forgot all about them.
ANNE
I see.
STEW
Have we got a play, Anne? Oh, have
we got a play! Of course most of
it is Gallagher's. She did most of
it. That brain of hers just snaps
like that all the time.
He indicates by snapping his fingers. Gallagher quietly
gathers up her things, apprehensive of the storm about to
break.
ANNE
(coldly)
I'm not interested in the way her
brain snaps.
Stew stares at Anne as Gallagher, her hat in her hand, her
coat over her arm, starts for the door.
GALLAGHER
I think I better go, Stew.
ANNE
I think you should, Miss Gallagher.
STEW
Wait a minute, Gallagher.
Gallagher stops, transfixed by the new tone in his voice.
He comes over to Anne.
209. CLOSE TWO SHOT - ANNE AND STEW
STEW
What's the idea, Anne?
ANNE
The idea is simply this - that I
want those people to leave here
immediately.
STEW
Now wait a minute. Aren't you being
a little unreasonable?
ANNE
Unreasonable! Have you any idea
what the place looks like
downstairs? Do you expect me to
stand here and see this place turned
into a cheap barroom?
STEW
Now wait, don't get excited, Anne.
There's no reason for that. Perhaps
the boys have had a little too
much to drink. That's all right.
I'm sorry. I'll go right down and
throw them out. That's no reason
for you to take this attitude.
After all, I certainly have a right
to invite a few of my friends to
my house, haven't I?
ANNE
(pointedly)
Your house?
STEW
(getting the
implication; after
a pause)
O-o-oh, I get you—
(a knowing chuckle)
All right. All right. I don't blame
you. I kinda forgot myself for a
moment, there. That's what I call
getting me told, isn't it, Anne?
Anne remains silent. That's exactly what she has done.
STEW
I suppose I've been boarding out
this past year.
210. MEDIUM SHOT
He takes his coat off back of chair and slips into it.
STEW
(quietly; grimly)
All right, I'll tell you this—I
don't like your boarding house,
lady—
As he gathers up loose manuscript, he continues . . .
STEW
—and if it's all the same to you,
I'm moving out.
ANNE
Stewart!
STEW
(hotly)
This is something I should have
done a long time ago, only I didn't
have sense enough to do it. No, I
had to stick around here to try
and make a success of something
that I knew darn well was a failure
from the very beginning. But no
more. No more! So that's that.
ANNE
You can't walk out of here like
this.
Throughout the scene, Stew is gathering his things
together—and probably packing an overnight bag.
STEW
Oh I can't? Who's going to stop
me? I'd like to see somebody stop
me. If you think I'm going to stick
around this joint just to look at
this mausoleum, not on your life!
You're going to make no stuffed
shirt out of me. Now what do you
think of that?
Mrs. Schuyler stalks majestically in.
MRS. SCHUYLER
What's going on here? Who is this
woman?
STEW
(snappily)
Joan of Arc! What's it to you?
MRS. SCHUYLER
Heavens! The man's insane!
CLOSEUP - STEW
STEW
Sure I'm insane, but I've got some
good news for you.
(points to himself)
This magnolia is leaving your sweet
smelling vanilla joint. This bird
in a cage is gonna button his own
pants from now on. And that is
what is known as telling the mother-
in-law.
Gallagher's cry of joy is cut off by an icy look from Mrs.
Schuyler.
GALLAGHER
Eurek—!
212. MEDIUM SHOT
Stew is stuffing things into a bag.
STEW
(heatedly to Anne)
You've done nothing but watch me -
watch me! - ever since I've been
here. Treated me like a thug,
watched me like a hawk, mistrusted
me. Every time I leave the house,
that Jane—
(indicating Mrs.
Schuyler)
—goes out and counts the silverware.
ANNE
That's ridiculous.
STEW
Fine! I don't blame her. I know
I'm out of my own crowd. I should
have had better sense in the
beginning. But I'll stay in my own
backyard from now on.
ANNE
You're acting like a child.
STEW
All right, I'm a child. Have it
any way you want. But I'm going
back to my own apartment, where I
should have lived in the first
place. But no, I got to listen to
you and move here. All right. If
you want to live with me, Anne,
okay. But the sign outside will
say "Mr. Stew Smith" and you'll
have to be "Mrs. Stew Smith" or
there's nothing doing. No more
Anne Schuyler's husband—He has his
bag all packed by this time. He
snaps it shut viciously, lifts it
off the chair, picks up his hat,
and notices Mrs. Schuyler staring
open-mouthed at him.
(to Mrs. Schuyler,
pointedly)
—and here's some more news for
you. You can take your red room,
your green room, your left wing
and your right wing, and you know
what you can do with them!
(to Gallagher)
Come on, Gallagher.
He brushes by Mrs. Schuyler and Anne, exiting.
ANNE
(exasperated)
Oh, Stewart!
EXT. SCHUYLER HOME - NIGHT
213. MEDIUM SHOT
Stew and Gallagher appear, coming through the iron gates.
MEDIUM MOVING SHOT
As Stew and Gallagher move off down the street, a ragged
old panhandler comes wheedling up to them.
PANHANDLER
Pardon me, could you spare a dime
for a cup of coffee?
Stew is struck by a sudden idea as he regards the bum
intently.
STEW
Coffee? How would you like to be a
Knight of the Garter?
PANHANDLER
(stupidly)
Huh! No—
Stew raises one foot, then the other, and quickly removes
the solid gold garters which he presses into the bum's
surprised hand.
STEW
(as he removes the
garters)
Just a minute.
(to Gallagher)
Entertain the gentleman, Gallagher.
(to the panhandler)
There you are, my man - with those
you can eat for a couple of months.
He walks away, leaving the bum staring dazedly at the
luxurious pair of garters.
PANHANDLER
(an afterthought)
How about the socks?
MED. CLOSE SHOT
As Stew and Gallagher pass the Camera and go down the
street, arm in arm. As they get past the Camera, Stew is
seen to square his shoulders and throw out his chest. He
shakes first one leg, and then the other, as if he were
throwing off shackles.
CLOSER MOVING SHOT
Stew and Gallagher moving along. Gallagher has a peculiar
expression as she glances at Stew. She has been deeply
affected by the scene she has just witnessed. Stew's face
is very thoughtful.
GALLAGHER
(comfortingly)
I wouldn't worry too much about
it, Stew. She'll see it your way.
STEW
Huh?
(snapping out of it)
Oh, I'm not worrying about her -
I'm worrying about that second act
curtain, that's all.
Gallagher stares at him, realizing he is thinking more
about the play than his split-up with his wife. Then she
breaks into a grin.
GALLAGHER
Why, you're just a first-class
chump! You just staged a scene
that would play like a million
dollars! How about that declaration
of independence for the second act
curtain?
Stew stops stock still and stares at her.
STEW
(almost reverently)
That's an idea, Gallagher - a great
idea.
Gallagher happily links her arm in his and again they move
down the street.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN:
INSERT: CLOSE SHOT OF NAME PLATE
STEW OVER DOORBELL "STEWART SMITH"
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INSERT: SHEET IN TYPEWRITER
ON IT IS BEING TYPED:
Act 3. Scene 1.
LAP DISSOLVE TO:
INT. STEW'S APARTMENT - DAY - MED. FULL SHOT
Inexpensive but comfortable. Stew is in his shirtsleeves.
A battered old typewriter stands on the table with a sheet
of blank paper in it. Stew is seated in a chair before it,
and is picking out the letters, typing. He pauses, running
up the roller to regard what he has written.
INT. STEW'S KITCHENETTE - MED. SHOT
Gallagher, in a little apron, is frying some ham and eggs.
She looks up as she sees Stew from the doorway.
STEW
Hey, Gallagher!
GALLAGHER
Yeah?
STEW
How about my breakfast? How do you
expect me to ring a curtain down
on an empty stomach?
GALLAGHER
It'll be ready in a minute.
STEW
(accusingly)
Never mind that. If you can't get
my breakfast ready - and can't get
here on time in the morning - then
you can go get yourself another
job.
GALLAGHER
(in mock contrition)
Sorry, boss—
STEW
Don't be sorry. Just get the
breakfast, that's all.
INT. STEW'S LIVING ROOM - MED. SHOT
There is a knock on the hall door.
Stew crosses and opens it.
220. CLOSER SHOT
As Stew opens the door. It reveals Dexter Grayson in the
little hallway, immaculately clad, as usual. Stew regards
him in frank surprise for a moment.
GRAYSON
Hello, Smith.
STEW
(puzzled)
Holy jumping swordfish!
GRAYSON
I suppose you know why I came—?
STEW
No, I have no idea - unless some
of the silver-ware is missing.
GRAYSON
Now don't be absurd, Smith—
(as he brushes past,
walking inside)
May I come in?
STEW
Surely, come right in.
GRAYSON
(as he sits down)
Thanks. May I sit down?
STEW
Surely, sit down. If I had known
you were coming, I would have thrown
you up a waffle.
GRAYSON
I don't eat waffles.
STEW
You don't.
221. MED. SHOT
Grayson sits stiffly on one of the Grand Rapids chairs.
Stew remains standing, and waits silently for Grayson to
speak. Grayson clears his throat.
GRAYSON
Anne asked me to come and see you
about the divorce.
STEW
(with enlightened
expression)
She did—?
GRAYSON
(uncomfortably)
She wants me to arrange the
financial settlement.
STEW
Listen Grayson, I've got 106 bucks
and 75 cents in the bank. Now Anne
can have any part of that she wants,
but she'd better hurry because I'm
spending it awfully fast.
GRAYSON
(interrupting)
You don't seem to understand. Anne
doesn't expect anything from you.
INT. STEW'S KITCHENETTE - MED. SHOT
Gallagher. Overcome by curiosity at the sound of voices,
she leaves the frying eggs and goes quietly to the doorway
and peeks out.
223. MED. SHOT
Grayson and Stew.
GRAYSON
We should like to know how much
you would want to—
Stew stares off incredulously.
STEW
(interrupting)
Wait a minute. Do I get from you
that she wants to pay me alimony?
GRAYSON
That's putting it crudely, but—
Stew starts advancing nervously toward him. Grayson, a bit
alarmed, rises.
STEW
(closing in on him)
Remember what I told you about
that twentieth crack? All right,
you've just made it. Before you go
unconscious I want you to get this
through your nut.
GRAYSON
I beg your pardon.
STEW
Unconscious. You know, when you
don't know anything. Your natural
state. There are some people - you
can't buy their self-respect for a
bucket of shekels - well, I happen
to be one of those guys.
224. CLOSE SHOT
Showing kitchen door open a crack. Gallagher's eyes are
glistening as she watches and listens.
MED. CLOSE SHOT
Stew and Grayson.
GRAYSON
(weakly)
We just thought that—
STEW
(snaps)
Don't think. Let me do all the
thinking. Now you go back to that
Schuyler outfit and tell them that
I didn't marry that dame for her
dough and I don't want any of her
dough now. I was too poor to buy
her a wedding present when we got
married, so I'm giving her a divorce
for a wedding present. Now, stand
up!
Grayson does so, completely intimidated by Stew's manner.
Stew grabs him by the lapel.
GRAYSON
Yes.
STEW
And now for that twentieth crack—
Stew punches Grayson on chin and knocks him through the
open door into the hall.
He slams door shut.
226. WIDER SHOT
Stew thrusts his hands into his pockets and walks
thoughtfully back to the typewriter.
227. CLOSER SHOT
Stew standing staring down at the typewriter. He is still
flushed with anger. Suddenly a thought strikes him, and
his face breaks into a broad grin. He sits down quickly,
and begins pounding away.
228. MED. SHOT
Gallagher enters from the kitchen, carrying a platter of
ham and eggs and a coffee pot. She sets them on a small
table and this is spread with a cloth. Then she crosses
over to Stew.
GALLAGHER
(pretending ignorance)
Who was that?
STEW
(without looking up
from his typing)
Grayson - Anne's lawyer.
GALLAGHER
What did he want?
STEW
Gallagher, that guy just dropped
by to give us a great opening for
the third act.
They sit at the little table.
229. CLOSER SHOT
GALLAGHER
What was the idea he gave you?
Stew dives into the ham and eggs.
STEW
It's a swell idea, Gallagher. How's
this? The wife's family lawyer
comes to see the kid, see - to
talk over the divorce. Then this
guy insults the poor but honest
boy by offering him alimony - so
the kid gets sore, socks the lawyer
in the nose and throws him out.
How's that for the beginning of
the third act, huh?
GALLAGHER
Well, from now on the play will be
easy. All you have to do is bring
the wife back, have her say she's
sorry, and then your play's over.
CLOSEUP - STEW
He looks over at Gallagher with a peculiar expression.
STEW
(vehemently - as he
scoops out some
melon)
What's the matter? Do you think
I'm going to let that guy go back
to his wife? Not on your life.
He's got to go to the other girl.
CLOSEUP - GALLAGHER
She almost drops her coffee cup in a wild gleam of hope as
she looks back at him. Gallagher tries hard to keep her
voice steady.
GALLAGHER
(not sure of herself)
What other girl—?
232. MED. CLOSE SHOT OF THE TWO
STEW
The little O'Brien girl, of course -
the one you suggested in the story.
GALLAGHER
(ecstatic, but still
fighting)
But that's ridiculous! You can't
make a sudden change like that.
STEW
Gallagher, what are you going to
do - tell me how to write a play?
GALLAGHER
No.
STEW
There's nothing sudden about that—
(tensely)
He's always loved the girl, but he
was such a sap he didn't have sense
enough to tell her. Well, that's
all right - we can fix that. He
will go to the little O'Brien girl,
and - here, I'll show you.
He gets to his feet, and comes around to her.
CLOSE TWO SHOT
Gallagher watches him a bit uncertainly.
STEW
(tenderly)
He goes to the little O'Brien gal
and he says to her - in some pretty
words of some kind - something
that you can write - he'll say—
(as if reading part -
very emotional)
Darling, I'm sorry. I've been a
fool all my life. I've always loved
you, only I didn't have sense enough
to see it. As quick as I can get a
divorce from my wife, I want you
to marry me. Then she'll look at
him that way - yeah - then they'll
embrace, or something like that.
(they draw closer)
Then he'll kiss her, or something.
To demonstrate the point, Stew takes her in his arms and
kisses her. They hold the kiss longer than is justified.
Stew is swept away by his sudden emotion and clings to her
desperately, while Gallagher's arms instinctively go around
his neck.
Gallagher chokes back tears that persist in coming. She
stifles a sob. Stew folds her in his arms.
STEW
(tenderly)
What's the matter, Gallagher? What's
the matter?
Gallagher buries her face in his shoulders.
FADE OUT:
THE END