"THE BOONDOCK SAINTS"
An original motion picture screenplay by
TROY DUFFY
Shooting Script: White August 28, 1997
Pages Blue July 9, 1998
Pages Pink July 13, 1998
Pages Yellow July 27, 1998
Pages Green August 12, 1998
(5_5A,6,7,26,40,42,52_2A,55,68,72,73,74,76,77,89,93,102,103,
104,104A,111,114,117,118)
Registered WGAw
TROY DUFFY
INT. GOTHIC CHURCH 10:00 A.M. ST. PATRICK'S DAY
DOWNTOWN BOSTON
As we open we see the inside of an enormous church. A young
looking PRIEST in his mid-thirties is finishing the delivery
of the Lord’s Prayer. In the back of the church, in the last
pew, there are two who kneel on the cold, stone floor.
They do not stand to sing, nor do they offer signs of peace
when told, but they pray. They grip and rub their rosaries.
They mutter their words in Latin.
CONNOR and MURPHY MacMANUS (mid-twenties) are shrouded in
thick waist length navy P-coats, worn leather boots and the
hungry clothes of the poor. The boys heads are shaved and
they have facial hair.
MONSIGNOR
(dismissing young
priest)
Thank you Father Macklepenny, for
coming all the way across town to be
our guest speaker today. I hope you
found our little parish to your
liking.
Macklepenny takes his seat on the alter along side the regular
priests of the church. The MacManus brothers suddenly stand,
as all others remain seated. Each church goer between them
and the aisle shifts his/her position to allow the boys
passage, as if on command. The two turn and begin to stride
for the alter, eyes down, determined.
ANNABELLE MACMANUS (V.O.)
(thick Irish accent)
They've never been like anyone else.
From the moment they were born, of
the same womb, on the same day, they
just had their own way, my boys did.
And I always knew that one day they
would do something of true greatness.
I just never expected they would
bring about such a... such a
reckoning.
The MacManus brothers are fraternal twins. As Annabelle
MacManus speaks, Macklepenny is taken aback as he scans the
congregation amazed to find that he is the only one who thinks
this out of the ordinary.
The monsignor begins his sermon. Macklepenny rises to stop
the boys from this disgraceful disturbance.
The elder clergyman finds Macklepenny's arm, keeping him
seated while shaking his head. Macklepenny's confusion gives
way to awe as he watches the brothers step onto the altar,
brush by the six seated priests, and approach the enormous
crucifix.
They both fall to their knees and kiss the feet of Christ.
They rise and as abruptly as they came, they turn and head
back down the aisle for the front door. They stop at the
rear of the church, turning to listen to the sermon.
MONSIGNOR
(loud, authoritative)
...and I am reminded of this holy
day of the sad story of Kitty
Geneviese. This poor soul cried out
time and time again for help but no
person answered her calls. Though
many saw, not one so much as called.
Her assailant wiped the bloody knife
off on her lifeless little body.
They watched as he simply walked
away. Nobody wanted to get involved.
Nobody wanted to take a stand... We
must fear evil men and deal with
them accordingly but what we must
truly guard against, what we must
fear most
(beat)
Is the indifference of good men.
The MacManuses turn and walk out the door.
EXT. CHURCH STEPS SUNNY MORNING
The boys put on their dark glasses and pause at the top of
the steps to light up their cigarettes. They both roll their
cigarette butts along their tongues and screw them into their
lips. In this unique way they light up, seemingly oblivious
to their synchronicity and mimic.
CONNOR
(Irish accent)
I do believe the Monsignor finally
got a point.
MURPHY
(Irish accent)
Aye.
They leave.
INT. NOLAND'S MEAT PACKING PLANT 4:00 P.M. SAME DAY
Murphy, wearing a white blood soaked smock and apron stands
around the corner of the entrance to the loading dock. He
grips a gigantic, bloody slab of meat and smirks. Connor
flips his cigarette out the loading dock and passes his
brother's hiding place. He notices the workers have stopped,
and are looking at him.
CONNOR
What?
Murphy slaps Connor square in the face with the bloody slab.
Connor's face is caked with blood as he stands stunned. He
then leaps on Murphy, sending him into a pile of nearby
hamburger. He grabs a large cow tongue from a nearby heap
and begins slapping Murphy in the face with it as they both
laugh and the workers cheer.
Their boss, McGERKIN approaches with a very large woman.
Her head is clean-shaven. The two are still laughing, out of
breath, they turn.
MCGERKIN
Boys this is Rose, Baum, Gurtle...
Gurtle.
ROZ
Rozengurtle Baumgartner.
MCGERKIN
You'll be training her today, and do
a good job.
BOTH BOYS
Aye.
CONNOR
(wipes hand and extends
it)
Pleased ta meet ya Rozie.
She points to a tattoo on her neck that reads untouched by
man.
ROZ
I prefer to be called Rozengurtle by
men.
CONNOR
(taken aback)
Okay then... let's get ya started.
Connor exits with Roz.
MURPHY
Christ, that's the largest woman
I've ever seen.
MCGERKIN
It's self-imposed affirmative action.
If we hire big, fat, angry lesbians,
then the leftist groups representing
big, fat angry lesbians, won't think
we're violating their rights.
MURPHY
Well, how politically correct you
are. That's good stuff.
MCGERKIN
Hey, those people can shut ya down.
They'll sue you into the ground
claiming they were put under mental
duress, inner pain. and sufferin'.
MURPHY
Well, as long as we're hirin' fat
lesbians, give your ma a call.
Murphy laughs as he jogs away.
MCGERKIN
Fuck you Murphy.
INT. NOLAND'S MEAT PACKING PLANT CUT STATION SAME DAY
Rozengurtle and Connor stand in front of a bunch of co-workers
who are cutting meat as it goes by on assembly.
CONNOR
Okay, just cut off as much fat as
you can as it goes by and the rule
of thumb here is...
ROZ
Rule of thumb?
CONNOR
(questioningly)
Yeah?
ROZ
Do you know where that term comes
from? In the early 1900's it was
legal for men to beat their wives as
long as they used a stick no wider
than their thumb.
Connor holds up his thumb and stares at it.
CONNOR
Can't do much damage with that.
Perhaps, it shoulda been the rule of
wrist. Ha!
(he elbows her)
Rule of wrist.
She returns an icy stare. He hands her the knife. The co-
workers all seem wary of Roz.
Murphy stands on one side of Roz, Connor on the other,
surrounded by a tight group of workers. Everyone is within
ear shot of one another, cutting meat as it goes by. Knowing
glances are shared by everyone. It is an uncomfortable mood.
CONNOR
Hey Murphy?
MURPHY
Aye.
CONNOR
(slight smirk)
How many feminists does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
MURPHY
How many?
CONNOR
Two. One ta screw it in and one ta
suck my cock.
Everyone burst out laughing. Rozengurtle jabs a knife in a
piece of meat and turns to Connor. She pushes him and starts
walking toward him. He starts backing up, laughing.
ROZ
(angry)
I knew you two pricks would give me
problems. Give me shit cause I'm a
woman. I'm not gonna take your male
dominance bullshit!
CONNOR
(trying to calm her,
but still chuckling)
Oh, come on now Rozengurtle. I was
just tryin' ta get a rise outta ya.
MURPHY
Yeah. Just tryin' ta break the ice
is all.
ROZ
(to Murphy)
Fuck you...
(to Connor)
...and fuck you!
MURPHY
Oh, come on its St. Patty's Day.
It's all in good fun.
Employees gather around all the excitement.
ROZ (V.O.)
Baumgartner sound Irish to you, fuck
face?
CONNOR
Now look Rozengurtle, we're sorry.
Just relax.
She reaches back and punches Connor full force in the face.
He takes the hit very well. He stops backing up.
CONNOR
Why don't you save all your aggression
for protests and marches and what
not.
She suddenly drives her boot into his crotch, sending him to
the floor reeling with pain. Two female co-workers leap to
his aid.
ROZ
You fuckin' slaves. Kowtowing to the
needs of men! Get up! Get the fuck
up! Leave him there.
Rozengurtle begins to turn, raising her fist to Murphy.
Murphy winds up and punches her square in the face. She lands
on her back. The on-lookers are stunned as he walks over and
stands above her.
MURPHY
Guess you'll have ta change that
tattoo now, won't ya Rozie!?
INT. HALLWAY MACMANUS' TENEMENT APT BUILDING DAY
The brothers get to the top of the stairs. Connor is hunched
over and moving slowly. Murphy giggles.
CONNOR
Fuck you.
Connor flicks his cigarette butt out the large open loading
doors at the end of the hall. The red brick buildings stretch
down the alley both ways. The glowing butt falls to a filthy
resting place, directly next to a dented green dumpster with
half the paint job scraped off.
INT. CONNOR AND MURPHY'S APARTMENT EARLY EVENING
This is a decrepit, illegal loft. The boys enter, hang their
rosaries by the door and begin taking off their clothes.
Connor sits naked on the couch and gently places a bag of
ice on his crotch. Murphy stands naked in the open quantity
shower. Murphy turns on the water and sticks his hand in the
stream.
INT. CONNOR AND MURPHY'S APT EARLY EVENING
Connor, still seated, cracks open a Guinness and sips it
lovingly. The phone rings.
CONNOR
Hello.
MOM (V.O.)
Connor, is that you?
Something is obviously wrong in her voice.
CONNOR
(interested)
Mother, is that you?
MOM (V.O.)
Is that worthless brother of your
there? I want you both ta hear this.
CONNOR
Ma, what's wrong?
Murphy shuts off the water.
MURPHY
No fuckin' hot water man. That...
CONNOR
Shut it. It's Ma.
Murphy sees the concern in Connor's eyes and takes a step
closer.
MOM (V.O.)
It's all your fault. Both you little
bastards. I was a fool to believe
you would bring me any peace. The
day your Da left us when you were
almost too young to remember, he
said the two of you would do me right
and make me proud, but he was wrong
and I got nothin' ta live for.
CONNOR
Mother, what are you sayin'? You're
talkin' crazy here.
Murphy is drawing closer with concern.
MURPHY
What's the matter with her?
INT. ANNABELLE MACMANUS' HOUSE IRELAND NIGHT
A wrinkly female hand grabs a large revolver resting next to
a half empty bottle of Hennessey.
MOM
I finally found your Da's army
revolver, Connor.
INT. CONNOR AND MURPHY'S APT EARLY EVENING
CONNOR
What the hell are you doin' with
Da's gun!?
MURPHY
(widening eyes)
What the...?
MOM (V.O.)
I got it ta my head now.
I got it ta my head now.
CONNOR
What?! What are you doin'?
MOM (V.O.)
I want ta tell ya one last thing
before I pull the trigger.
CONNOR
(screaming)
Pull the trigger?! Have ya lost it
woman?! Now just calm down here.
MURPHY
(eyes widen)
Oh my god!
MOM (V.O.)
I...
CONNOR
No ma! No!
MOM (V.O.)
BLAME...
CONNOR & MURPHY
Oh Jesus, No! No! Oh God! No Ma!
MOM (V.O.)
YOU...!
Connor and Murphy are both screaming in panic.
EXT. ANNABELLE MACMANUS' BACK STOOP NIGHT
Mom stands on the back stoop holding the door ajar with her
hip. She holds the phone receiver up in her left hand and
the gun directly next to it, in her right. She squeezes off
a loud shot toward the heavens.
INT. CONNOR AND MURPHY'S APT EARLY EVENING
As soon as the deafening sound pierces through the receiver,
Connor instinctively jumps up to a standing position. The
bag of ice bursts as it hits the floor and spreads across
it. He throws the receiver and covers his ears with both
hands.
The phone then falls to the ground, skipping through the
cubes as the boys dive for it screaming. The two naked,
hysterical boys fumble for the phone, flailing on their
stomachs in the field of ice. They finally catch it and both
put their ears to the receiver in panic. As they scream MA
intermittently, the pauses get longer and longer.
INT. ANNABELLE MACMANUS' APARTMENT NIGHT
Mom's got her hand covering her mouth, face red from holding
back laughter, as she walks back into the house. She can
take it no longer and she bursts out with hearty guffaws.
INT. CONNOR AND MURPHY'S APARTMENT EARLY EVENING
The boys are relieved, but angry.
CONNOR
(grabs his balls,
rolls over)
Aaaww, shit!... evil woman!
MURPHY
Lord have mercy. That was a good one
ma.
MOM (V.O.)
Oh, Jesus! No ma! Christ ma! No!
Murphy holds the receiver in the air. Mom's still laughing.
MURPHY
(to Connor)
Oh, she's quite proud of herself.
MOM
Okay, seriously, both you listen ta
me now.
They both put an ear to the phone.
CONNOR
All right, we're both here.
Mom pauses and cackles endlessly once again.
MOM
(finally)
It's only 11:00 here boys so I got
lot's more drinkin' ta do with your
worthless relatives down at the Anvil.
MURPHY
Just called ta torture us did ya?
CONNOR
How's Uncle Sibeal?
MOM
Well, you know how it is with him.
Always complainin' he's never turnin'
a profit on St. Patty's. Whole damn
family goes down there with no money,
cause we know he can't bear ta charge
us.
They all laugh.
MOM
But he's been havin' himself a nip
or two as well... Been up the
waitress' skirt all night, poor girl.
MURPHY
Well you tell him ta take it easy
with that. He's gotta learn ta respect
women the way Connor does.
CONNOR
Oh, Jesus.
MURPHY
I gave him his first lesson in
sensitivity toward the fairer sex
just today.
CONNOR
Don't even do it, ya bastard.
MURPHY
(laughs)
He got beat up by a girl.
CONNOR
If that was a girl I want ta see
some papers. She had ta be just
preoperative for Christ sakes.
MOM
(dogmatically)
Lord's name.
BOTH
(genuflecting,
impassionate)
Mother Mary, full of grace.
MOM
What did you do, Connor?
CONNOR
Well, we tried ta make friends and
she gave me a shot ta the nuts.
MOM
(aghast)
What... the dirty bitch! I hope ya
trounced her a good one!
CONNOR
Well, I didn't but...
MURPHY
(shaking his fist)
Don't worry, I respected the hell
out of her for ya, Ma.
Mom laughs.
MOM
Well listen, I know how my boys take
ta scrappin' when they take ta
drinkin'.
BOTH
(semi-condescending)
Yes mother.
MOM
(light-hearted anger)
I mean it now. I carried the two of
you little bastards around in my
belly at the same time you ungrateful
pissants. Ya ruined my girlish figure
in one fell swoop, and then ya sucked
me dry.
(grabbing her breast)
My tits are saggin' down ta my ankles.
I trip over em for Christ sakes, now
ya listen ta me, NO FIGHTEN!
The boys laugh.
MOM
Promise me boys.
MURPHY
We promise.
CONNOR
Yeah, we promise.
MOM
Well, there's my boys.
(pulls back curtain,
looks out window)
Shit. I gotta go. Looks like I caused
a ruckus with that shot. Half the
damn neighborhood is comin'.
MURPHY
All right, love ya ma. Listen, before
ya go just give us the goods, eh?
CONNOR
Yeah. It's been twenty-seven years.
MOM
Still bickerin' over that, huh?
CONNOR
Come on, ma. Out with it. Who came
out first?
MOM
All right, I suppose you have the
right ta know.
The boys stand shoulder to shoulder, naked. They peer into
the distance, ears to the phone, awaiting this most important
information.
MOM
Are ya ready?
BOTH
Aye.
Slight pause as mom slams a shot of Hennessey.
MOM
(yells)
The one with the biggest cock!
Mom slams down the phone and lets out a throaty laugh. The
boys sign angrily. Connor walks over and hangs up the phone.
CONNOR
Crazy woman.
When he turns, he notices Murphy is fixated on his brothers
crotch. A triumphant smile spreads across his face.
CONNOR
Don't start. I've had ice on mine.
EXT. AN ALLEY MORNING
PAUL SMECKER, F.B.I. agent, is lead by the Boston Chief of
Police through a jungle of ravenous reporters, police lines
and uniformed officers. He is impeccably dressed in a deep
red suit. He is smiling, confident as he walks. He is a very
good-looking, slender man.
He looks intently, for a moment, at four uniformed officers.
They approach two dead bodies, laying next to a dented green
dumpster with half the paint job scraped off.
One man, IVAN CHECKOV, lays on his stomach, closer to the
dumpster than the other. The ass of his pants has been burnt
out and a large cotton bandage is in its place.
The other, VLADDY, has a blood soaked bandage around his
head and is on his stomach as well. There are hundreds of
pieces of porcelain of various sizes everywhere. Three plain-
clothed homicide detectives, DUFFY, DOLLY and GREENLY hover
close to the bodies. Dolly and Duffy listen to GREENLY, an
obvious rookie, give his over-confident theory of what took
place.
The chief is about to interrupt them, but Smecker holds him
back with a smile. The two wait and watch in a position,
where the unsuspecting detectives have their backs to them.
GREENLY
(thick Boston accent)
...so these guys are just kickin'
the shit out of each other. This guy
(points to Vladdy)
Picks up an old kitchen sink that
some one threw out and crushes this
guy
(Checkov)
With it. All right, so it makes a
big bang and alerts their friend,
who's standin' look out around the
corner. So he comes over and gets
into it with this guy,
(Vladdy)
He's angry at him, right? They get
into an altercation in which the
look out guy crushes this guy by
jumpin on him. And look at the damage
here.
(Vladdy)
I mean this guy's fuckin' hamburger
man. His spine is crushed. He's all
twisted and shit. That guy had to be
one big mother fucker. Huge, 3-400
pounds, fuckin huge.
Smecker listens.
The Chief is embarrassed.
GREELY
Or, okay. Check this out. Say these
two don't even know the huge guy.
They're just staggerin' home from a
bar this morning, still all fucked
up from St. Patty's last night. So
they figure they'll take a short cut
down the alley and this big mother
fucker, he's just waitin'. And what
could be more perfect for strong arm
robbery? Two drunk guys all bandaged
up. They're already injured for Christ
sakes. He takes a blunt object and
whacks the guy with the bandage on
his head, right? Cause he's smart.
He knows the guy with the bandage on
his ass, he ain't going nowhere.
Matter of fact, this guy's probably
helping his friend with the rectal
problem along. They're limping around
like a couple of decrepit old broads.
So once this guy's out of the picture
(denotes Vladdy)
this poor asshole, he tries to run.
But look how far he gets fore the
huge bastard catches up with him.
Only a few yards. And what does he
do? He gets creative. He picks up a
sink and crushes the poor mother-
fucker. Then, he ain't done yet. He
comes over here, jumps on this guy's
back and crushes him to death.
(Vladdy)
He steals their shit and beats it!
Thanks for comin' out!
(beat)
And look at this print...
Greenly points out a large foot print on Vladdy's back.
Some detectives nod in agreement. Smecker chuckles as he
shakes his head.
GREENLY
That's one big fuckin' shoe!... and
think about it. Of all the ways to
kill a guy, crushin' him to death.
That's very particular. You don't
get many of those. I dunno. I feel
something big here. I wouldn't be
surprised if we see more of these
turning up.
SMECKER
(stepping into the
open)
Brilliant. So now we got a Huge guy
theory and Serial crusher theory.
Top fucking notch.
(to Greenly)
What's your name?
GREENLY
Detective Greenly. Who the fuck are
you?
Smecker saunters up to Greely and pulls his I.D. out of the
breast pocket of his sport coat and lets it hang. The large,
light blue letters, F.B.I. can be easily seen.
SMECKER
That's who the fuck I am.
All the detectives seem disgruntled and look to the Chief
for an explanation.
CHIEF
Listen, I gotta go by the numbers on
this one. I.D. just came back on
these guys. They've got connections
to the Russian mob. That makes it a
federal matter and Agent Smecker,
here, is heading up the investigation
with our full cooperation.
SMECKER
(transfixed on Greely)
Why don't you get me a cup of coffee.
GREENY
What the fuck?
SMECKER
Café latte.
GREENLY
Who the...
SMECKER
Twist of lemon!
GREENLY
(to Chief)
Chief, what the fuck is this?
SMECKER
Sweet-n-low!
Greenly looks helplessly to the Chief, who simply nods. He
storms off the scene, upset. Smecker turns his back on
everyone and puts earphones in. He reaches down and hits
play. The choir song "Agnus dei" overtakes. He begins to
investigate. He kneels at the bodies for a moment then stares
at the opposite brick wall. He picks up a piece of porcelain
and scrapes it with his thumb.
He quickly cocks his head toward the sky and begins to chuckle
as he says Jesus Christ, under his breath. He brushes some
paraffin on each of the dead men's hands. Duffy and Dolly
watch defiantly. They start to smile at one another as they
collectively realize his homosexuality. He is slightly
effeminate buy not overly fey.
SMECKER
(loudly)
Mitchell, Langley!
Two uniformed officers approach.
MITCHELL
Yes sir.
SMECKER
Find the manager of this building.
See if he has had any complaints of
water coming down in any apartments,
starting just this morning. If he's
not there, knock on every door
starting from the third floor up.
Langley, you take this building,
same thing.
Mitchell and Langley exit.
SMECKER
Chaffey, Newman.
Two more uniforms approach.
CHAFFEY
Yes sir.
SMECKER
(to Chaffey)
Look in the trash around their hands.
See if you can find me two bullet
casings. 45's, if my eye serves me
right. Don't disturb them. Mark them
as they lay. Newman, root through
this shit.
(points to the mountain
of garbage)
If this was a sink find me some metal
parts. Gimme a faucet or a drain
cover or something.
The two begin their tasks. Chaffey finds a casing near
Checkov's hand, hidden under the edge of the pile.
CHAFFEY
Got it. It's a 45.
The homicide detectives are surprised as Chaffey looks for
the second shell. Smecker lights up a smoke.
SMECKER
Chief, could you get ballistics down
here and tell them they have to dig
a 45 slug out of a brick wall.
He points to a bullet hole in the opposing and tattered wall.
SMECKER
...and locate another that's been
fired through a dumpster.
He points to another bullet hole at the dumpster's base.
CHIEF
I got the best ballistics guy in the
world. He's mobile. Got all his stuff
right in the van. Can have him down
here in 10 minutes.
DOLLY
How did you know that?
SMECKER
Paraffin came up positive. And bullet
holes are usually a big clue.
CHAFFEY
I can't find the second one, sir.
SMECKER
Look under the body.
CHAFFEY
(obeys)
Got it.
Smecker turns to detectives with a smirk.
SMECKER
You guy's ready for this?
They both nod.
SMECKER
This was no gangland assassination.
Though creative, it was way too
sloppy. Something went wrong here.
This has personal written all over
it. Now, these men were crushed and
the first natural reaction the body
has to such trauma is to tense up.
So now the two shots fired here were
reflex rounds. These guys weren't
shooting at anything, but they were
just about to.
Mitchell returns.
MITCHELL
Agent Smecker,
(pointing to MacManus
building)
This is all illegal loft housing so
there's no manager on the premises
but I found a lady on the fourth
floor said she's had water dripping
down on her whole place. Started
just this morning.
SMECKER
Fourth floor huh? Then we're heading
to the fifth. Let's go up and see
just how right I am.
INT. MACMANUS' APT. BUILDING FIRST FLOOR MORNING
The detectives pile into the elevator, Smecker last. Greenly
has rejoined them. Smecker sips his latte.
DUFFY
So what are you thinkin' here?
SMECKER
Really want to know?
All the detectives chant the affirmative. The doors close.
INT. MACMANUS' APT. BUILDING ELEVATOR FIFTH FLOOR MORNING
As the doors open, all the detectives chorus their disbelief.
GREENLY
No way. You know how big a guy's
gotta be to do that? Fuckin' huge.
Smecker turns to Greenly in disbelief.
SMECKER
(beat)
Oooo. I might be wanting a bagel
with my coffee.
Smecker exits the elevator leaving the three silent detectives
with that thought.
GREENLY
(to Dolly)
I ain't getting him no fuckin' bagel.
The detectives exit the elevator.
INT. MACMANUS' DOORWAY INSIDE APT LOOKING OUT TO HALL
MORNING
Smecker appears first, glancing in momentarily. The detectives
pile in behind him. They survey the situation in total awe.
SMECKER
(to Greenly)
We'll start the ass kissing with
you.
EXT. MACMANUS' APT. BUILDING FRONT STEPS MORNING
Smecker saunters out, detectives on his heels.
MITCHELL
(approaches Smecker)
Agent Smecker. I know this
neighborhood pretty good. There's a
bar called McGinty's down the block.
It's a good bet they were there last
night.
SMECKER
(turns to detectives)
Good work, Mitchell. I'll check that
out myself.
Duffy starts walking down the street. A REPORTER is hot on
his heels.
REPORTER
Hey, Duffy. What the fuck happened
here? You owe me. This is the one I
want.
DUFFY
Let's go get a cup of coffee. You
ain't gonna fuckin' believe this
one.
Smecker is standing on the front steps in front of uniformed
officers and homicide detectives.
SMECKER
I want A.P.B.'s put out. I want more
uniforms on the streets. One thing's
for sure, wherever these guys are
they're hurting.
INT. EMERGENCY ROOM DAY
A potent song takes our ears as The MacManus brothers sit in
the E.R. They have already received care. Their faces are
beaten and there are bandages and dried blood in various
spots. Connor's injuries exceed Murphy's. They are both clad
in only their leather boots, boxer shorts and worn out old
bathrobes.
Young kids wait for medical attention, as their knife wounds
bleed. Two nuns in the corner console a third, whose robes
are ripped and face is beaten. A woman toward the end of the
hall is so badly beaten she is unrecognizable.
As the song builds to a more harrowing chorus, a man enters.
His clothes suggest he's a pimp. He is not injured. He looks
around as he stands, perturbed, at the end of the hall.
He reaches over and grabs the beat up woman by the hair and
begins to drag her out. She is kicking and screaming from
the floor, grabbing at his wrists as he hauls her away.
(Slo-mo) The boys, instantly furious, stand and begin to go
toward the action, but Connor's legs give out on him and he
falls to the floor. Connor, still trying to go after the
pimp, crawls towards him. Murphy helps his brother to his
chair and hold him tight.
MURPHY
Okay. Just calm down. Take it easy.
He'll have his day. He'll have his
(turns)
FUCKIN' DAY!
Music fades.
INT EMERGENCY ROOM DAY FEW MINUTES LATER
An old Irishman enters the E.R. DOC (70 yrs.) has a serious
facial twitch and is prone to blinking uncontrollably. He
has a mild stutter. He also has Tourette's Syndrome and is
apt to yell his two chosen swear words every now and then,
first fuck! and after a slight pause, ass! He rushes up as
they stand to greet him. Murphy holds Connor up.
MURPHY
Thanks for comin', Doc.
DOC
(Irish accent, squeaky
voice)
J-Jesus. What the fuck happened? Are
ya b-boys all right?
CONNOR
We're alive.
DOC
An F.B.I. agent came by the bar. He
left me his c-c, he left me his c-c,
he left me this.
He hands them a card with Smecker's name on it. They survey
it with interest.
DOC
(extremely loud)
Fuck!..........Ass!
Everyone in the E.R. looks at Doc in shock. Connor and Murphy
don't even avert their eyes from the card.
DOC
What are you going to do?
CONNOR
We're going to turn ourselves in. It
was self defense.
DOC
y-y-yeah that's what he said.
MURPHY
How the fuck's he know that? We
haven't spoken to anyone yet.
DOC
Don't know. He didn't say.
The boys look puzzled. Murphy helps Connor down to his seat.
MURPHY
Listen Doc, we need a favor.
DOC
A-anything.
Murphy hands Doc a partially filled garbage bag.
CONNOR
Hold this shit for us, Doc. We'll be
comin back for it when we get out.
DOC
Right.
Doc exits, say one more "Fuck,...Ass", on the way out.
INT. BOSTON POLICE STATION PRECINCT OFFICE DAY
The station is abuzz with the story. Connor and Murphy's
names are on all tongues. A legend starts. Every available
officer is in the room along with the homicide detectives.
Smecker walks right down the middle.
SMECKER
First of all, I'd like to thank
whichever one of you donut munching,
barrel-assed dip-shits leaked this
to the press. That's just what we
need now, some sensational story in
the papers making these guys out to
be super heroes, triumphing over
evil. And let me squash the rumors
now. These two aren't heroes.
(rolls his eyes)
They are two ordinary men who were
put in an extraordinary situation
and they just happened to come out
on top. Yes, nothing from our far
reaching computer system has turned
up jack shit on these two. All we
know is what we found out from their
neighbors. And the general consensus
is that they're... angels.
(pause)
But angels don't kill and we got two
bodies in the morgue that look like
they've been...
Smecker looks to Greenly. Dripping with sarcasm.
SMECKER
...serial crushed by a huge fuckin'
guy.
Some of the cops and homicide detectives laugh and chide
Greenly.
CHAFFEY
Are these me considered armed and
dangerous?
SMECKER
Well, not armed. If they had guns,
they'd have used them. But dangerous?
Oh yeah.
MITCHELL
What makes you think they're
dangerous? They were just protecting
each other.
EXT. BOSTON POLICE STATION STEPS DAY
The two are limping up the precinct stairs. Connor is draped
over Murphy who helps his brother along, they are still
attired as in the E.R.
INT. BOSTON POLICE STATION PRECINCT OFFICE DAY
SMECKER
Look, look! I'm not saying one way
or the other. Just be careful and go
by the protocol on this one.
CHAFFEY
Any tips on where these guys may be?
SMECKER
(to Officer Mitchell)
Any word back from the E.R.s?
MITCHELL
No help at all. Swamped from St.
Patty's. Packed with drunk, bloody
Irish.
SMECKER
Just hit the bricks nice and hard.
Grunt police work is going to bring this one in.
GREENLY
(talking loudly)
These guys are miles away by now.
The brothers quietly enter in the back of the room. All the
officers are seated with their backs to them. Smecker and
the brothers make eye contact. He knows who they are. They
don't interrupt Greenly.
GREENLY
But if you want to beat your head
against a wall, then here's what you
look for. These guys are scared like
two little bunny rabbits. Anything
in a uniform or flashing blue lights
will spook them. So the only thing
we can do is put a potato on a string
and drag it through South Boston.
There is light chuckling from the police at this crack.
MURPHY
(loud)
You'd probably have better luck with
a beer.
Everyone turns and looks.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM BOSTON POLICE STATION LATER
The boys sit in two chairs at a plain table with a recording
device on it. They are very serious and alert. Mitchell enters
with coffee for them. He shakes their hands and says he really
respects what they did. Surprised, they thank him. Chaffey
enters with donuts and a repeat performance of respect. Slowly
officers start to gather around the interrogation room door.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM BOSTON POLICE STATION DAY LATER
There are at least 20 officers and detectives packed in the
tiny room. The MacManus' visit with the excited cops. All
are in high spirits.
The room is loud as Smecker walks in.
SMECKER
What the fuck is this!? This isn't a
fuckin' tea party. Get out! Only
thing I want in here is them.
They all file out. Smecker and the boys look each other over.
SMECKER
This conversation is going to be
recorded. Just answer to the best of
your knowledge.
Smecker reaches for the record button. Murphy puts out his
hand to stop him.
MURPHY
(politely)
Excuse me, sir.
Murphy turns to his brother and speaks in Latin, in hushed
tones. It is subtitled in English.
MURPHY
"What do we tell him about the guns
and money?"
CONNOR
"We just got up and left. Bum musta
rolled them before the police got
there."
MURPHY
(to Smecker)
Okay. We're ready.
Smecker in intrigued with this tiny display. He hits the
record button.
SMECKER
You guys are not under oath, here. I
am assuming you knew these two guys
from before, huh?
CONNOR
We... met them last night.
SMECKER
They had some pretty interesting
bandages. Know anything about that?
They look at each other.
FLASHBACK. INT MCGINTY'S PUB NIGHT ST. PATRICK'S DAY
McGinty's's is packed to the walls with drunken Irish. A lot
of faces are recognizable from Noland's Meat. Connor is in
front of the bar. He and Doc are staring at each other as if
waiting for one man to give in. Connor has his arms across
the chests of Murphy and some friends, holding them in place.
They are interested in the competition.
PRESENTLY...
CONNOR
(presently, imitating
Doc's voice)
Would someone please come over here
and...
DOC
Fuck!
CONNOR
me up the...
DOC
Ass!
Everyone falls down laughing. Doc is angry and starts throwing
ice at them. DAVID DELLA ROCCO makes his way through the
crowd. Rocco is thirty-two years old. He has shoulder-length,
dark hair and a full beard and mustache that wrap around his
big smile. He charges up to the bar and yells to Doc.
ROCCO
Hey! Fuck! Ass! Get me a beer!
This sends everyone even further into laughter. Doc throws
two huge fists full of ice at him. He backs away laughing.
The boys get up off the floor and have a huge group hug with
Rocco as they all scream each others names.
They all laugh and commence drinking.
INT. MCGINTY'S PUB NIGHT
The bar is trashed. It's mostly empty now except for the
brothers, Rocco, Doc and four friends. Everyone is very drunk,
including Doc.
ROCCO
(trying to connect
with Connor)
...It's not that I'm homophobic. I'm
just afraid of faggots.
Connor pauses then bursts out laughing. Doc calls everyone
to gather round.
DOC
I got some bad news. Looks like I'm
gonna have ta close d-down the bar.
The Russians have been buying up
buildings all over town, including
this one... Fuck!... Ass! And they're
not letting me renew my lease. I got
'til the end of the week to come up
with 26,000 dollars, or they take
the place. I left them a note telling
them not to show their faces t-
tonight. They been pressuring me ta
close and take the last few days ta
get all my shit outta here but it's
my right to stay open ta the last.
Long pause as everyone absorbs. They are upset.
ROCCO
Let me talk to my boss, may I can...
He is cut off by everyone who obviously opposes Mafia
involvement.
DOC
L-l-listen I don't want anyone ta
know until the last possible moment.
So you guys keep your traps shut. ya
know what they say; People in glass
houses sink ships.
Everyone has quizzical looks on their faces.
ROCCO
Y'know Doc, I gotta get you a, a,
like a proverb book or something.
This mix and match shit's gotta go.
DOC
What?
Everyone chuckles.
CONNOR
(imitating Doc)
A p-penny saved is worth two in the
bush.
MURPHY
(imitating Doc)
Don't c-cross the road if ya can't
get out of the kitchen.
Everyone laughs heartily. Just then, three large Russians in
suits enter. The obvious leader, CHECKOV, stands in front
with VLADDY behind one of Checkov's shoulders, with another
guy behind the other shoulder. They mean business. The
laughter fades.
CHECKOV
(thick Russian accent)
I am Ivan Checkov. You will be closing
now.
MURPHY
(after a long pause)
This is McCoy... we find Spock and
we got enough for an away team.
Everyone laughs. Ivan is angry.
CHECKOV
Oh, how extraordinary. A bunch of
Irishmen... and they are being drunken
idiots. You are killing the
stereotype. I'm in no mood for
discussion.
(points to Doc)
You! You stay. The rest of you go
now.
DOC
Why don't you make like a tree and
get the fuck outta here!
The locals roll their eyes at Doc's blunder.
CONNOR
Calm down, Doc. I'm sure they're
reasonable fellows.
He and Murphy each grab a Guinness and a shot of Hennessey
and they approach the Russians with the peace offering.
CONNOR
Listen fellas, Y'know he's got 'til
this week's end. Ya don't have ta be
hard asses, do ya?
MURPHY
Yeah, it's St. Patty's day. Everyone's
Irish tonight. Now, why don't ya
pull up a stool and have a drink
with us?
CHECKOV
You insult me. I would never drink
that sewage. Especially with you
people. You are fools.
Checkov slaps the beer to the floor.
CHECKOV
This is no game! If you won't go, we
will make you go!
The boys look at each other, remembering what Mom said.
They still hold the shots.
CONNOR
If ya want a fight, you can see you're
outnumbered. We're trying ta be civil
here, so I suggest you take our offer.
CHECKOV
I make the offers, ass-hole.
Rocco pushes off the bar. He's had enough.
ROCCO
(standing between the
two brothers)
Hey, there Boris. What would you say
if I told you that your pinko, commie
mother sucked so much dick...
Wham! Ivan punches him in the face. He is quickly down and
out. Connor and Murphy's faces turn to stone as they speak
the next few lines in flawless fluent Russian with English
subtitles.
CONNOR
"Now, that wasn't too polite, was
it?"
MURPHY
"I'm afraid we can't let that one
go, Ivan."
Checkov is completely taken aback. All the Irish are fairly
impressed as well.
CONNOR
I don't think Ma would mind.
They clink the glasses together, throw back the Hennessey,
ball up the thick glasses in their fists, drop to one knee
and both deliver a devastating blow to each of Checkov's
quads. Murphy on the left, Connor on the right. He's down
for the count, writhing on the floor.
The boy's each take a Russian guy and start fighting as the
others start kicking and spitting on Checkov. This is a bar
brawl, lots of punches don't connect. Connor dismantles his
man quickly. Murphy is still fighting as all the Irish try
to jump in and help Murphy but Connor goes into psycho mode,
pushing them all back.
CONNOR
Let the boy go. He knows what the
fuck he's doing!
They all back off and start to cheer him on. Murphy and Vladdy
are ripping each other apart. Vladdy backs him against a
wall and pulls back, exhausted, for one good punch. Murphy
reaches up behind his head with both hands and pulls two
bottles of wine from a wall rack. He swings them toward each
other with Vladdy's head as the mid-point. The bottles
haphazardly connect, one on each side of his head. He crumples
to the ground in an explosion of glass and wine.
There is shock and silence.
CONNOR
Nicely done, boy!
INT. MCGINTY'S PUB NIGHT A FEW MINUTES LATER
They have Ivan Checkov tied down to the bar on his stomach.
Connor stands with an unlit cigarette dangling from his lips
next to Ivan. He pours Hennessey all over Checkov's buttocks.
They all cheer. Ivan's face is battered as Rocco wakes and
approaches. He punches Checkov in the face in complete rage.
Two friends subdue him as all chuckle.
CONNOR
Now, like my fine brother says, on
St. Patty's everyone's Irish. And
this piece of shit is about to be
initiated.
As they cheer, Connor lights up his smoke and tosses the
match on Ivan's butt.
The Hennessey is instantly ablaze and Checkov is screaming
and wiggling in horror. Some just stand there stunned, but
most of the remaining onlookers leap to Ivan's aid. They
furiously pat him out and turn on Connor.
FRIEND #1
Are ya tryin' ta kill him, ya fuck?
INT. CONNOR AND MURPHY'S APT EARLY NEXT MORNING
Connor and Murphy, fairly beat up, sit up on their beds.
They wear tattered bathrobes and boxer shorts. They put their
feet down into their leather boots. The boys examine the
extent of one another's injuries and reflect on their
hangovers. They both laugh and grab their heads in pain.
Boom! The door breaks open and in hobbles Checkov and Vladdy,
guns drawn. Checkov is all beat up and the ass of his pants
is burnt out. A bulky bandage covers his buttocks. Vladdy
has a large bandage around his head. The boys stand in
surprise.
Ivan smashes Connor in the forehead with his gun, sending
blood gushing down his face as he falls to the floor. Murphy
helplessly yells his brother's name as he is brought to his
knees by Vladdy. Ivan positions Connor on his knees before
the toilet, which is open to the room. Checkov puts his foot
on Connor's head and proceeds, as he struggles, to hand cuff
him to the old toilet. So now Connor is bleeding and hugging
the commode with his hands cuffed behind the bowl base.
CHECKOV
(almost whispering)
I was going to kill you. But I'm
not... I'm going to kill your brother.
I'm going to take him down to the
dumpster and I'm going to shoot him
in the head. Then I'm going to throw
his dead body in the garbage.
(looks at this watch)
Trash guys are coming in 10 minutes,
gotta go.
Checkov walks towards the door and says "let's go" to Vladdy.
MURPHY
It was just a bar fight. You guys
are fuckin' pussies!
Vladdy pulls him to his feet and leads him away following
Checkov.
Connor, blood running from his face, listens to absolute
silence for just a moment. Suddenly his face reads the gravity
of the situation. In a split second he turns into an animal.
He's yelling, pulling, tugging and growling.
His body is a whirlwind of motion. The skin on his wrists
bleeds profusely.
EXT. ALLEY MORNING
Vladdy and Checkov lead Murphy out back into the alley.
Murphy is on his knees next to the dumpster. Checkov has his
gun to the boy's head. He acts like he's going to pull the
trigger, but he stops. Vladdy is standing twenty feet away
with his back to them keeping a look out, gun in hand.
INT. CONNOR AND MURPHY'S APT. MORNING
Connor becomes so venomous, that he pulls the entire toilet
right out of the floor.
INT. TO EXT. MACMANUS' TENEMENT LOADING DOORS MORNING
(slo-mo) Connor steps out onto the sill of the huge, open
loading doors. He is five stories up. His muscles ripple
with the weight of the toilet. His face is barbaric.
EXT. ALLEY MORNING
From his kneeling position, Murphy can see his brother perched
50 feet overhead. He does not let his face betray him.
CHECKOV
I hope your conscience is clear,
Irishman.
EXT. MACMANUS' TENEMENT LOADING DOORS MORNING
(slo-mo) Connor bends his knees and heaves the toilet upward
and swings one arm directly beneath it. He is no longer
tethered around the basin. He holds it at a cocked angle.
The heavy porcelain tank cover slips off the toilet.
He tosses the toilet in a left and outwardly trajectory,
then he jumps off the sill to the right. He is sailing through
the air about twenty feet behind, and to the right of the
toilet, cuffed hands above his head, robe up like a cape
behind him. Murphy screams
EXT. ALLEY MORNING
(slo-mo) Checkov begins to laugh heartily. The tank top lands
pristinely on a garbage bag just behind Murphy. Ivan's look
turns to one of terror. Bam! He is crushed by the toilet.
Boom! His gun goes off, punching a hole in the dumpster near
the bottom. Vladdy hears the bang and crouches as he turns
to see a wave of tiny porcelain bits.
Connor lands squarely on Vladdy's back. His gun discharges
firing a hole in the brick of the opposing wall. He is
savagely crushed against the ground. Connor bounces off and
hits the wall, landing in the garbage completely unconscious.
Murphy takes his hands from his head. There is dead silence.
He runs to his brother, pulls him from the trash and checks
his vital signs. He seems okay. Vladdy, still alive, slowly
crawls for his gun, inadvertently covering his own bullet
casing. Murphy goes over, picks up the tank cover and clubs
the man to death with two hard and fast blows, then throws
it up and behind him. It lands in the dumpster with a
resonating boom.
Murphy quickly takes everything from the scene; guns, money,
wallets, watches and a pager. He shoves it in a garbage bag
and throws Connor over his shoulder and runs out of the alley.
BACK TO PRESENT. INT. BOSTON POLICE STATION INTERROGATION
ROOM AFTERNOON
Smecker stares astounded at Connor and Murphy. The boys
examine Smecker for a reaction. He slowly builds to a chuckle.
The brothers join in.
SMECKER
(gathering himself)
So, how is it that you guys are fluent
in Russian?
CONNOR
We paid attention in school.
SMECKER
Know any other languages?
MURPHY
Aye. Our mother insisted on it.
French.
Murphy speaks flawless French with subtitles.
MURPHY
(subtitled)
How do you think he figured all this
out without talking to us?
CONNOR
Italian.
Connor speaks flawless Italian with subtitles.
CONNOR
(subtitled)
I have no idea. Maybe someone saw
and talked.
MURPHY
German.
(subtitled)
Not in our neighborhood, man. A
hundred percent Irish. No one talks
to cops. Period.
CONNOR
Spanish.
(subtitled)
Then I guess he's just real... real
good.
SMECKER
What are you guys doing working at a
fucking meat packing plant?
The brothers laugh. Chaffey enters.
CHAFFEY
Ah, Agent Smecker, we have a problem.
SMECKER
What?
CHAFFEY
The press is everywhere outside.
They're going nuts for these guys.
What do you want to do?
SMECKER
You're not being charged. It's up to
you. Do you want to talk to them?
CONNOR
Absolutely not.
MURPHY
No pictures, either.
SMECKER
Well, we could try the bag over the
head thing. Walk you right out the
front.
CONNOR
Our mother can see through bags.
MURPHY
Aye, she can.
(beat)
Any way we can stay here?
CHAFFEY
Sure, we have an empty holding cell,
They can... can they stay?
SMECKER
Well, we'll have to check with your
mother, but it's ok with me if your
friends sleep over.
They all chuckle. Chaffey is embarrassed. Smecker stands.
SMECKER
Time to feed the dogs.
Smecker leaves.
CONNOR
He's a nice guy.
Murphy speaks with the characteristic gay man's lingering
"S".
MURPHY
Yes... he is.
They laugh.
EXT. BOSTON POLICE STATION FRONT STEPS EARLY EVENING
The police chief is standing on the front steps of the police
station making a statement to the ravenous press: cameras
and pushy reporters. Agent Smecker stands slightly behind
him.
Rocco stands amidst the sea of reporters as the chief begins.
CHIEF
This is our official statement. The
MacManus brothers are not being
charged with a crime. It was a clean-
cut case of self defense. We have
thanked them for their cooperation
and we thank you, the media, for
your tireless pursuit of the truth.
The press is ablaze with questions. Smecker turns and walks
down the precinct steps, passing Rocco, who carries a bunch
of folded clothes, and heads for the police station. Smecker
glances in Rocco's direction, barely noticing the man who
has already passed him.
INT. MACMANUS' CELLS EARLY EVENING
Rocco approaches the wide open cell as Chaffey and Mitchell
play cards with the brothers. Happy to see each other the
boys and Rocco embrace. He hands them their clothes.
INT. MACMANUS' CELL NIGHT
The boys are in a tight cell with a bed on each side. They
are in their own clothes now. The brothers are fast asleep.
Suddenly, they lurch forward, throwing their chests out,
lips tight, still asleep.
INT. POLICE STATION BATHROOM NIGHT.
An officer turns on the faucet of a sink and begins to wash
his hands. We go down to the pipes beneath the porcelain
basin. An old leak seeps water through a crack in the floor.
INT. MACMANUS' CELL NIGHT
A water leak starts on the ceiling. It drips faster and
faster. The water begins to follow a water damaged crack
along the ceiling. It slowly spreads in two directions.
The brothers struggle for air in their sleep. Then slowly,
and at the same time, they each reach up one arm apiece and
simultaneously curl their hands as if grabbing something.
Their straining faces are brought from darkness to light as
they sit up quickly, face to the ceiling.
Their eyes open wide and they each draw their first breath
as drops of the creeping water land on their foreheads.
They look at each other across the room in shock as the drips
of water still fall between them.
CONNOR
Destroy all that which is evil...
MURPHY
...so that which is good may flourish
INT. MANMANUS' CELL NEXT MORNING
Murphy and Connor sleep. Murphy awakes to a beep, beep, beep.
He removes Checkov's pager from the pocket of his bathrobe.
INT. PRECINCT OFFICE MORNING
Connor and Murphy enter as Greenly, Dolly, Duffy, Chaffey
and Mitchell are having coffee and donuts. They greet each
other warmly. Connor grabs a pen and walks to the hallway.
CONNOR
Be right back...
DUFFY
We would be honored, sir, if you
would join us peasants, in a donut.
Duffy hands Murphy a jelly donut and a cup of coffee as Dolly
spreads a copy of the Boston Globe in front of Murphy. The
headlines read "The Saints of South Boston." All the
detectives chuckle as Murphy is momentarily absorbed. He
takes the paper.
MURPHY
Saints?
(beat)
I will not accept this pizzle until
my feet have been properly anointed.
They laugh.
INT. PRECINCT OFFICE MORNING
Connor cradles the receiver of a pay phone between his cheek
and shoulder. He pockets the pager. As the phone rings, he
readies his pen. The other end of the line picks up and a
thick Russian accent instantly begins speaking. Connor
responds by speaking a few words in Russian before he realizes
it's a recorded message. He begins writing. He hangs up the
phone and smiles as he lights up a cigarette.
INT. POPPA JOE YAKAVETTA'S OFFICE DAY. A.K.A. THE JOKE.
Rocco, still sporting a shiner, enters an office. There are
papers everywhere and it is a cluttered mess of telephones,
filing cabinets, lamps and chairs. Rocco clutches a brown
paper bag as if it is made of gold. POPPA JOE YAKAVETTA,
Rocco's boss, is on the phone. He is in his late forties.
He's always comfortably dressed; sleeves rolled up, collar
unbuttoned.
VINCENZO LIPAZZI swaggers across the office to Rocco. He is
in his late thirties. He goes out of his way to look like
Elvis; open shirt, gold chains and medallions. He is
overweight and has a bouffant hairdo, accompanied by Elvis
shades. Vincenzo flips a half dollar in his hand constantly.
Rocco and Vincenzo hate each other. Yakavetta talks on the
phone.
VINCENZO
(hushed)
Well, it's the funny man. Give it
here, package boy.
ROCCO
(a bit defiant)
Joey Bevo said it was important.
Said I had to give it to him myself.
VINCENZO
(snatching the package)
Gimme the fuckin' thing. Now sit the
fuck down!
Rocco obeys like an angry child. Vincenzo puts it in front
of Yakavetta. He sits on a filing cabinet and flips his coin.
Vincenzo giggles and whispers as he pokes fun at Rocco.
The two of them resemble kids behind the teacher's back.
VINCENZO
(hushed)
I'm Rocco. I'm the funny man. Heee
Hee. I'm so fuckin' funny. Hee Hee.
ROCCO
Fuck you Vincenzo.
VINCENZO
(hushed)
Tell me a joke funny man. Hee Hee.
ROCCO
I caught your show down at the velvet
room at the Holiday Inn, loved it
when you busted into Viva Las Vegas.
Vincenzo's face drops he gets up and starts walking toward
Rocco. Roc points at him from a seated position. He's scared.
ROCCO
Hey, hey, hey...
Suddenly Yakavetta jumps to a standing position. He yells.
YAKAVETTA
Fuck you! I could snap my fingers
and have you dead in four hours,
rotting in a truck off of Boyleston!
You insignificant little fuck! I
always get my fuckin' money!
He slams the phone down. Rocco and Vincenzo are shocked but
try to look composed.
YAKAVETTA
Fuckin' 90's are killin' me. I
shouldn't a done that. You're not
supposed to tell a guy you're gonna
kill him anymore. I gotta tip-toe
through the tulips with these
assholes. I prance. I'm a prancer.
It's what I do... sucked all the fun
right out of this job.
As he speaks he unwraps the wax paper in the bag. Rocco looks
over his shoulder. It's a sandwich. He's embarrassed.
Vincenzo smirks at him.
ROCCO
Poppa Joe, you want me to go now?
YAKAVETTA
Yeah. Thanks, Rocco. See ya.
Rocco starts for the door. Vincenzo begins whispering in
Yakavetta's ear.
YAKAVETTA
Hey, Rocco, wait. Come back here.
ROCCO
Yeah boss?
Vincenzo continues whispering for a few more seconds, long
enough for Rocco to see. Vincenzo's lips are tight. His teeth
grind.
YAKAVETTA
I always see you talking to the boys
and making them laugh. They always
come around telling me what a crack
up you are. What is it they call
you?
ROCCO
(totally intimidated)
The... The funny man.
YAKAVETTA
The funny man. Well, I got a new job
for you, just for now. Roc, I'm having
a real shitty day. I'm depressed.
Tell me a funny story or a joke.
ROCCO
(terrified)
Uh. Okay... um... you hear the one
about the, no fuck that one... uh...
oh! oh! Well... shit. Okay, there's
a white guy. He's walkin' along the
beach and he finds a, a pot, y'know
and ah, he rubs it and this genie
pops out. But this genie, he's a
ni... he's a black guy.
YAKAVETTA
He's a nigger.
ROCCO
Yeah. And uh, he's pissed off. He
says, "Why you crackers always gotta
find my mother fuckin' pot? And he
tells him he's gonna grant all his
three wishes but he's gonna give all
the black guys...
VINCENZO AND YAKAVETTA
Niggers!
ROCCO
Sorry! Sorry! All the niggers on the
planet get double what he wishes
for. "I'll take a million dollars,"
he says. Genie give it to him and
says every nigger on earth just got
two million. "I don't care gimme a
yacht." Poof there it is.
(intimidated, losing
steam)
E-every bl... every nigger just got
two yachts. Genie goes...
(gives up)
I'm sorry Poppa Joe. I can't. This
joke sucks.
Yakavetta takes a long pause.
YAKAVETTA
Continue the joke.
ROCCO
(deflated)
He says, "What's your third wish?"
And the guys says, "I-I want you to
beat me half to death."
There's a long tense pause. Suddenly, Yakavetta throws his
head back and roars with laughter. Vincenzo joins in. Rocco
lets out a semi-audible sign of relief and gradually starts
laughing himself.
YAKAVETTA
(still in guffaw)
Very good stuff, Rocco. Very good
stuff. Tell me another one.
Rocco returns to terror. Yakavetta erupts again pointing at
Rocco.
INT COMMON BOSTON HOME ANTEROOM TWILIGHT
Connor and Murphy give a huge Irishman guns, money and gold
watches. He hands them two big black duffle bags and motions
for them to help themselves as he counts the money. They
enter a well equipped arsenal. They are giddy as they go on
their first shopping spree. They toss in masks and gloves.
They toss in four identical black finished 9mm handguns with
silencers.
CONNOR
Know what we need, man?... some rope.
MURPHY
For what?
CONNOR
Charlie Bronson's always got rope.
MURPHY
What?
CONNOR
Yeah, these guys always got a lot of
rope strapped around em in the movies
and they always end up using it.
MURPHY
Oh, you've lost it, haven't ya?
CONNOR
I'm serious.
MURPHY
Me too. That's stupid. Name one thing
we're gonna need it for.
CONNOR
I don't know they just always need
it.
MURPHY
What is all this "they" shit? This
ain't a movie.
Connor pulls a large hunting knife from Murphy's bag.
CONNOR
Is that right, Rambo?
MURPHY
All right, get the stupid fuckin'
rope.
INT. SMECKER'S BEDROOM NIGHT
Paul Smecker lies in bed with his young lover, Reuben (mid-
twenties). He has an innocent, feminine look and a GQ air
about him. The two have just had sex and Reuben is far more
excited about it than Smecker.
Reuben pants and gestures that it was a wonderful experience.
Smecker watches TV.
Reuben reaches over and affectionately places a hand on
Smecker's chest. Paul tosses it off with indifference.
Reuben has a pouty look. The phone rings.
SMECKER
Uh,huh.
(pause)
Room number.
Reuben throws an arm over Smecker's abdomen and places his
head on Paul's bare chest as if to now force affection.
SMECKER
We got a time of death?
He is visibly miffed with Reuben's sudden display. He tries
to pull the arm away but Reuben holds tight.
SMECKER
(sighs)
What's the body count?
Smecker is annoyed. He slaps Reuben semi-gently once on his
exposed cheek. Reuben closes his eyes and holds even tighter.
SMECKER
Uh, huh.
He bites his lower lip in anger and smack Reuben again on
the same cheek, hard. Reuben jumps to a sitting position
holding his cheek. He is shocked and hurt.
SMECKER
I'll be down there in a bit. Keep
the press out.
He hangs up. Immediately to Reuben, semi-angry.
SMECKER
What are you doing?
REUBEN
(beat)
I was just trying to cuddle.
SMECKER
Cuddle?...
(yelling)
What a fag!
INT. PLAZA HOTEL HALLWAY NIGHT 12:30 A.M.
Smecker saunters down the hall, his usual confident smile.
He is impeccably dressed in a brightly colored suit. Greenly
stands directly outside an open door at the hall's end. A
steady flow of detectives and forensics filter in and out.
Smecker halts before Greenly and looks straight into his
eyes.
SMECKER
(intrigued)
He's struck again, hasn't he, Greenly?
GREENLY
Why do you always disrespect me like
that?
SMECKER
Respect is earned, Greenly, never
given. Guys like you should have to
follow me around squabbling for the
scraps from my table.
INT. PLAZA HOTEL SUITE LIVING ROOM NIGHT
Smecker and Greenly walk into a large sunken living room
with high ceilings. There is a huge white shaped pit couch
in the center with seven dead bodies draped across it. All
the bodies have been turned so they are either seated or on
their backs and bright new pennies have been place in their
eyes. There is one corpse directly in the middle of the living
room, making eight. This victim (THE FAT MAN) is overweight
and is lying in debris made up of sheet rock and broken wood
which spreads thinly for a five foot radius around him.
The victims' body positions are in a circle with the fat man
as the hub. Smecker is instantly engulfed. The regular
homicide detectives are on hand with their I.D.s hanging out
of their breast pockets. They see Smecker and back off.
Duffy wears an especially loud tie. Smecker lights up a smoke.
He circles around and sees another body behind the couch,
which makes nine. The victim is on his back, with pennies
stuck in his eyes.
SMECKER
How many bodies, Greenly?
GREENLY
(still Dejected)
Eight.
Smecker's eyes widen as he turns to Greenly.
GREENLY
(catching himself)
No! Shit! I didn't see that one.
Nine! Nine!
Smecker takes a beat. He addresses the detectives.
SMECKER
While Greenly's getting coffee,
anybody else want anything?
GREENLY
(as he walks to the
door)
Shit! Shit!
Smecker surveys the scene.
SMECKER
So Duffy, got any theories to go
with that... tie.
DUFFY
(looks down)
These guys were pros. I think they
were coming for one target, the fag
man, he was the...
SMECKER
The what man?
DUFFY
(surprised)
The fat man.
SMECKER
Well, Freud was right. So you think
they came for the fag man, huh? And
what do you base this upon?
DUFFY
He was the only one done right. Two
in the back of the head.
SMECKER
And the pennies?
DUFFY
New hitman wants to leave his mark
SMECKER
That's a possibility. Y'know you
Boston cops are perking up. That's
two sound theories in one day, neither
of which deal with abnormally sized
men.
(pause)
Another possibility is that they
were placed there with religious
intent.
DUFFY
Yeah. Some cultures still put pennies
in the eyes of the dead, or silver.
SMECKER
The Greeks. The Italians.
DUFFY
The Sicilians.
DOLLY
What's the symbology there?
Smecker tosses the Idiot glance to Dolly.
SMECKER
Symbology? Well, now that Duffy has
relinquished his King Bone Head crown
I see we have an heir to the throne.
I'm sure the word you were looking
for was symbolism. What's the
symbolism there? Let me explain it
to you. In Greek and Roman mythology
when you died you would have to pay
the toll to Charon, the boatman who
ferried you across to the gates of
judgment. This made sure the dead
came to atone for what they did during
their lives, Detective...
Smecker looks at his I.D.
SMECKER
Dollapoppaskalious.
The detectives are impressed.
DOLLY (DOLLAPOPPASKALIOUS)
Holy shit. You're the first one that's
ever got that.
SMECKER
(aside)
Yeah, well... I'm an expert in name-
ology.
The detectives chuckle.
INT. PLAZA HOTEL SUITE LIVING ROOM NIGHT
Smecker is chain smoking. His clothes appear unkempt. His
eyes show emotion at every new found clue. The detectives
watch closely. He is hunched over the body of the fat man
probing his wounds with his gloved fingers. Greenly has re-
entered. He defiantly holds a cup of coffee but is too
intimidated to interrupt Smecker. He sets it down and folds
his arms.
SMECKER
I've seen burns like these before.
They used silencers. Look at these
entry and exit wounds. They're
identical.
He stands up and gives a lesson to the now eager detectives.
He points his two index fingers to the back of his own skull.
SMECKER
The two bullets went in here, through
the top of the skull, criss-crossed
and exited through the eyeballs.
This one clue tells us three distinct
facts. Number one... Duffy.
DUFFY
They shot him at a downward angle.
(makes connection)
They put him on his knees.
SMECKER
Excellent! Number two. Greenly.
GREENLY
Uh.
(thinking hard)
Shit, I, uh...
SMECKER
It tells us that he was the last to
die. All these men
(fans across the
corpses with his
hand)
Were carrying. They came in, dropped
all in seconds and then took their
time with fag man. Didn't they,
Duffy?!
(psychotic laugh)
They sure as fuck did!
A wide-eyed Duffy joins with Smecker, by nodding his head.
Smecker is seducing all of them.
SMECKER
And number three, Dolly.
DOLLY
Uh... two shooters!
SMECKER
Fan-fuckin-tastic!
Greenly and Duffy want to know how.
SMECKER
Now stay with me, boys. What did
they do to make two such identical
wounds? Did one guy put him on his
knees, pop a cap in, sit him back up
and shoot him again the same way?
No. Two men of similar height dropped
this guy down, each put some iron to
his head and boom! That's all she
fuckin' wrote!
DUFFY
What about one guy with two guns?
SMECKER
Possible, but unlikely. The angles
are too extreme. A guy holding two
guns to the back of your head is
gonna shoot straight ahead. He
wouldn't cock out his elbows, makes
no sense. Besides, you telling me
one guy came in here and killed eight
men with eight extremely well aimed
shots in just a few seconds? No way.
Had to be at least two.
INT. PLAZA HOTEL SUITE LIVING ROOM NIGHT LATER
Smecker is now a complete mess. His hair is totally frazzled.
He is sucking on cigarettes long and hard. His clothes are
completely disheveled.
SMECKER
Television,... television is the
explanation for this.
Smecker points toward the ceiling revealing a huge gaping
hole in it just above the living room.
SMECKER
You see this is bad television.
(again pointing out
the hole in the
ceiling)
The little assault guys creeping in
through the vents and coming in
through the ceilings. That James
Bond shit never happens in real life.
Professionals don't do that. So we've
got this up here, which has novice
written all over it. And all this
down here that's simply a perfect
textbook assassination. So here's
our two possibilities. We either
have rank amateurs that got lucky or
consummate professionals that fucked
up.
The detectives nod in agreement. They are now completely
taken in by Smecker's spell.
SMECKER
Join me in a drink, gentlemen.
They go over and grab seats at the bar. Smecker mixes himself
a gin and tonic on the other side. He is calming down now
and going back into cool mode. He starts to tuck his clothes
back in and fix his hair. He leans over the bar and sips his
drink. The three detectives lean in.
SMECKER
With the exception of my coffee boy,
you Boston detectives are starting
to show signs of intelligence. So, I
am going to make you privy to some
information that you would not
normally be. These men are all Russian
mob. Not like those two peons in the
alley the other day. These guys are
all syndicate bosses and underbosses.
I have a dossier on every man in
this room. Since the Iron Curtain
has gone down, the Russian syndicates
have started to come here. And in
the spirit of Glasnost the Soviets
have opened their borders to the
mafia. But the Italians, they're not
convinced that the grounds in mother
Russia are fertile enough for
organized crime yet. So they ain't
ready to commit. The Russians are
coming here anyway. They are
unwelcome. What we have here,
gentlemen, is possibly the beginning
of the first international mob war...
unless I've totally missed something.
All their faces read the gravity of the situation.
SMECKER
Now, what is this going to look like
to those who do not know what I just
told you?
DUFFY
It's gonna look like the bad guys
are killing each other.
SMECKER
And is there an American, shit is
there a man seated among us that
hasn't thought about it many times,
let's just put them all on an island,
give them guns and let them kill
each other. This is our wet dream
come true. You can expect federal
and local law enforcement to go only
deep enough to satisfy the law, then
bury it from here on out.
DOLLY
So, what do we do now?
SMECKER
That depends. You either do your job
or get ethical.
INT. ROCCO'S APARTMENT NIGHT
Rocco comes out of the bathroom. He storms out to his small,
round, living room table at which the boys are seated. He is
wearing a white, polyester shirt with gold trim that is a
uniform of some kind for perhaps a chain of restaurants. It
is unbuttoned all the way down and his white t-shirt is
hanging out. He is wearing a name tag that reads "Jaffar".
He is upset. He slams down a chair across from the brothers
who are sitting there cleaning guns and silencers. All the
accouterments of death are sprawled before them. They are
smoking as they carefully disassemble their firearms.
ROCCO
This better be good.
(viciously ties his
hair back)
Talk!
The boys look at each other.
FLASHBACK EXT. SIDEWALK DOWNTOWN BOSTON NIGHT
The boys are walking across Copley Square. Connor looks at
the note he wrote at the police station. They stand on the
sidewalk and light smokes. They are in their regular garb;
thick naval P-coats, jeans and leather boots. They each carry
a mid-sized, black, duffle bag. They are serious and business-
like. They scan the Plaza Hotel from across the street. The
elite exit and enter the hotel. Connor glances at his pocket
watch. It's 8:45.
INT. PLAZA HOTEL ELEVATOR NIGHT
They enter. They look ahead, stone-faced, as the elevator
climbs.
MURPHY
Nervous?
CONNOR
A bit.
MURPHY
Me, too.
The elevator stops at the lobby level. Nine, well-dressed
men enter. Their faces are not shown. The boys move to the
back wall.
One guy says something quickly to another in Russian. The
other gives a one word Russian response. They boys look at
each other. As the elevator climbs, their eyes focus.
The door opens. As the men exit the elevator, each face is
seen individually, all are victims from Smecker's crime scene.
The elevator goes up half a floor. They hit the stop button
and rummage in their bags. They suit up; black gloves and
black masks. They strap on four 9mm. pistols with silencers,
in shoulder holsters, one under each arm. Connor takes a
large coil of black rope and drapes it around himself. He
looks at Murphy and at the rope in his bag. Murphy is too
excited to argue.
MURPHY
You and your fucking rope.
He puts it on. They drop to their knees, making the sign of
the cross. Then, up through the ceiling they go.
INT. PLAZA HOTEL ELEVATOR SHAFT NIGHT
They stand on top of the elevator before a long air shaft.
CONNOR
(smiling)
See. I told you there'd be a shaft.
MURPHY
(smiling)
Just like on TV.
They jump into the air shaft.
INT. PLAZA HOTEL AIR SHAFT NIGHT
They start crawling with Connor in front and Murphy behind.
INT. PLAZA HOTEL SUITE NIGHT
The plump boss is standing in the middle of the sunken living
room.
His eight Russian comrades are around him seated on the U-
shaped pit couch. They speak Russian, but no subtitles are
seen. The fat man yells. He's mad about something.
INT. PLAZA HOTEL AIR SHAFT NIGHT
Connor is taking lots of random turns, left and right. He is
starting to look a bit confused.
INT. PLAZA HOTEL SUITE NIGHT
The fat man is really yelling at them now. He is screaming
and pointing at each man.
They seem to be taking it seriously.
INT. PLAZA HOTEL AIR SHAFT NIGHT
Their brows are drenched with sweat. Murphy crawls up next
to Connor. There is only enough room for the two to lie on
their sides facing each other.
MURPHY
Where the fuck are you going?
CONNOR
We'll find it. Just calm down.
MURPHY
No, fuck you. This rope is bullshit.
I'm sweatin' my ass off draggin'
this stupid thing around. Must weigh
30 pounds.
Murphy takes off the rope.
CONNOR
We're doing some serious shit here.
Now, get a hold of yourself, asshole.
MURPHY
Asshole!? I'm not the rope-totin'
Charlie Bronson wanna-be that's
getting' us lost!
CONNOR
Sh, sh! Fuck you!
Connor grabs Murphy's shirt.
MURPHY
No, fuck you!
The boys get into a close quarters battle. An occasional
insult is thrown as feet kick and fists fly. They begin to
get tangled in their own rope. The seam of the duct breaks
and a tangled mess of rope and MacManuses pour out.
INT. PLAZA HOTEL SUITE NIGHT
They crash through the ceiling right above the fat man's
head. The rope gets caught and slams the boys to a halt,
hanging them upside down, back to back about six feet above
the floor. They are turning in circles. The boss is balled
up in the fetal position on the floor. The shocked Russians
say only a word or two in panic before the MacManus brothers
react, reaching for their guns. The Russians start to reach
for their guns. It's too late. The boys draw and fire as
they spin. Taking four shots apiece.
There are eight dead Russians. Chests explode as they fall
back on the couch in a loose circle. One victims is blasted
over the couch.
They notice the fat man directly beneath them. Murphy grabs
his Rambo knife, reaches up and cuts the rope. They land in
a heap, scramble over to the doomed man and place him on his
knees. They each put a gun to the back of his head and recite
this prayer in perfect unison.
BOTH
And shepherds we shall be. For thee,
my Lord, for thee. Power hath
descended forth from thy hand that
our feet may swiftly carry out thy
command. So we shall flow a river
forth to thee and teeming with souls
shall it ever be. E nomini patri, et
Fili e spiritu sancti.
With the silenced pop from their guns we cut the sound and
go to black and white. (Slo-mo) Choral music starts with
Latin script being read in the background. They take their
rosaries out. They slowly walk around, mumbling prayers as
they care for the dead. They gently turn over the bodies
that were on their stomachs. They brush the hair back from
the victims faces. They place pennies in the eyes of al the
corpses. When they finish their ritual, they pull off their
masks and look at each other. They start to grin and look
around. They work each other into a healthy chuckle.
CONNOR
(looks up)
That was some good fuckin' rope.
They both laugh.
MURPHY
That was way easier than I thought.
CONNOR
Aye.
MURPHY
On TV ya always get that asshole
that jumps behind the couch.
CONNOR
Yeah, and ya gotta shoot at him for
ten minutes.
MURPHY
Oh, we're good man.
CONNOR
Yes, we are.
They are already striding for a suitcase full of money.
Murphy picks up a wad of bills.
MURPHY
I love our new job.
Just then, there's a knock at the door. They snap into action.
They stand at each side of the double doors, looking through
the peepholes. They see Rocco on the other side dressed as a
hotel employee. He wears a polyester shirt with gold trim
and a name tag that reads Jaffar. He has a good cart in front
of him.
They look at each other and grin. Murphy nods. As they open
the door, Murphy grabs the food cart and pulls it in.
Connor seizes the mortified Rocco and pulls him in, slamming
the door shut behind him. They run, dragging him and then
throw him in the midst of the bodies. They put their guns
right in his face.
ROCCO
Oh, God! Don't kill me! We're on the
same side! The boss musta sent you
in as back up, huh? Oh, shit, please!
I'm Rocco. I'm the funny man.
(almost crying)
They call me the funny fuckin' man!
CONNOR
(attempting to hide
accent)
Where's your gun?
ROCCO
Chest pocket.
(they take it)
Shit!
CONNOR
This is a six-shooter.
MURPHY
(hiding accent)
Nine bodies.
CONNOR
Oh, you're good. What were you gonna
do? Laugh the last three to death,
funny man?
ROCCO
Poppa Joe said there was only two.
In and out.
(trying to make friends)
Boy, you guys sure did a good job.
You're good, huh? Cool masks. Where'd
you get them?
CONNOR
Let's do him right here.
MURPHY
Right now.
ROCCO
(screaming like a
baby)
Don't kill me. Oh shit, please no.
I'm Rocco. I'm the funny man!... the
funny man... the funny.
The boys put their faces close to his and demask. They start
laughing but Rocco just lays there, wide-eyed, in shock.
They boys saunter to the bar. Rocco takes a long beat.
ROCCO
What did you do?! Fuckin'... what
the fuckin' fuck! Who the fuck, fucked
this fuckin'? fuck. How did you two
fuckin', fucks?......... FUCK!!!
CONNOR
Certainly illustrates the diversity
of the word.
The brothers laugh.
ROCCO
What the fuck are you doing here?
What, huh!? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? ANSWERS!
I WANT FUCKIN' ANSWERS!
CONNOR
(slaps his face)
Get a hold of yourself, man.
Rocco is silent and surprised. Murphy, also surprised, looks
at Rocco. All is quiet.
MURPHY
Yeah, get a hold of yourself.
Murphy jokingly slaps Rocco a second time. Rocco instantly
jumps on Murphy, cursing and punching. The brothers burst
into laughter as they subdue Rocco. As he calms down, they
release him.
CONNOR
Listen, we gotta get outta here now.
We'll take separate exits and meet
at Rocco's.
Murphy puts the two suitcases in his duffle bag and the two
brush by Rocco who is still unsatisfied with his explanation.
ROCCO
Fuck!
BACK TO PRESENT INT. ROCCO'S APARTMENT NIGHT
Rocco has removed his hotel jacket.
ROCCO
Anybody you think is evil?
CONNOR
Yes.
ROCCO
Don't you think that's a little
psycho? A little weird?
CONNOR
Weird, huh?... Know what I think is
weird? Decent men with loving families
go home every day after work. They
turn on the news and see rapists,
murderers, and ch