T H E F I S H E R K I N G
a screenplay by
RICHARD LAGRAVENESE
COPYRIGHT (c) 1988 LAGRAVENESE
HILL/OBST PRODUCTIONS
REVISED - JANUARY 20, 1989
INT. DARKENED BEDROOM - DAWN
C.U. - A RADIO/ALARM CLOCK reads 5:59 a.m., the digital numbers
flip to 6:00 and the radio goes on:
A TALK SHOW HOST speaks in a soft, soothing voice:
JACK (V.O.)
It's six AM...Ooooooo and that
bed never felt sooooo
gooood...Mmmm, you linger in a
gentle dream state...ever so
comfortable... ever so safe...
SOUND EFFECTS - LOUD BATTLE NOISE...
...BUT SUDDENLY YOU REALIZE IT'S
MONDAY!
A WOMAN SCREAMS...the D.J., JACK, speaks in a rapid fire pace...
A HAND from O.C. tries to shut the alarm off in the dark.
...your hand races to shut off
the alarm before your mind wakes
up...
SCREAMS...THE HAND knocks over a water glass and grabs the clock
but can't find the OFF switch.
...But it's too late! If you
don't get out of bed now, you'll
never have enough time to blow
dry your hair THAT SPECIAL WAY...
You'll never make that nine
o'clock meeting that your PARTNER
WILL BE EARLY FOR... YOU'LL BE
LATE AND EVERYONE WILL NOTICE!
The HAND bangs the clock violently...
...Rumors will fly about you
losing your edge and before you
know it, you're selling yourself
on street corners to lonely
middle-aged men from the
Midwest... Headlines flash across
your mind - SLEEPER GUNS D.J.
THEN SELF - CLAIMED "I only wanted
two more minutes!"
SCREAMS...SILENCE...The D.J. (Jack) speaks in a normal voice.
...Hey, it's Monday morning, and
I'm Jack Lucas.
THE HAND rips the clock off the night table.
OPENING CREDITS BEGIN........
INT. KITCHEN - MORNING.
A MAN in a shower listening to the radio...
WOMAN (V.O.)
(upset)
...I don't have to talk to you.
JACK (V.O.)
Yes...Yes, you do because you see,
today, you're our -
PRE-RECORDED ECHOING V.O.
SPOTLIGHT CELEBRITY.
WOMAN (V.O.)
No, it's none of your business
- it's MY business - and I'm very
private about what is my business.
JACK (V.O.)
OH, PLEASE! You had sex with
the Prime Minister of Belize in
the parking lot of Sea World...
You're telling me you're a private
kind of person. No...You're our...
PRE-RECORDED ECHOING V.O.
SPOTLIGHT CELEBRITY....
WOMAN (V.O.)
Listen, I have been humiliated
enough already!
JACK (V.O.)
Perhaps not - We need those
details....
The Woman hangs up...
CREW (V.O.)
Oooooooo....
CUT TO:
INT. BATHROOM - MORNING.
A NAKED MAN shaves as he listens to the radio.
JACK (V.O.)
I'm peeved! I'm calling Belize!
(telephone sounds)
...I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE PRIME
MINISTER, PRONTO!
VOICE (V.O.)
Yes...Belize Central Office.
JACK (V.O.)
Yes...yes, hello...Hello, this
is Jack Lucas of the United States
and I want to speak to the Prime
Minister of Belize, PRONTO!...
VOICE ON PHONE (V.O.)
He's not in.
JACK (V.O.)
What you mean he's not in - you
mean nobody's running the country!
You mean I could just walk in
there right now and take you up
for a COUP before lunch.
VARIOUS CREW MEMBERS (V.O.)
SURE! LET'S DO IT! LET'S CALL
FRANCE!
CUT TO:
INT. KITCHEN - 7:45 AM.
A WOMAN in a bathrobe fixes herself coffee as the radio plays.
JACK (V.O.)
Hi, this is Jack Lucas and we're
discussing PERSONAL PET PEEVES...
Go ahead, caller...
CALLER (V.O.)
O.K. Well, It's my husband. He
drives me crazy. I'll be talking
and he'll never let me finish a
sentence...He's always finishing
my...
JACK (V.O.)
(overlapping)
Finishing your thoughts...that's
awful.
CALLER (V.O.)
Oh, that "drives me...."
JACK (V.O.)
Drives you crazy, huh? The
scoundrel!
INT. KITCHEN - 9:15 AM.
A MAN reads the newspaper and sips coffee, as the radio plays.
CALLER (V.O.)
Hello Jack. It's Edwin.
JACK AND CREW (V.O.)
IT'S EDWIN!!!!
New Years Eve sound effects.
JACK (V.O.)
Edwin. We haven't heard from you
in a while. I've missed you.
EDWIN (V.O.)
(laughing
good-naturedly)
O.K....O.K...
JACK AND CREW (V.O.)
Awwww.......!!!!!
SOUND EFFECTS - "A SUMMER PLACE"...THE NEEDLE IS SCRATCHED OFF.
EDWIN laughs, perhaps a bit over zealously - HE is a
SIMPLE-MINDED SOUL...a lonely child in the body of a lonely man.
JACK (V.O.)
So, Edwin, baby, this is Sunrise
Confession time...what have you got
for us?
EDWIN (V.O.)
I...I...went to this bar..this
very, ya know, IN place...called
The Side Bar.
JACK (V.O.)
I know the place. It's one of
those YUPPIE gathering holes.
I told you to stay away from them,
Edwin. Yuppies are diseased
individuals who went to private
schools and took scouting
serious.
EDWIN (V.O.)
(simple-minded laughter)
Okay...I know but...I met this
beautiful girl...
SOUND EFFECT - "WEDDING BELLS" THEN A NEEDLE SCRATCHING IT OFF.
JACK (V.O.)
Now, Edwin, I'm going to have to
remind you of the time we made
you propose to that check-out girl
at Thrifty's that you liked so
much. Remember her reaction?
BLACK SEVENTIES GROUP (V.O.)
"MISTER BIG STUFF...HUH...TELL
ME ...WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
MISTER BIG STUFF...YOU'RE NEVER
GOING TO GET MY LOVE..."
EDWIN (V.O.)
(defensive)
I wasn't really serious about her,
Jack. That was just a joke for
you guys...She was just a girl.
This is a woman. She wears pearls.
JACK & CREW (V.O.)
Aahhh.
EDWIN (V.O.)
I think she likes me...she gave
me her number, but she must work
a lot 'cause when I call she's
never home...But I think we'll
go out this weekend...I've -
JACK (V.O.)
Yeah, Edwin, SURE...and PINNOCHIO
is a true story...EDWIN! WAKE
UP! This is ANOTHER fairy tale.
EDWIN (V.O.)
No, Jack, no, it's not.
JACK (V.O.)
She gave you the brush off, kiddo.
How long ago did you meet?
EDWIN (V.O.)
Um...I think it's like two weeks
almost.
JACK (V.O.)
TWO WEEKS? And she's never home?
What, does she commute to Siagon
every day? Edwin, please...
EDWIN (V.O.)
(hurt)
JACK! She LIKES me. She said for
me to call.
MICHAEL MCDONALD (V.O.)
(sings)
"WHAT A FOOL BELIEVES...HE SEES.."
EDWIN (V.O.)
(over the song)
JACK!
JACK (V.O.)
I told you about those kind of
people, Edwin. They only mate
with their own kind. It's called
YUPPIE IN-BREEDING - that's why
so many of them are retarded and
wear the same clothes. You are
not their kind Edwin...They're
not human. They're evil, Edwin.
SLIGHT PAUSE, as EDWIN considers this.
EDWIN (V.O.)
(serious)
O.K., Jack.
END CREDITS
CUT TO:
INT. RADIO STATION - 9:30 AM.
CAMERA PANS from a wall clock as JACK LUCAS winds up his
broadcast:
JACK LUCAS (O.C.)
Well, I'm gone. I'm outta here.
It's been a thrill, as always.
(false sincerity)
"Have a perfect day"...and
remember, bosses are just cruel
third graders who have grown up
and only pretended to be mature
so they could get jobs and be
cruel for money.
WE PAN several studio technicians making ready for the end of
the broadcast to the talk show host JACK LUCAS - handsome,
aggressive, intelligent - an underground media star.
JACK
Everyone here on the Jack Lucas
Morning Show says bye.
CREW
BYE!
THANKS FOR THE MEMORY plays.
JACK
This is Jack Lucas...So long...
arriverderch...I'll be sure to
send you a thought as you struggle
through yet another eternal
nine-to-fiver...Yes, I will - as
I drive home in my limo...lay out
on my sun deck...have sex with
the teenager of my choice...And
that thought will be: Thank God
I'm me!
JACK
(annoyed, to the room)
I want you all to know I'm getting
sick again and it's because
someone keeps forgetting to raise
the thermostat before I come in
here...My ass is freezing for the
first hour.
A TECHY makes mocking faces behind his back. Another TECHY
suppresses a laugh.
CUT TO:
INT. JACK'S APARTMENT - AFTERNOON.
An expansive Tribeca loft. The modern, minimalist decor gives
it a sleek, cold feeling. A space full of angles and edges,
with no place to feel safe and sound.
CUT TO:
A BATHROOM MEDICINE CHEST -
The mirrored door closes revealing JACK'S reflection - his head
and body still wet from the shower. HE begins to towel himself
dry. HE take a good look at his handsome face in the mirror -
admiring every contour, every pore. HIS eyes light up with
satisfaction.
CUT TO:
KITCHEN AREA
JACK'S GIRLFRIEND, SONDRA - an artist with a beautifully
sculptured face and body - sleek, cold, like JACK'S apartment,
there is no place to feel safe and sound. SHE is eating a bowl
of cereal, studying the cereal box. Beside her is a SKETCHPAD
with an ink drawing of a stalk of wheat (similar to the cereal
box) growing out of the belly button of a naked male-figure
who's torso/pelvis is shaped like a map of America. JACK
enters, toweling his hair.
SONDRA
I know it's predictable but I've
decided to just go with it and
make his penis Florida.
JACK
Can I ask that when you clean your
hands you wipe the ink off the
inside of the sink before it
stains the porcelain.
SONDRA
You can ask.
JACK exits
CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM AREA - SAME TIME
JACK'S hand picks up a television script entitled; "ON THE
RADIO" HE slides onto the bed with the script in his lap and
opens to the first page...HE closes the script and breathes a
sigh - leaning back against the pillow, holding the script to
his chest and closing his eyes as if he were making a wish.
SONDRA (O.C.)
Raoul called before. About dinner.
JACK quickly opens his eyes. SONDRA crosses to the wall of
closets and begins to undress.
JACK
About dinner as a concept or about
dinner with...
(over-enunciating)
R A O U L?
SONDRA
(deadpan)
You're so witty. I'm so jealous.
(BEAT)
I NEED to get out of here, Jack,
and do something other than sit
in this apartment and count how
many funny lines you have per
page.
JACK
You know, tomorrow's a very big
day for me...And it would be nice
if you acted like you understood.
SONDRA
Fine. I'll say no.
JACK
It IS my first day of taping,
Sondra.
SONDRA (O.C.)
Fine.
JACK
(looking at script;
sincere, vulnerable)
First time in my life I'll be a
voice with a body. Do you know
what that means? What this could
lead to?
SONDRA
(unsnapping her bra in
the front)
Jack, it's a sitcom - you're not
splitting the atom.
JACK
I'll remember that the next time
you get excited over drawing pubic
hairs on raisin bran.
(lighting joint and
inhaling)
Want some?
SONDRA
No, I have to work.
JACK
How un-sixties of you.
SONDRA
I was nine in the sixties.
JACK
I used to think my biography would
be JACK LUCAS - THE FACE BEHIND
THE VOICE, but now it can be JACK
LUCAS, THE FACE AND THE VOICE...or
maybe just JACK - EXCLAMATION
POINT...
SONDRA slips off her panties. JACK eyes her butt as she crossed
into the bathroom. Feeling sexy, he rises and follows her.
SONDRA leans over and turns on the shower. The bathroom door
slams behind her. SHE turns quickly. JACK is standing there,
naked. Acting sexy, HE walks toward her as he flexes his chest
muscles - right, left, right, left...HE grabs her is his arms,
dips her over backwards and kisses her passionately. HE raises
her up.
SONDRA
(unaffected)
Jack, I have work to do, too.
I just want to take a shower...
HE dips her again, kisses her, this time leaving her "dipped."
...Can't we do this later?...
JACK scoops her up in his arms.
...JACK!...What are you--
HE makes his way out of the bathroom, which is difficult -
considering it's small and cluttered as SONDRA has long legs.
When HE turns, SONDRA'S feet knock over their cosmetic shelf...
HE turns the other way, purposely smothering her head in the
towels. SONDRA can't help but laugh...
JACK
(overly seductive)
I can't open the door, my darling.
SONDRA
Well, you better open the door
- 'cause I'm not getting it in
a bathroom.
JACK
Yes, my darling.
HE eases her down, keeping his arm around her, opens the door
and guides her out as he kisses her neck.
SONDRA
You're a maniac.
JACK (O.C.)
(comically seductive)
You make me wet.
SONDRA (O.C.)
If we do this now, can I have
dinner with Raoul?
CUT TO:
INT. JACK'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
A MONTAGE OF JACK'S EVENING ALONE.
1 - JACK turns on his CD player and moves about the empty living
room, singing along with FRANK SINATRA: "IN THE WEE SMALL HOURS
OF THE MORNING." (THE SONG plays in BG to #4)
2 - JACK on the phone, struggling with a Chinese take-out order.
JACK
No...I want one order beef with
baby peas...and two egg roll..ONE
ORDER BEEF. Is there anyone who
speaks English there...I'm sorry
but you're bumming me out - I want
one order BEEF WITH BABY PEAS...
and TWO egg roll...O.K...You
understand now? Jack Lucas...
Lucas...L - U -...L! L! L!...Like
in...Lichee nut! Lichee! Leper!
3 - JACK UNPLUGS HIS PHONE and picks up a copy of his script.
HE faces a full length mirror. HE throws the script down, takes
a dramatic breath, them plays to his reflection.
JACK
"...I want my...
False start. JACK clears his throat, pauses, then tries
again...
...I want my orange cup with the
teddy bear."
4 - CAMERA PANS a bathroom floor - a brown paper bag, plate of
half-eaten Chinese food, a bottle of beer, into a bathtub where
JACK languishes in a bubble bath, browsing through a brochure
of FERRARIS - "oooooing" and "Aaahhhing" orgasmically at each
picture. The STEREO now PLAYS - BOB MARLEY'S, "IS THIS LOVE."
JACK suddenly closes the magazine and recites...
JACK
"IwantMYorangecupWITHtheteddybear.
IwantmyORANGEcupwiththeteddybear.
IwantmyorangecupwiththeTEDDYbear."
(smiles)
You could burp these lines and
you'd be funny.
(sincere amazed
realization)
I have this. I have this.
(sinks into tub and
Whispers)
I really have this.
END OF MONTAGE
CUT TO:
INT. JACK'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
ALARM CLOCK - it reads 11:15.
JACK tosses the script onto his night table and begins to rub
his head. The television on, but the volume off. A half-eaten
dessert sits beside him. HE suddenly notices an 8x1O glossy
of himself broadcast on the TV. Confused, JACK picks up his
remote and raises the volume.
TELEVISION - A NEWS BROADCAST: a REPORTER in mid-report.
REPORTER
...suggested that Mr. Malnick
return to the scene of his initial
meeting...
CUT TO:
EXT. THE SIDE BAR - NIGHT
REPORTER (V.O.)
An after work hot spot, the Side
Bar...is popular with single young
professionals. Edwin Malnick
arrived at the peak hour of 7:15,
took a long look at the handsome
collection of the city's best and
brightest - then removed a shotgun
from his overcoat and opened fire.
JACK'S face turns white.
CUT TO:
INT. SIDE BAR - NIGHT
The bar's glass has been blasted. Tables are overturned.
Paramedics are running about.
REPORTER
Seven people were killed before
Mr. Malnick...
A PICTURE OF EDWIN MALNICK is shown as the REPORTER continues.
...turned the gun on himself and
shot a hole through his head...
EDWIN MALNICK looked sad and harmless. JACK quickly grabs the
PHONE and RE-PLUGS it. HE is about to make a call when he is
stopped by the REPORTER mentioning his name...
REPORTER (ON TV)
The last person Mr. Malnick spoke
to was Jack Lucas. Representatives
of Mr. Lucas expressed regret,
however, no formal comment has
been made. But a lonely man
reached out to a world he knows
only through his radio - looking
for friendship...finding only pain
...and tragedy. This is Mark
Shaffer...Channel Ten news.
JACK is frozen. His breathing grows heavy. HIS phone begins
to ring, but JACK is unable to move.
CUT TO:
EXT. VIDEO STOP - DAY
WE SUPER: A YEAR or so LATER.
CUT TO:
INT. VIDEO STOP - DAY.
CAMERA PANS the CUSTOMERS at the counter of the video store.
PUDGY WOMAN
(to counter person)
I can't watch foreign movies when
I eat - they make me nauseous.
CAMERA PANS TO a variety of CUSTOMERS looking through the
shelves.
CUT TO:
INT. VIDEO STOP OFFICE - SAME TIME
CLOSE UP - THE HEADLINE OF A SENSATIONALIST (NATIONAL ENQUIRER) T
WOMAN KILLS PLASTIC SURGEON, THEN SELF
TOLD FRIENDS; I CAN'T BLINK WITHOUT PAIN
The picture of a bug-eyed society woman is below the caption.
ANNE, the owner of the store, enters abruptly - closing the
office door behind her, a cigarette dangling for her mouth.
Her desk is organized litter - her walls are filled with porno
tapes. SHE searches for one as she talks.
ANNE
These people are insane today.
They took insane pills...
A bit about ANNE as she searches for a video.
ANNE is in her mid-to-late thirties....and she is all woman.
She has a raw, earthy, unmistakable sensuality. Her red
lipstick matches her red nail polish like a hat and glove set.
Inlaid on each nail is a rhinestone design of a little star.
Her angora sweaters are tight and clinging, giving her breasts
a decided lift and perkiness. Her tight slacks and backless
pumps that slap the ground, encourage her buns to have a life
of their own. A half-smoked cigarette hangs out of her mouth
with great expertise - a skill ANNE obviously picked up in a
high school bathroom. Her voice is thick with a delicious
Brooklyn twang. SHE is pure street-wise in attitude, philosophy
and emotions.
SHE turns and speaks to the man behind the tabloid.
ANNE
Hey! Mr. Happiness!
THE MAN LOWERS THE NEWSPAPER:
It is JACK LUCAS. No longer the aggressive radio star, but more
a man who looks like he hasn't slept in months. Rings under
the eyes, a sullen yet cynical expression across his face. An
intolerant and self-pitying misanthrope..The outrageous articles
fascinate him. HE stares back at her pitifully.
ANNE
Are we going to work a little
today or are ya gonna act like
your puppy's been run over by a
truck? Hmm?
JACK rises to stand before her. HE notices, with some
annoyance, that her bra straps are showing out from her sweater.
He fixes them.
JACK
Are you going for a specific look
with this?
SHE makes a face and exits. JACK raises his eyebrow and
follows.
CUT TO:
INT. VIDEO STOP - COUNTER
JACK'S POV - CAMERA moves "cautiously" out into the video store,
taking in the crowd as they move about the hundreds of boxes
of movies. Suddenly, the GIANT FACE OF A FRUMPY SECRETARY who
looks like she rents movies in lieu of no dates - POPS INTO
FRAME.
WOMAN
(to JACK)
Can you help me? I don't know
what I'm in the mood for. Uh...I
sort of want a Katherine Hepburny
kinda Cary Granty kinda thing -
something sorta nutty and
screwbally, ya know? Nothing
heavy...I couldn't take heavy.
Ya have something like that?
JACK
(very low key)
Uhh....
WOMAN
(acting helpless)
I don't know...Uh...
JACK seems frightened by the stupidity of this woman.
WOMAN
Maybe something more modern. Like
a Goldie Hawny - Chevy Chasey
kinda thing, huh?
JACK is growing angry. HE stares at the woman menacingly.
WOMAN
Or maybe a musical -
(leans into close-up)
Ya got SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER?
JACK just stares at her in silent rage from behind the counter.
JACK
Well...what will it be?
WOMAN
Well, like I said - maybe a
musical.
(laughs then flirts)
I'm not sure. What are you in
the mood for?
JACK stares at the woman manically then turns to look at the
shelves of returned movies behind the desk. HE selects one and
hands it to the woman.
WOMAN
Great...
(reading box aloud)
"ORDINARY PEEPHOLES"
THE WOMAN'S eyes go wide. JACK just stares at her deadpan.
JACK
It's kind of a - Big Titty -
Spread Cheeky kinda thing...I
cried all the way through it...
ANNE has been listening to this entire exchange. SHE hastily
crosses up beside JACK.
ANNE
(to WOMAN)
...I'm sorry. I need to borrow
him for a moment.
As ANNE tugs at his sleeve, JACK eyes the WOMAN like a maniac
being lead away from his prey. HE follows ANNE back into her
office. Once inside, SHE stands before JACK who leans against
her office door, closing it behind him.
ANNE
Not for nuthin - but there's this
thing we have in business...it
might help you a little. It's
called "customa relations."
JACK
(deadpan intensity)
I'm sorry. You know I hate people
who ask for screwball comedies.
ANNE moves in closer and caresses his face tenderly.
ANNE
Sweetie, honey...You hate people.
(sympathetic)
What is it? Is this one of those
days when you tell me you're in...
whadda call it...an emotional
abyss?
(HE doesn't answer)
Why don't you take the day off.
I'll cook tonight. O.K?
SHE kisses him, then exits. JACK is not comforted in the least
by this show of affection.
EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREET - TWILIGHT
As JACK takes a walk down a city street, he comes upon a
luxurious hotel. HE stops to watch the goings-on at the
entrance.
CUT TO:
A LIMOUSINE - parked and awaiting it's occupants. A handsome
MAN in his forties exits the hotel and walks toward the limo.
HE is holding the hand of his FlVE-YEAR-OLD SON, who is carrying
a two foot high plastic, smiling PINNOCHIO DOLL. Both father
and son are dressed in ties and jackets.
JACK watches in envy. HIS own clothes a shabby reflection of
the MAN'S. HE eyes the limo with longing. Another limo pulls
up beside it and a gang of YOUNG RICH KIDS laugh their way out
of the back seat.
JACK is so mesmerized, he doesn't notice the FIVE-YEAR-OLD BOY.
BOY (O.C.)
Mr. Bum.
JACK looks down. The BOY has walked directly to him. JACK sort
of smiles. The BOY extends his arms and offers the PINNOCHIO
doll to JACK. JACK is confused but the boy simply deposits the
doll into his arms and walks back to the limo. By that time,
the FATHER has returned and the two drive off.
CUT TO:
WIDE ANGLE
JACK holding the doll. HE is surrounded by STREET PEOPLE asleep
or drunk on the sidewalk near the hotel. HE angrily realizes
there's not much difference between him and them.
JACK
Anybody here named Jimminey?
A drunk groans. JACK snaps the doll under his arm and walks OC.
CUT TO:
INT. BAR - EARLY EVENING.
On the bar sit seven empty martini glasses. Beside them sits a
smiling PINNOCHIO - his nose in one of the martini glasses.
JACK stares out in a drunken haze. THE EX-HEAVYWEIGHT BARTENDER
approaches from behind the bar. JACK downs the glass and holds it
out to the BARTENDER. The BARTENDER begins to fix another.
BARTENDER
Mr. Lucas, why don't you make
this the last one, then go home. Huh?
JACK
I don't have a home Joe. I'm all
alone ...
(looks to PINNOCHIO & smiles)
Except for my little Italian friend here.
(kisses PINNIOCHIO'S little head)
BARTENDER
(hands him drink)
I never seen you like this. Did somebody
not know who you were again?
JACK
I never was, Joe...
You ever read any Nietzsche?...
THE BARTENDER clearly has not.
....Nieztsche says that there are two
kinds of people in this world.
... People who are destined for greatness...
and then us. He calls us the
Bungled and Botched. We get teased
with greatness but we never have it.
We're the expendable masses. We
get pushed in front of trains ...
take poision aspirins...
.. get gunned down in Dairy Queens...
Don't you ever want to know the reason Joe?
BARTENDER
My name is Phil.
JACK
Phil.
BARTENDER
No, I don't.
JACK
Do you ever get the feeling you're
being punished for your sins Joe?
BARTENDER (OC)
Phil...
(JACK nods)
No.
PHIL exits. JACK nods agreeably, then turns to PINNOCHIO.
JACK
You wanna hear my new title for my biography.
"IT WAS NO PICNIC" - THE JACK LUCAS STORY"
(no response from PINNOCHIO)
Just nod yes or no...
(tries it in pig-Italian)
"IL NOUVA ESTA PINICKO" -
THE VOLUME on the TV above the bar is raised, pulling JACK'S
attention.
NEWS REPORTER
...Another homeless man was found burned
to death in the Lower East Side. It
is the second such incident in two weeks...
That story when we return-
JACK winces at the thought, then raises his hand to PHIL.
A COMMERCIAL is broadcast on the TV.
ANNOUNCER (OC)
... New this fall...
CANNED LAUGH TRACK LAUGHS. JACK looks back up to the TV.
...From the creators of TWO IN A BUSH
comes ON THE RADIO - starring BEN STARR.
A SEGMENT FROM THE SITCOM IS SHOWN: An unshaven BEN STARR sits
at a breakfast nook with his wife.
WIFE
Honey. Have some breakfast then go
down to the station and demand your job back.
BEN STARR
I can't...
WIFE
Yes you can. Just go straight to
Bill's office and-
BEN STARR
No, I mean I can't eat breakfast.
(whiny)
I WANT MY ORANGE CUP WITH THE TEDDY BEAR.
UPROARIOUS LAUGH TRACKS. JACK's eyebrow rises past his skull.
ANNOUNCER
For the funniest D.J. on T.V. -
ON THE RADIO - this fall on channel ten ...
JACK stares menacingly at the TV then looks away. HE sees his
reflection in the mirror of the bar - the hard expression, the
pallor, the possibilities gone...It's the last straw.
CUT TO:
EXT. - EAST RIVER, NEW YORK CITY - NIGHT.
C.U. OF TWO FEET stand beneath the railing overlooking the East
river. Taped to one ankle is a brick. Taped to the other is a
brick around a SMILING PINNOCHIO DOLL. An empty bottle of liquor
drops to the ground and shatters.
CUT TO:
JACK - prepared to surrender his fate and make the final leap.
HE stares at the river, almost smiling. HE has made his decision.
HE tries to raise his foot over the railing.
VOICE (OC)
What's going on?
Surprised, JACK turns around.
TWO WHITE JUEVENILE DELINQUENTS - one wearing a leather jacket,
the other a high school football windbreaker - stand behind
JACK. Each are carrying a gallon of gasoline.
JACK is drunk but he is immediately aware of the danger when
he spots the gasoline cans.
LEATHER
I said what's going on?
(walks up to JACK)
What are you doing here?
JACK shakes his head and before he knows it, LEATHER shoves a
fist into his gut, sinking him to his knees. WINDBREAKER places
the gasoline cans on the bench and begins to unscrew them.
LEATHER
You shouldn't hang around this
neighborhood.
JACK
O.K...
LEATHER
People like my Dad pay alot of
money for this neighborhood.
They don't like looking out their
window for 2500 a month and seein
your ass asleep on the benches -
you understand?
JACK
Yes..Yes..I do...I won't come back.
LEATHER
Good.
(to WINDBREAKER)
You believe this drunk?
WINDBREAKER shakes his head.
.....Me neither.
JACK
(crying)
NO...NO PLEASE..
WINDBREAKER hands LEATHER the can, who raises it above JACK'S
head. AS THE GASOLINE SLOWLY LEAKS ONTO A PETRIFIED JACK SEES A
FIGURE MOVING OUT FROM THE DARKNESS OF THE TREES.
FIGURE
LEAVE HIM ALONE!
Startled, THE YOUTHS TURN.
THE SHADOWY FIGURE stands defiantly.
WINDBREAKER
Shit. Let's go. We blew it.
LEATHER
No.
THE FIGURE steps out of the darkened, grassy area and into
the light of a promenade street lamp.
LEATHER
(disgusted)
Jesus...They're all over the place.
The figure turns out to be A BUM. Grimy face, tattered layers
of clothing beneath a long over coat, a pork pie hat with a
twig sticking out of it like a plume in a helmet of yore.
Although clearly downtrodden, behind his beaten appearance, there
radiates a calm intelligence and strength. There is something
distinctly attractive and confident about him, as he stands there
smiling at these two juvenile would-be terrorists. We learn later
his name is PARRY; a combination of Don Quixote and Harpo Marx.
LEATHER calls to him threateningly, with the gasoline can.
LEATHER
You know, there's enough in here
for the two of you.
PARRY
I advise you to let us go.
LEATHER
You advise us!
PARRY
You're out numbered.
PARRY glances over LEATHER's shoulder. LEATHER TURNS to see:
A BUM pushing a shopping cart comes out of the darkness. HE
is mumbling to himself incoherently.
Another BUM, wearing mountains of clothing, appears from
the dark several yards behind WINDBREAKER - who is growing
unnerved by these newcomers.
PARRY looks to the trees and a third BUM - tall, black and
wearing a garbage bag - steps out of the dark, menacingly.
Taken by themselves, the BUMS would look harmless and pathetic.
But in the context of their uncharacteristic organization -
THEY appear frightening.
WINDBREAKER
(Releasing his grip on PARRY)
Shit. It's like fucking Night of the
Living Dead.
JACK is frozen, in total confusion and fear.
LEATHER tries to remain confident. HE laughs.
LEATHER
Am I supposed to be scared? Come on!
They're nuts. They can't do anything.
(yells at them)
GET OUTTA HERE!
But the BUMS stand motionless.
PARRY
They only listen to me.
LEATHER
Yeah right...They don't even understand
what the fuck THEY'RE saying -
they're going to understand you?
LEATHER and WINDBREAKER watch apprehensively as PARRY raises his
hand to signal. Each bum reaches into his "possessions", as if
to pull out a weapon. Instead, each bum pulls out a flashlight and
shines them on the two youths, blinding them from seeing PARRY.
WINDBREAKER
(shielding his eyes)
Shit.
LEATHER
You're gonna need more than your
zombie pals when I get through with you.
HE brandishes his knife towards the dark spot where he assumes
PARRY is standing.
PARRY
Son...There comes a time in
every man's life...and you will
learn this, if and when you become men...
From his overcoat, PARRY pulls out a long tube sock tied at the
end and filled with a softball at the bottom...
....That there are only two things in
this world ya need...
HE begins to swing the sock over his head - centrifugally
gaining force.
...Respect for all kinds of life,
because that's what's right - and
the love of one other person who
you can trust and pork on a regular basis.
PARRY releases the "weapon".
CUT TO:
LEATHER and WINDBREAKER - As the sock flies out of the darkness
and, with amazing accuracy - beans LEATHER on the forehead
between his eyes. HE drops his knife to rub his head.
LEATHER
(sinking out of camera)
Ow...Ow....OW!
WINDBREAKER grows worried as PARRY reaches in to the lining
of his coat, pulls out another "sock weapon" and starts swinging.
PARRY
However, the ability to bean
a shithead can be a fabulous advantage.
WINDBREAKER runs away. The BUM with the shopping cart YELLS at him
as he bolts by. PARRY crosses to a speechless JACK.
PARRY
(picking up LEATHER'S knife)
Are you all right?
LEATHER
(kneeling, rubbing his head)
OWW...MAN...
JACK
(disoriented)
Uh...should we call the police?
PARRY
Nah. This is our fight. I think it would
be nice if we tied him up though...If I had
time I'd give him a bad haircut..
HE kneels down, pulls out some rope from his coat and proceeds
to tie LEATHER to a bench as he converses matter-of-factly...
PARRY
(hands JACK the LEATHER'S knife)
Here, would you take care of this.
JACK, sickened by the sight of it, throws it in the river.
JACK
I need a drink.
Pulls his pockets out to find no money.
PARRY
I know a great place.
(puts his arm on his shoulder)
Drinks are on me!
O.C. THE BUMS cheer.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY OF ANNE'S APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT.
ANNE walks down the hall to a neighbor's apartment and knocks.
AN ETHNIC MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN in a bathrobe opens the door.
WOMAN
Yeah darling.
ANNE
(hesitant to ask)
I'm sorry to bother you but...
uh...
(decides to go for it)
I heard from somewhere your
husband drank?
WOMAN
(calmly, openly)
Oh, yeah. He was a big drunk.
ANNE
Well...the thing is, see -
(vulnerable and worried)
My fella's not home...things
haven't been going his way lately
...Ya know how it is...and I was
wondering -when he drank, your
husband, was there anyplace in
particular he went...a cheap bar
in the neighborhood...
WOMAN
Who knew. When he left this
apartment it was no longer my
problem. When he came back, it
was my problem.
ANNE sighs. THE WOMAN understands ANNE'S problem all too
clearly.
WOMAN
...Let me tell you something, my
darling. And I'm telling you
cause when you started talking,
I got a feeling right here...
(presses her sternum)
...before your heart breaks like
mine...get rid of this man.
ANNE smiles. SHE obviously can't.
ANNE
Thank you.
CUT TO:
EXT. GREAT JONES ALLEY - NIGHT.
JACK and PARRY sit on the sidewalk facing the three bums from
the previous scene - A BLACK, A MIDDLE-AGED IRISHMAN and AN
EX-HIPPIE. The trio sit against the alley wall, discussing the
issues of the day as they pass a bottle of THUNDERBIRD.
BLACK
Death penalty's just another
violation of my constitutional
right to satisfaction.
IRISHMAN
I hate that.
HIPPIE
So, you mean if somebody like,
killed your mother, you wouldn't
want him dead?
BLACK
Sure I would. But I should get
to kill him.
IRISHMAN
(explaining further)
He gets to kill him. That's
democracy, see.
A LULL takes over as they all consider this.
CUT TO:
C.U.: JACK sitting the furthest apart from the group - holding
the bottle, HE mumbles to himself.
JACK
This is it. I'm in hell. I've
been damned to an eternity of
idiotic conversation.
HE puts the bottle to his lips and:
FROM JACK'S POV, WE FADE OUT OF THE SCENE ON THE NEXT LINES - AS
EYES AND SLIPS INTO A DRUNKEN SLUMBER.
HIPPIE
You were great tonight, Parry.
(affirmations from the
other two)
Superbum, man! Fucking Marvel
Comics...
THE BUMS CHEER....FADE OUT.
FADE-UP ON:
INT. PARRY'S BASEMENT HIDEAWAY - MORNING.
JACK is asleep on a mattress beside a boiler. HE slowly awakens
- the first dull pangs of a mean hangover making itself known.
HE opens his eyes, confused - not knowing exactly what happened.
CUT TO:
THE GIANT FACE OF PARRY, sitting upright beside him.
PARRY
How are you feeling?
JACK nods, suspiciously. HE notice the basement surroundings -
JACK
Have I died?
PARRY
(friendly)
Hahahahaaa..Nononono...
JACK
(his head throbbing)
If you're going to murder me,
that's fine...just don't laugh.
HE tries to focus his eyes and looks around the room.
There is an extremely organized "living area" - a make-shift
kitchen w/hot plate, a nail in a wall w/clothes on hangers...
There is also a DUMPSTER SITTING BENEATH A GARBAGE CHUTE -
The dumpster has planets and stars painted on it's side.
JACK looks to the far wall and sees a hand-painted mural,
depicting a medieval-style setting; grassy landscape, knights
and maidens on horses and a CASTLE-LIKE BUILDING...all rather
amateurish but with a definite committment to the period.
In the foreground of this mural, stands a striking figure -
a five foot high KNIGHT CLOAKED IN A RED CAPE sitting atop a
fiery steed. The figure is imposing and villainous.
JACK looks to the other wall and finds PARRY'S ARSENOL -
homemade "weapons" that also look Medieval like lances made
from mop sticks, nets made of knotted rope, slingshots and
a shield made from a garbage can cover with a rose painted on it.
JACK doesn't know what to make of all this. HE is frightened.
PARRY
It's all right. Don't be embarassed.
Yes, I live in a boiler room.
My name's Parry. We met last night.
HE holds out his hand. JACK takes it cautiously.
JACK
Jack Lucas...
PARRY
(reciting it back)
"Jack Lucas".
PAUSE. PARRY suddenly JUMPS UP AS IF BEING CALLED. (NOTE: PARRY
has a tendency to move suddenly - flying and darting about the
room)
PARRY
(to the air)
WHAT!
JACK
HUH?
PARRY
WHAT?
JACK
WHAT?
PARRY
(to JACK)
Ssshhhhh.
PARRY looks as if he is listening to someone.
JACK doesn't understand. HE starts to creep away, toward the door.
PARRY
(understanding)
Oohhhhh.
(to JACK)
HEY JACK LUCAS!
HE flies next to JACK. JACK freezes.
....Can you keep a secret?
JACK
No...
PARRY
Do you know what THE LITTLE PEOPLE just told me?
JACK
(getting nervous)
The Little People?
PARRY gets closer to JACK.
PARRY
THEY said you're the one.
JACK
They're mistaken. I am definitely not
anyone...
HE continues to edge toward the door. PARRY stands abruptly
and yells once again at thin air.
PARRY
(to the LITTLE PEOPLE)
Well, I've gotta say something!
I mean you're tying my hands here!!
JACK crawls quickly but is stopped by PARRY, who plops down in
front of him.
PARRY
They say you're not ready to know.
JACK
I'm not.
PARRY
I know all this sounds strange but...
(sincerely)
I really do hear them.
JACK nods, trying to hold it together.
...Do you know who I am?
(JACK SHAKES HIS HEAD)
...Go on. Take a guess.
(shouts to the air)
LET HIM GUESS!! Tch.
Frightened, JACK decides to humor him.
JACK
Uh...well...some kind of...vigilante.
PARRY
(boyish)
Noooo...I mean that sort of happens
along the way but noooo I'm on a
what you call a "quest" See...
(leans in and whispers)
I'm the janitor of God.
JACK'S eyes widen.
PARRY JUMPS UP, hops in the DUMPSTER, standing 'neath the CHUTE.
PARRY
I was standing in here one evening...
JACK
(can't help but ask)
Why?
PARRY
I don't remember. Listen, you do
strange things when you live alone.
Are you married?
(JACK shakes his head)
Funny, you look married.
JACK is more frightened by this remark than anything else.
HE starts to inch his way casually toward the exit...
PARRY
Anyway, I was standing here and all
of a sudden - I hear these voices -
And the more I listen, the louder they get.
PARRY leans on the edge of the dumpster, staring at JACK.
....And then I saw them Jack.
Hundreds of them. Flying around this room.
The tiniest - cutest little - FAT
people you ever saw...Well - I
had to blink! But they were still there.
And they told me that I had
been chosen for this special quest...
You know what they want me do, Jack?
JACK freezes - afraid to hear.
CAMERA CUTS TO A C.U. of PARRY, who smiles...
THEY want me to find the Holy
Grail for them.
JACK's jaw drops slightly.
...My reaction exactly. I mean,
you start getting requests from
little floating fat people who
tell you you're special, and you
wind up a mini-series - Am I right?
But then, at that very moment, there
was this tremendous RUMBLING sound...
JACK shakes at PARRY'S description.
..And they sent this message, FLYING
(indicating the GARBAGE CHUTE)...
RIGHT out of here and into my hands...
HE hops out of the dumpster. JACK butts up against the boiler,
banging his head on the metal - causing his hangover to escalate.
PARRY squats down next to JACK - cornering him against the boiler.
HE hands him an ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST. ....The cover picture is a
A HANDSOME MIDDLE-AGED MAN standing in front of a NEW YORK
TOWNHOUSE - which looks very much like the CASTLE-LIKE BUILDING
on PARRY'S MURAL. The caption reads -
BILLIONAIRE LANGSTON CARMICHAEL
ADDS A NEW CASTLE TO HIS KINGDOM
PARRY quickly opens the magazine to the pictorial layout of the
lavish interiors of CARMICHAEL'S TOWNHOUSE. The final page shows
CARMICHAEL, a dashing bachelor in his fifties, standing in his
private LIBRARY beside a GLASS COMODE. PARRY excitedly points
to inside the COMODE, where a GOLDEN CHALICE sits in the BG.
PARRY
Right there.
JACK
(not getting it and not wanting to)
Yeah?
PARRY
He's got it...He's got the Grail.
JACK
Langston Carmichael? Really?
PARRY
(smiles and nods)
I know! You can't imagine how surprised
I was. I mean who would think you
could find anything divine on
the Upper East Side.
JACK
(LOSING HIS PATIENCE)
Wait a minute! You're telling me
the psychic dumpster told you
Langston Carmichael has The Holy Grail
sitting in a comode next to his humidore?
PARRY
Yeah. It's in his library on the-
JACK
Listen, and I really don't mean
to be flippant or to enrage you
or anything, but I think you'd
be spending you time a lot more
wisely looking for your brain.
(hidden anger; forceful)
I have to go now.
JACK turns to crawl, but PARRY moves in front of him again.
PARRY
Jack, please...I need your help.
JACK decides to try and gain his footing, so he begins to inch
his way up the boiler against his back.
PARRY
See...there's this one other
thing. The Red Knight...
JACK stops and reluctantly indicates the KNIGHT in the mural.
PARRY
Well, I just drew that from my
imagination. I haven't actually
met the guy...yet...
(little people)
THEY tell me he's out there
waiting for me, waiting till I
get close and then he'll show
himself. See, it's either him
or me. He's been playing with
me lately. Those kids last night
- they work for him. He's got
people like that all over the
city. Haven't you noticed all the
crime lately.
JACK
Crime? In New York? Really?
PARRY
It's because I'm getting close,
Jack. That's why I need help.
Somebody like you, somebody true.
I'm getting close but...
(frightened)
...I don't think I could face him
alone.
(smiles)
So what do you say?
JACK rises to his feet and the room spins. HE slides down
again.
JACK
(rubbing his head)
Listen. You're a very nice...very
nice psychotic man. I really
appreciate what you did for me
- you're a...it was a very brave
and noble thing...
PARRY
Oh, please...You're embarrassing
me.
JACK
But I can't help you...
PARRY is about to speak when JACK jumps in first.
JACK
....so, once again....Thank you...
(extends his hand, forgetting his name)
Uh....?
PARRY
Parry.
JACK
Parry...I'm Jack.
PARRY
(smiling broadly)
I know.
JACK
You're a good person. Really. Thanks again.
JACK quickly exits. PARRY smiles to himself.
PARRY
Anytime.
CUT TO:
INT. BROWNSTONE HALLWAY - MINUTES LATER.
JACK steps out of what must be the entrance to the basement.
HE walks down the hallway toward the front exit when suddenly
an apartment door swings open. FRANK, a burly superintendent,
steps into the hall.
FRANK
Where you coming from!?
JACK
Uh...basement I think...
FRANK
(yells so PARRY can hear)
I TELL HIM NO VISITORS!
JACK'S head sets off another explosion.
JACK
Sorry..I..he brought me here last
night. I had no idea...
WIFE (OC)
FFFFFRRRRAAANNNNNKKK! WHO IS AT THE DOOR?!
FRANK
I'M TALKIN TO SOMEBODY! YA GOTTA
YELL LIKE A BANSHEE!
WIFE (OC)
It's just my manner!
FRANK
(hard of hearing)
WHAT!?
WIFE (OC)
I SAID IT'S JUST MY MANNER!
JACK'S head is now nearly split down the middle.
FRANK
You a friend of Parry's?
JACK
No...Is he supposed to live there?
FRANK
Yeah well...I let him stay. I didn't
know what else to do - ya know, after
what happened?
JACK
What happened?
FRANK
(dying to tell)
Oh, such a tragedy. His wife was
at some bar with some friends, ya
know, after work - and some nut
came in with a shot-gun and blew
the place apart. You must have heard
about...the guy who listened to the radio.
JACK goes numb. HE can't believe what he's hearing.
...Anyway, his real name is Henry Sawyer
Used to be a teacher at Columbia.
Such a tragedy. People stink, I
swear to Christ.
HE spits. JACK almost loses his stomach.
FRANK
(talks a mile a minute)
...He went nuts. I mean, who wouldn't.
She was a beautiful girl. They kept
him at this place for the mentally
upset in Staten Island. He didn't
speak-not a word. Then, all of a
sudden, he starts talkin - only
now, he's this Parry guy. He used to live here
with his wife, so when he got released
they sent him here. I felt bad.
He couldn't work. So I let him stay
downstairs. He helps out, I give
him a couple of dollars. People
throw things away, he keeps them.
(suddenly, toward basement)
BUT HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE VISITORS!
JACK
(leans against wall)
My God.
FRANK
You all right?..
(JACK nods)
Listen, don't mention any of this
to him though. He doesn't remember
about being married and all, and
if you talk about it, he gets
kinda confused.
JACK
Sure...
(sits on step)
Can I just sit here a minute?
FRANK
Sure. You look kinda lime colored.
WIFE (OC)
FRRRAAANNK!
FRANK turns and yells back at his wife as he enters the apartment-
FRANK
YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME COMMIT MURDER,
I SWEAR TO CHRIST!
HE slams the door. JACK sits alone, trying to put all this
information in perspective.
CUT TO:
INT. ANNE'S OFFICE - DAY.
ANNE sits at a desk surrounded by shelves of porno tapes. Upon
the desk, piles of various films, orders, reciepts, etc...
JACK sits before her.
ANNE
Listen. I understand open relationships.
Please. I was a teenager in the sixties,
after all. But when you care about
somebody, you need more than an open relationship.
Ya need a phone call...Ya need to pick
up the phone and tell me you're not
dead...that you haven't been attacked
or raped or who knows...I sat upstairs
all night worried sick. Look at you!
JACK
I'm sorry.
ANNE
I can't tell you how distraught I was.
What happened? Where were you?
JACK
I was attacked.
ANNE is about to respond when the buzzer on her phone rings.
ANNE
WHAT?
EMPLOYEE (OC)
Guy here wants to check out the pornos.
ANNE
SO, send him back!
A moment later, a meek fifty-ish BUSINESS MAN enters, smiling
sheepishly. ANNE indicates the walls. HE nods and proceeds to
make a selection, trying not to feel awkward or in the
spotlight. ANNE turns back to JACK. SHE sniffs the air.
ANNE
I smell gas! What do you mean you
were attacked last night?
JACK
These..kids tried to...set me on fire.
ANNE
OH MY GOD!...What did they do? Are you O.K.?
SHE crosses to JACK and puts her arms around him. The BUSINESSMAN,
having overheard, pauses to watch. Embarrassed, JACK indicates to
ANNE that he feels awkward being hugged in front of this man. ANNE
confronts the BUSINESSMAN abruptly, with as little tact as possible.
ANNE
Are you almost done, or what?
MAN
(flustered)
Well...
ANNE
I mean, whatta looking for - a story!?
(makes a selection)
Here...CREAMER VERSUS CREAMER..It won
an award.
JACK hides his face so as not to laugh.
BUSINESSMAN
(mortified)
Thank you..that'll be fine...
THE BUSINESSMAN exits. ANNE sits on her desk in front of JACK.
ANNE
Uch...These people....
So, you were attacked. My God.
But you're all right...
(now to more important matters)
So where did you sleep last night?
JACK
I...I stayed at a friends. Listen, I-
ANNE
(puts up her hand)
Please...before you go on...
let me tawk...o.k...We've had a
wonderful time together...
even though there's a
year age difference, the wrong way..
When we first met, you said
this wasn't serious and I shouldn't
get serious and then you moved in
and we haven't been serious. And
I just wanna say that I
have no regrets. None. And don't
wanna have any now so I want
ya to be up front with me..
I want the truth. If your seein
somebody else, let me know...
You don't have to pour gasoline
on yourself and light a match
just to stop seeing me.
I'll say God bless and we'll
part ways...just tell me the truth.
JACK looks to her - somewhat admiring the bravery and integrity
underneath the Brooklynese.
JACK
I'm not seeing anyone else.
I really was attacked.
ANNE
O.K.
HE nods. SHE struts to her desk without a second thought. That's
all she wanted to know so she immediately changes the conversation.
ANNE
...I love you....
(JACK smiles weakly)
...You don't have to say it back...
although it wouldn't kill you.
I'll cook tonight.
CUT TO:
INT. ANNE'S APARTMENT ABOVE THE STORE - NIGHT.
If ever an apartment reflected it's inhabitant, surely this
is one. ANNE seems to have successfully transplanted 1960's
middle-class Italian to 1980's Manhattan - red and gold adorn
the sofa and curtains.
ANNE and JACK sit around a formica kitchen table in silence
after eating dinner. ANNE smokes a cigarette.
ANNE
You sure you don't want to call
the police?
JACK
No...I don't think I could explain.
You know what the Holy Grail is?
ANNE takes a long drag then puts it out in her leftover food.
JACK is repelled by the habit.
ANNE
The Holy Grail? Yeah...I know that.
It was like - Jesus' juice glass.
(JACK just stares at her)
Oh, I used to be such a Catholic.
JACK
You still believe in God?
ANNE
Oh sure..Gotta believe in God.
(trying to be intellectual)
But I don't think God made man
in his own image. No. Cause most of
... the bullshit that happens,
is because of men. No, I think
man was made out of the
devil's image and women were created
out of God - because women
can have babies which is sorta
like creating, and which also
explains why women are attracted
to men, because, lets face it,
the devil is a helluva lot more
interesting - I slept with a few
saints and let me tell you...
BOOOORRING!!! ...And so the whole
point of life, I think, is for men and
women to get married so the
devil and God can live together
and, ya know - work it out.....
ANNE moves to him and leans in for a kiss.
.....Not that we have to get married.
JACK notices a brown spot on her chin and pulls away.
JACK
... You have a little...uh...
something on your face...
ANNE
Oh, I got a pimple..This stuff is supposed
to blend with my skin color...
Like it really works, ya know...
JACK moves to the bar to fix a drink. ANNE follows him and
takes the drink out of his hand. JACK knows what this means.
JACK
I don't think I'm up to it tonight..
(ANNE massages his shoulders)
I slept in a boiler room...I...
ANNE nods but keeps massaging. As long as he wasn't with a woman,
he could have knocked over a jewelery store and she would have the
same reaction. HER massaging gets more intense - moving up his
head and contorting his face as he speaks.
JACK
I think I'm getting sick...
(trying to be forceful)
I'm...just not in the mood!..O.K!
ANNE grabs his face with both hands and pulls him into a kiss.
SHE proceeds to climb onto his body as she utilizes a skill
she picked up in high school make-out parties. SHE is a pro. JACK,
against all his better judgement and will - despite the pimple
cream - is rendered helpless by this woman's passion...He returns
the embrace and guides her to the floor.
CUT TO:
INT. ANNE'S LIVING ROOM - MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
JACK sits in his underwear on the living room floor in front of an
open closet with a cardboard box between his legs. The box is
filled with TAPES OF JACK'S PAST RADIO SHOWS. HE begins to sort
through them...reading titles, remembering moments...then stops.
The memories hurt. HE dumps the box back into the closet and
moves to the bar as ANNE exits the bedroom. SHE stands in the
doorway.
ANNE
Whatsa matter hon - can't sleep?
HE doesn't answer as he pours a drink. ANNE sees the radio tapes.
...Honey?
JACK
I tell you something, Anne.
I really feel like I'm cursed.
ANNE
Oh stop. Things will change. My Aunt Mary
always said, there's a remedy
for everything in this world
except death and having no class.
JACK
That's just what it feels
like. A curse. I can't seem to...
I get this feeling like I'm
this magnet but I attract shit.
(PAUSE)
Out of all the people in this city,
why did I meet a man who's wife I killed?
ANNE
You didn't kill anybody. Stop.
JACK
I wish there was some way I could..
just...pay the fine and go home.
(eyes fill with tears)
ANNE crosses to JACK and gently touches him. JACK turns and
clutches her to him tightly. Lowering his head to hers, he cries...
ANNE
I know. I know honey.
CUT TO:
INT. PARRY'S BASEMENT - THE NEXT DAY.
JACK is alone in the basement.
JACK
Anybody here?..Uh...Parry?
HE slowly walks around the room - picking up little items
here and there, as if trying to discover some clue to PARRY.
HE crosses to the dumpster. HE looks at the CHUTE. HE figures,
"what the hell"...
JACK
(to the chute)
Hey there!
VOICE (OC)
YEAH - Can I help you?
JACK, startled, turns around - to find FRANK standing at boiler.
JACK
Oh, it's you...I'm...just looking
for Parry...
FRANK
He's not here.
(beat)
Ya mind my asking what your doing
with this guy - I mean, you seem
like a regular person.
JACK
I'm sort of...an old acquaintance of
his wife's.
FRANK throws garbage in the dumpster as he speaks:
FRANK
Oh. Beautiful woman...
JACK
Yeah...I guess, there's nothing of
hers' here, huh?
FRANK
No. I got that stuff upstairs.
The hospital said it'd be better.
JACK looks to the mural, then back at FRANK.
JACK
Can I see it?
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S APARTMENT.
C.U. DUFFEL BAG OF PARRY'S THINGS before JACK.
JACK looks through the items: various textbooks entitled "MYTH
AND LEGEND", "HERO WITH A THOUSAND FACES"...a masters degree
in Mythology...Another in Romance Literature...A torn picture
with PARRY standing near a bar-be-que with an apron that reads-
FIRST ANNUAL DOG BAR-BE-QUE...a man's wedding ring...a
beautiful photographic portrait of PARRY'S WIFE.
FRANK
She was a beautiful girl...He
was crazy about her.
JACK looks at the photograph.
CUT TO:
EXT. GREAT JONES ALLEY - DAY.
The BLACK, the IRISHMAN and the HIPPY are in their usual
place. THEY lean against the wall, observing the afternoon
life that walks by. JACK enters the scene and asks them where
PARRY is. The HIPPY begins to speak and points to his right.
JACK nods in appreciation and hands them a couple of dollars.
CUT TO:
EXT. CORNER OUTSIDE OFFICE BUILDING - LATER THAT DAY.
JACK sees PARRY from across the street; waiting near a hot dog
vendor and eyeing the entrance to a midtown office building.
JACK approaches.
JACK
Parry?
PARRY turns and smiles, acting as if he knew JACK would come.
JACK
(reaching into his pocket)
Hi. Listen, I thought maybe you could use-...
PARRY
Sshhh.
HE pulls JACK to his side. THEY sit on the hood of a parked
car and watch the entrance to the office building.
CUT TO:
EXT. ENTRANCE OFFICE BUILDING.
Several business men and women, secretaries, etc...make their
way out for lunch. Among them is PARRY'S damsel in distress:
LYDIA - a dowdy, waif-like sparrow of a thing, who waits for
several more aggressive co-workers to pass through the
revolving doors before she gets up enough nerve to go herself.
PARRY
Isn't she a vision?
"A VISION" is not exactly the phrase that would come to mind in
describing LYDIA - torturously self-conscious, painfully shy,
clumsy, formless, plain - these are much more in keeping with
LYDIA'S persona. SHE wears loose frocks that give her no
figure and make her appear to be swimming in material..SHE
wears no make-up; her stringy unstyled hair is kept in place by
a beret that keeps sliding off her head and her contact lens are
always dry, causing her to constantly blink and use eye drops.
PARRY
Let's go.
JACK
NO...wait, really. I just wanted to give you...
JACK pulls out some money, but PARRY is off camera.
CUT TO:
EXT. CHINESE RESTAURANT - DAY.
Behind the glassed-in exterior, we can see LYDIA sitting by
herself eating lunch. CAMERA PANS OUT TO STREET where PARRY and
JACK are sitting on the hood of another car, watching.
PARRY
She's loves dumplings. It's
her Wednesday ritual.
LYDIA raises a dumpling to her lips with a pair of chopsticks.
SHE then accidentally drops it into a dish of soy sauce and
splatters her dress. Unnerved, she hastily wipes herself down
knocking over a water glass when she removes the napkin.
PARRY
Isn't she sweet? She does that everytime.
JACK squints at LYDIA as if trying to see what PARRY sees.
CUT TO:
INT. BOOK STORE - DAY.
JACK and PARRY have followed LYDIA into a book store. SHE stands
browsing through romance novels. THEY watch from a safe distance.
PARRY
She buys a new book every two days.
LYDIA reads the cover of a book entitled, LOVES' LUSTY LONGINGS.
PARRY
(smiles, says with great affection)
She's into trash. Whadda you gonna do?
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET - DAY.
PARRY and JACK are following LYDIA, when she stops at a news stand.
PARRY
She's got a real sweet tooth. If
anybody ever told me I'd be in
love with a woman who eats
Jawbreakers, I'd said they
were nuts.
(reverentially)
But look at that jaw!
JACK doesn't want to look. If the Little People made PARRY seem
crazy, this infatuation confirms him as beyond hope.
LYDIA buys some candy then turns and walks back toward her
office building, once again waiting her turn to dive into
the revolving doors. SHE disappears into the building.
JACK
Do you follow her every day?
PARRY
Huh-huh. I'm deeply smitten.
JACK
What's her name?
PARRY
I don't know.
Things are sounding weird again, so JACK seizes the moment to
accomplish his initial task - he pulls out a fifty dollar bill
and hands it to PARRY.
PARRY
What's this for?
JACK
Uh...I just would like to help
you. I thought...maybe...you
could use some money.
PARRY
Tch...isn't that nice of you.
Awww...
HE hugs him on the street which embarasses JACK to no end.
...What a nice thing to do...
JACK
(pulling away)
That's O.K.
PARRY
Can I take you to lunch?
JACK
No..I have to get back to work.
Take care of yourself.
JACK walks away. CAMERA stays on JACK for a few yards until he
turns around and sees:
PARRY handing the fifty to a bum in a doorway.
JACK
HEY!!...HEY!
JACK walks back to PARRY, who is explaining to the bum:
BUM
(LOUD gibberish)
FUCKKAMAL...BASTAA..NOCOIDETION...
PARRY
(as if he understands)
Well, I think you should be realistic.
Ya can't start an ad agency on fifty dollars!
JACK
What are you doing? I gave that
to you.
PARRY
Well what am I gonna do with it?
JACK
I don't know. But I gave it to
you...to help YOU...not him.
PARRY thinks a moment - staring at JACK, then smiling.
PARRY
You really want to help me?
A wary JACK, who's afraid to reply.
CUT TO:
EXT. LANGSTON CARMICHAEL'S TOWNHOUSE - DAY.
On the Upper East Side, PARRY and JACK stand across the
tree-lined street from the five million dollar townhouse.
PARRY
I read there's an alarm system
on the doors and windows but there
IS a skylight on the roof - so
I think that would be the best
way. What do you think?
JACK
You can't just break into this man's
house. This man has done nothing.
PARRY
Jack, I have to get...
JACK
All right! Listen - please...don't
start drooling or...rolling your eyes
when I tell you this but - You shouldn't
do this..There is no Holy Grail.
PARRY
Tch. You are so sweet.
You're afraid I'm in danger.
You're trying to protect me.
JACK
No. I think you're a moron and
I don't want to get into trouble.
Ignoring this, PARRY gets filled with emotion and hugs JACK.
PARRY
...You are such a great guy. First
the fifty, now this.
JACK
(pulling away)
Please don't hug me in public again, O.K.?
PARRY
(shouts)
I LOVE THIS MAN...YA HEAR ME...
JACK
My God...
PARRY
I'M DAFFY ABOUT THIS GUY AND
I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!!!
An COUPLE pass by, obviously not wanting to know it.
JACK
Will you shut-up!!!
PARRY
You're a true friend.
JACK
I'm not. Believe me. I'm scum.
PARRY
You're a real honest to goodness
good guy.
JACK
I'm self-centered, I'm weak - I don't
have the will power of a fly on shit...
PARRY
That's why the Little People sent you.
JACK
I don't believe in Little People.
I used to try to kill
Tinkerbell by not clapping.
PARRY
So, you're going to help me get
the Red Knight, aren't you?
JACK
WILL YOU PLEASE...please listen to me
(HE GRABS PARRY by the shoulders)
You know none of this is true -
the Grail, the Little People, all
of it. There's a part of you that
knows this isn't true.
PARRY
(smiling, but getting upset)
Jack...
JACK
I know who you are...or who you were.
You don't belong on the streets. You're
an intelligent man...you're a teacher...
PARRY breaks away from him. HE looks completely disoriented
and confused. HE keeps looking around, not meeting JACK'S eyes.
PARRY
You're acting really weird Jack.
JACK
Parry..or what ever your name is...
Let me help you. (beat).
THERE - IS - NO - RED-KNIGHT!
PARRY looks over JACK'S shoulder, and smiles - almost relieved:
PARRY
Oh yeah? Then who do you call that?
JACK turns to look in the direction of PARRY'S glance. HE
sees nothing.
JACK
Call who!?
CUT TO:
CLOSE-UP PARRY.
CUT TO:
PARRY'S P.O.V;
A MAGNIFCENT BURNISHED RED STEED STANDS IN THE INTERSECTION OF
5TH AVENUE AND 74TH STREET. ON TOP OF HIM, SITS THE RED KNIGHT -
A HELMETED FIGURE IN A FLOWING RED CAPE, HOLDING A LANCE. HE
STARES BACK AT PARRY.
CUT BACK TO:
PARRY, taking a step forward.
PARRY
God he's beautiful...He knows
I'm close to it. He's afraid. I can tell.
JACK (OC)
You're totally gone, aren't you?
CUT TO:
THE RED KNIGHT
HE pulls the reins back, forcing the horse up onto it's hind legs.
Then, he gallops off.
CUT TO:
PARRY and JACK.
PARRY
COME ON!!!
PARRY runs O.C. in the direction of the knight. JACK is not about
to follow, until he sees - PARRY run right into the intersection
and almost gets hit by a cab.
JACK
Jesus.
JACK runs after him.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE CORNER Of FIFTH AVE. and 74TH. - DAY.
PARRY reaches where the RED KNIGHT stood and looks.
CUT TO:
THE RED KNIGHT riding onto the sidewalk and jumping over a stone
wall into Central Park.
CUT TO:
PARRY, as JACK reaches him.
JACK
What is going o-
Before he can finish, PARRY is off again. JACK races after him.
THEY climb the wall and run into the park. THEY dodge past women
with strollers, runners, bikers, sun worshippers, etc....
THEY run deep into an extremely woody section of Central Park.
Trees and foliage surround them.
PARRY stops suddenly. Panting, JACK catches up.
JACK
Oh...Oh...Oh God...I'm dying.
I can't breath and I'm dying.
PARRY
Ssshhh.
HE looks around - past the trees, as if trying to see through
them - but sees nothing.
PARRY
He's gone.
JACK
(HE'S had it!)
WHO! WHO'S GONE?!! WHO HAVE WE BEEN
CHASING!?? CAN I ASK THIS QUESTION NOW!!!
PARRY
I'm sorry Jack. I thought you saw him.
JACK
SAW WHO!!?
PARRY
(excited)
The Red Knight! The horse! I finally saw him!
JACK'S face fades into disappointment. HE heads through the
trees to the road, as he talks; PARRY follows.
JACK
That's it! I gave you the money you
want to keep it fine, you want
to give it away - fine.
(looks up to the heavens)
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW, I DID
GIVE HIM THE MONEY! O.K.! ARE WE CLEAR?!
At that moment, a BUSINESSMAN walking down the road witnesses
JACK'S declaration to empty air. PARRY gets embarassed.
PARRY
(whispers)
Jack, who are you talking to?
(he looks around)
Are THEY here?
JACK looks at him with murder in his eyes.
JACK
Who?
(sarcastic)
The Little Persons?
PARRY
(nods)
Can you hear them now?
JACK
(patronizing him)
Yeah, I hear them. And they're
saying to me "Jack, go unto the
liquor store and findeth the Jack
of Daniels that ye may be
shitfaced. DOOLANG...DOOLANG..."
PARRY
(hearing something else)
Do you hear THAT?
Frustrated, JACK turns to leave but this time there is a sound -
someone is crying. Someone close by. PARRY follows the cries
OC.
JACK
This is too hard.
A reluctant JACK follows him.
CUT TO:
EXT. CENTRAL PARK - DAY
The park's bridle path. A BEATEN MAN cries as he sits in the
middle of the bridle path - mumbling to himself incoherently.
HE is drunk. His manner and voice portray him as a gay man at
the end of his rope. There are cuts above his forehead. His
leather jacket and jeans are covered with stains. PARRY kneels
beside him.
GAY BUM
GET AWAY! I WANNA GO! I WANNA
GO NOW!
PARRY
Hey...Come on, we'll help you up.
You can't sit here.
GAY BUM
NO! I want a debutante on a horse
to step on me.
JACK
(wanting to leave)
Parry...
PARRY
Buddy, the days of the debutantes
are...not what they used to be.
GAY BUM
(starts to cry)
Isn't that awful? Poor Brenda
Frazier. Poor Little Gloria.
They ruined them! THEY ATE THEM
ALIVE!
PARRY
(helping him up)
It was a crime.
GAY BUM
Leave me alone...I wanna go...
PARRY lifts him up - he looks to JACK for help.
PARRY
Will you get the other side.
(JACK hesitates)
Jack?
The man's cuts and suicidal demeanor turn JACK off.
JACK
Listen, he just needs to sleep
it off. Someone will take care
of him.
PARRY
Who?
JACK
Well, maybe he wants to stay here.
(to bum)
Do...do you want to stay here?
GAY BUM
(suddenly lucid and
pissy)
Oh, yes, thank you - I really love
bleeding in horseshit. How very
Gandhiesque of you.
PARRY looks to JACK, who then begrudgingly helps the BUM to his
feet.
CUT TO:
INT. BELLEVUE EMERGENCY ROOM - LATER
In a room at the end of the line of chairs, PARRY sits next to
the GAY BUM. JACK stands a safe distance away, unable to take
his eyes off the scene before him. Seated against the wall are
an assortment of derelicts, drunks, screaming withdrawal victims
and jacketed schizophrenics. JACK has a hard time moving.
PARRY
(to JACK, referring to
GAY BUM)
Will you watch him for a minute?
Before JACK can respond, PARRY is up and about - introducing
himself to the various patients as JACK watches on.
PARRY moving down the line...saying hello, wiping people's
brows, holding the hands of an angry bag lady mumbling
incoherently.
What seems extraordinary to JACK is the soothing affect PARRY
seems to have on them.
JACK, somewhat inspired. HE tries to communicate to the GAY
BUM.
BUM
I wanna go...just let me go...
JACK
Uh...Where...where do you want
to go?
BUM
(upset)
Ah...can't get there. Not tonight.
JACK
(being positive)
Well, maybe you can. Where do
you want to go?
BUM
Venice. Like Katherine Hepburn
in SUMMERTIME.
(JACK is speechless)
Why can't I be Katherine Hepburn?
(cries again)
JACK
(trying to make
conversation)
Well...What ...what did you do?
You know, what...were you?
GAY BUM
(enjoying talking about
himself)
I was a singer. Ya know, stage...
summer stock...God.
(disgusted)
I could do CABARET - backwards
- every part. But what does it
all mean?
HE genuinely asks. JACK is at a loss, his expression obviously
replying "nothing." The GAY BUM regains his sarcasm for a
moment.
GAY BUM
(eyebrow raised)
You know, you always have such
a cheerful effect on me.
(cries again)
I wanna die...I just wanna...
die...
JACK, against all better judgement, pats the BUM'S hand in
comfort. The BUM leans his head on JACK'S shoulder and cries.
JACK, wide-eyed with embarassment, looks over to PARRY -
POV
PARRY is now playing charades with a STREET BUM, A YOUNG MAN
IN A STRAIGHT JACKET, and a BAGLADY who is arguing to herself.
PARRY is trying to be PINNOCHIO, by miming a long nose...
BUM
(guessing)
HORN...A HORN...
THE YOUNG MAN in the straight jacket just looks on in wonder.
BAG LADY
(talking to herself)
Where the hell am I gonna put the
children? Goddamn daughter-in-law!
Comes into my house looking for
dustballs!
PARRY mimes the loose movements of a marionette...
BUM
Thorazine!
CUT BACK TO:
JACK, who turns his attention back to the bum, takes a deep
sigh, and eases his arm around the despairing GAY MAN. HE sits
patiently.
BAG LADY (O.C.)
PINNOCHIO...GODDAMN IT!
After a moment, PARRY rushes by JACK.
PARRY
Come on, Jack. We're going to
be late. It's almost five!
Before JACK can ask why, PARRY is already out the door,
YELLING...
...Hurry up! We'll miss her!
JACK
(whispers to BUM)
Um...I've got to run. I've been
doing this all day. Are you going
to be all right?
The BUM sits up, sniffling, with a "stiff upper lip" attitude:
GAY BUM
Please - I was born a Catholic
in Brooklyn...I've been to hell
and I survived...It's O.K...
JACK nods and rises, when the BUM adds quite sincerely:
...Thanks...You're a gem.
JACK nods, a little self-consciously, and exits.
CUT TO:
INT. GRAND CENTRAL STATION - RUSH HOUR
PARRY and JACK sit on the floor enjoying a cup of coffee. A
KOREAN VET in a wheelchair with no legs sits near the opposite
wall, along with at least fifteen other homeless beggers.
Another MAN sits against a cash machine, crying. A WOMAN passes
by and drops some change in the VET's cup without saying a word.
The VET smiles broadly and says - GOD BLESS - HAVE A NICE DAY!
JACK
You'll never see her in this
crowd.
PARRY
She walks the same trail every
day. Just keep your eyes on the
newsstand.
JACK looks to the newsstand, doesn't understand, then looks
away. HE watches as a BUSINESSMAN drops some change into the
VET'S cup.
JACK
(referring to
"change-droppers")
They don't even look at him.
PARRY
(smiles)
They're paying so they don't have
to look.
JACK
Poor guy. What must he feel?
PARRY
Grateful. His name's Sid. Great
guy. Says everyday he can sit
in the middle of Grand Central
and watch the rush hour, he's
won...I mean, you have to admit...
PARRY smiles and looks around the mobs rushing through Grand
Central.
Life at 5:00 in Grand Central...
it's pretty breathtaking. Don't
you think?
JACK is impressed by PARRY'S interpretation...and by the VET'S
seeming good nature in the face of his situation.
JACK looks around this mad rush hour scene, as if trying to see
it as PARRY does.
WE CUT to the various sizes and shapes of people hurrying home,
stopping to buy a paper, talking with their co-workers, the
colors, the sights, the sounds...
OFF CAMERA a WOMAN begins to sing. JACK and PARRY turn to look.
PARRY smiles with great respect.
PARRY
Margaret.
CUT TO:
MARGARET, A BLACK WOMAN in a paisley kaften, stands near a photo
lab across from JACK and PARRY. With a box in front of her for
donations, she starts singing..YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A NATURAL
WOMAN." Some rush hour commutors stop to listen. HER VOICE
is strong and soulful, she performs uninhibitedly.
WE PAN around the faces of the business crowd listening to
MARGARET - looking grateful for the opportunity to stop their
day for a moment and listen.
JACK'S sitting on the floor of Grand Central - beside a crippled
VET and a row of beggers, listening to a woman singing for
quarters, and suddenly feels almost happy; for the first time
in a while, he's stopped to look around and finds he is not
alone - but a part of a small group of tired people like
himself; listening to a woman bare her soul in song. HE turns
to PARRY and finds him staring in the other direction. JACK
looks.
CUT TO:
LYDIA...going home from work. SHE moves with the crowd, as if
totally without her own will, looking through her handbag for
her token. SHE walks into the newspaper stand PARRY had pointed
out.
IRANIAN NEWSSTAND OWNER
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! EVERY
DAY, EVERY DAY YOU KNOCK OVER THE
FUCKIN' PAPERS...
A mortified LYDIA makes a hasty exit. PARRY watches in
adoration.
PARRY
God. Just one night with her.
I'd die happy.
JACK hears this as if a light bulb went off above his head.
CUT TO:
INT. LYDIA'S APARTMENT - LATER THAT NIGHT
A door opens. LYDIA enters with a bag of groceries she picked
up on the way. SHE turns on the light to reveal an extremely
neat, albeit modest, one bedroom apartment. SHE carries the
grocery bag into the kitchen.
Out of the bag, SHE removes a LEAN CUISINE; a giant bottle of
Cream Soda and four giant bars of CHUNKY chocolate. SHE pops
the LEAN CUISINE into the oven and walks back into the living
room to an old stereo. SHE turns the turntable on - a record
already set upon it. She stands by her coffee table, as if
taking position:
SUDDENLY, WE HEAR ETHEL MERMAN - AS LYDIA LIP-SYNCS EVERY WORD WI
COMMITMENT - GIVING A FULL OUT PERFORMANCE.
ETHEL/LYDIA
GOT NO SUNSHINE, GOT NO RAIN
STILL I THINK I'M A LUCKY DAME
I GOT THE SUN IN THE MORNING
AND THE MOON AT NIGHT....
HER attempts at hand gestures and choreography are awkward -
bunking into the coffee table, banging her hand against a lamp,
but we see a part of LYDIA that few (actually no one) sees.
HER abandon, her joy...her smile.
From upstairs, THE NEIGHBORS bang to keep the music down.
LYDIA casually crosses to the stereo, turns off the turntable
and heads back to the kitchen - as if the neighbors interference
were all a part of her nightly ritual.
CUT TO:
INT. ANNE'S APARTMENT - SAME EVENING
ANNE sits alone at her fomica table, smoking a cigarette. Two
plates are set. SHE waits for JACK. SHE is hurt and pissed
off. TONY ORLANDO AND DAWN play on her stereo.
TONY ORLANDO
KNOCK THREE TIMES...ON THE CEILING
IF YOU WANT ME...TWICE ON THE PIPE
The song continues as the CAMERA slowly pans up to close-up of
ANNE, Who is fighting with an imaginary JACK.
ANNE
Ya fuckin' bastard. I don't need
this...
(emphasizing)
...I Do Not Need This! A woman
my age...I am a person. This is
kid stuff. You come! You go!
And all I do is cook like a jerk!
You're a waste of good cutlets...I
don't need this...Find yourself
another dope...ya fuckin'
bastard...
SHE takes a puff off her cigarette and sings along with TONY
-trying, in vain, to cheer herself up.
CUT TO:
EXT. CENTRAL PARK'S GREAT LAWN - SAME NIGHT
JACK is helping PARRY lay out nets beneath an oak tree.
PARRY
This is a very popular tree with
the crack dealers.
JACK
What I don't understand is - so
you catch them in a net - what
good is that? They don't go to
jail.
PARRY
Jails are crowded. The way I
think is...if you can just...annoy
them on a regular basis...let them
know there are forces out there
that are out to stop them - forces
they can't see or even fight...
maybe, eventually, they'll give
up and the Red Knight won't be
able to use them.
JACK was following this philosophy with great interest until
the mention of the Red Knight.
JACK
(cutting him off)
Yeah, yeah, yeah...right - but,
why...not just go after
Carmichael. I mean, call the
police, call the newspapers - put
some pressure on him to fork up
the uh...ya know...the cup.
PARRY changes the subject.
PARRY
What a beautiful night.
HE walks deeper into the open field. This makes JACK nervous.
JACK
Don't you think we should be
getting out of here - it's getting
late...
PARRY starts to take off his clothes.
JACK
...What are you doing?
PARRY
Have you ever done any
cloudbusting? See, you take your
clothes off, you lie on your back
and you concentrate on staring
at the clouds...and you try to
break them apart with your mind.
It's wild.
He is now naked. HE lies down.
JACK
Parry, you can't do this. It's
dangerous.
PARRY
Well, that's stupid. This is my
park just as much as it is theirs.
You think it's fair they keep us
out just because they make us
think we'll get killed or
something?
JACK
Yes. I think that's very fair.
PARRY
Come on, try it. Ya feel the air
on your body - ya little fella's
flappin' in the breeze...everybody
in the city is busy with their
business an no one knows we're
bare assed in the middle of it.
Come on!
JACK
NO! I'm leaving! I mean it...this
is nuts.
(walking O.C.)
You're going to get yourself
killed. I'm leaving. I mean it!
JACK starts walking away from PARRY, talking to himself...
Ha...little fella? I mean,
what do I expect? The man talks
to invisible people - he sees
invisible horses - and he's naked
in the middle of Central Park.
I should be surprised. I'm
fucking out of my mind to even
be here!
(turns back and yells)
YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND!!
HE walks O.C.
CUT TO:
EXT. GREAT LAWN - TEN MINUTES LATER.
JACK, naked, is lying next to PARRY looking up at the clouds.
JACK
They're not moving.
PARRY
Sshhh.
THEY stare up. JACK raises his head.
JACK
You sure no one's coming?
PARRY
Why do you care?
JACK
I don't know how I would explain
this. "JACK LUCAS FOUND DEAD NAKED
- BESIDE ANOTHER DEAD, NAKED
MAN...THE TWO WERE DEAD...AND
NAKED"...It'll probably boost my
biography sales. People have a
fascination for murdered naked
celebrities.
PARRY
You're a celebrity?
JACK realizes his opportunity. HE faces PARRY.
JACK
Listen...it was a little over a
year ago...Something happened...
I...
(with great difficulty)
I caused...I was responsible for--
PARRY
Man, you are wound up so tight,
Jack. I venture to say if I stuck
a coil up your ass I could roast
marshmellows. You oughta relax
a bit.
JACK
(heartfelt)
How do you do it? How do you get
through every day the way you do?
PARRY
Did you ever here the story of
the Fisher King?
JACK shakes his head. CAMERA focuses on PARRY.
PARRY
It's all about this king who lived
in the castle where the Holy Grail
was kept. Now this king was a
good man, but he'd been through
some awful times - tragedies,
betrayals, disappointments,
abandonment...So much so, that
the older he...got, the more
bitter about life he became...
CUT TO:
JACK, listening...
...He had no faith in any man.
No trust in himself...he could
no longer truly love, or feel
loved - And so he started to die.
CUT BACK TO:
PARRY...
And the only thing that could save
him was the Holy Grail, but see,
he forgot where he put it. Then
it goes...on about - how all the
knights in the land try to find
it - they brought him gold and
jewels...but they never worked.
The King was still dying. Then
one day, a fool came to the
village. And he knelt beside the
King and sang him some songs.
Told him some jokes...But the
King felt weak and needed a drink.
So the fool took a cup form beside
the bed, filled it with water and
handed to the King. When the King
took the cup, he suddenly felt
better. And he realized, it was
the Holy Grail the fool had handed
to him...the cup that was right
beside his bed all along.
(BEAT)
The King said, "How could you find
what I could not find?"...and the
fool said, "I didn't know I
couldn't. I only knew you were
thirsty."
JACK doesn't know how to respond. HE's never known PARRY to
be eloquent.
JACK
Is that who you are...my fool?
PARRY turns to face JACK and smiles.
PARRY
(suddenly a professor)
The Fisher King myth has a lot
of derivations...I remember I was
at this lecture in Princeton once.
It was this awful weekend seminar
in occidental Mythology but there
was this one speaker Dr...uh...
Doctor...uh...um...
HE stops. As if this memory escaped with any warning.
...What was I saying?
JACK is as surprised as he is. PARRY'S face is frightened and
confused again. There is panic in his voice.
...What was I saying?
JACK grows anxious at PARRY'S discomfort, so he covers:
JACK
Nothing...Listen, how come you've
never asked that girl for a date?
...Parry?
But JACK'S VOICE BEGINS TO FADE AWAY FOR PARRY.
HE raises his head, looks to the outskirts of the field and
sees:
THE DARK SILOUETTE OF THE RED KNIGHT UPON HIS HORSE. Staring
-knowing exactly where PARRY lies even though it's dark. HE
pauses for a moment then gallops off.
PARRY watches the RED KNIGHT ride off. HE looks frightened as
he lays his head back down.
JACK'S VOICE COMES BACK AND SNAPS HIM OUT OF IT.
JACK
How come you've never asked that
girl for a date?
PARRY snaps out of it somewhat.
PARRY
I don't know. I thought it might
upset our relationship.
JACK
Well...would you go on a date with
her if it...happened?
PARRY
God yeah.
(he hears something)
SShhh.
THEY turn on their stomachs and look to the trees.
CUT TO:
THREE BLACK YOUTHS, silhouetted by a park lamp, making a deal
beneath a tree.
CUT TO:
A frightened JACK and a suddenly confident PARRY. PARRY picks
up his sling shot, loads a rock, takes aim and fires.
CUT TO:
The rock hitting a nail, whose point secures a rope. The nail
flies off, releasing the rope.
CUT TO:
WIDE ANGLE - THE TREE and surrounding area - as the nets spring
up out of the ground and catapult the youths up into the trees.
BLACK YOUTHS
HEY! WHAT THE FUCK! SHIT! GET
ME THE FUCK DOWN FROM HERE!!
THEY continue to complain and curse OC AS WE
CUT BACK TO:
PARRY and JACK, who suddenly feels safe and more confident.
THEY lie back down on the grass to continue their cloudbusting.
CUT TO:
The billowy night clouds slowly drifting apart.
JACK (OC)
Ha...Look they're moving.
(beat)
Am I doing that?
CUT TO:
INT. LOBBY, OFFICE BUILDING - MORNING.
JACK waits near the elevators as the nine-to-five crowd make
their way into the building. HE spots LYDIA and follows her in.
CUT TO:
INT. ELEVATOR -
The elevator is packed with the lunch crowd. JACK stands at the
rear. LYDIA is nuzzled against the floor buttons facing front.
THE DOORS OPEN. LYDIA gets off with two leggy business women.
JACK follows. SHE walks through two glass doors with the words
HOWARD BOOK PUBLISHING INC. written in gold letters and enters
the office...JACK waits until she had disappeared into the office
then enters the reception area.
JACK
Could you help me - what was the name
of that girl who just came in...
RECEPTIONIST
I didn't notice. What girl?
JACK
Uh..she was wearing a kind of a
flouncy...uh...plain...uh...
HE makes big gestures with his arms to describe the dress, then
"stringy" gestures with his fingers to describe her hair.
RECEPTIONIST
(winning at Charades)
Oh, Lydia.
JACK
Lydia. Lydia what?
RECEPTIONIST
God...I have no idea. She's worked
here for fifteen years and I have
no idea...Wait, I'll call her...
JACK
NO..no..that's all right...I thought
I knew her....Thanks...
HE starts to leave. HE glances through the glass doors into the
office just as LYDIA disappears behind a cubicle partition.
CUT TO:
INT. ANNE'S OFFICE - DAY.
JACK is on the phone, with an open yellow pages beside him.
JACK
Yes. Howard Publishing? May I speak
to Lydia please.
HE waits. ANNE enters. SHE is obviously very irritated with him.
ANNE
Can I have my desk please.
JACK
I just have to make this...
(to phone)
Hello, I'd like to speak to Lydia?
ANNE
Lydia?! Lydia who!?
JACK
(to ANNE)
I don't know her last name...
I'll be off in a second.
ANNE
You're calling LYDIA in MY office.
You must think I'm some dope.
You fuckin bastard.
(she punches his arm)
You stay out all night long...
JACK
(overlapping, to phone)
What..No..Lydia...I want to speak to her
name is Lydia...I..uh...
ANNE
(overlapping)
...I don't get a friggin phone call.
You stroll in here at noon..I got...
...Two people out sick. Ya think
I need this? I Do Not Need This!
JACK
...FORGET IT...GOODBYE!
(HE hangs up)
ANNE sits down at her desk. SHE is waiting for an explanation.
JACK
I was not with a woman last night.
I was out with Parry.
ANNE
The moron?
JACK
He's not a moron.
ANNE
And who's Lydia?
JACK
Lydia is the girl Parry likes.
And I thought, if I could get
them together I..
ANNE
What? The curse'll be lifted?
WILL YOU PLEASE!
JACK
I...You're not going to understand this.
ANNE
Don't treat me like I'm stupid.
It pisses me off.
JACK
All right..Sorry...I feel in debt to him.
ANNE
(pause)
What does that mean?
JACK
See, I told you!
ANNE
Well, what the hell does that mean?
JACK
I thought...if...if I can
help him in some way...you
know?..Then... maybe....
things'll start changing for me..
My luck, ya know...Maybe...
ANNE looks at him incredulously. HE sits down and breathes a sigh
- the absurdity of the idea hitting him as well. ANNE softens -
feeling like she has unfairly taken the wind out of his sail.
ANNE
Oh you poor kid...You're a mess.
ANNE stands and buries JACK's face in her breast. SHE decides
to be positive.
...Well, listen....stranger
things have happened.
CUT TO:
INT. ANNE'S APARTMENT - LATER THAT AFTERNOON.
JACK on the phone to LYDIA. This time ANNE is right beside him.
JACK
Hello Lydia?
LYDIA
(abrasively)
Yeah? Who is this?
HER abrupt manner surprises JACK. JACK uses his old, confident
radio voice.
JACK
This is Jack Lucas and I'm calling
from Video Stop video rentals.
LYDIA
Yes.
JACK
Yes well...
(guessing and hoping - )
You are a credit card holder, are you not?
LYDIA
Huh-huh.
JACK
Well, congratulations Lydia, because
out of several thousand card holders,...
in conjunction with several major
credit card companies...
you have just won a free membership
at our store on Second Ave.
HE puts the reciever near a tape player and presses play. "HAPPY
DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN" plays for a moment, then he shuts it off.
LYDIA
(deadpan, not getting it)
How did this happen?
JACK is prepared for LYDIA'S, shall we say, reluctance to buy it!
JACK
Your name was picked.
LYDIA
(suspicious...and dense)
Well, I don't understand. What did
you do - did you pick my name out
of a hat or...or..a list?
JACK
A list.
LYDIA
Well - were there alot of people
in the room or just you or what?
JACK
(about to answer)
Well there....
(then)
What's the difference?