Something Borrowed Written by Dana Fox First Revision April 22, 2003 FADE IN: CLOSE ON A WOMANíS FACE, BEAUTIFUL AND STRONG. SHEíS CRYING. INT. KATíS BEDROOM - NEW YORK CITY - DAY The woman is KAT ELLIS, 30. Tears stream down her face as she sits cross-legged amid the detritus of a packing frenzy. There is an unfortunate green bridesmaidís dress hanging on the back of the door. Katís pain is palpable. She buries her head in her lap. Suddenly, the doorbell RINGS. Kat sits bolt upright, wide eyed. She looks around in disbelief. How did this happen? What is she doing on the floor? KAT (sweetly) Hold on! INT. HALLWAY A BIKE MESSENGER stands outside Katís door. He busts a covert ipod dance while he waits. KAT (O.S.) Coming! INT. KATíS FOYER Kat wipes her face and inhales, summoning deep calm. INT. HALLWAY The Bike Messenger looks up as the door swings open. Kat is a changed woman. Nothing like the girl we saw on the floor. Youíd never know she had been crying. Or that she even knows how. KAT Iím so sorry. I wasnít quite ready for you. Kat props the door open with her foot as she slides a plane ticket into an envelope. She scribbles a name on the envelope, seals it, and hands it to him. BIKE MESSENGER Lady, you said this was a rush. I canít rush anything anywhere if you donít give it to me. Kat looks down at the envelope, sheís still holding on to it. KAT Itís a plane ticket. BIKE MESSENGER So it is. KAT For a date. (beat) For my date. To my sisterís wedding. In London. (beat) Heís never met my family. BIKE MESSENGER I hear that noise. Kat wills herself to surrender the envelope. BIKE MESSENGER (CONTíD) You need to let go. KAT Yeah. (beat) Youíre going to have to help me. The Bike Messenger gently tugs the envelope out of her hand. Kat smiles. KAT (CONTíD) Thank you. The Bike Messenger looks at her with genuine concern. INT. KATíS APARTMENT Racing against time, Kat throws open a linen closet to reveal three neat rows of plastic bins, all perfectly labeled. Kat reaches into the bin marked "TRAVEL" and pulls out a prepacked toiletry kit. Kat pulls a box marked ďLONDONĒ out from underneath her bed. She opens it. Pushing aside an old private school uniform and some letters, she pulls out a worn London A-Z, a Ziploc marked ďADAPTERS,Ē and her passport. Sheís about to close the box when she sees an old photo. In it, a GORGEOUS GUY kisses Kat on the cheek. Heís holding the camera himself -- itís blurred and goofy, but full of love. Kat jams it back in the box and shoves it under the bed. EXT. NEW YORK STREET The Bike Messenger darts in and out of traffic, avoiding the throngs of NEW YORKERS enjoying this crisp fall day. INT. KATíS APARTMENT Kat races through her apartment, packing, cleaning, getting ready. Her place is small yet put together. Itís Crate and Barrel meets Martha. But in a good way. INT. KATíS BATHROOM Kat, finally still, stares into the mirror as she brushes her teeth. Thereís a strange intensity to it, like sheís scrubbing away the last of her distress. EXT. BROWNSTONE APARTMENT The Bike Messenger passes a waiting Town Car as he pulls up to a stoop. He hefts his bike, runs up the stairs, and slips the envelope into the door of... INT. BROWNSTONE APARTMENT A tasteful flat. Stylish yet masculine. A MAN stoops to pick up the envelope. We donít see his face, just his ordered, minimalist apartment as he zips his carry-on and walks out the door. EXT. NEW YORK STREET His face obscured, the man steps into the purring Town Car. EXT. KATíS APARTMENT BUILDING A TAXI DRIVER slams his trunk as Kat gets in. Katís apprehensive face peers out the window as they pull away. INT. JFK AIRPORT A ridiculously long line snakes towards the X-Ray machines. Latte in hand, Kat cuts right through the middle. Irate PASSENGERS scowl at her. Kat does this every day. She should be used to the looks by now. Sheís not. She pointedly flashes the crowd her AIRPORT EMPLOYEE BADGE as she sails through security. INT. CUSTOMER SERVICE - JFK AIRPORT Kat enters the Virgin Atlantic customer service hub. Itís as cramped as it is busy. A FEMALE EMPLOYEE approaches with a question. Kat puts up her hand. KAT Iím off duty. I do not exist. Donít even look at me. The lady backs off. As Kat hurries away, a HARRIED EMPLOYEE matches her step and launches in. HARRIED EMPLOYEE Iíve got a tour group from Taipei trapped in customs, a dead poodle in Cargo parked at T9, and a lost grandmother staggering around International asking for her mommy. Oh, and thereís a guy on two who was stuck with his in-laws for a week because we couldnít get him out of Dulles. The in-laws arenít speaking to him anymore and, for some reason, heís pissed. Katís trying not to get sucked in. KAT I would love to help you. Sincerely. But my sisterís getting married this weekend, I havenít seen my family in two years, and my flight leaves in fifteen minutes. The Harried Employee looks like heís going to lose it. Kat struggles, then caves. KAT (CONTíD) You take Taipei. Tammyís schnauzer just had puppies. Put her on the dead dog. Park reps with wheelchairs at every john in T8. If Grandma just got off a trans-con, sheís gotta go sometime. Kat starts to walk away. HARRIED EMPLOYEE What about line two? Kat spins around and glares at him. INT. OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER On the phone, Kat is in the middle of saying way too much. KAT (into phone) I completely understand, sir. You just want your in-laws to see you the way you see yourself. Or at least the way you would see yourself if you didnít feel so victimized by them. At that moment, a CLIPBOARD manager walks by. He overhears Katís diatribe and is incredulous. CLIPBOARD Hello? Calls may be monitored for quality control? KAT Huh? CLIPBOARD Over-share! Kat waves him off. Then, by rote: KAT (into phone) Mr. Rajagopal, we regret that you were snowed in at Dulles but snowstorms fall under a category called force majeure. Along with earthquakes, hurricanes, and floods. In short, weíre not liable. Kat checks to make sure the Clipboard has moved on. Then, she continues, softly but very quickly. KAT (CONTíD) (into phone) But just this once, Iím going to refund the full price of your ticket and credit you 10,000 frequent flyer miles. Thank you for calling Virgin Atlantic! INT. CABIN - PLANE Kat sits in first class, absently scanning the safety card. A PRETTY WOMAN across the aisle notices and smiles. PRETTY WOMAN Your first trip? Kat realizes sheís been reading the safety card. She laughs and puts it back in the seat pocket. As she often does, Kat feels compelled to explain. KAT Hardly. My family moved to England when I was fourteen. My stepdadís a professor at University College, London. (beat) Iím going back for my sisterís wedding...and the best manís my ex. In case I chicken out, I want to know where all the exits are. Kat eyes the front door, nervously. PRETTY WOMAN I donít believe in marriage. I believe in hot sex. Of course, that draws men to me like flies to shit. Kat doesnít know what to say, but then a HOT GUY walks up the aisle. Kat looks at the empty seat next to her and smiles at him. He returns the smile but sits next to the Pretty Woman. HOT GUY Hello, my sweet darling. He gives the Pretty Woman a ďmadly in loveĒ kiss. The Pretty Woman rolls her eyes to Kat -- what did I tell you? INT. GALLEY - PLANE Kat is hiding out. She tries to calm her nerves as a MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT pours her a cup of water. KAT Iím not a knuckler. I fly all the time. In fact, I transferred from Heathrow two years ago and now I run Bags and Nags here at Kennedy, so things are going really well for me. The reason I canít feel my legs is that any minute, my date is going to walk in that door. And I need him to look really, really good today. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT (not listening) I wish I couldnít feel my legs. Kat peeks around the corner and spots the back of the mysterious MAN from the opening as he loads the overhead bin above Katís seat. Kat gasps, ducking back. KAT Oh, no. Heís here. The Male Flight Attendant looks out at the Man, who leans against Katís seat as he chats with a FEMALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT. Katís in a panic. KAT (CONTíD) What do you think? Does he look hot, and is it the kinda hot thatíll translate overseas? MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT I resent your stereotyping of a man in my profession but... He checks out the guy again. MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT (CONTíD) ...darling, heíd be hot on Mars. Iíd like to unwrap him like a Harrodís gift basket. Kat smiles, relieved. INT. CABIN - PLANE The mystery man is NICK MERCER, 32, commanding and classy, yet somehow totally genuine. He carries his í40s-crooner good looks like he has no idea that men just arenít made that way anymore. Nick takes two glasses of champagne from the blushing Female Flight Attendant. NICK Thank you, Lisa. He turns around to take his seat and finds Kat standing there, awkwardly. KAT Hi. Hey. NICK Kat. Nick kisses Kat warmly on the cheek and hands her a glass of champagne. Nickís totally at ease. This may as well be a candle-lit bar. NICK (CONTíD) Letís sit. Kat awkwardly negotiates her drink as they take their seats. KAT Iím glad you found it okay. The airport. The plane, I mean. Nick notices Katís anxiety, tries to settle her. NICK I really am sorry I couldnít leave earlier. I know you would have loved a few hours to settle in before the party. Kat melts a little. Thatís just what she was thinking. KAT Work must be crazy right now. Nick gives Kat a quizzical look. Thereís something going on here. Though itís not clear what. Kat fills the space. KAT (CONTíD) Iíve gotta warn you, you know those families where everyoneís out of their minds but at the end of the day, theyíre family, so you love them? (off his nod) Mineís not like that. The Flight Attendant appears with a small tray. Kat notices the womanís cheeks flush as she fumbles Nickís drink. Nick smiles warmly, but deftly ends the moment. Heís like a famous person who has learned to manage his adoring fans with casual grace. KAT (CONTíD) I love my dad. But since heís my stepdad, heís technically not family. Heís more like a hostage. Kat tries to find her seat belt. Itís under Nick. She reaches beneath him, tentatively, then pulls back, embarrassed. KAT (CONTíD) My seat belt, itís.... Nick pulls out the seat belt and hands it to her. Kat buckles up, checks that itís snug, then checks again. They sit in silence as the plane starts barreling down the runway. As they pick up speed, Nick takes Katís hand. She finds comfort in his touch, her need to talk abates momentarily. She is safe. Kat closes her eyes as the plane levels off, then peeks over at Nick, whoís calmly staring out the window. She closes her eyes again, this time for good. EXT. LONDON - ESTABLISHING - DAY INT. BAGGAGE CLAIM - HEATHROW Nick and Kat wait at the baggage claim. She looks at his tie, then down at her dress. They are the exact same color. KAT (concerned) Please tell me youíre not wearing that tonight. Her dress is indeed the exact same color as Nickís tie. KAT Itís no big deal. Really. It just looks like a tailor cut off a yard of my dress and made your tie out of it. Nick doesnít get it. He heaves one of Katís suitcases onto a trolley full of matching suitcases. KAT (CONTíD) Donít get me wrong, matchingís fine. Itís ďmatchy matchyĒ youíve got to watch out for. (re: outfits) This is matchy-matchy. Nick, amused, tugs the last of the bags off the carousel and adds it to a pile of what appears to be an entire floor model of matching luggage. NICK You think we look like weíre trying too hard. KAT Exactly. I want us to look like we fit, but not like weíre trying too hard to look like we fit. (beat) Itís welcome cocktails, not prom. With this level of matchy-matchy, we should be drinking peach schnapps under a bleacher somewhere. Nick laughs at Kat. Then fixes her with an intense stare. NICK Iíll teach you a trick. If you look people in the eye, theyíll never even notice what you have on. Kat, overwhelmed by his charisma, is mesmerized. NICK (CONTíD) What color are my shoes? KAT (dreamily) You have feet? Nick smiles sweetly and touches her cheek. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - OUTSIDE LONDON - DAY The Heathrow Express thunders towards London. INT. HEATHROW EXPRESS - [MOVING] - DAY Nick stands by the W.C., flipping through Cosmo. He can do that without looking gay. He talks to Kat through the door. NICK I understand how important this is to you, but youíre a beautiful woman and youíve got everything in the world going for you. I couldnít care less what you have on. Kat comes out modeling a black strapless. KAT Donít patronize me. Theyíve clearly been at this a while. NICK Youíre funny. KAT Yeah, but I feel like crap. And if you feel like crap, itís way better to look hot while youíre doing it. He checks her out. NICK Mission accomplished. KAT Really? (beat) Donít get too attached. She bolts back to the bathroom, nearly knocking over a ZITTY TEENAGER whoís waiting his turn. ZITTY TEENAGER I liked the red one better. NICK Iíll let her know. INT. W.C. - HEATHROW EXPRESS Kat, alone in the W.C., meticulously rearranges a layer of paper towel on the floor so she can step out of her shoes. She expertly slides off the first dress while simultaneously pulling another one on -- not an inch of skin shows. She struggles as the train rocks back and forth. NICK (O.S.) (through the door) I bet youíre doing that girl thing, where you get undressed without showing any skin. Kat looks around suspiciously. KAT No, Iím not. Howíd he know? INT. HEATHROW EXPRESS - CONTINUOUS Kat emerges from the bathroom wearing the new dress. Nick checks it out. NICK Mmm. KAT Mmm, nice dress? Or mmm-- (British accent) Gorgeous, I was insane to let you go! NICK Both. Kat looks to the Zitty Teenager for his opinion. ZITTY TEENAGER Iíd do you. (to Nick) I mean, if it was all right with you. Kat gives the passenger an appreciative smile, then flies back into the bathroom. Nick, amused by her antics, steps closer to the door. NICK You know, they say you can tell everything you need to know about a person from the way they act when theyíre naked. KAT (popping her head out) I donít do naked. My sister? She does naked. Kat ducks back into the bathroom. MUSIC UP. NAKED MONTAGE: INT. W.C. - HEATHROW EXPRESS Kat pulls her dress over her head. MATCH CUT TO: ANOTHER WOMAN, PULLING OFF HER DRESS. INT. AMYíS BATHROOM The woman is Katís sister, AMY ELLIS, 28. She graces a bath mat in all her infinite nakedness. Totally nude, she gently places her veil on her head and begins the ablutions of a Greek goddess. A dot of bath oil, a pure white towel, one squirt self-tanner, one squirt lotion. Finally, she pulls out a bottle of olive oil, pours two drops into her hands and rubs them together. Then she stares in the mirror, regarding herself with a look so blank it could be anything from admiration to revulsion. Just then, a KNOCK. The groom, EDWARD FLETCHER-WOOTEN, 31, enters, wearing a robe. He flashes Amy as he does a silly dance then smothers her inside his robe. Amy giggles and tries to break free. At first sheís laughing, but then she turns on a dime and shoves him off more forcefully than she meant to. She kisses him on the lips, trying to cover, and shoos him out the door. INT. BUNNYíS DRESSING ROOM The mother of the bride, BUNNY ELLIS, 60, drops her robe on the floor. She is about to put on a bra when she catches her reflection in a full-length mirror on the door. She is momentarily surprised by what she sees. She turns and faces her image. This is not the woman she is in her head. This is an old woman with uncooperative skin. With one swift movement, she slams the door. INT. ELLIS HOUSE - ST. JOHNíS WOOD The father of the bride, VICTOR ELLIS, 65, wearing only a pair of socks, walks downstairs. He's completely comfortable in his nakedness and trots around as if he's fully clothed. He sings to himself. The words of the song are incomprehensible but he sings with an unrestrained Sinatra sass. Victor enters the kitchen, opens the fridge and starts scrounging. Inside the fridge door, Victor bends over and his bare butt sticks out. As he closes the fridge door, we cut to... A SHOWER DOOR SLIDING OPEN. INT. JEFFREYíS FLAT Inside, the best man, JEFFREY JOHNSON, 31, the guy from the snapshot under Katís bed, glistens with a post-shower flush. Jeffrey towels off with a miniscule washcloth. Stepping out of the bathroom, Jeffrey notices an 18-year-old NYMPHETTE watching him through her kitchen window. He crosses to the window but instead of closing the blinds, he opens them wider and jumps up onto a pull-up bar. The Nymphette blushes and looks away. As he starts pumping and his manhood rises dangerously close to frame, we... CUT TO: EXT. LANESBOROUGH HOTEL - ESTABLISHING - DAY Upscale cars deliver upscale people to this stately hotel in Central London. INT. LOBBY - LANESBOROUGH HOTEL Nick pays the BELLHOP, who trolleys away their bags. He turns to find Kat. Sheís wearing the red dress. The Zitty Teenager was right. Itís really hot. Kat starts doing a yoga breath of fire, trying to relax. Nick takes Katís hand and pulls her close. NICK You okay, hon? Kat nods, clearly not okay. Nick smooths a piece of hair behind her ear. There is a practiced intimacy to the way he touches her and Kat is almost settled by it. KAT Iím not sure I can do this. Nick moves towards Kat as if heís going to kiss her, but then he whispers in her ear. NICK Youíre never going to be sure of anything, but we still have to go inside. Just then, Katís mother appears. BUNNY (singing) ďBaby love, my baby love.Ē A few BRITS dart looks at this very American display. KAT Please, Mom. This is not the time to be yourself. Bunny folds Kat and Nick into a drunken embrace. Bunny gives Nick the once-over. BUNNY (to Nick) And who might this be? Katís mortified but Nick quickly saves her. NICK Iím the new guy. (kissing Bunny) Itís great to meet you. Bunny throws Kat an unsubtle, ďIím impressedĒ look and leads them into the party. INT. LANESBOROUGH HOTEL Bunny, Kat and Nick emerge into a sea of Burberry, floppy hair, and unspoken judgments. Bunny turns to Nick and Kat, all business. BUNNY This is a marathon, not a sprint. After welcome cocktails, youíve got the hen party. Tomorrow, thereís a picnic and the rehearsal dinner and since youíve conveniently left no margin for jet lag-- (squeezing Katís cheek) I need you to hydrate, baby. Nick and Kat are stunned. Bunny hops away as Victor approaches. Kat throws her arms around her stepfather. KAT Dad! VICTOR Hi, kiddo. KAT Meet Nick. NICK Sir. They shake hands. Just then, Katís sister, Amy, dressed to the nines, strikes a pose in the doorway. AMY Iím getting MARRIED! As Kat and Amy squeal loudly and hug, Victor leans into Nick. VICTOR I find a good, strong drink helps. Nick smiles, looks at Victorís glass. NICK Can I get you a refill, sir? Victor hands Nick the glass. NICK (CONTíD) (sniffing the glass) Iím guessing MacCallum, 18 years. (beat) Neat, with a water-back. VICTOR Is there any other way to take it? Nick heads toward the bar and Victor turns to Kat. VICTOR (CONTíD) Whereíd you find this guy? Kat smiles, appreciatively. KAT The Yellow Pages. Victor laughs. Across the room, Bunny has found a microphone. She taps a knife on the side of a glass to get everyoneís attention. BUNNY Welcome, friends and family! Then she taps the mic, which squeals. ON KAT, panic stricken. KAT Sweet Jesus, who gave that woman an amp? ON BUNNY, drunk with happiness. BUNNY Victor and I would especially like to thank our out-of-town guests for coming to celebrate with us as we welcome Edward and the Fletcher- Wootens into our family. THE CAMERA IDís LYDIA and GEORGE FLETCHER-WOOTEN, 60ís. George shifts uncomfortably. Lydia waves as though addressing a room full of her subjects. ON JEFFREY, searching the crowd for someone. His eyes land on Kat. She doesnít see him. He stares at her meaningfully. BUNNY (CONTíD) Itís funny. We always thought weíd marry off Kat first. We came close once, but that crashed and burned. Nervous laughter from the crowd. Kat smiles through the pain. Jeffrey winces sympathetically. His mind working, he spots a piano nearby. BUNNY (CONTíD) Still, we had reason to hope. She was always one of the more ďactiveĒ girls at the American school, and thatís saying a lot. Suddenly, a loud, lovely arpeggio from the piano. Bunny looks over, surprised. Then she smiles. ANGLE ON JEFFREY, sitting at the piano, playing. BUNNY (CONTíD) Okay, okay. I get the hint! Anyway, imagine our surprise when Ed moved in next door and fell in love with...the girl next door. Our Amy. Lucky for us, he had no idea it was an unforgiveable clichť. (raising her glass) A toast to the bride and groom to be. Congratulations, babies! Everyone claps as Jeffrey plays a final flourish. INT. NEAR W.C. - LANESBOROUGH HOTEL - LATER Kat is sneaking towards the ladies room when Jeffrey comes out of the menís room. Their eyes meet. Both stop dead. Neither can find words or even a smile. Kat pretends that seeing him isnít a gut-punch, forces a silly grin. KAT Thanks for, you know, with the piano.... It was really.... Hm. (beat) I have to pee. Kat slithers past Jeffrey into the W.C. INT. W.C. - LANESBOROUGH HOTEL Kat wills her breath back. She turns on the water as if she were washing her hands. Then she confronts herself in the mirror and applies a coat of lipstick like sheís putting on a suit of armor. INT. NEAR W.C. - LANESBOROUGH HOTEL Jeffrey, a dashing Brit, is not a man who likes to wait, but wait he has. Kat emerges from the W.C. as if she hadnít seen him before. KAT Why, Jeffrey. Hello. JEFFREY Hello, Katmandu. As Jeffrey kisses her on the cheek, Katís eyes close and she takes in his smell. Itís like coming home. She doesnít want it to, but something inside her stirs. JEFFREY (CONTíD) You look well, Gorgeous. All he has to do is look her in the eyes and her big plans fly out the window. Kat blushes. JEFFREY (CONTíD) Seeing you again.... KAT Yeah? Just then, TJ, 30, Katís cousin, appears, wrapping Kat in a hug. TJís deb-of-the-year perkiness is undercut by her Longshoremanís tongue. TJ Kat Ellis! We live two hundred miles away from each other but I have to fly all the way to London to see you. You havenít visited me once in D.C. Where the hell have you been? I have gynecologists that call more often. KAT You have more than one gynecologist? TJ Sure. Youíve got to play them against each other. Otherwise they think youíre easy. TJ turns on Jeffrey like she just realized he was there. TJ (CONTíD) Hey, asshole, since you dumped my cousin brutally and without cause, you wonít mind if I steal her away? I have all kinds of interesting things to tell her. TJ darts Jeffrey a dirty look and drags Kat away. INT. LANESBOROUGH HOTEL - CONTINUOUS Arms locked, Kat and TJ rejoin the party. KAT You didnít have to do that. TJ I wasnít saving you from him. I was saving you from yourself. Youíre too fucking nice. KAT Donít worry. Iím so over him. (beat) By the way, do you know if heís seeing anyone? They spot Nick talking to Bunny, surrounded by OCTOGENARIANS. He doesnít look the least bit lost. In fact, heís charming the Dockers off them. TJ Why waste ten more seconds on the slimy limey when Mr. Tie-Me-Up-Tie-Me- Down is waiting for you at the bar? ANGLE ON NICK, listening patiently as Bunny pours her heart out. BUNNY After Katís father died and I married Victor, I was so desperate for my little girl to love him. It never occurred to me that she might love him more. ANGLE ON KAT AND TJ, still staring at Nick. TJ Whatís he do anyway? KAT Therapist. Just then, Nick looks up and gives Kat an intimate, ďget over hereĒ look. TJ sighs audibly. TJ I think I just came. INT. LANESBOROUGH HOTEL - LATER Nick stands with Kat at the bar. The BARTENDER hands Kat a drink. AMY (O.S.) Can I have that? Kat looks over and sees Amy. She puts her drink on the bar, but Amy canít quite reach it from her stool. Amy makes an exaggerated reaching gesture and whimpers. Nick takes note as Kat slides the drink closer. Amy sips it through the straw without picking it up. AMY You know what I love about all this? KAT Thereís finally a reason for the whole world to revolve around you? AMY Exactly! Todayís my day. Tomorrow will be my day. And the day after that? My day. As Amy gloats, Ed dances over. Heís a refreshingly unaffected upper-class Brit. ED Howís the future Mrs.? Amy kisses him on the lips. AMY Perfect. All ginny. KAT Except itís Scotch. AMY (ignoring Kat) But Iím not taking your name, buster. Iím a feminist! (shaking her drink) I need icey! Mr. husband-man, get me more icey! ED All right, then kiss me. (she kisses him) God, Iím a lucky sod. Ed lifts Amy off the stool and spins her around. He does an awkward dance move and steps on her toe. AMY See what happens when you put off dance lessons til two days before the wedding? Ed looks to Nick for support. ED Whoís ever heard of dance lessons for a wedding, honestly? NICK Um, just about everyone. ED You are taking the piss? Ed looks to Kat, who shakes her head. NICK Weíll go with you guys tomorrow. I suck too. Itíll be fun. Amy kisses Nickís cheek. AMY I donít even know you, hunky-dunky, and I love you already. Kat throws Amy a dark look. ED (to no one) Dance lessons. Right. EXT. BALCONY - LANESBOROUGH HOTEL Escaping, Nick steps outside and bumps into Jeffrey, who teeters on the railing. NICK Hey. JEFFREY Oh, hello. Jeffrey looks upset. Nick tries to break the ice. NICK A wedding is a sacrament...a joyous celebration of love and commitment. In Utopia. In the real world... itís an excuse to drink excessively and say things you shouldnít say. JEFFREY Ah, a philosopher. NICK Shrink, actually. JEFFREY Crikey. NICK What? JEFFREY Nothing, nothing. NICK No, tell me. JEFFREY You Yanks and your therapy. Itís great. (beat) Itís all a bit too touchy-feely for me. A beat as Jeffrey watches the party. He sees Kat and Amy at the bar and slowly turns to Nick. With difficulty, he begins to unburden himself to his new therapist. JEFFREY Itís just, thereís this girl I care for -- God, I suppose I could even say I love her -- and the bugger is, of course, sheís here with someone else. Bollocks! Nick hides his surprise as Jeffrey raises his glass in a silent toast to his misery. Nick is just clinking glasses with him when Kat appears and slips her arm in his. KAT Here you are. Jeffrey is horrified. Stares at Nick, aghast. JEFFREY Hey, Kat. KAT Hey, yourself. (to Nick) I see youíve met my ex. They all stand there, awkwardly. KAT (CONTíD) Did I interrupt something? Jeffrey looks desperately at Nick. Nick hesitates, then covers. NICK I was just telling Jeffrey how we met. Kat gives Nick a confused look. Nick smiles warmly-- NICK (CONTíD) The Knicks game? We both wanted the last hot dog? KAT Oh, yeah. (pointedly, to Jeffrey) So we split it. You know, as in ďshare.Ē People do that. JEFFREY You hate sports. Kat squeezes Nickís arm, adoringly. KAT Not when Nick explains them. Jeffreyís desperate to get out of there. JEFFREY (to Nick) Right. I should be going. Good to meet you. Perhaps Iíll see you at the stag party. My place. (to Kat) You know the address. Kat watches him rejoin the party. KAT Well, he looks miserable. What were you talking about? NICK Love. Kat and Nick walk back into the party. INT. LANESBOROUGH HOTEL - CONTINUOUS They walk arm and arm. After the confrontation with Jeffrey, Katís excitement is almost manic. KAT Jeffrey knows love like he knows macramť. NICK He was pretty drunk, but I think heís still crazy about you. KAT Of course he is. Iím here with my new man. (beat) I love it! Your magicís already working. Let the suffering begin. Nick stops Kat and faces her. He is quiet but intense. NICK The only one suffering here is you. You need to stop worrying about everyone else. You think you can do that? Kat takes a deep, calming breath. KAT No. She turns and surveys the room, trying to calm down. But then slowly her face begins to tense. KAT What did he say exactly? I mean, you donít think he wants me back? NICK I donít know. KAT What does your gut say? NICK Youíre too good for him. EXT. ST. JOHNíS WOOD - LATER Nick drives slowly down St. Johnís Woodís tree-lined main street. Nick looks out the window as they pass a corner market, a flower shop, pubs, restaurants. EXT. ELLIS HOUSE - ST. JOHNíS WOOD A charming period house in a row of identical houses. Youíd never know where the Americans lived but for a conspicuous boat trailer parked in the driveway. Victor and Bunny try to help Nick unload Katís many bags from the taxi. He wonít let them. As Nick lugs the bags up the driveway, he reads the name, ďJACK SHIP,Ē off the back of the dilapidated cabin cruiser. INT. HALLWAY - ELLIS HOUSE Nick struggles with Katís many bags as Katís parents escort them upstairs. Kat stops by her bedroom door, doesnít go in. KAT Well, here we are. They stand there, awkwardly sandwiched into the small space. NICK (to Bunny and Victor) Thanks again for having me. BUNNY Donít be silly. Itís wonderful to finally meet you. Although, technically, I had no idea you existed because when my daughter turned twelve, she stopped talking to me, except when she needed money. So let me rephrase that. It was nice to discover you existed and then finally meet you all at once. I love surprises. VICTOR Okay, Bun. Thatís enough. Kat gives them a look, but doesnít open her bedroom door. KAT Whereís Nick sleeping? BUNNY Why, with you. KAT (not listening) My mother has a rule about men and women sleeping in the same room without a ring in the picture. She thinks itís-- Kat puts her fingers up to do air quotes, then suddenly realizes what her mother just said. KAT (CONTíD) Huh? BUNNY (twinkling at Nick) Iím not as square as my daughter thinks. As Katís parents walk away, Bunny flirtatiously sidles up to Victor and pulls him into their bedroom. KAT She must have drowned her rules in the Chardonnay. With that, Kat closes the door. INT. KATíS ROOM The door CLICKS shut and the happy couple separates instantly. Kat to one side of the room, Nick to the other. Katís childhood bedroom has an aggressively floral decor. KAT Sorry about the creepy room. I went through a painfully earnest Laura-Ashley phase. Kat takes a brown envelope out of her purse, opens it, and removes A STACK OF HUNDREDS. She hands the pile of money to Nick. KAT Count it. Six thousand even. Nick doesnít look at the money, just tucks it into his bag. NICK I trust you. Kat almost lets it go, but then... KAT No, count it, anyway. NICK Why? KAT Iím compulsive and weird? Nick humors her. Pulls out the stack of bills and counts it. KAT (CONTíD) Six thousand, right? NICK On the nose. (beat) I tell you what, because youíre so cute, Iíll take care of our incidentals. KAT How does it feel to get that much money just for being you? NICK (wryly) Great, with the occasional stabs of shame. Now, listen, this covers the weekend, but as we discussed, if you want to be intimate, we talk money before anything happens. KAT That wonít be an issue, believe me. I find the idea of sex for money morally repugnant. (realizing) No offense. NICK Itís okay. Hell, Iíve never paid for it. But please donít feel like you have to explain yourself to me. Kat walks over to an old dollhouse. Its rooms have been gutted, their mini furnishings replaced with a teenagerís cassette-tape collection. Kat pulls out Guns and Rosesí ďAppetite for DestructionĒ and opens it. Thereís no tape inside, just some nicotine patches. Nick watches as she opens one up and slaps it on. NICK You quitting? KAT Iím desperate to start but I donít have an addictive personality. Except for approval. That, I canít get enough of. Nick notices an Ď80s poster of two guys with guitars, all big hair and laser light shows. NICK Who are they? KAT Graham Russell and Russell Hitchcock. Nick thinks about those names for a second, then his face twists. NICK Air Supply? Embarrassed, Kat hastily rips down the poster and stuffs it in the closet. KAT My parents had a German exchange student a few years back.... He must have left it here. Nick hides a smile as Kat ducks into the bathroom. INT. KATíS BATHROOM Kat has left the door open a crack as she gets ready for a shower. Unbeknownst to her, Nick watches from the bed, enjoying the ritual. KAT (quietly) Everyone knows their greatest hits but some of their lesser-known ballads are surprisingly poignant. Inexplicably, Kat stands on her tiptoes as she looks into the mirror. Itís a little thing, maybe the tiles are cold, but it gives her an innocence that makes Nick smile. KAT What? NICK Itís cute. KAT What is? NICK You stand on your tiptoes. KAT I do? Kat looks down, she never noticed before. NICK Is it an old habit from ballet class or a childhood spent walking on eggshells? She throws him a glance, impressed with the sharpness of his mind. KAT I never took ballet. She smiles and kicks the door closed with her foot. INT. KATíS ROOM - LATER Nick hangs up his tux. Itís definitely not a rental. Kat comes out of the bathroom, drying her hair with a towel. KAT Have you ever done anything like this before? NICK A weekend? KAT A wedding. Nick thinks about that. Kat wonders whatís taking him so long. NICK No. Though strangely, Iíve done quite a few funerals. Kat makes a face. NICK (CONTíD) Not the way youíre thinking. The women wanted me there for support. You can understand that. KAT I think thatís disgusting. Kat immediately backpedals. KAT (CONTíD) Not you. Youíre not disgusting. Youíre lovely. Just the idea that theyíd bring an escort. I mean, a stranger who, um, didnít...who never.... I mean, someoneís dead. NICK Thatís right. Imagine facing it alone. Kat blanches. KAT Sorry. Iím a little nervous. I never thought something like this would happen to me. NICK This happened to you? KAT Well, happen, in the sense that I picked up the phone, tracked you down, flew you here and gave you six grand out of my 401K. Nick laughs at her. Kat pulls something out of her purse. KAT (CONTíD) Can I ask you something? Nick sees what sheís unfolding. Itís a crinkled New Yorker article. The artsy photo shows the FACE OF A MAN, blurred against a neon cityscape. The title: ďDiscretion Assured: Diary of a Male Escort.Ē NICK How did you know that was me? KAT I have a friend at the magazine. NICK (sharply) Your ďfriendĒ guaranteed my anonymity. KAT If it makes you feel any better, to get your number, I had to cough up two round-trip tickets to Amsterdam and a case of mini-Baileys. Nick shakes his head at her and pulls off his shirt. Kat instinctively looks away. NICK You can look. Itís part of the package. Kat canít tell if heís joking. She sneaks a look as Nick disappears into the shower. Wow. Kat looks down at the papers in her hand. She moves towards the bathroom but at the last minute, shies away. NICK (O.S.) Would you grab my shampoo? KAT Shampoo, got it! Kat grabs the shampoo and rushes into the bathroom. INT. KATíS BATHROOM Without looking in the shower, Kat hands him the shampoo and hurries out, way too quickly. Nick peeks out of the shower curtain. Sheís gone. He shakes his head and closes the curtain. Suddenly, Kat reappears. She stands by the door. KAT The part where you were a sexual surrogate and then started to, um, freelance. Is that really how it happened? Kat pretends to straighten things up as she moves closer to the shower. NICK The real story is that my mother was a hippie. And a stripper. She was insanely inappropriate with me. She used to wash her lingerie in my bathwater. While I was still in the bath. KAT Oh, no. NICK Yeah. As an adult, I needed to find some way to experience intimacy and sex, but with rules that couldnít be violated. Katís totally engrossed now. She closes the toilet lid and sits down. KAT Wow. Nick pokes his head out. NICK Yeah. Nick sees that Katís heartbroken for him, feels bad. NICK (CONTíD) Iím just screwing with you. Kat throws a towel at him. KAT You shit! NICK I have a different story for every woman who asks. I look at her and figure out what she needs to hear to feel okay about being with me. KAT And you thought Iíd respond to the hippie stripper with no boundaries? NICK Admit it. You were disturbed, but ultimately moved. Kat gives him a dirty look, then examines the article again. KAT This part here. You say, and I quote. ďEach woman has the exact love life she wants.Ē (beat) That seems like a pretty broad generalization. Nick steps out of the shower. Kat, her eyes at the level of his manhood, covers her subtle jaw-drop. Nick wraps a towel around his waist as Kat tries to pull it together. She looks down at the article, tapping it indignantly-- KAT (CONTíD) So...what was I...oh, yeah. Do you honestly think that I want to be single and miserable? That I want to be obsessed with some asshole who led me on for years then -- out of the blue -- shattered my heart. NICK First of all, itís never out of the blue. And second of all-- Nick levels his gaze at her. NICK (CONTíD) Yes. KAT What?! NICK When youíre ready to let go, to be unsingle and unmiserable, you will. Until then.... Nick shrugs and walks out of the room. INT. STAIRWELL - ELLIS HOUSE - LATER Nick and Kat walk downstairs, ready for a night out. Katís wearing an over-the-top sexy golf outfit -- pleated mini skirt, tight white oxford, plaid vest. On the bottom step, Kat stops short. KAT (quietly) Is it always women? Nick looks at her like sheís crazy. NICK Are you asking me if Iím gay for pay? KAT I guess so. NICK What do you think? Nick confronts her. She takes him in. KAT Got it. INT. SITTING ROOM - ELLIS HOUSE Victor reads a book as Bunny scratches hieroglyphics on a white board featuring an elaborate chart of information. Kat and Nick enter, see the chart. KAT (to Nick) Momís refining her strategy for DDay. BUNNY Iím sure General Eisenhower never had to master the finer points of the seating chart and centerpieces. (pointing proudly) Oh, and tomorrow afternoon you are carpooling to the country with the Fletcher-Wootens. KAT Sir, yes, sir! She turns on her heel like a soldier, walks to Victor, and holds out her hand, BUNNY Make sure you show Nick Regents Park. (winking) Itís romantic at night. Victor doesnít look up, just pulls the car keys out of his pocket and tosses them past Kat to Nick. VICTOR Better him on the wrong side of the road than you behind the wheel. Kat huffs grumpily and they head out. EXT. ELLIS HOUSE - NIGHT Kat and Nick walk toward the car. KAT So, um. What about testing? Nick opens Katís door for her. NICK Thereís a guy on 81st and Madison. You get your results in 24 hours. (beat) Do you make your lovers get tested before you sleep with them? KAT My sixth-grade science project was entitled, ďLove Hurts: The Heartbreak of Human Papillomavirus.Ē Trust me, Iím careful. Kat gets in the car and Nick shuts her door. INT./EXT. CAR - LATER Nick drives while Kat navigates. They crawl down a small street, which bustles with activity. PATRONS of Londonís many pubs spill out onto the pavement. NICK I love that youíre asking questions, but do you really want to get into all of this? KAT This is awkward for me. (beat) Talking about it makes me feel better. Nick looks over at Kat, who gets quiet. She picks at nothing on her skirt. The TICK TICK TICK of the indicator fills the silence as Nick changes lanes. NICK Hey. Kat looks at him. NICK (CONTíD) Donít stop asking questions, okay? KAT Okay. Kat smiles, but stays quiet. Then-- KAT (CONTíD) Do you pay taxes? EXT. QUIET SIDE-STREET - CONTINUOUS Nick holds the door open for Kat as she gets out. NICK (with a laugh) I swear. I donít have a signature move. KAT Oh, come on. Youíre like the Yoda of escorts. KAT(cont'd) Getting you on the phone was harder than getting into college. Nick turns off the car, gets out, walks around, and opens the door for Kat. She gets out and stands by the door. NICK I donít have gimmicks or play games. Itís way more... Nick rubs two fingers together, he canít think of the word. KAT Subtle? NICK I disappear. Itís not about me. Itís about you. Nick is standing very, very close to Kat now. She didnít even see him move but there he is. NICK (CONTíD) Itís hard to explain. KAT Show me. Nick shakes his head. KAT (CONTíD) Come on. NICK Iíve got this bad taste in my mouth. What is it? I think itís the words: ďmorally repugnant.Ē Kat tugs urgently on his waist. KAT Show me. Nick doesnít say anything for a moment. Then he pushes her up against the car. Itís a gentle movement, but firm. Kat breathes in sharply from the power of it. NICK Close your eyes. Katís hesitant. She looks around the empty parking lot but Nick takes her cheek and guides her eyes to his. NICK (CONTíD) Close your eyes. She does. Nick leans in close and begins whispering into her ear with a hypnotic intensity. NICK (CONTíD) Iím not going to kiss you. You can relax. Youíre safe. Nick takes Katís head in his hands and moves his lips across the contours of her face. Itís incredibly intimate. His mouth hovers over hers but their lips donít touch. They breathe each other in. NICK (CONTíD) Iím not going to kiss you. Trust me. All you have to do is listen to my voice. Katís body starts to relax. Slowly, she slumps back against the car. NICK (CONTíD) Heís going to be so sorry he let you go. He moves his lips across her eyelids. NICK (CONTíD) Heíll look at you with your sexy dress and your perfect date but it wonít matter because itís not about him. Itís about you. As Nick slowly talks, he moves his lips across Katís forehead, then her cheek, then her nose: NICK (CONTíD) I want you to let go of the hurt. ...the insecurity...the past. When you do, heíll see you the way I see you, and, in that moment, heíll finally understand what he lost. Nick tips Katís chin towards him. She opens her eyes. Nick is suddenly serious. NICK (CONTíD) But by then, the amazing thing is...you wonít care. Kat shudders, and gradually comes to. Her eyes are lazy, she feels off balance. KAT Holy crap. Youíre worth every penny. Nick gives her a half smile. NICK You better get going. Kat is turned on and canít seem to move. KAT Okay, Yoda. Silence. NICK Go. Nick turns Kat around and points her toward the bar next door. Wearing an almost dopey look of pleasure, she adjusts her underwear, and stumbles towards the bar. A sly smile creeps across her lips as we... CUT TO: A LINE OF TWENTY SHOTS BEING SET AFLAME. WIDEN TO REVEAL -- INT. THE COCK & BOTTLE Kat passes out the shots to a pack of WOMEN all wearing hybrid golf-slut outfits: ass-tight polo shirts and plaid Capri pants abound. Itís ďSociety Girls Gone Wild.Ē KAT Yo, ladies! Listen up! The bride has made the foolhardy and perhaps fatal request, that we play Pub Golf tonight. (holding up a shot) Behold hole one. Thereís a twostroke penalty for failure to finish a hole and a three-stroke penalty for barfing. Yell ďFore!Ē before you barf and itís only two strokes. The girls are scared shitless. KAT (CONTíD) Weíve got eight more holes waiting at eight more bars, so in the name of all things sacred, pace yourselves! (raising her shot) To Amy! Amy loves the attention. AMY To me! Cheering, the girls blow out their shots and do their best to down them in one go. Just then, Nick walks in. All eyes are drawn to him. The WORLD SLOWS as he beelines for Kat. He hands Kat her purse. NICK I thought you might need this. Kat gives Nick a shy smile. KAT Silly me, where was my head? Kat canít help noticing that the group of girls has subtly clustered around Nick. TJ Stay. Have a fiery drink with us. NICK I donít know.... A SMITTEN GIRL puts a drink in Nickís hand. SMITTEN GIRL Stay. Nick looks to Kat, she smiles. Amy furrows her brow theatrically. Unfortunately, no one sees her. INT. THE COCK & BOTTLE - LATER Nick is surrounded by women and completely at ease. Amyís drunk and pouty. TJ stands between Kat and Amy. Oblivious to the brewing tension, sheís eating beer nuts and staring at Nick. TJ Itís like the directorís cut of ď9 1/2 Weeks.Ē She pops a nut in her mouth. TJ (CONTíD) The thing about Nick is, youíre either looking at him, or youíre pretending not to. (beat) Me? Iím looking. (to Amy) Can you believe Kat gets to sleep with this guy? Amy sneers. TJ turns back to Kat. TJ (CONTíD) Honestly, you should send God a bottle of wine or a muffin basket. TJ clinks glasses with Kat. Kat appreciates the attention. Amy appreciates it less. She suddenly wails. AMY Why is he still here?! This snaps Kat out of her reverie. She scurries into problemsolving mode. KAT Oh, sorry. Youíre right. Girls only. Kat turns and throws Nick a look. Nick, ever sensitive to nuances, easily catches the hint and puts on his coat to go. NICK Ladies, thank you for granting me this rare glimpse into a timeless female ritual. (raising his glass) To the husbands who won you, the losers who lost you, and to the lucky bastards who have yet to meet you. They all clink glasses. Kat beams, until... AMY (sour) And to the cock in the hen house. Nick kisses Kat on the cheek and smoothly departs. They all watch him walk out. TJ is still watching the door, as if Nickís essence has lingered. TJ I canít believe you met him first. Itís so depressing. Somebody buy my wooha a drink. Kat raises her drink to TJís nether region. KAT To TJís lady business. And to Amy! GUYS (O.S.) To Ed! INT. JEFFREYíS FLAT - SAME A DOZEN MEN down their shots. Jeffrey immediately refills their glasses with tequila. Alcohol and alpha abound. Nick walks in the front door. He takes off his suit coat and tries not to feel like the chaperone at a frat party. Over by the bar, Jeffrey stands with Ed, eyeing Nick. JEFFREY Whatís his problem? ED What? JEFFREY Thereís something about him thatís just a bit odd. ED Other than, heís shagging your exgirlfriend? JEFFREY No, thatís not it. Jeffrey pours Ed another drink. JEFFREY (CONTíD) You are a tosser. Jeffreyís suddenly emotional. JEFFREY (CONTíD) Remember when we went hiking in the lake district and Amy was wearing that little bikini thing. ED No. JEFFREY It was before you started going out. We had lunch at that inn on the lake. ED Oh, yes. Right. The Rat and Parrot. JEFFREY And Kat was fully clothed. ED But, somehow, it was Katís arse that was stung by nettles. And you rubbed it with a dandelion leaf. JEFFREY Thatís when I realized I wanted to be a doctor. ED Oh, shut up. Youíre an optician. JEFFREY Lasik surgeon, actually. Jeffrey takes a thoughtful sip of beer. JEFFREY (CONTíD) I didnít deserve her back then. ED And you do now? Jeffrey looks genuinely pained, then something dawns on him. JEFFREY Maybe I hate women. Nick appears. NICK All women or just the two-legged ones who steal your money, screw your friends, and vacuum during the World Cup? Jeffrey laughs. He has no idea Nick is making fun of him. ED Jeff was just reminiscing about your girlfriendís backside. Ed crosses away and Jeffrey glances nervously at Nick. JEFFREY Look, the thing is. About that love-of-my-life nonsense. I would appreciate it if you didnít say anything to Kat. It was silly. Itís all rather complicated. Nick is about to respond when the music CRESCENDOS and a STRIPPER strides in from the back room. Spotting Ed, Jeffrey clothes-lines him and drags him off into a chorus of GUYH OWLS and CHEERS. INT. WOODYíS WATERING HOLE - LATER The bachelorette-party girls CHEER as they down drink number seven at bar number seven, an Australian outback-themed pub. Things have gone way downhill -- or uphill -- depending on how you look at it. Kat sits at the bar. In the background, Amy dances drunkenly with TJ. WOODY, the dorky, sexy Australian bartender, appears behind the bar with a drink for Kat. WOODY This oneís on the house. Kat grabs his sleeve. KAT Iím worried. Amyís not good at drinking. She gets sooo drunk sooo fast. Does free alcohol get you less drunk or more drunker? (to herself) Is it Ďdrunkerí or Ďdrunker-erí? WOODY Just drunk enough. Woody dumps out the free drink and exchanges it with a bottle of water. WOODY (CONTíD) If you switch now, you might be able to stand up for the ceremony. Kat looks at him for the first time and realizes she knows him. KAT Woody? Woody just smiles. WOODY ďNot yet...Ē KAT ď...but itís getting there. ď Kat clumsily lunges across the bar to hug him, knocking over a bottle of beer, which Woody deftly catches. KAT (CONTíD) I thought you were living in San Francisco. Or was it Nepal? WOODY Close. Sydney. Turns out, I missed the rain. They take each other in. Her smile is bleary. KAT (CONTíD) You look so much better. Woodyís trying not to feel shy around Kat. KAT (CONTíD) Is this what youíre doing? Bartending? (beat) Not that itís not great. Itís just, you used to have dreams and plans. Woody proudly points to Katís cocktail napkin. It says, WOODYíS WATERING HOLE. KAT (CONTíD) Whoa! Good for you! Woodyís weighing something. He decides to say it. WOODY I always wondered what happened with us. KAT (taken aback) I havenít thought about that in years. Just then, Amy comes up behind Kat. AMY Did Kat tell you she dumped you because of your funky breath? KAT Did Amy tell you she keeps her Homecoming tiara by the bed? To Katís annoyance, Amy laughs. KAT (CONTíD) Sheís drunk. -er than me. But I didnít really dump you, did I? WOODY Hard. Woody smiles, sweetly. WOODY (CONTíD) Which was understandable -- you were one of the hottest girls at the American School, but I sort of thought youĎd be nicer...at least tell me why...ícause we were friends first. Katís on the spot. Embarrassed. Amyís drunk-dancing and mumbling to herself. AMY And we know Kat was the hottest expat in school because she was voted Best Eyes, Brightest Smile, and Most Likely to Age Well. No, wait. That was me. Never mind. Kat canít take it. KAT Christ, Amy. AMY Oh, shut up and be happy. Itís always this or that. Youíre never happy, you frowny-faced Grumplestilskin. KAT Drunk isnít the same thing as happy, Amy. They both know theyíre serious but Amy pouts and throws her arms around Kat. AMY Youíre my half sister, but I whole love you. Katís furious but she forces a smile. KAT Why donít you get my half sister her seventh hole? AMY Bacardi 151. Woody disappears just as Amy teeters and catches herself on the bar. KAT Are you okay? Amyís drunkenness turns. Tears well up in her eyes. AMY I donít think I can go through with this. KAT Pub Golf? AMY The wedding. (loud whisper) I am so, so bad! I donít think I should be allowed to get married. Kat is blindsided. KAT What are you talking about? Then, as quickly as she went into the darkness, Amy pops out. She yells over to TJ. AMY (CONTíD) TJ! Virginia Slim! TJ comes dancing up, hands Amy a cigarette and a lighter. The crowd watches as Amy puts the cigarette in her lips, pours the shot into TJís open mouth and lights it on fire with her lighter. Then she leans over and LIGHTS HER CIGARETTE ON THE FLAMES COMING OUT OF TJíS MOUTH. The bar erupts in CHEERS but Kat is left worried, troubled by Amyís confession. A beat, then she downs her shot. EXT. EDíS HOUSE - LATER The cheers ECHO in the night as Nick helps Ed walk towards his house. Ed navigates the pavement like itís made of water. They reach the front door. NICK (propping Ed up) Youíre okay. You got it. Ed wobbles, then stands up by himself. Nick unlocks the door. ED Just because some slagís been paid for, doesnít mean youíve got to...you know. NICK Itís been my experience that the people who hire a prostitute, need a prostitute. (beat) You did the right thing. Ed blinks at Nick. ED I think I love you, mate. (beat) How do you know so much about so much? NICK Iím a hooker. Ed bursts out laughing, pats him on the back, and walks into his house. EXT./INT. LONDON STREET [DRIVING] - LATER The bachelorette girls ride home in ďThe Pub Prowler.Ē Itís a senior citizen med-van thatís been pimped out with a full bar and an all-shag-all-the-time interior. The girls are drunk and rowdy. Kat climbs up behind the DRIVER and taps her on the shoulder. KAT Can you pull over at the next seven ATMs? The Driver gives Kat a dubious look, then pulls up to a bank. ATM MONTAGE: EXT. STREET [VARIOUS] --Kat jumps out of The Pub Prowler and clumsily slots her ATM card into the machine. --Kat checks her lipstick in The mirrored security camera of a different ATM machine then flips through a stack of credit cards. She pulls out a different card and slips it in. --ECU on screen: MAXIMUM WITHDRAWAL £200. Katís at another ATM. In the Prowler, a couple of girls heckle passers-by as Kat rifles through her cards, desperate for some un-maxed plastic. --The Prowler drops off a couple more girls. Kat walks back from an ATM and gets in. EXT. TJíS HOTEL - NIGHT Kat and Amy wave at TJ as she trips out of the Prowler and stumbles towards her hotel. TJ waves back with a bright, happy smile-- TJ That was awesome! How much do we rock? (beat) Fore! She whips around and throws up in a topiary. In the Prowler, Amy and Kat wince. TJ whips back up. TJ (CONTíD) I WIN! She waves at Kat and Amy and trots past the STOIC DOORMAN, who holds the door open for her. EXT. ELLIS HOUSE Kat and Amy stand in the driveway. They watch as the Prowler pulls away. Amy is about to head next door, when she turns to Kat. AMY It was a great party. Thank you. Amy reaches out to hug Kat. Kat wasnít expecting the hug and itís awkward. Amy senses it and pulls away. KAT Do you want to come in for a minute? We could talk about-- AMY When I freaked out at the pub? (she hiccups) That was nothing, just nerves. Donít worry about it. KAT But I do. I will. Youíre my sister. With a post-Bacardi 151 suddenness, Amyís face contorts with shame. She recoils, an angry tear running down her face. AMY God, Kat! Please. Donít be nice to me. I can take anything right now but you being nice to me. KAT (wildly confused) What? Why? What do you mean? Amy is suddenly in terrible distress. AMY I should get going. KAT Are you sure youíre okay? AMY Iím fine. I promise. Kat wants to say more but Amy is already walking away. Kat turns towards the house and just catches the light shutting off in her upstairs room. INT. HALL - ELLIS HOUSE Kat shuts the front door. She leans against it for a moment to get her balance, clear her head. INT. KITCHEN - ELLIS HOUSE Kat sits at the kitchen table, a glass of water in front of her. She downs three aspirin and stares into the darkness. INT. HALL - ELLIS HOUSE - LATER Kat starts up the stairs. The first step CREAKS loudly. Remembering countless school-age sneak-ins, Kat flattens her foot against the back of each step and soundlessly walks up the stairs. INT. KATíS ROOM - ELLIS HOUSE Nick is asleep in Katís bed, bare-chested under a single sheet. The CAMERA FINDS Kat standing with her back to the door, staring at Nick. Nick stirs, opens his eyes, and rises onto one arm. NICK You okay? Kat walks to him, takes his hand. KAT (whispering) Shhhh. EXT. DRIVEWAY - ELLIS HOUSE Kat leads Nick down the driveway towards the BOAT TRAILER. On it, the twenty-six-foot CABIN CRUISER with peeling paint. Kat unbuttons the weathered cover and peels it back. She climbs up a ladder and hoists herself into the boat. Nick smiles at the strangeness of this, then climbs in after her. INT. BOAT In the cabin, Kat flicks a couple of switches and a row of lights flicker on. She flicks another switch and a piercing sea-horn BLARES the ďWilliam Tell Overture.Ē She scrambles to turn it off and checks the house for activity. A dog BARKS in the distance. Relieved, Kat pushes a tape into an old radio. MUSIC limps through hollow speakers. Kat leads Nick into the cabin and onto the bed. Without taking her eyes off him, Kat starts to slowly undress. Her shirt drops to the floor. Then, a moment later, her skirt. Kat breathes deeply then reaches behind her back and flicks open her bra. We watch Katís face as she lets it fall to the floor. Kat is indeed a woman who doesnít do naked -- this is killing her. On the bed, Nick doesnít say anything, just watches. Kat wants to read something into his stare. Longing, desire, anything. But heís utterly inscrutable. Itís both unnerving and extremely sexy. Kat steels herself and removes her underwear. She loses her nerve momentarily and pulls them up again. Finally, she slips them off and tries not to laugh as she scurries onto the bed. Hovering lazily in the waking dream of interrupted sleep, Nick gazes at Kat. In a trick of light, the cabin windows glow liquid, as though the moon were reflecting off water. Nick runs his hand across Katís waist. Sheís trying to hold back. He knows it and likes it. He takes her face in his hands and kisses her. Itís amazing. A different kind of kiss. They pull back and look at each other. In one swift movement, he flips Kat underneath him. Suddenly, the space between them collapses and they attack each other. EXT. DRIVEWAY - ELLIS HOUSE - DAWN Katís house beams in the scarlet light of dawn. Two BIN-MEN walk down the driveway toward the bins. They grab three bins and drag them noisily past the boat parked in the driveway. INT. BOAT CLOSE ON Kat and Nick, asleep, their faces pressed up against each other. We PULL BACK to reveal Kat and Nick entwined, naked. We PULL BACK further to reveal that theyíre covered with a fleece blanket and a pile of life vests. Nick opens his eyes and looks at Kat, who is as calm and content as weíve seen her. Then, he realizes where he is. Itís like waking up in a strange hotel room, only weirder because itís a boat...in a driveway...in London. Nick carefully extricates himself and begins to dress. Weíve seen this scene a thousand times before, but Nickís escape is breathtakingly precise and practiced. EXT. DRIVEWAY - ELLIS HOUSE Nick climbs down the ladder of the boat just as the Bin-Men are returning the empty bins beside the garage. Nick gives them a nod. NICK Morning. The guys nod back and finish their job as Nick sneaks toward the house. INT. KITCHEN - ELLIS HOUSE Victor and Bunny sit at the kitchen table. Victorís buried in the International Herald Tribune crossword puzzle. Bunny looks out the window and sees Nick creeping towards the house, shoes in hand. BUNNY She still thinks we donít know about the boat thing. Victor looks up from his paper. He sees Nick, snorts, and goes back to his crossword. INT. BOAT - LATER Katís eyes flutter open. Her hair is plastered into an impromptu quasi-beehive. She looks down at her ďpillow.Ē Itís a buoy. Kat suddenly sits bolt upright. She grabs a life vest to cover her naked chest and looks around in horror. Then her eyes widen as she remembers the rest of the night. EXT. DRIVEWAY - ELLIS HOUSE Kat slinks towards the house, retreading Nickís walk of shame. INT. KITCHEN - ELLIS HOUSE Victor looks up from his paper and sees Kat. EXT. DRIVEWAY - ELLIS HOUSE Katís almost to the house when she hears a loud, POUNDING. She looks up to see HER FATHER tapping on the window and laughing at her. Katís mortified, but canít help smiling. She waves and keeps walking. CUT TO: INT. KATíS ROOM Kat looks around frantically for something. She finds her purse and checks to see if the ATM money is still there. It is. She breathes a sigh of relief, then, hearing footsteps, hastily stuffs the wad back in. Nick opens the door, carrying a breakfast-in-bed tray. Kat spins around, guiltily. NICK I wasnít sure what works for you, so Iíve got a pack of Saltines, a bottle of Pedialyte -- preferred by infants and rock stars -- an eggand- cheese sandwich, a black coffee, and a Bloody Mary. Kat slumps onto the bed. She hasnít gotten her land legs back yet. KAT This is really sweet of you, but I need to ask you something. (desperately) What happened last night? Nick is taken aback. He sets down the tray. Heís not sure what to say, then makes a decision. NICK Nothing. Kat looks surprised, then skeptical. KAT Are you sure? NICK We kissed. Made out a little. Then you passed out. She stares at him long and hard. KAT Whether itís true or not, thank you. Kat disappears and Nick bites into a Saltine as the shower HISSES on. Then something catches his eye. Itís Katís purse lying next to the bed. Stuffed on top, A WAD OF MONEY. His brow furrows, Nick picks it up and leafs through the stack of pounds and euros. INT. KATíS BATHROOM In the shower, Kat lets the scorching water punish and purify her. NICK (O.S.) Whatís this? Startled, Kat peeks her head out of the shower curtain and sees Nick holding the pile of money. KAT Oh. Shoot. I-- She retreats into the shower, yanking the curtain closed. KAT (CONTíD) (mouthing words) Shit! Shit! Shit! Nick pulls open the curtain and Kat instantly stops her pantomimed self-flagellation. NICK Is this for last night? KAT Of course not. How...how could it be? Nothing happened. NICK If I was going to charge you, I would have told you beforehand. I thought I explained that. Naked in front of Nick, Kat is trying not to flinch. KAT I didnít want you to think I was expecting anything to be free or that I was expecting something at all. Well, clearly I was expecting something or I wouldnít have stopped at all those ATMs on the way home. (beat) By the way, would it have been enough? I mean, if something had happened. Which it didnít? Kat wants to slip down the drainpipe. Nick looks at her, considers his words carefully. NICK Donít they have a limit at those machines? KAT (quietly) Not if you take an advance on your credit card. Now Nick has to really try to stifle a laugh. Nick puts the money on the sink. He goes to leave, then turns back. NICK Youíre three hundred short. With that, he walks out. In the shower, Kat gently bangs her head against the tile. She looks down and notices something. KAT And my Brazilian wax looks like... Brazil. (resting against the tile) Awesome. INT. KITCHEN - ELLIS HOUSE Nick and Victor are eating breakfast, the newspaper spread out between them. Victorís still working on the crossword puzzle. VICTOR Whatís a four letter word for daughter defiler? (beat, writing it in) Oh. N-I-C-K. Before Nick can react-- VICTOR (CONTíD) You a boating man, son? Victorís expression is inscrutable. Nick weighs his options and then-- NICK I am now, sir. VICTOR (laughing) At least somebodyís using the damn thing. (beat) I was gonna fix her up but we took one trip and the kids fought so much, we never launched her again. Just then, Kat walks in with an air of feigned nonchalance. KAT Thatís not true. We checked for leaks a few years back. (kisses her father) Good morning. VICTOR Ahoy! Kat throws him a look. He chuckles. As Nick gets up to get himself some orange juice, Kat corners him behind the refrigerator door. KAT (hushed) So youíre telling me. If something had happened last night...it would have cost me fourteen hundred dollars? Thatís a down payment on a Ford Focus! NICK Not dollars. Pounds. Nick pours a glass of juice and offers it to Kat. Kat shakes her head. NICK My rate isnít arbitrary. It was determined by prevailing market conditions. By the way, it includes oral. Thatís the extra three hundred.... Pounds. He smiles and sips his juice. She is outraged by his presumption-- KAT And what if I didnít want you to...to do that to me? NICK No, no. The three hundred is for you doing it to me. KAT What? NICK Believe me, if anything had happened, that would have been one of the highlights. For you. KAT But nothing did. NICK Yup. Thatís why you get to keep your money. Nick walks away. Sits down next to Victor. Kat glares daggers at him. Nick smiles and toasts her with his juice. Just then, Amy enters in a flurry of cheerfulness, as if last night never happened. Bunny follows, carrying a clipboard. AMY Hey, Ginger! Hey, Gilligan! How much do I love all this? Iím going to get divorced and remarried over and over again so itíll last forever. Kat, be a sweetie, and go help with the rings. No way Jeffreyís going to get it right. Amy breezes out. KAT (to no one) Iíd be happy to. Youíre welcome. BUNNY Oh, donít be that way. VICTOR (sticking up for Kat) Come on, Bun. Leave her alone. BUNNY (to Kat) Itís not always about you, sweetie. Katís stung. Nick watches out of the corner of his eye. KAT How could you say that? Of course itís not about me. Itís never about me when sheís in the room because you two are on a special team. You might as well have Tshirts made up. Kat lowers her voice. KAT (CONTíD) Iím sorry. I donít know why Iím being so sensitive. I just get tired of being odd man out. Bunny looks over at Victor. BUNNY Tell me about it. Bunny squeezes Katís cheek and kisses her. BUNNY (CONTíD) Oh honey, itís not that I love Amy more. Itís that she lets me love her. This flip comment hits Kat hard. BUNNY (CONTíD) (obliviously) Iím off. Ta-ta! As Bunny walks out, Victor raises an eyebrow, then goes back to his crossword. Kat stands a moment, feeling awkward. KAT (to Nick) Okay, then. Iíll catch up with you at the dance thing.... Sweetie. Nick gives Kat a casual nod. She exits. Behind the BUSINESS section, Nickís face is a mask. Then he smiles. This girl is nuts. A door BUZZES. INT. JEWELRY STORE - ST. JOHNíS WOOD Kat enters and approaches SAL, 60, a tough-talking, Cockney teddy bear. KAT Hey, Sal. SAL I heard you were back in town, kitty cat. Youíre here for the highland flings, I bet. KAT I get all the glamour jobs. He smiles and heads into the back. Kat casually looks into the counter. Her face is blank as she scans row after row of engagement rings. Sal reemerges with two ring boxes. Kat takes the rings and smiles. KAT (CONTíD) Thanks, Sally. She turns to go. SAL The one I made for you is the cherries. You hang onto it or give it back? KAT Give it back? Are you nuts? SAL You pawned it. KAT Not exactly. I wear it. (defiantly) On my right hand. And only rarely. Just then, the door BUZZES. Kat turns. Itís Jeffrey, tugging on the handle. Sal scowls. SAL You want I nut him in the boat? KAT Yes? No. What? (beat) Save the patter for the tourists. SAL You want me to let him in? KAT Of course, donít be silly. Sal BUZZES Jeffrey in and gives him the dirty eye before he disappears into the back. KAT (CONTíD) Hey, you! JEFFREY Let me guess. Amy presumed Iíd forget the rings. (off her look) I think Iím her least favorite person. (beat) You know, I am sorry. KAT (warming) Maybe not her least... Thereís always-- KAT/JEFFREY Edís mother. They share a moment. KAT So, tell me, howís unmarried life? JEFFREY I have regrets. Kat jumps down his throat, instantly abandoning her false largesse. KAT Whoa, Jeffrey. Slow down. You and me, weíre the past. Iím not sure if you noticed, but Iím here with someone else. JEFFREY Kat, we must talk. This guy, thereís something not quite right. KAT Itís called character. God, youíre predictable. JEFFREY Is that why you brought him? Because of me. Kat laughs way too hard. KAT Donít be absurd. Kat is about to walk out the door, but she canít help herself. She stops. KAT (CONTíD) I brought him here because heís my boyfriend. Because I adore him. Because late at night he takes me in his arms and.... Kat leans in and whispers something into Jeffreyís ear. KAT (CONTíD) Iíd stick around and explain what that means, but even if I give you the instruction manual, it doesnít mean youíve got the tools to get the job done. Kat tries not to do a little ďfuck-youĒ jig as she walks out the door. EXT. STREET - ST. JOHNíS WOOD Kat strides away but Jeffrey catches up to her. She secretly smiles at the power she is exerting over him. JEFFREY Kat, wait. I donít want you hating me. Weíve never had this talk. You know how crap I am at this. KAT Um, news flash: I donít give a shit. JEFFREY Kat, stop it. You do. You canít even look me in the eye. You went back to the States when we split up. Jeffrey sees Kat flinch. He knows heís hit something. She looks away. KAT That was a long time ago. JEFFREY It was. And it took your sister getting married to get you back here. KAT (wavering) So, whatís your point? JEFFREY I should have told you why I broke up with you. I was a coward. You deserve to know. Just then Nick walks up. He puts a protective hand on Katís back and shakes Jeffreyís hand. NICK Hey, man. JEFFREY Sorry, can you give us a moment? NICK No, I canít. Weíre late for a dance lesson. I guess youíll have to finish up later. Kat gives Nick an angry look as he pulls her away. INT. DANCE CLUB STAIRCASE Kat, furious, charges up the stairs-- NICK Hello, goodbye, I want you, I hate you. Itís all just words. None of it means anything. What matters is what you do. You either stay put or you walk away. If you look back, youíre not walking away! KAT Oh, cut the crap! NICK I just hate seeing you so stuck. KAT He was about to un-stick me! (hissing) I paid you to help me get closure. NICK You paid me for a lot of reasons. Closure wasnít one of them. Kat is infuriated. She huffs and pushes open the door. INT. STEP-BALL-CHANGE DANCE CLUB Nick and Kat burst in, late. Glistening hardwood floors, mirrored walls. Eyes closed and hands clasped, Amy and Ed stand in a circle with SONJA, late 50ís, the melodramatic dance teacher. Kat and Nick join the circle. KAT (mumbling) Sorry. Sonja barely tolerates the interruption, closes her eyes and breathes in deeply. SONJA The wedding dance is, sans doubte, the most important dance-moment in a personís life. Ed cracks open his eyes to see if anyone else thinks this is a crock of shit. Nick catches Edís eye. Amy darts Ed a ďpay attentionĒ look. SONJA (CONTíD) A room full of friends, family, enemies...watching, smiling, betting on how long the marriage will last. All youíll have is each other and whatever skills you acquire today. Katís grip on Nickís hand tightens. Ed cracks open his eyes again. This time, he looks unnerved. SONJA (CONTíD) There are people who will tell you that the wedding dance is symbolic of a coupleís compatibility. Of a rapport that cannot be faked. That an unskilled man on the dance floor is a man who lacks grace in bed. (beat) These people are right. Sonja claps three times. SONJA (CONTíD) Eyes open and pair off! They all open their eyes wide. INT. STEP-BALL-CHANGE DANCE CLUB - MOMENTS LATER Ed and Amy dance awkwardly to a standard as Sonja gives them instructions. ANGLE ON KAT AND NICK, dancing sedately, if awkwardly. There is still tension between them. Kat, contrite, dares a glance into his eyes. KAT Iím sorry I was such a bitch. I really appreciate your doing this. NICK (simply) Itís my job. Kat gazes deep into his eyes. A long look. The longest sheís been able to sustain since the boat. She canít read him. SONJA (O.S.) (to Amy and Ed) She knows you better than anyone. You know her better than she knows herself. Where does that feeling live? I don't care if it's your heart, your head, or your crotch. Find that place and dance from it. KAT You know what pisses me off? Iíve been spilling my guts all weekend but I donít know anything about you. Not one thing. Nick looks down at her, considering. NICK Iím allergic to fabric softener, I majored in Comparative Literature at Brown, and I think Iíd miss you even if we had never met. Kat blinks, the power of his words hitting her hard. They dance a moment in silence. KAT Now will you tell me how you became an escort? Nick smiles enigmatically. Then without warning-- NICK SPINS KAT AROUND, THEN REELS HER IN TIGHT. In a hyper-romantic cinematic flourish, THE FLOOR SWELLS AND THE WALLS DISAPPEAR. The music sharpens as if itís no longer coming from an old record player but from a classic MGM soundtrack. Nick and Kat are weightless as they glide across the floor. Their eyes stay locked on each other as though it were this connection, and not gravity, that keeps them on earth. Kat and Nick seem to slow down but the world stays at normal speed. ON SONJA, astonished. She stops and watches. ON AMY AND ED, as they notice whatís going on. They stop dancing and stare, too, slacked-jawed, as Nick and Kat float past, completely wrapped up in each other. Nick and Kat are incredible together. The music CRESCENDOS as Nick gracefully spins Kat to a perfect stop. ED So you canít dance, eh? Bloody liar. Nick and Kat crash back to earth. They stop dancing. The walls close in and the music sucks back into the speakers. ED (CONTíD) I thought you said you were crap. NICK I had to say something to get you here. ED Fair enough, but Iím stepping on toes here and youíre waltzing around like... AMY Fred Astaire and whatís her face! NICK Itís not me. I swear. Itís her. Sheís magic. Kat blushes. Sonja claps her hands, happily. SONJA And, switch partners! EXT. STEP-BALL-CHANGE DANCE CLUB - LATER Nick, Kat, Amy, and Ed walk out of the studio. Ed skips down the steps and onto the street. Then he realizes what heís doing and abruptly stops. ED Youíd better get going. My parents will be Ďround to cart you off to the country. AMY Whatever you do, donít mention Italy. Or politics. Or baby buggies. (beat) Or Edith Piaf. ED Your probably best off pretending youíre asleep. Ed grabs Amy by the neck and pulls her away. Amy laughs but Kat catches a look on her sisterís face. Itís not quite nervousness. Itís something closer to panic. Amy waves over her shoulder as they walk away. CUT TO: A BOAT SAILING ACROSS FRAME, WIDER TO REVEAL-- EXT. KATíS HOUSE - ST. JOHNíS WOOD Victor tows the boat with an annoyed Bunny in the passenger seat. As they pull out of the driveway, they wave to Nick, who sits on a stone wall in front of the house. Nick talks on his cell phone, Katís bags piled high next to him, as Pigeons walk and flap around him. Kat appears carrying two bottles of water. When Nick sees Kat, he hangs up too quickly. Kat pretends not to notice. She eyes the pigeons suspiciously. KAT Pigeons creep me out. Theyíre like dirty doves...plotting something. Nick playfully pulls Kat down next to him. Spooked by the increasing number of pigeons, Kat inches away from them and closer to Nick. Kat frowns, suddenly pensive. KAT (CONTíD) How do you have real relationships? You know, ones you donít get paid for? Nick isnít sure he wants to get into this. KAT (CONTíD) You have had girlfriends? NICK Sure, but itís never easy. They say theyíre okay with it, and they are...for a while. Then one day, theyíre not. They sit in silence. Itís not awkward, itís nice. London beams under a rare cloudless sky. NICK (CONTíD) When I said Iíd never done a wedding before, I didnít say that no one ever asked. I just never said yes. KAT So, whyíd you say yes to me? NICK There was something in your voice on the phone that day. KAT Desperation? Nick doesnít acknowledge her joke. Kat sneaks a look at him. NICK I think it was hope. Kat hides a smile as her leg touches his. They are both keenly aware of the contact. KAT What would you do if you weren't an escort? NICK Make out with you for free. Nick puts his arm around her. Kat laughs. NICK (CONTíD) What would you do if you stopped worrying about what other people think? KAT Spontaneously combust? They sit in silence a moment. Just then, Edís parents drive up in a beautiful old Bentley. Edís mother reaches over her embarrassed husband and HOOTS the horn. INT/EXT. BENTLEY [DRIVING]- LATER George drives through the lush countryside while Lydia carries on. In the back seat, Kat drops her head on Nickís shoulder; theyíve clearly been enduring this awhile. KAT, NICK, AND EDíS PARENTS -- SCENE FORTHCOMING. CUT TO: EXT. FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE Nick, Kat, and Edís parents unload the Bentley and carry their bags up the steps of a stately stone mansion. EXT. BOATHOUSE - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE - LATER A small boathouse sits at the edge of a charming lake that borders the main property. Nearby, ďJack ShipĒ struggles to say afloat as PASTY KIDS sun themselves on the moored junker. Ed mans an elaborate grill as GUESTS in summer hats mill about. AT A PICNIC TABLE, Victor plays poker with Nick, Kat, and TJ. From the pile of money in front of him, itís clear Victorís kicking ass. Victor throws in ten pounds. TJ (shrewd poker voice) You know, I might just call you... but if I did...I would lose... because my hand blows. She throws down her cards. Kat studies her hand and tosses in a bill. KAT Call. All eyes are on Nick. VICTOR Letís see what kind of a man my daughterís found for herself. Nick looks down at his money. Ten pounds. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a HUGE WAD OF CASH. Everyone is in shock but he doesnít notice. He strips off a hundred, tosses it in the pot, and takes back sixty. NICK Raise you thirty. Victor raises an eyebrow. ON TJ, looking at Nick. She leans over to Kat and whispers-- TJ (re: Nickís penis) Can I see it? Just for a sec? Kat laughs and hits TJ. TJ (CONTíD) Come on, itís so not fair. At least describe it to me. Just then, Nick's cell phone RINGS. Victor plucks the phone out of Nick's hand. Kat darts a worried look at Nick and reaches for the phone. KAT Daddy! Victor wonít give it up. He answers. VICTOR (into phone) Iím sorry, Nick's about to win a pile of my money. He's gonna have to call you back. Kat and Nick are frozen as Victor listens. VICTOR (CONTíD) Thank you for your understanding, maíam. And good luck putting out that fire. He hangs up the cell phone and looks quizzically at Nick. VICTOR (CONTíD) What is it you do again? NICK What would you say if I told you I was a member of an elite task force employed to safeguard our nationís most precious resource: your daughter. Victor snorts. VICTOR Oh, yeah, shrink. Call. Kat hides her relief. Victor throws in the cash. VICTOR (CONTíD) Let me save you some trouble. My old man hit the bottle like it was his job and he had a mean streak as wide as the English Channel. So, me? I drink in moderation and have never raised my voice around a kid. Kat throws in thirty pounds. Victor lays down a PAIR OF ACES AND TWOS. VICTOR (CONTíD) What do you say to that? NICK I say that feeling compelled to do the opposite of your parents is as enslaving as emulating them. Nick lays down his hand. THREE KINGS. Victor shakes his head. Nick glances at Kat. She twinkles at him, then lays down a LOW STRAIGHT. VICTOR Thatís my girl! She does a little dance as she swipes the pile of money toward her. Nick canít believe it. VICTOR (CONTíD) Best thing about being a dad is when your kid starts kicking your ass-- NICK --and The ass of The man who adores her. Nick rises from the table, but his comment lingers. Kat searches his face, wondering if he was serious. He holds her gaze a moment, then begins picking up the cards. Ed appears holding a plate piled high with bangers. ED Anybody seen my future-wife? (re: sausages) Sheíll kill me if I donít serve her first. KAT Have you guys ever had a real, honest-to-God fight? Ed thinks about that. ED (lying) Of course. KAT Yeah, right. ED I hear that make-up sex is the best kind. Unfortunately, Iíll never know. Victor calls out to Nick-- VICTOR Hey, Sigmund, you think you could rustle up the bride and tell her to join the party? NICK Will do. Nick smiles at Kat and heads toward the boathouse. Kat watches with a hint of apprehension. FOLLOW NICK, walking across a carpet of pine needles. He passes through a latticework of shadows and steps into the boathouse-- INT. BOATHOUSE - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE - SAME NICKíS POV: Amy and Jeffrey, their backs turned, are in the middle of an argument. AMY (pulling her arm away) I said no! Iím getting married tomorrow! What do you want from me? Amy turns and sees Nick. Her face falls. Jeffrey sees him, too, and blanches, then badly covers-- JEFFREY Right, then. Iíll get you a Tofurky Burger instead. Jeffrey walks out stiffly and Amy, mortified, turns and stares blankly out the window. NICK Sorry to interrupt. Your dad sent me. AMY What for? NICK To make sure youíre okay. Amy turns around and looks at the tiny boathouse. Although it had looked perfect to us before, under her gaze, we see all the cracks and dirt. AMY You know all that ďif these walls could talkĒ stuff? Do you believe it? That a place has a memory? NICK Actually, I do. Amyís expression clouds as her eyes fall on the bedroom door. Through the open door, Nick can see a small bed surrounded by bookshelves. AMY This place has been in Edís family forever. We used to spend weekends out here every summer. (with a sigh) God, I hope it doesnít remember everything. LAUGHTER floats in from outside, an ironic soundtrack to Amyís desperation. Nick pushes out the chair across from him. Amy looks at him a moment, then sits down. EXT. LAKE Kat is standing with her mother, absentmindedly looking for Nick, when Jeffrey approaches. JEFFREY May I have a word? Itíll be just a minute. BUNNY Let me think. You stole seven years of her life with your charm and your bullshit and now you want a couple more minutes? Sure. Go right ahead. As Jeffrey walks away, Kat whispers to her mother. KAT Thanks for the solidarity, but next time? A little less information. Kat follows Jeffrey toward the lake. INT. BOATHOUSE - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE Amy is now sitting across from Nick at the kitchen table. Nick is shell-shocked. NICK Does Kat know? Amy doesnít even bother shaking her head. AMY It was such a long time ago. NICK Still-- AMY If Ed ever found out.... NICK Or Kat.... AMY And she wonders why I swim to the bottom of a Lemondrop every time I see her. Nick pushes back from the table. Heís at a loss for words. EXT. LAKE Jeffrey speaks to Kat with disarming sincerity. Kat tries to keep her guard up, but despite herself, sheís listening. JEFFREY You were so good to me. I swear I never meant to hurt you. We were together what, five years? KAT Seven if you count the on-and-off years. Which I do. JEFFREY Right. Seven. (realizing) Christ, thatís a long time, isnít it? KAT Not for a dog. JEFFREY Well, we had a lot of good years, but then... Jeffrey fumbles. KAT Is this supposed to be an apology? JEFFREY Itís not supposed to be anything, Kat. Itís just my rather feeble attempt to.... Oh, I donít know. (beat) You see, I thought I could deny my feelings-- Something catches Katís eye: Nick exiting the boathouse. Even from this distance, she knows that something is wrong. JEFFREY (CONTíD) Youíre not even listening. KAT When we were together I was ďtoo here,Ē now Iím not here enough. FOLLOW KAT, as she walks away from Jeffrey through a stand of trees and meets Nick. In the background, Jeffrey watches, confused, then walks away. Kat reaches out and touches Nickís arm, tentatively. KAT (CONTíD) Are you okay? Katís tenderness finds its way into Nick. It takes him a moment to recover. NICK Yeah. You? KAT Yeah. They look at each other a moment. KAT (CONTíD) Letís go. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - DAY Nick and Kat walk back to the main house. Side by side, they cut through a picturesque glen. Nick shoots Kat an anxious glance, deciding whether to reveal what he knows. Kat catches him and smiles back, sweetly. Nick takes her hand and kisses it, surprising her. His eyes turn back toward the house but he doesnít let go of her hand. INT. BATHROOM - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE - NIGHT Kat is getting ready. She's up on her tiptoes, doing her make-up in the mirror. The radio is blaring Air Supply. Kat sings along, passionately, embarrassingly. Kat was clearly lying about not liking the cheesy greatest hits. She knows every word. Somehow, she seems different, freer. She's singing like she means it. EXT. BALCONY - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE Nick and Victor, sipping cocktails, stand on a back balcony overlooking the party preparations. In the backyard below, Bunny zips around, hissing orders at the STAFF. BUNNY You, with the hair and all the bright ideas. Paper lantern plus open flame equals no-no. VICTOR That woman is insane. God damn if I donít love her. Nick wants to come clean but canít find the courage. He chooses his words carefully. NICK Kat does this thing. She stands on her tiptoes when sheís looking in the mirror. You ever notice that? Victor smiles, he knows what Nickís talking about. VICTOR I remember the day I met Kat. It was in New York. Iíd been dating Bunny for a few months, and she finally trusted me enough to introduce me to her kid. So Iím over at her place and in walks this little monster that wonít stop talking. (remembering) She hands me a walkie-talkie made out of an orange juice can and drags me over to her fort. The fort was this lop-sided mess of blankets and the walkie-talkie almost took my ear off, but she was having the time of her life. (shaking his head) That was it. I was a goner. A wave of nostalgia passes over him. VICTOR (CONTíD) That was the day I became a dad. And from that moment on, I just knew. Iíd give that little girl everything she ever needed, Iíd love her unconditionally, and I wouldnít let her out of the house until she was thirty. Nick laughs. VICTOR (CONTíD) You think itís going to get easier when they get older. That youíre going to worry about them less. Or trust the world more. But thatís just not how it goes. They stand in silence a moment. NICK Iím not sure if this is going to make sense to you, Sir, but Iíd like to ask permission to date your daughter. Victor gives Nick an intense but unreadable look. VICTOR (CONTíD) The ladies are fond of you, Nick. I can see that. I also see that whatever else you are, youíre a helluva good guy. (beat) She paid a real price dating Jeffrey. This will be different, wonít it? Nickís not sure what Victor knows. He wants to assure him, to make promises. Instead, he says nothing. Victor and Nick look at each other, a silent understanding between them. EXT. GARDEN - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE - LATER The rehearsal dinner is underway. Strung with paper lanterns, the yard looks enchanted. The usual suspects are packed around a candle-lit table, absorbed in lively conversation. Jeffrey, brooding, doesnít engage, just drinks heavily. At the center of it all, Nick is quietly relishing being a part of this family dinner. Kat and Nick make eye contact. Theyíve finally caught up with the couple they were pretending to be at the beginning of the weekend. Bunnyís voice cuts through the din like a knife-- BUNNY I blame Tony Pee-Pants! KAT Oh, no. (to Nick) She tells this story at every major holiday. BUNNY Why should this be any different? (taking Nickís arm) Besides, I have to initiate Nick into the family. (to Nick) I blame Tony for why my two girls canít seem to get along. Kat and Amy moan, here we go. BUNNY (CONTíD) Oh, donít deny it. You barely tolerate each other. TJ Itís true. All you have in common is that you both secretly want to be me. (raising her glass) Cheers. KAT (to Nick) She blames Tony Pee-Pants Pinterello for everything. The fall of the British Empire, the Cold War, the internet. BUNNY It was just after we moved here. My little girls got in a fight over Tony Pee-Pants and they havenít made up since. Amy rolls her eyes, saves them all from Bunny by telling the story herself. AMY Apparently, Kat and I were inseparable. BUNNY If Kat ate a banana, Amy threw it up. TJ If Amy threw it up, Kat ate it. Lydia is vaguely disgusted. She pulls a face. Bunny waves a hand in front of her eyes. This story always kills her. KAT We were eating and puking together in harmony until one day, Tony walked me home from school. He was my first boyfriend. (pointedly) I was fourteen. AMY So Tony Pee-Pants starts ignoring Kat. He wanted to play with me. KAT You practically bribed him with your erector set. NICK (aside, to Kat) Fourteen and heís hoodwinked by a an erector set? KAT I didnít say he was worth it. They share a private smile. AMY Whatever. The point is, Tony ended up with a chair in his face. BUNNY (in her defense) It was plastic. And child-sized. But there were some stitches involved. TJ Like fifteen. KAT Dad made me go over and apologize the next day. BUNNY Iím an American and in America, people sue. So to prevent a lawsuit, I baked a tart. And I donít bake. KAT So Dad rang the bell and when Tony Pee-Pants opened the door, I threw the tart at him and popped his stitches. Victor laughs, remembering. Bunny hits him on the arm. VICTOR Sorry. He chuckles again. VICTOR (CONTíD) You should have seen his face-- (he makes a surprised face) Then, boom. Right in the kisser. BUNNY (shaking her head) What happened to my little angels? Amy and Kat both ignore their mother, whoís misting up. NICK And thatís when he peed in his pants? After the tart? KAT He bled a bunch, but no, there was no peeing. NICK So whatís with the nickname? They all think about that. BUNNY I have absolutely no idea. Everyone laughs. EXT. GARDEN - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE - LATER Many of the guests have gone. Empty bottles of wine litter the table. Only the immediate family, TJ, Nick and Jeffrey remain. Jeffreyís still drinking heavily and Katís not at the table. INT. WINE CELLAR - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE Kat pulls a bottle of wine off the top shelf just as someone comes up behind her. Kat feels a hand on her back, spins around and drops the bottle. Jeffrey reaches out and grabs it before it drops. She looks at his somber face, takes the bottle, and sets it back on the shelf. KAT Okay, letís do this. Whatís the big confession? EXT. GARDEN - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE - SAME Nick looks for Kat. Concern crosses his face as he notices that Jeffreyís gone, too. Nick picks up a couple of empty wine bottles off the table. INT. KITCHEN - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE - MOMENTS LATER Nick drops the bottles into a recycling bin then looks over at the basement door. INT. WINE CELLAR - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE - SAME Nick stands at the top of the cellar stairs. Heís eavesdropping, partially concealed by the half-open door. JEFFREY (O.S.) Well, in a way, you were right. The prob was, you were in love. I wanted to be. But I wasnít. INTERCUT WITH JEFFREY AND KAT: JEFFREY (CONTíD) If Iíd have confessed, you would have forgiven me. But the truth is, I didnít want to be forgiven. I sort of just needed it to end. Kat processes Jeffreyís words, tries to be open. JEFFREY (CONTíD) Bollocks, Iím sorry. I had no idea this would be so difficult. KAT Relax. Take a breath and just say it. Itís no big deal. I promise. JEFFREY Brilliant. KAT Well, it was a big deal. As late as...yesterday. Or this morning. (beat) But not anymore. Nick smiles. KAT (CONTíD) And you were right -- it is why I brought Nick with me...because I wanted to drive you insane. To torture you slowly, for the entire weekend. But then something happened. I started to fall for him. And now, and I hope this doesnít hurt your feelings, now Iím sick of you and me, of our story. Nick, almost giddy with happiness, moves away from the door, then back towards it again. Finally, he closes it quietly and leaves. Downstairs, Kat takes Jeffreyís hand. KAT (CONTíD) Itís the past. Itís nothing but ghosts. So just get it off your chest, then letís go back upstairs and eat some tiramisu. JEFFREY I slept with your sister. Silence. KAT Iím sorry? JEFFREY I shagged Amy. Two years ago. Thatís why I ended it. And then, after you left, sod it, we kept at it like rabbits until we both realized it was absolutely mad. And, you know, morally wrong. Then there was that one other time. And that was it. Kat stares at him, blood pounding in her ears. JEFFREY (CONTíD) Last Christmas when Ed proposed, I realized...Iím in love with her. I canít lose her. She feels like sheís trapped in a horror movie. Sheís got to get out of here. In a daze, she turns around and heads toward the stairs. JEFFREY (CONTíD) What? Good lord, say something. You said I should tell you the truth. Kat stops dead, her jaw stiffens. When she turns and looks at him, her face is filled with loathing. KAT I wasted two years grieving this? Kat laughs. It is so close to tears, that the sound catches in her throat. She shakes her head, wearily, and mechanically walks up the stairs. EXT. GARDEN - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE Kat emerges like a sleepwalker. She looks for Nick, doesnít find him anywhere. She drifts toward the table. Jeffrey appears in the doorway behind her. TJ is the first to look up. She sees Katís face, sees Jeffrey, and knows what happened. TJ goes to Kat. TJ Oh, no. He told you. KAT You knew? TJ Iím so sorry. Kat shakes her head and looks past TJ to Amy. Amy meets her sisterís gaze and instantly gets it. Desperate to keep this from Ed, she heads Kat off. AMY Please donít say anything. Kat looks at Amy like theyíve never met. Amyís eyes are wild, silently pleading. AMY (CONTíD) Please. Kat has never felt more alone. She looks everywhere for Nick. He finally emerges from the house and comes to Katís rescue, folding her in his arms. Kat holds onto him for dear life. Then-- AMY (to Nick) I canít believe you told her! Kat pulls away from Nick, confused. As she stumbles backwards, all she sees is Nickís face. All she hears is Amyís voice, miles away. AMY (O.S.) You said your job was discretion. You couldnít wait until you got back to New York? Bunny and Victor watch, confused, as Kat runs out. Nick runs after her as Ed approaches Jeffrey. ED Whatís going on? Jeffrey looks straight at his best friend. JEFFREY Nothing. ED (skeptical) Doesnít look like nothing. Jeffrey puts his arm around Ed. JEFFREY Now is not the time to catch on. (re: Edís empty glass) It is, however, time for another round. EXT. FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE Kat staggers down the moonlit lane. Sheís barely staving off a breakdown. Nick runs up behind her. NICK Kat! Kat charges forward, blindly, as Nick follows. NICK (CONTíD) Come on! Donít be-- Katís anger swells, she spins around. KAT What?! I canít believe I trusted you! How could you not tell me!? Nick sees the pain in Katís face. Itís pain for Jeffrey, for the past. NICK (angrily) Jesus, Kat. What did you want me to say? That your sister slept with your fiancť? That everybody knew and no one respected you enough to tell you? Nick is not used to being angry. He grows uneasy, hedges-- NICK (CONTíD) Besides, you hired me for my discretion. KAT Youíve always got that to hide behind, donít you? Itís just business! NICK Yeah! For all I know, come Monday morning, weíll go back to the real world and...and youíll be hiring me for your best friend! Katís face fills with hurt. NICK (CONTíD) I mean, come on. Did you actually think weíd be boyfriend and girlfriend? This stops Kat a moment, then-- KAT You let me make a fool of myself! You lied to me! I donít know why that surprises me because lying is what you do. Itís your job. Itís who you are. How would you even know if something were real? NICK Youíre judging me?! Oh, thatís a good one. Youíre lying to me, youíre lying to your family, and youíre lying to yourself. But youíre going to stand there and point a finger at me? The man you hired to pretend to be your boyfriend? Silence. Each wants the other to fight for it. But neither does. Kat gives up. KAT Youíre right. I was so desperate to make everyone believe I was happy that I spent six grand on a lie. And after all that? The only one who ended up falling for it was me. NICK Go ahead, Kat. Hate me. You were running out of steam on the whole Jeffrey thing. Maybe now youíll be able to hold onto this just long enough to ruin your next relationship. Nickís had enough. He turns and walks away, leaving Kat stunned. EXT. FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE - LATER The party is over, the house lights low. Moonlight washes over Nick as he carries his packed suitcase to his car. Ed comes out of the house, jogs up to Nick. NICK Iíll just check into a hotel. ED Donít be ridiculous. Itís late and the place is empty. Just take my car. Ed hands him a set of keys. ED (CONTíD) I donít know whatís going on with you two, but Iím sure itíll work out. You couldnít be more perfect for her if she picked you out of a catalogue. Nick smiles, wearily. NICK Thanks, man. Nick tosses his bag in back and gets in the car. INT. SITTING ROOM - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE - SAME Kat stands at the window, her eyes puffy. She watches as Nick drives away, then she turns around. Her mom and dad wait in the darkened living room. Kat tries to be strong, but then she goes to her father, burying herself in his arms. Bunny hides a pang of disappointment as she gently touches Katís head. INT. KATíS ROOM - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE - LATER Kat straightens up her room. A KNOCK on the door and Amy walks in. AMY Hey. KAT Hey. Kat keeps cleaning up. AMY I just wanted to say thank you. For not outing me in front of Ed. I want to tell him. Just not on the night before our wedding. With these kind of things, timing is everything. Kat turns on her sister, sheís smiling. KAT Youíre right. You should really time it right so when he hears that you repeatedly screwed his best friend, he doesnít feel like the world is collapsing around him and thereís no escape because you tricked him into marrying you. Amy wasnít ready for Katís intensity, she backs towards the door. AMY You know what? Iím not having this conversation right now. KAT Sure, disappear. Weíve been walking away our whole lives. Amy turns around and faces Kat, willing to hear anything. KAT (CONTíD) Iím not even going to discuss the fact that you screwed my fiancť because youíve always been a spoiled, amoral, little princess. Amy looks horrified but Katís not backing down. KAT (CONTíD) But I put up with all of it because I really believed that deep down, you loved me and you were a good person. I really thought you deserved someone like Ed. God I envied you guys. Somehow, he made your selfish bullshit seem okay. Almost endearing. Amy looks at Kat with tears in her eyes. KAT (CONTíD) And now I know. You didnít deserve any of it. You were just lucky. Kat looks at her sister, sadly. KAT (CONTíD) Donít worry, Amy. Your wedding will be perfect. Tomorrow, Iíll smile and say all the right things and youíll deal with Ed when youíre ready. But right now, tonight, I canít pretend itís okay. Amy, stricken, exits. As she leaves, her shoulders start to shake. She is crying. Katís reflex is to go to her, but she stops herself. Itís too soon to forgive. She walks over and closes the door. INT. BOATHOUSE - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE - SAME Nick stands, alone in the darkened boathouse, speaking on his cell phone. NICK And thatís the first flight out? He writes something down on a piece of paper. NICK (CONTíD) All right, thank you. He hangs up and sits down on the edge of the bed. He looks at the floor. At nothing. INT. KATíS ROOM - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE Kat lies in bed. She stares at the ceiling. At nothing. CUT TO: INT. KATíS ROOM - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE - MORNING Katís eyes flutter open. Sheís not refreshed and she doesnít feel better. The only thing thatís changed is that itís morning. Kat looks up at the ceiling. KAT (O.S.) Iím okay. CU ON KATíS FACE, STARING INTO CAMERA. SHE SEES NOTHING. INT. HAIR DRESSER - DAY Katís make-up is flawless and her hair is perfect but her eyes are clouded with pain and sleeplessness. BUNNY (O.S.) I donít believe you. Bunny sits next to Kat in a barberís chair. KAT No, Iím fine, really. Nothing a bottle of Jack and a straight razor canít fix. Katís trying to be light, but her eyes are a dead giveaway. Kat draws in a long breath, trying to summon some semblance of joy. KAT (CONTíD) Anyway, it doesnít matter. Todayís Amyís day. She braves a glance at her motherís face. Bunnyís not buying. EXT. CAR PARK - HAIR DRESSER Kat stands in the car park behind the salon, furtively sucking on a cigarette as she pulls off an old nicotine patch. Choking, she throws down the cigarette as the salon door opens and Bunny steps out. BUNNY Whatís going on with you two? KAT I was pretty hard on her last night. (welling up) And now sheís getting married. BUNNY Thereís a reason I always tell that Tony Pee-Pants story, you know. KAT Trust me. This is bigger than Tony Pee-Pants. BUNNY (pressing on) Before Tony, you and your sister were best friends. I couldnít split you up. If your sister ate the spinach, you ate the spinach. If you threw up--. KAT Mom, please. BUNNY (CONTíD) Anyway, when that boy came over, it was the first time you ever did anything without her. (beat) And Amy wasnít just jealous...she was sad and lonely. She missed you. KAT She did? BUNNY So she flirted with Tony, and you got mad and sent him away. Who did that leave? (beat) You and Amy. Reunited. Kat stands, stunned, as Bunny brushes her hand against Katís cheek. BUNNY (CONTíD) I wish I had known it would go by so fast. Kat watches, full of emotion, as Bunny leaves with tears in her eyes. INT. CHURCH A series of images as Wedding preparations transform the austere church. A carpet is unrolled down the aisle. A bouquet is affixed to a pew. Programs are laid out. CUT TO: A HAND ZIPPING UP A SUITCASE. INT. BOATHOUSE - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE Bag in hand, Nick locks up the boathouse and sets the keys on top of the door frame. EXT. FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE Limos wait outside both Katís house and the house next door. Bunny fusses with Amyís dress as they walk toward the car. Victor and Kat follow, arm in arm. ANGLE ON VICTOR AND KAT. Victor looks at Kat, who is trying to be brave. Itís almost working. INT. ANNEX - CHURCH Amy nervously fusses with her dress when Kat walks in. Kat stops when she sees her sister, glowing in a beam of dusty light. It takes Katís breath away. KAT Wow. You look beautiful. AMY Yeah. Most important day of my life. Whatever. Listen, I chose you to be my Maid of Honor for a lot of reasons: I love you, youíre my favorite, and only, half-sister, blah blah blah. But the main reason I picked you is because youíve been so miserable for the past few years, I knew you wouldnít outshine me. (beat) But here it is, my big day. My big day. And something doesnít feel right. Maybe it was that pep talk you gave me last night, I donít know, but your misery just isnít working for me anymore. Amy tries to keep up her tough attitude but when she levels her gaze at Kat, her eyes cloud with a regret deeper than we thought her capable of. AMY (CONTíD) It was a horrible thing I did to you. Iím really sorry. Amy takes her sisterís hand. Then lets it drop. AMY (CONTíD) I know you hate when I get what I want. But right now, all I want is for you to be happy. ON KAT as this sinks in. EXT. CHURCH Kat pushes open the heavy church doors. Organ music floods out as Kat surreptitiously looks up and down the street. Victor appears behind her. Kat looks at her dad and forces a smile. Victor knows sheís upset. VICTOR So whyíd you let him go? KAT Itís complicated, Dad. VICTOR (ironically) Oh, well, then. It probably wonít work out. Victor stops and faces her, his voice full of meaning. VICTOR (CONTíD) I read a fascinating article in the New Yorker once and this guy said: ďEvery woman has the exact love life she wants.Ē You know what? I agree. And I refuse to believe that this is what you want. Kat is overwhelmed but Victor continues. VICTOR (CONTíD) Ever since you were a little kid, youíve been trying to please other people. And in return for your services, all theyíve done is disappoint you. (beat) So tell me, is this the guy for you? Kat thinks about this. KAT Yeah. VICTOR Then for once in your life, do something for yourself. Kat looks at him gratefully and makes a silent decision. INT. CAR [DRIVING] Kat speeds down the road in her parentsí car. The empty boat trailer clatters behind her. INT. CHURCH Amy watches through a crack in the door as the GUESTS take their seats. INT. ANNEX - CHURCH Amy paces nervously. Ed knocks and enters, covering his eyes so he doesnít see her dress. ED Your mother said youíd like a quick word. Amy takes Edís hands away from his eyes. From the look on her face, Ed knows something is wrong. INT. WOODS Kat races through the woods, trying to keep her dress from catching on the branches that whip at her on all sides. INT. CHURCH The Guests are all seated now, and the organ has begun its mood music. In the atrium just outside the church, the entire wedding party, minus Amy and Ed, is gathered, waiting. EXT. BOATHOUSE - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE Kat bursts into the clearing, her hair tousled, her dress nightmarish. She tries to catch her breath as she looks up to the porch of the boathouse. This is supposed to be the part where she sees Nick and they live happily ever after. INT. BOATHOUSE - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE Kat desperately searches the rooms of the boathouse. By the time she gets to the kitchen, she knows itís going to be empty. She opens the door, anyway. Nickís gone. On the kitchen table, a brown envelope. Kat picks it up. Written on the front: KAT. She turns it over to open it. On the back it reads: ďITíS ALL THERE, TRUST ME.Ē Kat laughs at how well Nick knows her. Her eyes fill with love. INT./EXT. CAR [DRIVING] Inside the car, Nickís face is stoic as he drives, his carryon on the seat next to him. INT. ANNEX - CHURCH Amy faces Ed, her eyes red and puffy. AMY I was too scared to tell you. I thought youíd never speak to me again. Iím so sorry. Ed is reeling, he just stares at Amy, saying nothing. Amyís finally doing her penance. The silence is killing her. AMY (CONTíD) Say something. Please. ED I knew you were still seeing someone else when we finally got together. I never in a million years would have dreamt it was Jeffrey. Ed shakes his head, trying to understand. ED (CONTíD) Does Kat know? AMY Jeffrey told her last night. ED Last night? Ed winces, remembering, then lets out a growl. ED (CONTíD) That worthless bastard! Ed staggers towards the door. INT. CHURCH Ed slams the door on his way out of the annex. He charges up the aisle, past the pews full of guests. Guests MURMUR in surprise. Ed picks up speed. He's like a heat-seeking missile that's found its mark: JEFFREY, stands at the back, chatting up a DUMPY BRIDESMAID. He turns just in time to see Ed running up the aisle. TJ spots Ed, too. Jeffreyís seen this movie before Ė- he knows heís about to get his ass kicked. Jeffrey drops everything and starts running. At that moment, TJ grabs a FLOWER GIRL and uses the little girl to trip Jeffrey. He falls, scrambles back up and keeps running. EXT. STREET Kat trudges up the church steps, her head down. Just then, the door bursts open and Jeffrey flies out of the church and races down the street. Moments later, Ed explodes from the church and takes off after Jeffrey. Kat watches them run down the street, confused, then goes inside. INT./EXT. CAR [DRIVING] Nickís staring straight ahead when something STREAKS PAST HIS WINDOW. Nick thinks heís seeing things, looks in the rear-view mirror to investigate. Just then, ANOTHER FORM STREAKS PAST. Nick looks out the back window and sees Ed chasing Jeffrey down the street. Nick shakes his head, but keeps driving. This family is not his problem anymore. Nick wills his eyes to stay on the road, but then he canít help it. He looks into the rear-view mirror again. Almost despite himself, Nick throws the car into a U-turn. He catches up and pulls alongside Ed, whoís still chasing Jeffrey. NICK Hey. Ed looks over at Nick, but keeps running, his tuxedo flailing. Nick keeps pace. ED (winded) I look like a total wanker, donít I? NICK Yeah, kind of. Ed keeps running. NICK (CONTíD) Only way to beat that guy is to take yourself out of the game. Ed finally stops running. Wheezing, he bends over to catch his breath. Nick pulls over. INT. ANNEX - CHURCH Back inside, Amy nervously awaits her fate. Kat enters. She wants to hug Amy, but offers her a tissue instead. Amy takes it gratefully. INT./EXT. CAR Ė LATER Nick and Ed pull up to the church. Nick turns off the car. Neither one of them gets out. ED You heading to the train station? NICK I figured you could pick up your car tomorrow. ED Yeah. They sit in silence, the church looming in front of them. ED (CONTíD) I felt sorry for you last night. I was sitting there like some smug arse thinking how lucky I am. Edís clearly struggling. Nick lets him talk. ED (CONTíD) I forgave her when I thought it was just some bloke. Bugger it. Why Jeffrey? (beat) Iíve had her up on a pedestal ever since...since the day I put her up there. Itís going to take a long time for me to get over this. Nick tries to find the right words of encouragement. Finally, he takes his best shot. NICK Think about it this way: you get to spend the rest of your life having make-up sex. Ed thinks on this a moment. Then he turns to Nick. ED Listen, mate, are you coming to this wedding or not? EXT. CHURCH Kat pushes open the heavy doors to take one last look. She steps outside and the door closes, revealing-- NICK, now dressed in his tux. He smiles at her. NICK Hi. KAT Hi. They take each other in. NICK When we were fighting last night, it hit me. No one had ever cared about me as much as you cared about Jeffrey. Thatís why I was so angry. Iím sorry I took it out on you -- I didnít mean to hurt you. (beat) And then, I was going to get out of here and leave you alone, but halfway to the station, I realized-- From inside, the WEDDING MARCH begins to play. Nick takes her face in his hands. NICK (CONTíD) Iíd rather fight with you than make love to anyone else. Kat is speechless. Nick leans down and kisses her like heís going to keep on kissing her forever. But then, he breaks away. NICK (CONTíD) I should go. KAT What?! No, no. You canít-- NICK I have to. (he smiles) Iím the best man. INT. HALLWAY - CHURCH Nick and Kat stand in a dark doorway, facing the closed door. They share a secret smile in the dark. Just then, the USHER opens the door and Nick leads Kat down the aisle. As they walk, they exchange sidelong glances. Both are as nervous and excited as school kids. Behind them, Victor and Amy beam as they await their turn. Nick leans over and whispers in her ear. INT. CHURCH Ė LATER In the background, Amy and Ed stand at the altar. They hold hands tightly, grateful to have lost and found each other. Nick and Kat peek across at each other. They both smile. KAT (O.S.) ďToday is a day for love and for beauty. But most of all, it's a day for truth.Ē INT. TENT - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE - AFTERNOON Kat speaks into a microphone, trying to deliver her speech. All around her, she sees faces: Mom, Dad, Amy, Ed, TJ. Kat looks down at a crumpled scrap of paper. KAT Iíve been working on this speech since these two got engaged. It was supposed to be touching and funny. Kat looks at Nick. He doesnít have to do anything. He just is support. KAT (CONTíD) I thought Iíd come back to England and have an epiphany. Iíd see Amy and the perfect thing would pop into my head and it would encapsulate how and why I love my sister. But I came home and everything was a mess and the truth and beauty line was all I could come up with. (beat) And I think I stole that from the back of an in-flight magazine. The GUESTS laugh. Kat looks at her mom. KAT (CONTíD) A wonderful woman once said about Amy: ďItís not that I love her more, itís that she lets me love her.Ē Kat raises her glass in a toast. KAT (CONTíD) (to Ed and Amy) It can be the scariest thing in the world to let someone love you and to know how to love them back. Take good care of each other. I love you both. Everyone clinks glasses. A few people sniffle or kiss their dates. Kat and Amy hold each otherís gaze. Nearby, Bunny watches her little girls with tears in her eyes. INT. TENT - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE - DUSK The STAFF has already started packing up. Edís Father whispers something to the BANDLEADER and pulls his wife out on the dance floor. He spins her around as ďMa Vie en RoseĒ begins to play. She smiles, happily, as they dance. Ed tries to keep a very drunk Amy away from the present table. Slouching on the piano, TJ makes out with her date, Woody, the bartender. The CAMERA FINDS Kat and Nick on the dance floor. NICK Nice speech. I thought it was ďtouchingĒ... and ďfunny.Ē KAT Thank you. Nick gracefully spins Kat around; they really do dance beautifully together. KAT (CONTíD) Since Iíve generously agreed to go out with you, I think itís only fair that you tell me how you got into the business? Kat smiles mischievously. Nick pulls her close. Heís finally going to tell her. NICK You know why I never tell the real story of how I got into this? Kat shakes her head, "no." Nick swings her around in an elaborate dip and kisses her on the neck. NICK (CONTíD) Because itís boring. (Kat laughs) Now if you want to hear a good story, let me tell you the one about how I got out of it. Kat and Nick smile at each other as their dancing grows more effortless. In the background, Ed tugs a half-opened present out of Amyís hands and puts it back on the table. She jumps up on his back and he happily carts her off to the loo. CUT TO: A HAND COUNTING MONEY IN THE BROWN ENVELOPE. EXT. BOATHOUSE - FLETCHER-WOOTEN ESTATE - SAME A WORKER finishes counting the money, closes the envelope, and tucks it in his pocket. The CAMERA PULLS BACK as he walks over to TWO OTHER WORKERS, who are scraping paint off a hoisted-up ďJACK SHIP.Ē As the first star appears in the night sky, the music swells and we slowly make out the sounds of the greatest make-up sex of all time, echoing in the distance. FADE TO BLACK.