"LOOKING FOR THE MAN" Screenplay by Doran William Cannon 2004 UNPRODUCED CLOSE: An old SNAPSHOT CREDITS AND MUSIC ROLL OVER: -- A father, closing in on 40 and a son, 11, on a skating rink, wearing hockey uniforms, holding hockey sticks like swords in battle, frozen laughter on their faces. Vague CHIRPING of birds in deep background. DON'S 37 Y.O. VOICE OVER Listen... my Dad isn't really sick, and he's not really sad, if you think that you won't understand our story, or you'll cry instead of laugh. PULLING BACK FROM SNAPSHOT TO REVEAL a wall full of snapshots and family memories, Mom, Dad, Cicely, and Don, pets, cars, house, time marching on... Dad and Mom getting old, kids grown, college, girl friends, the time, place and meaning of each itching to be discovered, as DON'S VOICE OVER CONTINUES: DON'S VOICE OVER I call him My Dad instead of his name because he's probably like your Dad too. And that's why I want to share our story... cause you have a Dad too, and so you and I share the same feelings. PULLING BACK FARTHER TO REVEAL DAD, sitting at the kitchen table in front of the gallery of snapshots, ageless, healthy, strong, yet a gleamy stare in his eyes tells another story; as he is lifting a spoonful of soup to his lips as a two year old might, fascinated with the chanciness of whether it will make it all the way to his lips. A lovable old dog, MAX, sits by his side with big brown eyes also transfixed on the wayward spoon's long journey. DON'S VOICE OVER When my Dad lost some of his marbles to become an Alzheimer's case, at first I thought, how sad, he's gone, gone, gone. He was just entering a new and very exciting phase of his life. The rest of us would just have to learn how to keep up. CREDITS END DAD is attracted by the sound of the birds, he looks in that direction, lets his spoon just plop into the soup; he grins at the sloppy results, gets up and walks to the screened window, REVEALING MOM, in her chair, working a crossword puzzle, cigarette drifting smoke from the ashtray, looking up as he goes by her, ingrained resignation in her eyes -- MOM (in her smoker's foghorn voice) Will you... finish the soup. You look so damn thin. DAD Fly away. ON DAD, moving to watch the bird feeding station outside the window -- just one bird pecking at slim pickings. Dad reaches into a bag punches the screen window open, and throws a handful of seed in the direction of the feeding station. Luckily much of the seed hits its mark, and about six birds suddenly fly in for a feeding frenzy. A glint appears in Dad's eyes. MAX rises up to the window's ledge, gives the birds an obligatory woof and growl. Dad leans in to BARK with Max. Max looks at Dad in surprise, then the two of them join in a barking frenzy. Brothers under the skin. MOM'S VOICE Okay, Okay... now the birds're eating, so you come in and finish your soup. Come on. She gets up, joins him, and tries to lead him back to the table. MAX follows. Dad turns to her... and BARKS right in her face. So does Max. MOM I made this soup... and it's damn good. DON'S VOICE OVER Mom never really talked WITH Dad. She always talked AT him... their whole life... we all did that in our family. Communication was not our strong suit. So, when Dad lost his ability to make sense, it really didn't make much difference. DAD ...you... took my money... As she leads him to sit at the table by the elbow, Dad winces like a dog in pain. MOM Your money is in the bank. DAD ...nobody gloms the man do you see the man pepper her if not today maybe a way... get the ticket... MOM That's right. The soup is good. Come, eat the soup... eat the soup. Finally at the table, Dad barks, thrashes his arms up, throwing her back. Angry, he thrashes at the bowl of soup and it tips over. Mom catches herself at the kitchen sink, grabs a towel and moves to the table to wipe up the soup. Max starts lapping up the soup on the floor. DON'S VOICE OVER Now that I know what I know, I know that we did have a strong suit. Our strong suit was... love. L.O.V.E. Deep, abiding, unspoken and buried under a dozen layers of pure dysfunctional shit. It didn't really matter, we were just like everybody else. Dad starts to scuffle with Mom. He doesn't want her to clean up the soup. Ad-libbing scuffle, as OUR VIEW MOVES through the gallery wall. DON'S V.O. That's me, when I was ten. That's my older sister, Cicely, she and I used to write songs together, we even had one on the charts... "Jumpin' Through Hoops for You,"... but that was years ago before she got married to this rich guy and I became a Certified Financial Planner... helping other people to plan their insurance, and retirements and how to save their money. -- and that was my dog, Charlie -- I tried to take him to college, but... oh, well... and, oops, there's my wife... oops my ex-wife, Susie... and my little boy, Richie. He was six then, and now he's thirteen, and he hates me. DAD AND MOM, scuffling back and forth in front of the Gallery of snapshots. Dad is now trying to put on his hat and a scarf. MOM Where are you going!? DAD ...the man... back to the man he knows. He knows. Dad walks through a door, but it's the broom closet. Brooms and buckets fly out hitting him on the head, he steps on a bottle of dish soap, spurting its contents all over him, and Mom too as she tries to stop him. MOM Where are you going! Stop... right now. Dad throws some bird seed in her face and runs out the door, Max following him. Mom is stunned, fighting to get the bird seed out of her eyes, mouth and hair. MOM Damn it, you!... wait! THE PHONE RINGS. She answers it. MUFFLED PHONE VOICE Mrs. Markopolis? I'm Rex Borden. Our records here in Toronto show that you own 200 Kruggerands and... She hangs up and runs out the door. EXT. OLD TOWN - MIDWESTERN SUBURBAN STREET - ICY - WINTRY - DUSK Dad has moved quickly from the house, through the gate, where Mom is just emerging, looking this way, then that way, when she spots him and calls after him. Dad pays no attention as he heads one way, looks around with a puzzled and then a resolved look on his face, scurries in the next direction, and across the street, Max at his side, with Mom yelling after him to stop. He and Max get to the other side of the street, when -- WE HEAR, BUT HE DOESN'T -- SCREECHING BRAKES. The BIG CITY BUS glides on the icy street, trying to stop, the driver's face looming large through the window, as he frantically turns the steering wheel... too late. ON MOM -- KA-BASH! -- as she's smashed and thrown aside by the bus like a rag doll. ON DAD -- as he (and Max) determinedly pushes his way along the street, unaware of what has happened in his wake. DAD (mumbling) ...waiting... too late... today, NOT tomorrow. No wait. The man won't wait. No wait. As he goes, the SCENE BEHIND HIM recedes into the background, the ruckus. The bus, the crowd, Mom's lifeless body sprawled on the ground. DON'S V.O. Let me tell you about my own life. It was a piece of crap, and getting worse. SIRENS SEGUEING TO: INT. AN OFFICE - DAY The BUSY EXECUTIVE sits behind her desk, trying to listen carefully. DON, early 40's, dressed in his best suit, has his laptop computer set up on her desk, and he pushes buttons from one read-out to the next, a graphic journey through life's actuarial statistics. DON ...at age sixty, you'll have what you need to retire... EXEC Yes, but not what I WANT to retire. DON Okay, good point. So, how much is that? Supposing you want half a million in securities, plus an income of $65,000 a year, you'll have to add to your IRA... EXEC Hah! DON Hah? EXEC Um-hmmm-hah!!? I'll need ten million in the bank, and one million a year. DON That much? No one needs a million a year. You have to be realistic. EXEC How the hell do YOU know that I am not being realistic. I'm a fucking money machine. There's a pot of gold on the other side of Mount Hood just waiting for me! I, Mr. SalesMan have, vision. She flexes her bicep and her bosom simultaneously. Don nods, getting the point. The intercom buzzes. She picks it up. EXEC It's your office... for you. Don gets up to take the phone, knocks his laptop into a vase, tries to catch it, but too late... the vase crashes into a dozen pieces on the hard floor. He grimaces, she rolls her eyes. DON'S V.O. See what I mean? I was dead meat. CUT TO: INT. A 747 AIRPLANE - NIGHT On Don, squeezed in the middle seat, sleeping. DON'S V.O. I hadn't been home in five years. Duluth, Minnesota... the kind of town people are from but never go to. When I called, -- once a week, every Sunday, when I had Richie with me... those Sundays when I had paid Susie her monthly pound of flesh... the ransom... for letting me see my own son... I'd talk to my Mom, but she'd say Dad was in the basement working on his wooden toys. He sold his hardware store and retired just so he could do that, it turned out to be a pretty good business, little toy stores all over the country bought his old fashioned wooden toys -- then at Christmas, he'd send one to Richie and one to my sister's kids... and he'd always keep a few to give 'em away whenever he met a kid. Anyway, when Mom said he was busy in the basement, I always figured that he just didn't want to talk to me... sure he taught me to play hockey, but he also beat the crap out of me when I was thirteen, and to this day, I never knew why... what had I done? So it just seemed better if he pretended to be working on his toys when I called. I think we spend our whole lives trying to please our fathers, but I was beginning to believe... you can't. And now, I guess it was too late. Oh, well, oh, shit, now Mom's dead, Dad's got... what did they call it, Old Timer's disease... Oh, well, oh, shit, life is a bitch, and then you die. Ho. Ho. Ho. Merry Christmas. Don turns over in his sleep as best he can in the cramped economy class seat in the middle. As he turns over, he pulls on the seat in front of him with one hand, and elbows some extra room from the heavyset lady next to him. Eyes burn at him from two directions but Don doesn't notice it. ON HIS LAPTOP COMPUTER SCREEN: Actuarial tables and statistics. ON DON - CLOSE His eyes pop open, staring, sad. ON DAD - CLOSE Mumbling to himself, sweating... DON'S VOICE Dad? Is that you? Dad? CUT TO: (SCENE REVEALED) EXT. DAD'S HOUSE - FRONT LAWN BEHIND THE WHITE FENCE - MORNING Dad's knees dug into the snow, as he searches through the snow, pulling out dormant tulip bulbs as he finds them. Max thinks it's a game, barks, grabs for the tulips, doesn't like 'em, barks again. A "companion", a fat black woman, stands in the doorway of the house. Don is well behind Dad, suitcase in hand, speaking to him... but not heard. DAD (to himself) Hurry... hurry... nothing there. Nothing there. Finally, Don drops to his knees next to Dad. DON Dad... it's me. Dad turns, looks at him, blinks, hands Don some tulips, and keeps digging through the snow. Don is bewildered, puzzled, sad, helpless. DAD No time. No time. Dad, Max, Don. In the snow. CUT TO: INT. THE KITCHEN - DAY Don is on the phone. The Black Woman is bundled up waiting by the phone. Dad is sitting in his usual chair, staring ahead, planning his next devilish move. DON But I can't be in two places at once, Mel. No. No. Of course I want my son... to live with me... he's been with his... can't you get a continuance or whatever... it's today, the funeral's today... INTERCUT -- INT. MEL CHASE'S OFFICE - PORTLAND, OR. - DAY Mel Chase, an overworked patrician, stands behind his desk in Portland, Ore., signing documents for his secretary while Don's disembodied voice crackles on a speakerphone. DON'S V.O. ...my mother's funeral, Mel. MEL I understand, Don... so then just drag yourself on a plane... and get back to Portland... if you want your kid to live with you. INTERCUTTING -- IN THE KITCHEN, Dad has that gleam in his eye. The black teenager moves to Don, looks at her watch. DON But, I've got my Dad now... can't the judge... just...? MEL'S VOICE The judge can excuse a funeral... but that's it... do what you have to do, and get back or lose the deal, that's the deal. Your "ex" is already here in town, her lawyer is champing at the bit and the hearing is day after tomorrow, 1 PM. DON Will this cover it? Overnight, plus today? He hands the black teenager some money. She shrugs... BLACK TEENAGER I guess so... She opens the overhead latch to go out. Swish! Dad darts for the door, squeezes in front of the girl... and he's gone! DON Oh, God! (on phone) Later! Don drops the phone, and runs after him. EXT. THE HOUSE - DAY Dad and Max moving fast, across the yard, through the fence, and just about to cross the icy street, as Don catches up, grabs Dad by the arm. Dad flails his arm free... DAD You! You! You! Dad pokes his finger into Don's chest a half dozen times. Don just takes it, as -- CUT TO: EXT. SUBURBAN STREETS - ICY - DAY OUR VIEW - THROUGH THE WINDOWS OF A MOVING CAR, revealing the icy streets of the small town, -- tableau's of changing America-people jogging, their breaths steaming in the cold air, shoveling snow on driveways and paths, "hometown" is in the air. DAD'S VOICE ...no, no! That way. Don't you know... anything!? That way... no. no. no. Not ping. Nose. Nose! Can't you see... the man... the man... he's waiting... you me late. Making. ON DAD AND DON -- in the back seat of a limousine, dressed in dark suits and coats. Dad is agitated, wide-eyed, gesturing wildly, this way and that. Don is trying to maintain his cool. DAD How can you... this way... it's THAT way. Turn that way! DON Dad... he can't turn that way. DAD No. Don't you know... the man... that way. DON Who is this man? Just say his name. DAD You know her name. DON Her name? You mean your wife. My mother? Dad's eyes glaze over. Beat. Beat. DAD Yes. Where is he? DON Dad... don't you remember? She died. We're going to her funeral. Dad cocks his head like a puzzled puppy. DAD Oh? (a beat, he thinks) Will she be there? DON Yes, Dad, she'll be there. CUT TO: EXT. CEMETERY - WINTER - DAY A bright day, the sun glistening on the snowy ground, as the caravan of just five or six cars led by the hearse and the family limousine pull slowly around the rolling grounds. Some of the signs of the solemn side of Christmas in the cemetery. THE BURIAL SITE The gravediggers help to unload the casket from the hearse as the mourners take their places. GREEK ORTHODOX PRIEST In Greek or Latin: PRIEST For the Markopoulis family and its friends, we gather in sorrow and to celebrate God's eternal way, to lay Gladys Spyros Markopoulis to her eternal rest... The priest continues on as -- IN THE BACKGROUND, a taxicab pulls up, and a woman gets out and hurries to join the crowd. DON'S V.O. My older sister, Cicely, the righteous bitch was always fashionably late, even to her mother's funeral. It's her Godgiven right to do as she pleases without caring about anyone else. She's perfect, and the rest of us are only there as flaws to allow her perfection to be seen by comparison. Luckily for her, she married a husband who can pay for the luxury of her perfection. Cicely arrives at the group, stands next to Don. Whispers harshly for all to hear. CICELY Why didn't you wait? Funerals don't have to start on time. You could have had them wait. My plane circled the city for an hour. DON Oh. DON'S V.O. Giving Cicely the satisfaction of an answer could result in a ten minute monologue on why I'm no good, and she's the only one on earth worth shit. That's why I limited my answer to one word. "Oh." CICELY Is that the best you can say? "Oh." It's my mother's funeral, and all you can say is "oh." Well, of course, since you're the one who killed her. DON Really. I thought she was killed by a Pontiac station wagon. CICELY See. Jokes. At your mother's funeral. Where's Dad? The priest had been droning on, and only WE HAVE NOTICED that DAD drifted away from the whispering siblings... and now, when they both look around... he's gone. The two siblings each scan, turning their heads in opposite directions and around their respective bodies, until their heads meet on the backside with their eyes locked on the same view. THEIR VIEW Dad, in the distance, just disappearing into the oldest part of the cemetery. DON He's looking for the man. CICELY What man? This is no time to look for some man. It's his wife's funeral. DON I'll get him. CICELY Well, hurry up... how could you let him do this? Don slips away from the group, but not without notice, as one, then all eyes, turn to his receding figure, as the Priest goes on. HOLDING ON DON'S RECEDING FIGURE, AS: DON'S V.O. I was beginning to enjoy the sheer madness of it all. My Dad was no crazier than my sister, at least he had an excuse. I was starting to feel a connection with him -- something that I hadn't felt in a long time. It wasn't something I could put my finger on, not yet. All I knew for openers was that I wanted to help him find the man. My Dad was already in his second childhood, and you know what, I was jealous. I wanted to be in my second childhood too. DON disappears through the same place in the cemetery's old section, where the tombstones are high and the uncaretaken growth around them is even higher. EXT. IN THE OLD SECTION - DAY Don makes his way through the aisles of gravestones and growth. DON Dad? Dad? Don goes through the crowded area, passing by tombstones, which we read as he goes by. These are the stones of the long departed, some going back to the turn of the century and before that. DON Dad, where are you? Dad? He moves along, past tombstones, calling out for Dad, and then -- -- he trips and falls nearly flat on his face in the snow, and from that vantage point, he looks up to see -- Dad! Scurrying through, confused, scared. DON Dad...!! Dad... stop! Dad, startled, stops in his tracks. DAD How did you be?... looking for you. Dad comes over to him...and helps him get up out of the snow. DON YOU were looking for ME? I was looking for you. DAD Yes right... looking for you. Me too. ON DON, his head cocked now like a puzzled puppy. DON'S V.O. I couldn't figure it out, was he the crazy man, or was I the crazy man? From nowhere, the voice of Cicely is unmistakable. CICELY Oh, there you are... just like you. The funeral's not even over... Everyone from the funeral is there, all ten or twelve people, ad-libbing that they hope everything's okay. DON Um, don't worry... it's okay, my father just wanted to mourn in his own way, away from... you understand. And of course everyone says they understand except for Cicely, as Don leads Dad along the way, and the whole crowd passes by the old tombstones, and -- HOLD ON ONE TOMBSTONE as everyone passes by, but does not notice -- IT READS Tyrus Markopoulis - Loving Son, Loving Father - 1866-1943. And then, PANNING as people pass by, but do not notice the stone is next to the first one -- SECOND STONE READS Boris Markopoulis - Loving son, Loving Father - 1905-1966. DON'S V.O. Okay... I admit it. I was stupid. Dad had been looking for his own father's grave... and he found it but didn't see it. And neither did I. I didn't see it. I just didn't see it. EXT. MOM'S GRAVESITE - LATE DAY The cemetery workers are finishing the job of shoveling the dirt into the grave over the coffin, as the mourners reemerge from the Old Cemetery section in the deep background, with the shrillness of Cicely's voice stinging the cold winter air. ON CICELY CICELY What was going on here? So stupid, at my mother's funeral. How can anyone mourn with crazy people all around? Don, it's really your fault... One of the mourners, a man Don's age, approaches him. VIC Don... I'm Vic Hudnut... we were in Miss Troxell's fourth grade class together... DON (trying to remember) Oh... yes, hi, Vic. VIC If there's anything, anything I can do... don't hesitate to call. Vic puts a business card into Don's lapel pocket, pats him on the back for old times sake and he's gone before Don can blink. CICELY'S VOICE Really, Don... I have to catch the 8:30 flight, and you've just ruined my Mom's funeral. Here, you take Dad. She moves Dad in to Don, and -- the waiting cab having pulled up, opened its door... she's gone. Don's reaction as -- PULLING BACK, BACK, BACK TO REVEAL Don and Dad and, of course, Max, standing together, alone, and aimless in the vast cemetery. CUT TO: INT. BEDROOM - DAWN Don's face, horizontal, his eyes wide open, staring ahead, as morning light streaks across his face, and PULLING BACK -- He is in his boyhood bedroom, and nothing has really changed. Memorabilia of the mid-1980's- Michael J. Fox beams from a poster of BACK TO THE FUTURE. Don as a member of the Duluth High School track team. Skis. He's under a bedspread with a racing car printed on it. His eyes roam the room and he finally fixes on a big, no doubt purloined, burlesque poster... ROSE LA ROSE, the Queen of Texas Burlesque... he grins a little remembering the night he and his friends stole off with the giant poster. Suddenly, the door bursts open. It's Dad, stark naked. Max by his side. DAD He's gone. Not in the place. DON Dad. Mom died. She's not coming back. DAD He has the ticket. Don rises, sits on the edge of the bed. DON Mom died, Dad. She's gone. DAD He has the ticket. He turns, walks out. Max following. Don watches. The grin he wore for ROSE LA ROSE now replaced by a sad grimace. He picks up the card he was given at the funeral, and dials on his old Incredible Hulk dial phone. DON Vic Hudnut please... oh, Vic, it's Don Markel... I hope it's not too early to call... (Suddenly a CRASH is heard... maybe a pot or pan) Vic... could you come by my Dad's house... well, as soon as you can... I have to get back for a court case in Portland... tomorrow. Another CRASH is heard. DON Thanks... yeah... see you then. Don dashes out of the room... another crash is heard. INT. THE KITCHEN - DAY Don runs into the kitchen. The toaster is in the sink with the water running, causing electrical sparks and buzzes, but Dad is not there. Another CRASH is heard, more distinctive, garbage cans and hardware. DON Oh, God. (his eyes widen) Dad! He runs out of the kitchen. EXT. THE ICY PATH TO THE GARAGE - DAY Crashing sounds, as Don slips and slides, falls, gets up and enters through a side door. INT. THE GARAGE - DAY ON DON -- FROZEN in a stance of sheer terror. HIS VIEW -- Dad is in the car, naked, driving back and forth, smashing into the garbage cans and his old work shop machines, wooden toys falling off the shelves above, then back into the wooden garage door, cracking it. Max, the dog, is in the car too. DON Dad... stop! Stop! Don tries to open the car door but Dad is locked in, and doesn't hear him. We can see Dad talking to himself inside, and then he sees Don trying to open the door, but pays no attention. He crashes into the garage door, bam, and then crashes again, wildly shifting the gear lever back and forth. Finally, Don gloms onto a shovel from nowhere, and with all his might, he hits the back window of the moving car, but it doesn't break. He keeps hitting it and hitting it, and doesn't realize that the car has stopped and Dad, naked, has stepped out of the car, and is watching Don curiously. DAD Don't act crazy. Don't act crazy!! Don does a take, freezes the shovel above his head, and looks at Dad. DAD He's not in the place. Exhausted, Don exchanges a look with his Dad. His Dad gestures meaninglessly. Relieved, Don mimics the gesture. CUT TO: INT. DAD'S BEDROOM - DAY Don has Dad into his underwear shorts and pants, and is kneeling to put on socks and shoes. DON Is this what Mom did for you everyday? And she kept it all a secret... DAD I do my own! Dad kicks off the shoe. DON Dad, please... The DOORBELL RINGS... DAD Cut it out! The DOORBELL RINGS again. DON JUST A MINUTE! I'll be there in a minute!! (struggling with the shoe) Come on Dad. Let me do this. He and Dad struggle some more, and he finally gets the other shoe on... DON Okay, now the shirt... and... we'll get you down for some breakfast... ON VIC HUDNUT VIC Is this the one? ON SCENE As Vic enters the room, sees the problem, picks up Dad's shirt and holds it open... VIC Your Mom's house was always open, Don... just walk in -- cookies and hot chocolate -- As Don directs Dad's arms into the sleeves. DON How come you remember things, and I remember nothing... my Mom had cookies? VIC You left town, Donny, and I stayed. So, I remember... even if you don't. They direct Dad out of the room. Max follows. DON I thought you were a real estate agent, not a psychologist. VIC Freud, that's who got us into all this hot soup... and Hitler... but I forgive them both... INT. THE KITCHEN Empty. Mom's chair is featured. The gallery wall in the b.g. As Don and Vic lead Dad into the room. Max too. VIC Very few historians see the connection between Freud and Hitler. They were both just frustrated and angry men... like everybody else. What's for breakfast? They sit Dad down in the chair in front of the gallery of snapshots. The water is still running over the now smoking toaster in the sink. Don turns off the water, wipes off the toaster while Vic forages in the refrigerator. DON ...guess it won't be toast. Vic laughs. VIC Guess not. But, here's some milk and... cereal... and orange juice... DON Worth a shot. ON DAD -- sitting motionless, expressionless, staring, and then, he starts to blink curiously at his view. HIS VIEW -- MOM'S CHAIR -- -- empty. BACK ON SCENE As Don puts the glass of juice in front of Dad, and Vic puts a bowl of cereal in front of him. DON Here, Dad... you have to eat. Dad stares ahead, blinking. ON MOM'S CHAIR -- empty. PULLING BACK FAST to Dad's hands as he suddenly sweeps across the table, knocking the juice and the cereal all over the place. DON Oh, Dad, come on! Don't do that. Dad jumps up from the table and heads away. Don starts after him. VIC Let him go... he's okay. Here... check this out. Don spreads some papers on the kitchen table. DON What's this? VIC The listing. Sign here and the house will be listed and advertised right away. We'll price it, say, $15,000 over the market... leave some room to negotiate. Suddenly Dad punches the window open, and throws out some feed for the birds on the feeding station. The birds come immediately. Max woofs and growls. DON Vic... maybe we could just rent it out, the house out, until... VIC Until when, Donny? -- you'll need the cash to pay the nursing home. Lots of cash. Don nods, takes the pen and signs. Sighs. DON Dad... let's go see if we can find the man. Dad turns from the birds. DAD ...is she there now? You know his bird? VIC You go ahead... go see the man. I can clean up around here. DAD The man... she's there now? DON Yes, Dad... he's there now. DAD Dokeyokey, you go. Dad turns to go, trips over Mom's chair, then straightens the chair back to its exact original position. Max starts to follow him. Vic grabs Max. VIC Go ahead. I'll put the dog in the back yard. Don is ready to break into pieces. He nods to Vic, and takes Dad out the door. HOLD on Mom's chair. DON'S V.O. I didn't have the heart to tell Dad where he was going. I felt bad about tricking him... even though he... CUT TO: INT. THE FAMILY CAR - DAY Don and Dad. Don at the wheel. Dad is seat-belted in. DON'S V.O. ...wouldn't know the difference... or maybe he would. I thought about how when I was seven years old... He asked me if I wanted to go to Camp Cherokee for the summer. DAD'S VIEW -- THROUGH THE WINDOWS Dad is looking around, turns his head. DAD ...no, no, not the place. Where are you going... that way! DON Okay, Dad... let's try it. Don takes a left hand turn, hometown nostalgia blurs through the windshield. INTERCUTTING, DON AND DAD with the scenery DON'S V.O. ...I said no to Camp Cherokee. I wanted to stay home... I had to stay home. I had to conquer riding my new bike, and I told him how important THAT was to me. So, he said, okay that we won't go to Camp Cherokee... we'll just take a ride in the country. CUT TO: INSERT: EXT. DAD'S HOUSE - DAY As Vic Hudnut says goodbye to Max the dog, shuts the door on Max's sad look and gets into his car. DAD'S VOICE Where you going!! ...not the place!! That way! You know which way it is! Why do you do it!!? BACK ON SCENE -- Dad and Don in the car, driving. DON I'm trying to find the man for you, Dad. Don takes another turn... heading in a new direction. CUT TO: INSERT: EXT. DAD'S HOUSE Quiet. Then, suddenly, a window is smashed open and Max jumps through the flying shards, lands on his feet in the snow, and takes off across the back yard and into the woods. DAD'S VOICE For you? Why for you? The man can't wait... where is the ticket! The ticket! The ticket! Max disappears into the woods. BACK ON SCENE -- INSIDE THE MOVING CAR -- DON'S V.O. Needless to say when we got to Camp Cherokee, I was beside myself. I yelled and screamed at my Dad! You tricked me! You tricked me! And I swore too. You tricked me... you... you... COMMUNIST! It was the worst thing anyone could call anyone else. Dad is getting very frustrated. DAD You... don't... not this way! That way. DON No, Dad, I'm pretty sure. It's this way. DAD You! You! Never right! Stupid! Stupid... Turn... turn! Dad grabs the wheel and he and Don start struggling. Dad strains to reach over the seat belt straps, and he has an iron grip on the wheel. INTERCUT: On the streets, the car swerves, barely missing another car. A truck honks! The car slides on the ice, bounces off a tree and keeps going. INSIDE THE CAR, Don is pulling at Dad's hands, and they are screaming at each other furiously. Don wins the battle, but now Dad keeps flailing at Don's face. DAD No good! You're not good! Bad! Bad boy! INTERCUT: Don, as a kid, rowing a boat like a demon in a race on the lake at Camp Cherokee. Cheering spectators. DON'S V.O. That did hurt. No matter how old we are, I guess, we still want to show our Dad that we're a good person... not a bad person. ON DON, THE KID'S determined face, teeth gritted... BACK TO SCENE Don turns up a long graveled driveway towards an old mansion. Dad notices the long, snowy drive towards the mansion. DAD ...this the place? DON Yes, Dad, this is the place. Dad struggles violently to undo his seat belt, but he can't figure it out. INTERCUT: CAMP CHEROKEE Don almost wins the race. He comes in second. The winner is accoladed by the other kids and counselors. Don, the kid, is alone in his rowboat, destroyed and alone in the crowd. BACK ON SCENE: The car pulls up in front of the mansion where a small sign reads: OLD OAKS-RETIREMENT HOME (Mentally challenged) Don helps Dad to undo his seat belt, and Dad bolts out of the car... and despite Don's protest... scurries up the steps of the portico... as a woman walks out. Don takes a deep breath behind the wheel, watching Dad through the windshield. DON'S V.O. Funny thing... even though I was really pissed about being tricked, I really had a great time at Camp Cherokee that summer. I won a boat race. But, I never bothered to tell my Dad. I wanted him to suffer for his crime. ON THE WOMAN, MRS. OAKLEY, THE DIRECTOR as Dad approaches her with purpose in his every step. MRS. OAKLEY Mister Metropolis? Her greeting is warm, and Dad responds sociably. He smiles and takes her offered hand, babbling incoherently as if he's known her all his life. ON DON -- IN THE CAR -- Don shakes his head in disbelief. DON'S V.O. That's another thing. Dad was always nicer to complete strangers than he ever was to me. MRS. OAKLEY Well, come in, Mr. Metropolis. DON (under his breath) Mark-op-olus. Suddenly, Max appears!... in a great leap over a rocky wall, dashes across the snow, joins Dad at his side with Mrs. Oakley as they go in the front door of the Mansion. INT. THE NURSING HOME As Mrs. Oakley takes Dad by the arm. He feels comfortable with her, as Don catches up... MRS. OAKLEY ...You're also Mr. Metropolis? DON I'm Don Markel. Mar-kel. My Dad's last name is Markopoulis. MRS. OAKLEY Oh, I see. Please hold on to the dog... many patients are afraid of dogs. And you understand... of course...? DON Oh... um... yes, of course. Don sees Max, does a take, looks around; takes Max by the collar and tries to keep up. Mrs. Oakley walks them into the Activities Room. Antique men and women wandering, sleeping, pretending to listen to the Activities Director reading the newspaper to them. A remarkably spry and zaftig older woman in a sort of ragtag nurse's outfit approaches. OLD WOMAN Welcome to the Old-Timers ward. Your father has been diagnosed? MRS. OAKLEY Yes, Miss Cooper. Yes, senile dementia is Dr. Sidney's diagnosis. OLD WOMAN I'm so glad. That means he'll be in my care. Oho... how handsome and not tooo... old... She takes Dad's arm and cuddles him close to her substantial old bosom. Dad's eyes pop. He likes it. He reaches out for a feel; and she moves her bosom right into his hands. He latches on to her bosom for dear life. MRS. OAKLEY Miss Cooper, please. Mr. Metropolis still has to be admitted. NURSE COOPER NURSE Cooper! Dad looks at his son, Don. Still holding 'Nurse' Cooper's bosom. His eyes steely and far off. DAD Good-bye. Don is taken aback. So sudden. DON Dad... I want to see your room... and... DAD Goodbye. Don's eyes start to cloud. He moves to kiss his Dad. Dad holds on to one bosom while he flails his other arm violently, pushing Don away. DAD I told... GOOD-BYE. You! Don is hurt like a little boy, his eyes beginning to tear. Dad flails his arms violently again and again, he pushes Don away. DON Dad. Why are you so angry with me? What did I do? DAD ...this is the place. Now, Dad gives Don a mighty shove with both hands. DON Dad... please... I need to know... why did you beat me up... when I was thirteen? Now Dad rushes Don full force, flailing at him mercilessly, while Don uses his arms to cover himself without hurting his father. Max is barking. Mrs. Oakley is yelling. Don is being pummeled mercilessly, when -- VIC'S VOICE He beat you up? I don't remember that. It's Vic Hudnut. As usual, he's appeared from nowhere. Dad stops the pummeling -- VIC I brought something for Dad's room. I hope it's okay. He loves birds... and I know they don't allow dogs. Vic produces a birdcage with two parakeets, on a stand. DAD grabs the birdcage and stand, and heads up the hallway with Nurse Cooper on one arm, and Mrs. Oakley on the other. Max starts to follow, but Vic catches him by the collar. Max whines. ON DON -- breathless and shaken. Max's whining is HEARD OVER, allowing US the impression that it could be Don who is whining. ON DON'S VIEW ...Dad disappearing down the hall and through a set of double doors. CUT TO: INT. 747 - CABIN CLASS - NIGHT The "redeye", most people are sleeping in semi-darkeness, but Don's face is spotlighted by the reading light above. He stares ahead, his laptop computer on a musical notes screen saver, waiting for his command. DON'S V.O. I couldn't figure anything out. I never did know why my Dad had beat me up when I was thirteen and now he tried it again. My son, Richie was now thirteen and scheduled to tell the judge whether he wanted to live with his Mom, who was moving to Hawaii, or with me who he had only seen on some weekends and holidays for the last three years. And Christmas was only two days away. Then, it struck me that I hadn't had a moment to grieve the loss of my mother, and I wondered why I hadn't even shed a tear. On the computer, little dancing musical notes. Just a glimpse. INT. THE OLD OAKS RETIREMENT HOME - DINING ROOM The 'Old Timers' patients are at dinner, in various states of dress, some are in hospital robes, but most are dressed. It is a study in slow eating. They are having soup, and each eats his or her own soup in his own way... just watching the soup, lifting a spoon in an agonizingly slow process to the lips, and one man, the man next to Dad is slurping his soup very quickly. He might be ninety, skinny as a rail. Dad is not eating his soup. SID Pissed, huh? DAD ...day but not too much... SID I was pissed my first few days too... but you gotta eat... and the food's okay. DAD Where do you do? SID I'm Sid Graybar. Remember Graybar Heating... delivered coal... all over town. DAD A good day. You had a ticket. SID Best in town. How's your family. DAD Best in town. Sid laughs loudly, upsetting some ladies. LADIES Be quiet. You idiot. SID Eat your soup, you old bitch. She gasps. Dad laughs. Sid nods knowingly. SID You'll be okay. We can be buddies... or didn't you notice... we're the only two men here... these damn wimmin outlive their husbands... LADY Too bad, you! SID Yeah... too bad is right. "Nurse" Cooper gets up, comes around the table to Dad. NURSE Now, listen, Mr. Metropolis. You listen to me... it's almost bedtime, and I have a little extra time to tuck you in early. Would you like that? Dad looks up at her, blinking. She takes his hand and practically lifts him out of his chair. The other women shake their heads and ad-lib their disapproval. Sid can only grin wickedly. In the background, a few patients are putting gifts under the Christmas tree. CUT TO: INT. AIRLINES DEPARTURE AREA - NIGHT Don walks off the plane amongst people being greeted all around him, but he walks through alone. The Portland airport is adorned with Martha Stewart K-Mart Christmas decorations. DON'S VOICE Vic said Max would just keep escaping to run to Dad at the Nursing home, so it would be best if I gave Max away to someone in Portland. INT. BAGGAGE AREA - NIGHT ON MAX -- IN HIS KENNEL CARRIER-BEHIND A METAL GRID FEMALE VOICE Well, hi Mr. Dog... did you have a good trip? Waiting for your master? PULLING BACK TO REVEAL A funky, spunky young woman dressed like Annie Hall would if she worked on a farm. She sweet talks Max, as -- IN THE BACKGROUND Don has picked up his bag from the carousel and is walking over to Max's cage. YOUNG WOMAN He's so cute? What's his name? DON This is Max. YOUNG WOMAN He has an old spirit. My daughter would love him. DON Well... he's looking for a good home. YOUNG WOMAN He is?... You've got to be joking? DON'S VOICE Max had done it again. He found himself a new home and introduced me to the love of my life. Jan. Of course, I didn't know that 'til later. INT. THE NURSING HOME - DAD'S BEDROOM Dad is lying on his stomach in his bed. His shirt is off and "Nurse" Cooper is now pulling off his pajama pants. "NURSE" COOPER Now, this is very good. Mr. Metropolis. I need to examine you completely, and then I'm going to give you a full body sponge bath. Are you comfortable? DAD ...the tic-up rub the milk. Petes sake. NURSE ...and you like it when I examine the back of your thigh...? Yes? DAD Good... good. My money. Sid Graybar ambles into the room, pays little attention to what Nurse Cooper is doing, and she pays little attention to him. SID So, this is your room? It's just like my room... Oh, this IS my room. Sid recalls that the lone Christmas card on his bedside table is his, but he puzzles over just who "YOUR BISMARK INSURANCE AGENT" might be. NURSE I'm giving him a full body examination, but I can't give you one. Doctor's orders. DAD POW! She has gone a little beyond the thigh. Dad's head pops up in a state of wide-eyed ecstatic surprise. SID But see my side of the room. I have pictures of my wife and my sister, but you don't have any pictures. Nurse turns Dad over on his back. Now, her eyes pop. NURSE COOPER Oh-oh. OoooOh. Look out. That's good, honey, That's very good! Quickly she throws a towel over his mid-section. SID ...and you have family still living. You have two birds. But not me, I'm 86 and I've outlived everybody I ever knew. (Sid leans over parallel to Dad's face and into his eyes) Nurse doing a good job on you? Dad gasps. SID Do you know I'm here with the nuts in the Looney bin because I want to be. DAD Yow-wa-eeee! Sid climbs into his own bed, just a few feet from Dad's. SID Nobody brought me here. I brought myself because I didn't want to live alone. They didn't have a room for me in the Cody Wing... so they put me in here. I could've moved, but I like it here. A real nurse, Mrs. Russel, comes to the door. MRS. RUSSEL Everybody tucked in. You need some help Mr. Metropolis? Dad gasps incoherently. Suspicious, Mrs. Russell enters towards Dad. "Nurse" Cooper ducks down. MRS. RUSSEL What's...? Oh, dear, Miss Cooper... This isn't right. NURSE COOPER Sue me. She huffs past Mrs. Russel, with one last word at the door as she escapes... NURSE COOPER He only needs love. Mrs. Russel gives a last bedcheck to both Dad and Sid. She puts a cover over Dad's naked body, tucks him in. MRS. RUSSEL Well... tomorrow's another day. She goes, leaving FULL ROOM SHOT OF dad and Sid in the semi- darkness lying in their beds. Sid looks at the ceiling as -- SID It's too bad you didn't meet Herb. Well... of course, you couldn't meet Herb because he died last week... then of course if he hadn't died, you wouldn't be my new roommate because you're sleeping in Herb's old bed. But you woulda liked Herb. DAD Bat for sincey... how date pile, ticket for the man... then man. SID You're looking for the man? DAD At the company... guess the birds... to go but boxes lost to wooden... go there. SID To see the man. DAD The man. MOVING IN on the parakeets in their cage... SID Okay... but you can't worry about it now. Okay? DAD Dokeyokey. The two parakeets are already sleeping. FADE OUT on the two parakeets. FADE IN: INT. COURTROOM - MORNING ON A JUDGE JUDGE ...so each parent wants you to live with them... go to school. You've lived with your Mom for the last four years... why shouldn't you continue to live with her now? ON RICHIE -- Thirteen, bright, non-plussed. RICHIE ...she's moving to Hawaii, but I want to play Hockey. They don't have hockey there. WIDER -- Hearing room includes Don and his lawyer, Mel, and Susie, Don's ex, and her lawyer. JUDGE So you want to live with your Dad, here in Portland, where they do have hockey? And some good schools, I might add. RICHIE Well, maybe, but my Dad has to work every day and he lives in a little condo, but my Mom is rich... or her new fianc? is rich... and they are moving into a big house... and... JUDGE So, you'd be better off there... she'll take you to school every day? RICHIE Um... Well, she sleeps 'till eleven every morning, so, she can't take me... but I could take a cab. JUDGE But, there's no hockey. RICHIE Yes. Judge turns to the parents and lawyers. JUDGE Now, which of you two really wants this boy? Both parents and both lawyers answer simultaneously. DON, SUSIE, MEL, HAL I do. She does, your honor, he does, I do. The Judge looks at all of them. JUDGE You ever hear of the wisdom of Solomon? They look at him blankly. JUDGE Invoking the wisdom of Solomon... and knowing that Richie here can stay through New Year's to see how he likes living with his Dad... (Susie gasps!) For a change. He's been living with you for four years... and I really think the only person here capable of deciding who Richie should live with is... They all hang on his final word. JUDGE Richie! With a sly and knowing grin, he brings the gavel down! They are all severally and individually dumbfounded, mouths agape. Even Richie. CUT TO: INT. DON'S TWO ROOM CONDO - NIGHT It's small, but it has a great view of the city lights of Portland, Ore. Good guess he's on the 20th floor of a downtown high-rise condo building. Chic, but clinical. A tiny, plastic, tabletop Christmas tree with a few gifts is a sad looking concession to the holiday spirit. Don is couch-potatoing, doing three things at once, watching the Blazers on TV, working some actuarial figures on his laptop computer, and talking to Max, who lies on the floor, watching him for his next move. DON (to the Blazers) ...good God, put the damn ball in the basket!! Oh, no... Jesus! It's half-time. Blazers lead by a point. He shakes his head, starts typing, but Max is eyeballing him, and he feels it. DON Hey! Max... don't look at me like that. I didn't create the situation. I just play the hand I'm dealt... and if I can play the hand I'm dealt so can you... 'cause you're a dog. Just a dog. The doorbell rings. His cell phone rings, too. He walks with the cell phone to the door, looks through the peephole. Opens the door. The young woman in jeans and a funny hat is there, this time with little girl in hand. YOUNG WOMAN (JAN PATRICK) Hi... Mr. Markel? DON Yes... oh, you're... JAN Jan Patrick. My daughter, Bren. To meet Max. The phone buzzes insistently. He finally answers it. DON Okay... you want to meet Max. (on phone) Don Markel. Oh... um... hold on. JAN Is it okay...? DON Sure. Max! Come here, Max. Max looks over the couch with a curious look on his wise dog face. JAN See, Bren, isn't he great? She goes to Max. JAN Bren this is Max. BREN I know... She smiles. They both pet Max, who is friendly but cautious. Don moves away into the kitchen area, with his back to them. While Bren and Jan check out Max in the foreground. DON (On phone) Susie? Sorry... um... okay, so how do you want to arrange this... fine, he can stay with you tonite in the hotel, and I'll pick him up tomorrow... Yes, I've already got him the hockey stuff. Yes, I can afford it. Yes, I can afford the time... I'll make the time. He returns to the living area... carrying a leash and a dog dish. DON (to Jan and Bren) You like Max? They nod... JAN ...we need a big dog to protect the chickens from the mountain lions. Bren? You like Max? BREN I love him. Mom...? JAN Ok, yes... Mr. Markel? DON Mountain lions... Max? BREN Don't worry he's big... so they won't even try to fight him. Unless they're really hungry. Don's not sure, but nods anyway, and hands over the leash and the dog dish. BREN We also have a cat... and Max will love Greta. JAN A cat named Greta. DON I just can't keep a dog. It's a no pets building. (into the phone) Hold on, Susie... hold on. JAN I understand. So, um, Merry Christmas. Don blinks. Oh, yeah, Christmas. JAN Christmas. Tomorrow? DON Uh, yes... Merry Christmas. Don gives Max a farewell pat on the head and ushers them out. Watches them go down the hall. Max turns his head back to look at Don, then continues down the hall with his new owners. Way down the hall, at the elevator, Bren hugs Max, then hugs her Mom. Don remains in the foreground on cordless phone in hall. BREN Oh, Mom, he's great. Thanks. DON Susie... okay, so, it's O.K. I'll pick him up. Send his P.J's... ok? JAN You're welcome. Have a good trip. Merry Christmas Aloha. They hug again and board the elevator. Don hangs up the phone. FOLLOW DON back into his condo. DON Aloha. Ho. Ho. Ho. He plops back down on the couch. Scottie Pippen blocks a shot. He looks at the TV with a glassy eyed stare. Sighs. Suddenly, with one sweeping, seething, flail of his arms, like Dad, Don knocks everything off the coffee table, including the sad little Christmas tree and gifts... and seethes. DON Jesus! What kind of a life is this? ON TV: Rasheed Wallace swoops through the air, and slam dunks. FADE IN: INT. DAD'S ROOM - OLD OAKS - DAWN ON THE TWO BIRDS... chirping at the DAWN. Dad is staring at the ceiling, wide-eyed, in the same position as he went to bed. Sid is fast asleep. Dad hears the birds chirping. He gets out of bed, looks at the birds, throws some seed on their little feeding station. They eat, chirp, he grins. A VOICE Merry Christmas. Dad grins, and responds... to the birds. DAD Merry Chr... Chri... The voice belongs to a new nurse, a male nurse, Derrick, a big black guy. DERRICK Here I am, Mr. Macropoulis (Dad whirls around) Merry Christmas. Dad looks at him like he's crazy. Derrick picks up the phone at bedside, holds the receiver in the air. DERRICK It's your son. In Oregon. Dad blinks. Puzzled. DAD Your son? DERRICK No, your son, Don, in Oregon. He wants to wish you a Merry Christmas. (Dad just blinks) On the telephone. Dad just blinks. Sid sits up. SID It's your son. On the telephone. Your son. Dad looks at Sid, looks at the phone. DAD Oh... doo, your son. Dad takes the phone to his ear, but he's got it upside down. We can hear Don trying to talk through the phone. "Dad, are you there...?" Dad blinks, knocks the receiver a couple of times on the edge of the bedside table to make it work. DERRICK Here, try it this way. Derrick takes the receiver and turns it around correctly to Dad's ear. We can hear Don's Voice trying to make contact. DERRICK Say Hello. Dad can hear Don but he just blinks. DERRICK Say Hello, Mister Macropoulis. Dad just blinks, not sure what to do. Sid rises up again, looks at Dad. SID Say Hello to your son. Dad brightens, seems to understand Sid. What is it about Sid? DAD Say Hel-lo...! Derrick gives the high sign to Sid. CUT AND INTERCUT TO: INT. DON'S HI-RISE APARTMENT - DAY INTERCUT WITH DAD'S ROOM ON PHONES Don is on the phone while in the background Richie is putting on an array of hockey equipment... just out of the boxes. Don has a cheap electronic keyboard that Richie gave him. DON Dad... how are you doing there? Are they taking care of you? It's frustrating. Dad's voice is all mumbles. DON I called to wish you a Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. (Dad's voice-incoherent) I said... MERRY CHRISTMAS!! (..."who?") I'm with Richie on Christmas Day... DAD'S VOICE You're bitchy? DON Richie! My son. Your grandson. He wants to talk to you. (to Richie) Richie... it's Grampa. Don brings the phone to Richie's ear. Richie takes the phone. RICHIE Hi, Grampa. (Dad mumbles) Huh? What did you say? (Dad mumbles) I can't understand what you are saying. Are you okay? How is Max? ON DAD: DAD Sex. Yes... play. RICHIE'S PHONE VOICE Your dog, Max. How is Max? ON DON, biting his lip, eager to take the phone. DAD No attacks. (to Sid) She can't hear. Sid takes the phone. SID Hello. This is Sid Graybar... RICHIE Huh? ...oh, it's for you. Sid Graybar. Don grabs the phone. DON Hello. Who is this? SID I'm your Dad's roommate. DON Oh, hi, how's he doing? SID He and I are buddies. He's doing fine. He wants me to tell you and your boy... Merry Christmas. But Dad is already wandering out of the room, having trouble with the doorknob. Finally, he gets it and goes out. CUT TO: EXT. PORTLAND RIVERSIDE - DAY Don and Richie, walking along the riverside park near the great fountain. Richie is definitely overdressed in the pads and uniform of a big time hockey player, the white goalie's mask is worn by Don flipped up on his forehead, and he also carries Richie's hockey stick and Richie's skates are carried over Don's shoulder. RICHIE ...but why didn't anyone tell me? DON I did tell you, Rich. RICHIE I mean then... WHEN she died. DON Well, you were at your Mom's, and I think she probably felt it would be better if I told you. RICHIE I'm never going to see my grandma again. A long pause. Don has his own feelings about his mother. RICHIE Will I see Grampa again, Dad? DON The truth? (Richie looks at him. ...the truth, of course) I don't know. In any case, you can tell, Grampa will never be the same person you knew. RICHIE Yeah, I can tell. But, you know something, Dad. Grampa knows about life... and I'll bet he still knows how to have fun. Ahead of them is the ice-rink... and also, some people walking... a dog. Don stops, does a take. Squints. Yep, it's the young woman, Jan Patrick, and her daughter and another kid, walking a dog, and yep, the dog is Max. RICHIE What about Grampa's dog... did they allow Max at the old folks home? DON Un... no... um... I mean yes, yes they did. RICHIE They did! That's really neat... Grampa loves that dog. They're... like, married. The woman and kids and Max go into the enclosure of the outdoor skating rink. DON Um, Richie... it's getting awfully cold, and... um... I forgot to tell you... RICHIE ...forgot what...? DON ...um... to tell you... I'm not really feeling that well, and... um... we have that party to go to... we'll just have to do hockey... um... tomorrow. RICHIE But, Dad, I'm taking a lesson. Mr. Bolton is waiting... That party is tonite. Max and the woman and kids are getting closer. Don physically turns Richie around and heads the other direction. DON Richie, I'm getting really sick... I have to go back to the condo... I'm really sick. RICHIE Yeah. I think you're having your period. Don gives him a funny look, and pushes him along. DON'S V.O. I'd lied to my son, and... don't think I didn't feel bad about it. But why? Richie could handle the truth. Hah! O.K. I got it. I'm the one... who couldn't handle the truth. ON JAN PATRICK -- with Bren and Max, the dog, and a couple of other kids, her eye caught something at a distance... Don having turned and walked the other way with Richie... she stops, wonders, then joins the others again... INT. THE LIVING ROOM - OLD OAKS - DAY Almost all the patients are just sitting and sleeping in chairs. A big Christmas tree dominates the room. DERRICK All right, everybody. Perk up... we're going to light the Christmas tree... and it's almost 2 o'clock... visitors and singing... and gifts... He turns the switch to light the big tree, which is beautiful. Most everyone looks spacey-eyed at the tree, and one woman applauds a little. Sid and Dad sit together amongst fifteen women. SID That's nothing. I've seen better. That's nothing. Dad nods his agreement. SID We could have some real fun if they'd let us. NURSE COOPER Something naughty. Dad nods. Sid looks at her. SID You're not included. She sticks her nose up indignantly. NURSE COOPER You've gotten your share of sponge baths from me. DAD Ho-ho-ho. They look at Dad. Sid and Nurse do a take. NURSE Ho-ho-ho. SID Ho-ho-ho... Merry Christmas. Several middle-aged people and a few kids are trooped in through the main hallway into the living room, bearing Christmas gifts... They spread out to their mothers and grandmothers, "Merry-Christmas" ing as they go. SID Ho-ho-ho. Nurse and Dad giggle. CUT TO: EXT. A COUNTRY HOUSE - DECORATED - OREGON - NIGHT Richie and Don are trekking in the rain with an umbrella, gifts in hand towards the house. So is another father and his daughter. RICHIE I don't get it, Dad. If you don't know anybody... who do you give the gifts to? DON We just put 'em under the tree. I give mine to any Mom, and you give yours to any other kid. RICHIE And you don't even know 'em? How do you know these people? DON I saw it in the newspaper. It's for single parents and their kids. They ring the doorbell. Someone answers immediately. And overweight earth mother with a big smile. INT. THE CHRISTMAS PARTY HOUSE - PORTLAND - NIGHT WOMAN Hi... I'm Nan. Merry Christmas. She hugs Don and then hugs Richie. They look at each other. NAN Come on in... put your gifts under the tree. Betty, Peter... this is...? DON I'm Don... this is Richie. BETTY AND PETER Hi... Merry Christmas ! Betty and Peter take turns hugging Don and Richie, who see each other over the shoulders of the huggers and exchange wide-eyed pleas of helplessness. They stop hugging and three more people line up. THREE PEOPLE Merry Christmas...! As they start to hug Don and Richie, we -- CUT TO: INT. LIVING ROOM - OLD OAKS - LATE DAY Everyone, old patients, dressed up on their 40's and 50's, their children, nurses, Mrs. Oakley, gifts have been exchanged. The patients try on their new sweaters and warm booties. Some have been given toys, rubber balls to squeeze, a slinky, and -- Mrs. Oakley is at the piano, leafing through a book of Christmas Carols. SID Look... I got a tie. My nephew in North Dakota. He's seventy-two... and you thought I didn't have any living relatives. I think I gave HIM this tie... fifteen years ago. What'd you get? DAD More... today. Dad opens a little jewel box, and pulls out his treasure. It's a Fashion Condom. Dad doesn't seem to know what it is. SID Who gave you THAT? From across the room, "Nurse" Cooper winks. SID Where did SHE get it? Derrick has a grin on his face. He shrugs. Dad blinks, puzzled. Thinking. Thinking. Thinking. DERRICK She asked. Mrs. MacKay, a patient who has always looked curious, reaches out to Dad... takes the condom from his hand to inspect it, then passes it along to another patient... Dad is not sure he likes what they are doing. ON SCENE -- AT THE PIANO MRS. OAKLEY IS AT THE PIANO, AND ONE, AND TWO - AND - MRS. OAKLEY Rudolph the red nosed reindeer had a little shiny nose and if you ever saw him you would even say it glows... She starts to play and sing... and the crowd is slow to join her, but the sing-a-long picks up as: ...the condom is passed around the circle of senile inspectors, none quite sure what it is, as Dad's eyes follow the condom from hand to hand in the circle -- CUT TO: INT. COUNTRY HOUSE IN PORTLAND - DAY SEGUE SING-A-LONG-SAME SONG-DIFFERENT PEOPLE SONG ...they wouldn't let poor Rudolph play in any reindeer games. Then one foggy Christmas eve Santa came to say... Similar scene with younger people. Gifts opened and tried out and worn. Don and Richie are on the periphery of the sing-along carolers around the piano. Don's gift is opened and in hand, it's Natural Oatmeal Soap, nicely packaged. Richie is holding a Barbie doll... negotiating a trade with a little girl for the Action Figure she has in hand. GIRL I have six Barbies! And I LIKE Action Man. I feel sorry for you and all but... what can I do? Richie shrugs. They move in closer... towards the piano player, who sits with her little girl on the bench, playing and singing. She turns to Don. It's Jan Patrick. JAN (in between notes) Hi, there. Mr. Markel. Don gulps. Richie does a take. JAN You should see Max. He's great. He barks at everybody,... he's very protective of us. Don smiles wanly. Richie is puzzled, thinks about it. JAN Look! You got MY gift. See, it says "from Jan." Don nods weakly. Richie is starting to get it. JAN And... I think I got YOURS! Yes? Chanel... how nice. She holds up a tiny bottle of Chanel eau d'toilet. Don nods uncomfortably as Richie gives him a sadly puzzled, dirty look, and moves back and away into the crowd. Don doesn't know which way to go. Jan gets his attention to sing-a-long. JAN/DON ET AL. Three French Hens, Two turtle doves... CUT TO: INT. LIVING ROOM - OLD OAKS - LATE DAY SEGUE: SING-A-LONG ...and a Partridge in a Pear tree, etc. A short Conga Line has started, those few able bodies have joined in the Conga Line, singing, circling through the living room, singing. Dad and Sid included... and just as another chorus is sung, Nurse Cooper joins the group from down the hall... and she holds up her prize -- The birdcage with Dad's two parakeets. "NURSE" ...AND a Partridge in a Pear Treeee...!! Cheers. She has scored a triumph with the crowd, and they continue to dance around and sing. Dad looks funny... and moves to Nurse. DAD His dolls. His dolls. Dad reaches for the cage. She pulls it away. NURSE We're just having fun. Agitated, Dad takes a swipe at the cage. She pulls it away. taunting him. He takes another swipe. DAD His dolls!! His! He lunges and grabs the cage from her. Both Dad and the cage crash to the floor. The birds fly out... Chaos reigns. The nurses come to Dad's aid. Nurse Cooper is shouting her defense. The singing stops. The patients are frightened. The bird fly around through the people. Screaming. One of the birds lands on Mrs. Oakley... she shrieks and the bird takes off. The nurses are chasing the birds. The birds are squawking. Sid takes Dad's hand -- and just as they are about to reach the door, Dad dashes over to the circle of patients, grabs the condom as it's being passed by one gnarled hand to another gnarled hand... and he's gone. SID Come on. DAD Little birds. SID Yes... birds... come on. Sid leads Dad through the crowd. NEW ANGLE -- INT. THE FRONT HALLWAY - DAY No one there as Sid leads Dad from the crowd seen in the Living Room and into the hall. Sid looks around. No one there. DAD Crazy... crazy. SID That's the sanest thing you've ever said. The cloak room is there. Sid takes two overcoats, hands one to Dad... and two scarves. SID LET'S GO HAVE FUN! Dad grins nervously, but follows Sid to the front door... as in the background, Derrick is on a chair coaxing one of the birds down from the chandelier. Two men with Santa Hats walk out the front door. Sid and Dad. CUT TO: EXT. OLD OAKS - NIGHT It's snowing. Sid and Dad walk through the front gate and along the neighborhood sidewalk. ON DAD AND SID WALKING DAD ...go... go. SID Go. Where? We'll go to see the Man. Want to find the man? DAD Ticket... see the man. Dad smiles at Sid, bumps into a street lamp. Sid turns him around and they go. It's a real Christmas night. Snow glistening on the ground, neighborhood street lamps casting the long shadows of leafless trees. One lone car is coming, it's headlights bright on the icy street. It's very slippery and the car moves at a snails pace. It's actually a mini-pickup truck... The street lamp casts the long shadows of Two Men Walking then picking up a little speed -- SID Hey, remember... ...we were kids! Sid just fast enough to get behind the pickup truck, secretly grab on to its back gate, and planting his feet just right, Sid skates on the icy street. Dad loves it, and once Sid is secured, Dad hurries to take a ride too. OUR VIEW rides with them as they ride with joyous smiles. SID (singing) Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way...! DAD ...ingle -- boy-the way. NEW ANGLE -- EXT. LOCAL THOROUGHFARE - NIGHT FROM THIS ANGLE, it's a quiet night on the thoroughfare, and the street isn't icy, unlike the icy side street which intersects it. Just now, coming gingerly towards us on the side street is the Mini-pickup truck, and when it gets to the intersection, it turns! Sent siding and sprawling into a big embankment piled at the side of the road are it's riders... Sid and Dad. ON THE SNOW BANK, Dad and Sid are sprawled with ecstatic and exhausted smiles on their faces, catching their breath. Finally. Dad mumbles something and Sid agrees. SID See. There's still life in the old boy. Dad is tracking something. HIS VIEW: It's a city bus coming up the thoroughfare. Dad jumps up. Starts running for the bus. DAD Go... go. Home. Dad waves the bus down and the bus stops for him well before the bus stop. The bus door opens, the Black DRIVER is in uniform except for a Santa Hat just like Dad's: DRIVER Merry Christmas, Brother Claus. DAD Therr -- stmash. DRIVER You are smart not to be drinking and driving. Hop on board, Mr. Claus. Dad gets on halfway through the door... mumbles something excitedly, holds the door open. DRIVER No problem... I'll wait. Huffing as fast as his old legs will allow, Sid hustles up the street and onto a bus. SID Merry Christmas... The driver shuts the door and the bus goes. INT. THE BUS - NIGHT Dad has gone to the back of the bus, but Sid, also in his Santa hat, tries to find some change in his pocket. SID ...Ooops... looks like I'm an embarrassed Santa. DRIVER Oh, hell... it's Christmas. Don't worry about it. Sid pats his fellow Santa on the shoulder and moves to the back of the bus with Dad. Except from them, the bus is empty. They sit quietly next to each other. Dad grins devilishly. SID What's up? Dad opens his clenched fist. Grins. In his palm is the Fashion Condom. Sid smiles, grabs for it playfully; but Dad clinches his fist. Holds it tight. CUT TO: INT. OLD OAKS - NIGHT The Christmas guests are just saying their goodbyes, kissing their loved ones, saying good-bye to the nurses and the smiling Mrs. Oakley at the front door. Quickly, the regular patients are once again alone, making way with their aluminum walkers amidst the after math of wrapping paper, napkins, paper plates of the party. MRS. OAKLEY Well, I hope you will all agree... it was a wonderful Christmas... and now it's 7:30 and I'm sure you're all tired, and I know those staff members not on duty would like to get home... The old folks start moving back to their rooms, slowly. CUT TO: EXT. THE CITY STREET - NIGHT The City Bus moves up the street and pulls up to a bus stop. ON THE BUS' DOOR... ...as it opens and Sid gets out. Dad was behind him, but Dad suddenly runs to the back of the bus. The bus driver shuts the door and takes off. Sid watches as the bus moves up the street, then stops, then backs up all the way back to Sid. ON THE DOOR -- -- as it opens and Dad is standing there. He just stands there... DRIVER Okay, now. Merry Christmas. Make up your mind... in or out. SID Okay, I'll get back in. He gets in. So Dad gets out. Dad's outside and Sid is inside. DRIVER Okay, is that it? What street do you want? SID Hey, roomie, get back in. Dad stands in the snow, puzzled, looks around. Then he points down the side street. DAD Home... SID Home? This is where you live? Dad gets excited, points down the street! DRIVER Look, I understand. You guys have had one too many... but you have got to make up your minds. Dad had run and slipped and slided down the street... so Sid shrugs and stumbles off the bus after him. The driver rolls his eyes, shuts the door, and drives off. ON DAD As Sid runs towards him. Dad is standing next to someone's garbage cans. He picks up the garbage can covers from two cans, and has a gleam in his eyes. SID Wait for me. Dad barely waits for Sid as he throws one of the garbage can covers on the ground and jumps on to it, leaves the other can cover behind as he starts sliding down the hilly suburban street, picking up steam as he goes, looking back to Sid with a crazy smile. Sid watches, calls after him. SID Hey, don't do that. It's dangerous. He's not heard. He picks up his garbage can cover, shrugs, SID Okay, the nuts have taken over the looney bin. He gets on his can cover, and we watch him follow Dad down the long hill of Christmas decorated fine homes. They are screaming into the cold silent night as -- CUT TO: INT. OLD OAKS - DAD AND SID'S BEDROOM - NIGHT Mrs. Oakley, dressed in her overcoat, the O.D. nurses, Mrs. Russel and Derrick and one or two onlooker patients are standing in the room with two made and unfettered beds. The parakeets are back in their cage, and the cage is taped shut with silver plumbers tape. MRS. OAKLEY Okay, let's go through this once more. They were both seen when the problem began. MRS. RUSSEL Mr. Metropolis... yes. DERRICK It got so crazy... MRS. OAKLEY Well, they are definitely not HERE... so we'd better call the police again. They shrug and look at each other collectively, as: EXT. A BIG CIRCA 1930'S CRAFTSMAN STYLED HOUSE - NIGHT The view is like a picture postcard, decorated and lighted with flashing lights, a big Christmas tree in the living room window. Otherwise the house is dark. ON SID AND DAD Standing, looking, their garbage can sleds just behind them. SID THIS is where you live? DAD Go... SID Okay, let's go. They trek up the steps... ON THE FRONT PORCH As they arrive... SID I didn't know you were rich. You got the key? Dad looks at the big front door, nods his head like a mystic, and reached up and over one of the porch lights, and... viola... produces the key. Hands it to Sid, with a big grin. Sid opens the door, and swings the door open. They walk in. INT. THE BIG HOUSE - NIGHT It is a beautiful traditional home, replete with Craftsman 1930's furniture, Tiffany lamps, and... in the living room, the huge Christmas tree with dozens of already opened gifts left under it and around the living room. SID See what a nice family you've got. Gifts everywhere. They look around, Sid takes Dad's arm and leads him through the foyer, and as they go, Sid stops Dad short. They are standing under a sprig of mistletoe. Sid looks at Dad, who is confused, and Sid gives him a buss on the cheek... Dad grins, and they continue in. SID This is the best friggin' Christmas of all. Dad nods. INT. THE KITCHEN - NIGHT PANNING A WALL FULL OF SNAPSHOTS... not unlike the gallery of snapshots on Dad's kitchen wall at his real home. SID'S VOICE Ding. Ding. Ding. (imitating Mrs. Oakley's soprano) It's dinner hour. Dinner everyone. DAD AND SID ARRIVE INTO FRAME. Sid points out the gallery of snapshots. SID Nice family. That your wife? And your son, nice lookin' man, and that's your grandson. Nice. Here, you sit, I'll get dinner. Dad sits as Sid moves to the refrigerator. SID No picture of you, I see... just like my family, I took all the snapshots, so I'm never in any pictures. Dad's eyes are focused on something. DAD'S VIEW One of the chairs at the kitchen table is on an angle. Dad moves the chair to resemble the angle of MOM'S CHAIR at his real home. Sid moves to the table with an array of foods. The basic food groups. Grapes, lettuce, two half gallons of ice cream, two different flavors, and a big jar of pickles. SID That's what I hate about Old Oaks. You have to eat what they give you. Sid accidentally bumps Mom's Chair out of its position, starts to sit. Dad quickly moves the chair back to its Mom's chair position. Sid blinks, decides not to sit there, and sits in another chair, starts to serve the food. SID Now we can find out just how come pregnant women love to eat ice cream and pickles. And he serves ice cream and pickles onto Dad's plate. Dad starts to eat a pickle, dips it into the ice cream and eats it. He takes another long look at Mom's Chair, as we -- CUT TO: EXT. OLD OAKS - THE PORTICO - NIGHT Mrs. Oakley with two police officers, and other officers looking around the grounds in the b.g. with flashlights. Three police cars are in the driveway, with flashing lights. MRS. OAKLEY ...now that I think of it, two of our Christmas party visitors, Mr. Sweeney, and Mr. Fiedler both reported their overcoats missing... (referring to notes) ...one a long, brown gabardine, and the other a tweedy grey. The Police Officer takes notes. POLICE OFFICER Is it possible that they might not have walked off... but were taken home by their families...? MRS. OAKLEY ...Well, Mr. Graybar has no family, and Mr. Markopolis... just got here... ...maybe they went "home" to Mr. Metropolis's house... Um, Nurse Cooper, thank you, everything's under control here. Nurse Cooper has stuck her nose out the front door. And she goes back in with a huff at Mrs. Oakley's insistence. POLICE OFFICER We're checking out Mr. Markopoulis's house... but if they're not there, we're going to have to put out a news bulletin. MRS. OAKLEY Oh, dear, that would be negative publicity for Old Oaks. POLICE OFFICER I understand... hopefully they'll turn up in the next hour or two. A piece of mistletoe hangs over their heads. Mrs. Oakley gives the officer a little peck. MRS. OAKLEY I couldn't resist. The officer smiles, tips his cap, and -- CUT TO: EXT. THE HOUSE - NIGHT Vic is guiding two policemen through the house IN ONE FLUID CAMERA SHOT. Vic talks nervously and the cops say nothing. VIC This is the kitchen. Dining Room... it's a Bert Norris built house... 1945, so you know it was well built if you know Bert Norris' reputation... but, hah, here I am trying to sell you the house... when you're looking to find out if... Mr. Markopoulis tried to come home. You say he's with Sid Graybar. I thought Sid Graybar died... his daughter died five years ago. I sold the house. They inspected most of the house. Cop talks into a Cellular Walkie Talkie. COP (in to phone) Officer Burton. We're at the house on Dalton Street. No sign of them here. Over (radio voice) Okay... we'll scout the bus station. Over. Out. (to Vic) Thanks for your trouble. Vic nods. CUT TO: EXT. THE FINE HOUSE - ANOTHER HOMETOWN TABLEAU - DAWN The Christmas decorations are bright in the dark of the dawn until, within a few seconds, a big orange ball rises over the hill, and the dark turns to light. INT. THE HOUSE - THE KITCHEN - DAWN Dad is asleep sitting up in his chair at the kitchen table. One of the two gallons of ice cream has tipped over and its melted creamy contents are spilled on the table. The lettuce is wilted. The pickle jar is empty. A P.A. Amplified Voice fills the air with a Big Voice from nowhere. P.A. VOICE HELLO. TESTING. TESTING. THIS IS THE VOICE OF YOUR CONSCIENCE. YES, I MEAN YOU. THIS IS THE VOICE... OF 'THE MAN.' Dad's eyes pop open. The VOICE continues: SID'S V.O. (The P.A.) THE VOICE OF THE MAN KNOWS ALL... EVEN THOSE THINGS YOU NEVER TOLD NOBODY. Dad's eyes pop open more. He looks around. Nobody. Sid's gravelly old voice continues: SID'S V.O. AND EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE SENILE NOW AND CONFUSED, YES, I, THE VOICE OF THE MAN KNOWS THAT YOU CAN STILL THINK AND REMEMBER AND FEEL THINGS. Dad is really frightened. He starts to tremble and look to the ceiling. DAD ...I didn't mean... who... you have the ticket? CUT AND INTERCUT TO: INT. THE LIVING ROOM - DAY Sid is by the Christmas tree, trying out one of the gifts, a Karaoke Sing-A-Long System, now being used like an amplified bullhorn. It bellows. SID (on bullhorn) YES... I HAVE THE TICKET. I KNOW EVERYTHING. HAVE YOU BEEN GOOD OR BAD IN YOUR LIFETIME? Dad's VOICE is heard from the kitchen. DAD'S VOICE ...good! good! No... bad. SID (on bullhorn) THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'VE BEEN BAD. IN THE KITCHEN, Dad is unnerved. He thinks this is IT! The end of it all. DAD No. Please... good. Please. Good. Dad has been looking for The Voice, and he now starts to walk into the living room. IN THE LIVING ROOM -- SID HOW GOOD? HAVE YOU EVER HUGGED YOUR KIDS? Dad wanders into the room, listening to the voice, and even though he sees Sid with the Sing-A-long toy, he doesn't get it. DAD My woman... ice cream. SID HMMM. THAT'S... BAD. Oops! He sees Dad standing right in front of him, puts down the sing-a-long bullhorn. DAD I... I... I... he... he...he. SID Who? Who? Who? The man... the man came? Dad nods. Nodding very low, then nodding very high. Nodding... SID Oh, yeah... what'd the man say? Dad points to himself, fingering his own chest several times. DAD ...good, good. SID You're a GOOD man? Dad nods his head, yes, yes, yes. SID Well, you must be a good man... because... did you see how many presents your family has given you. Sid gets up, takes Dad by the hand, and they go over to the tree, sit on the floor with all the gifts. There are the gifts for the family, some for Mom, some for Dad, some for a boy about 12, and some for a girl about 8. MONTAGE SEQUENCE: OUR THEME IS UP, AS: Sid and Dad play with the gifts. 1. They try on some clothes and hats. Sid puts a great, warm sweater on Dad. Dad puts a fir hat on Sid's head. They stay this way throughout. 2. Play with a radio controlled Ford Explorer SUV from room to room. Dad runs the car from a battery operated remote in his hand... and Sid runs after the car from room to room. Just as Sid reaches the car and starts to pick it up, Dad his the button and the car zooms away. CUT TO: INT. DON'S PORTLAND HI-RISE CONDO - DAY Don is packing a suitcase and talking on the phone at the same time. DON (on phone) O.K., that's great... you'll buy the non-taxable muni's -- pay seven and a scrosh... you get the warrants thrown in... and you let you IRA sell Yahoo for the year end tax loss... and you go into the new year looking at a carryover. Richie walks by him again on the return, silently. Sit on the opposite side of the room, with his back turned. DON Okay, John, Happy New Year... I'll call tomorrow too. You, too. Thanks. FLUID CAMERA FOLLOWING Don hangs up, closes the suitcase, looks at his watch. walks into the kitchen, past Richie, without a word Don opens the refrigerator, bachelor empty, takes out a 7-Up. DON Are you packed? (no answer) Want a soda? No answer. He shrugs, walks back. DON Look, Richie, this is an emergency... I would really appreciate it if you'd make it a little easier. No answer from Richie. DON Okay... I know it's not easy. So, if you feel like you need to choose to live with your Mom, I'll understand. No answer from Richie. In fact, Richie's grim deadpan look could kill. Don just looks out the window. On the street below, a cab is just pulling up. DON Okay. The cab is here. He picks up his suitcase and heads out the front door. He waits for Richie. Richie takes his time, picks up his backpack and his hockey stick, and makes his way to the door, passes his father within inches without a word. Don sighs and closes the door. CUT TO: INT. THE LIVING ROOM OF THE BIG HOUSE - DAY Dad and Sid continue the silent but for MUSIC OVER MONTAGE, now they -- 3. Smash balls. Dad and Sid hit a soft rubber balls hard as they can with wooden paddles, but it only floats through the air, and they run to hit it... back and worth... back and forth just missing several disasters, and then like two outfielders running for the same ball in the air, they smash into each other, and pratfall to the carpet, exhausted and happy. 4. Dad is dressing a Barbie doll, and loves it. Sid comes over with a big GI-Joe action figure and the two dolls start talking to each other in Barbie and GI Joe talk. 'Oh, hi I'm Barbie.' 'Okay, I like your boobs.' Then, in fun, the two dolls start fighting, as -- CUT TO: INT. AIRPLANE - A 707 - DAY It's a smaller interior, but again Don is crushed into his seat, surrounded by larger people. Richie sits in an aisle seat three or four seats away. DON'S V.O. I wished I hadn't lied to my son about Max. I wished my Mom hadn't died. I wished my Dad hadn't become senile and nutty. I wished Richie would decide to live with me, ...but I felt relieved by that Judge... I didn't have to make the decision. I wished I was making more money. I wished I lived on a farm or in Paris. I wished I wasn't on an airplane going back to Duluth again. I wished I had a better life. And I wished that wishing would make it so, because even with all that wishing, I didn't feel better about anything. So, ring in the damn new year. Might as well. Happy F-word New Year. Richie is looking at him, also wishing something. Don feels his eyes... looks to Richie, smiles a little, and Richie quickly averts his eyes. CUT TO: INT. THE LIVING ROOM OF THE BIG HOUSE - DAY -- as Dad and Sid continue their Montage sequence. 5. Sid picks up a video cassette, it's a home movie cassette "To Jerry, from: Your 'LOVING' Wife." He puts it into the VCR. They sit, stare at the TV with jaws agape. ON TV: It's the wife (see snapshots in kitchen) and her husband (see snapshots)... making love in their bedroom. It's an amateur longshot, and as they have finished one phase of love-making, they both laugh, turn to the camera, and bow... and then applaud, then bow again, turn to each other and resume the love-making. Dad and Sid applaud vigorously. 6. They open a fruitcake tin, unwrap the fruitcake and start to eat it in big chunks. CUT TO: EXT. MINNEAPOLIS AIRPORT - NIGHT Don and Vic are emerging from the Baggage Area. Don with his one bag, and Richie tails behind with his attitude apparent. There's a homeless man with two children, who simply mumbles "Spare change?" Vic reaches in and hands him some spare change. Don doesn't really notice. DON Vic, I feel like you're an old, old friend. VIC I know you'd forgotten, ol' buddy, but I am an old, old friend. Don't sweat it. They arrive at Vic's car, a new Cadillac, throw Don's suitcase in the back seat, and Richie follows silently. VIC This your kid? DON What kid? You see a kid? VIC Hi, I'm Vic. You're...? DON He's Richie, here only by accident of birth. Vic shrugs and they go. VIC Okay, it's midnite... so not much use doing anything about your Dad tonite. So, we have plenty of room... DON'S V.O. No, Vic, we can stay at a hotel. VIC'S V.O. You forget. It's Duluth, the last hotel they built was the Bates Motel. The car turns out of the airport onto the main thoroughfare. CUT TO: INT. THE FINE BIG HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MORNING It is one big mess. Gifts and clothing everywhere. Dad and Sid are sitting in big chairs. Sleeping sitting up, each with fruitcake still in his hands. Dad with the Barbie doll, also "sleeping", in the crook of his arm. CUT TO: INT. VIC'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING ON TV IN KITCHEN A TV photo of Dad, followed by a photo of Sid Graybar, segueing into a local news team. NEWSCASTER VOICE ...both are local men, the two retirees were discovered late last night to have just walked out of the annual Christmas Party at the Old Oaks retirement home. PULLING BACK REVEALS Don and Richie at the breakfast table with Vic and his family. It's a big unassuming kitchen for a big unassuming family. Vic gets up and down to bring food to the table and to assist his wife, Barb, capable and still pretty, and his three kids, 3, 8, and 13 are the good kind, helping and getting ready for school. TV remains on subliminally in background. VIC ...your Dad is big news in Duluth. Eat hardy, now... we got a big day ahead of us... we gotta go find The Man. KID Dad, I need $1.50. VIC What for? KID I'm the treasurer of the Art Club... and we're short $1.50. Vic rolls his eyes, digs into his pocket, hands Vic, Jr. a couple bills. VIC That's what it's all about, Don. KID Thanks, Dad... nice meeting you Richie... if you're still here on Saturday, we have a hockey game... RICHIE Great... thanks. Vic, Jr. is out the door. VIC I give him $1.50 now... maybe, if I'm lucky he'll take care of me when I get old and senile. BARB You'll never get old and senile, 'cause I'm going to kill you with kindness first. (she gives Vic a buss) More eggs, Don?... Richie? DON No thanks, Barb... Richie, you want more eggs? Don pushes the eggs towards him. Richie burns. RICHIE No, thanks, Mrs. Hudnut. DON Oh, he does talk; just not to his own father. Don looks at Richie and Richie's look in return could burn through tempered steel. NEWSCASTER Police have checked the bus station and the rescue shelters... and not a sign of the two retirees... ANOTHER NEWSCASTER Well, Stacey... there is one clue, Dick Falsey interviewed a bus driver Shawean McMillian... ON TV IN B.G.: There's the black Santa bus driver... BUS DRIVER I thought they were drunk... they acted... um... weird... I never thought they were that old... ON TV: CUT TO the corner of St. Clair and Mount Holyoke Streets where the bus driver let them off. NEWSCASTER ...this is the corner he left them off at... at about 6:30 last night. NEWSCASTER 2 If anyone has any information... NEWSCASTER ...just call the station. VIC Okay, that gives US an idea where to start. NEWSCASTER V.O. ...and, the two men are not thought to be either armed or dangerous. DON ...depends on how you look at it. Don laughs, looks to Richie to laugh with him, but Richie still won't talk to him or recognize that he's alive. CUT TO: INT. THE BIG HOUSE - THE MASTER BEDROOM - DAY Sid is standing at the window, peeking through the curtains. In the background, WE HEAR a shower going, then stop. SID sees: HIS VIEW: A squad car passes slowly in the streets, stops at some neighborhood kids who are sledding, asks them something, they shake their heads, and we overhear, we haven't seen anyone... just people we know. The car goes on. SID Well, nothing lasts forever. SID turns to Dad, now coming out of the bathroom... with his pants on and trying to pull a woman's undies over his head as he goes. In his mouth, he's carrying a brassier. SID Well look at you. DAD No go. Sid helps him to take the women's undies off his head, and helps him into his own shirt. SID This is very becoming, but you wouldn't want me to get the wrong idea. He takes the brassier from Dad, looks him in the eye. SID Are you getting bored, like me? Don't you think we should get out of here soon? Dad agrees, nods yes, definitely, yes. SID But don't you think we should get caught... instead of just turning ourselves in? Dad isn't sure, he shakes his head, no, then maybe, then nods... DAD Pickles. Dad pulls something from his pocket. It's the fashion condom. Dad grins, tries like hell to wiggle his eyebrows like Groucho Marx, on the make. SID Now, that's a good idea. Let's call "Nurse" Cooper, have her come over, have some fun... (Sid winks!) ...and then they can catch us, we'll say gee whiz we're really sorry, but we're too old to know any better. Here, take us away. Sid puts his hands out to be "cuffed." Dad mimics the action. Sid guffaws, and Dad guffaws with him, as Sid picks up the bedside phone, punches in the number. SID Now, of course, we're going to clean up your house... your family'll never know we were even here. (phone answers "Old Oaks") Hello... is Nadine Cooper there? This is her nephew. INT. OLD OAKS - NURSES STATION - DAY A nurse is at the desk holding the phone in the air. NURSE Um, Miss Cooper, telephone. It's your nephew. "Nurse" Cooper hurries to the phone. "NURSE" COOPER My nephew... ? All the way from England? (she takes the phone) Hello. Who...? Ohh. Ohhhhhhhh! Yes... why... YES! Oh, I certainly could... would... and... should. She hangs up, looks around furtively, then heads back to her room quickly. CUT TO: INT. THE BIG HOUSE - DAY Dad and Sid are raiding the utility closet, pulling out a vacuum cleaner, a bucket and mop, a broom, duster, etc. Sid starts to fill the pail with water, and suds are starting to form. He sees Dad, struggling with the plug to the vacuum cleaner, -- he's trying to plug it into itself. SID Here, let me help with that. Sid plugs it into the wall, and then Dad starts to vacuum with it. DAD Nooooo... this... is it. Dad starts to vacuum in one direction... loves it... SID Not that way... this way. He turns the direction around, and Dad fights with him for control of the vacuum, but Sid wins. SID This way... okay? Dad agrees now and starts to vacuum in that direction, so Sid lets go and heads off, but see that -- Dad lets the vacuum cleaner go and watches it zoom off through the doorway into the dining room, and it's heading for... An huge antique art deco flower vase. Sid runs to catch it, and... just before it hits the Ming Vase... he does. He lifts the Deco vase as the vacuum goes by, and he cannot stop the vacuum in time... ON DAD -- delighted. ...when the vacuum drags a Tiffany standing lamp down and it falls... slowly... teetering... Dad is watching it, his neck turning with every teeter. Sid now has the same problem, watching it teeter... and then finally, fall, and Sid runs... and... slides... ...just in time to catch the lamp by its shade on his chest, holds it in the air triumphantly, just like a center fielder. Dad laughs. Sid is just returning the lamp to its upright position, when he sees Dad's expression, puzzled. Sid turns to see what Dad sees, which is -- Foaming water pouring out of the utility room, under the door, and into the hall, and down the stairs... foaming and flowing uncontrollably. Sid and Dad run to turn off the water, but of course they must run through the foam to get to its source, and they slip and pratfall, get up, fall, slide a few feet, get up help each other, in fact hold on to each other as their legs slip away and out from them in opposite directions. They stare into each others eyes, facing the inevitable, kind of liking the experience IN SLOW MOTION, but finally... ...slide and pratfall on their faces. They scream with delight. CUT TO: EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREETS - VIC'S CAR - DAY Vic's car is turning a corner as -- VIC'S VOICE See, the real estate business is like life. People. Family. People taking risks, people making commitments to other people, people being with people, family... whatever. INSIDE THE CAR -- Vic and Don in front seat, Richie, still with a chip, in the back. VIC You take a few risks, you sign 'em up, hope for a sale... but when there's a sale, Don, what a high! DON You love the deal. VIC Don, shame on you. It's the people... with every sale there's a story... not just ONE story, but two. The seller's got a story, and the buyer's got a story. It's the process of living... right in front of my eyes, somebody has a baby, needs more room, somebody's mother-in-law moves in... the neighborhood gets old... they move... and I like the naked city, there's a story... and I'm there, part of the story... and when I can help someone... that's a high! DON It's a sale. Don shrugs...it's hard for him to listen to Vic's patter. VIC See, even now... we're looking for your Dad, who's... woooee... HE'S "looking for the Man"... I know you want to help him find the man... and me too. They have passed through the neighborhood, and in fact they are this moment passing right by the Big house with the decorations, and the kids sledding nearby. CUT TO: EXT. OLD OAKS - THE PORTICO - DAY A taxicab pulls up outside and waits. INT. OLD OAKS - THE FRONT CHECK OUT DESK - DAY Two or three nurses are checking out for lunch. NURSE DERRICK ...back after lunch. CHECK OUT NURSE Ok. Another nurse mumbles "back after Lunch," goes, and then a third approaches the desk in a very large raincoat with the collar pulled up and a snow hat pulled down to her nose. You can only see her eyes. "NURSE" COOPER ...lunch. CHECK OUT NURSE OK. "Nurse" Cooper heads for the front door, she can barely believe it was so easy, too easy. Yep, too easy. As soon as she goes out behind the other two, the Check Out Nurse is joined by Mrs. Oakley and they go to the window, pull the curtain back -- WHAT THEY SEE -- "Nurse" Cooper gets in the cab and the cab goes, and -- Mrs. Oakley and Check Out Nurse turn their heads -- THEY SEE -- Out of sight, Nurse Derrick and Nurse Russel get into the back of a Police Car and it pulls out... following the taxicab. MRS. OAKLEY Well, soon enough... soon enough. She shares a nod with the Check Out Nurse, as -- CUT TO: EXT. THE STREETS - DAY Vic's car is driving on neighborhood streets... slowly. INT. THE CAR - DAY On Vic and Don and Richie, eating McDonald's burgers, as they go. VIC ...so when I met Barb... in the 7th grade... you'd gone off to McKinley Junior High... I stayed at Peabody... and it was love at first sight... and it was love at last sight too... right? Don is getting annoyed, either by Vic or the frustration of one house after another but nothing to find. DON Yeah, I can see you still love her. You have a great family, Vic... VIC ...there's no magic to it, just be open. You could do it, Don. Find a good woman, a REAL woman, make it easier for your son to decide to live with you. DON Oh, shit, Vic... will you hang it up for a minute! I tried. You did it. You stayed home, I left for the big city. Fame and fortune. You made it on your terms, and I've made it... on... mine. Vic smiles, throws up his arms. In the back seat, Richie moves up to his father's ear in the front seat. RICHIE Why don't you listen to Vic? Why don't you listen to anybody!? Don turns his head, pretends to be cool. DON I thought you weren't talking to me. RICHIE Well, now, I'm talking to you, you stupid prick. Don looks back at him. Richie strikes out at him with the hockey stick. Don grabs it. DON Fine... you don't like me? Go live with your mother. Richie jumps out of the back door... RICHIE Fine, I will. You prick. He's gone... slipping and sliding and the standing and running away. Vic stops the car completely. Don jumps runs after Richie. DON Richie... come back here. ON RICHIE Running... running...running... it's hard to run on the street, it's slippery, so he cuts in through a snow bank ard continues to huff through the snow. RICHIE Just stay away from me! You dumb prick! ON DON Running... running... running... it's hard to follow the younger Richie and Don's starting to huff. DON Richie...!! Richie runs some more. Huffing, looking back after his father, catching up, calling to him. Richie still had his hockey stick in hand, and... whoops, he trips on the stick, stumbles and falls, starts to get back up, but -- Don jumps over him, holding him by the arm. RICHIE Let go of me! I hate you! I hate you! Richie tries to hit him with the hockey stick, but Don grabs it, and pushes it against Richie's chest. DON Yeah, if you hate me, I must be doing a good job. Boys are supposed to hate their fathers. This enrages Richie, who can't move. RICHIE Real fathers don't lie! You lied to me... you lied to me! Fathers don't lie... that's why you're a prick! ON DON His expression is wide-eyed and he's out of control, trembling -- he makes a fist, cocks his arm back -- RICHIE Go ahead, you prick! Hit your own son, beat me up... just like YOUR father beat you, you prick! Don smashes his fist... but -- Someone's hand catches his arm. Holds it. Holds it. Trembling. Trembling. Don looks up. It's Vic, holding his arm, challenging him eye to eye, arm to arm. Don looks into his eyes. DON Who the Hell ARE you? VIC I'm your best friend. Check -- I'm your only friend. Vic still holds Don's wrist. Still trembling, Don takes a deep breath, tries to catch his breath... Vic finally lets go, and Don let's his trembling arm down. Don, his whole body trembling now, looks at Richie. DON Richie... forgive me. Richie doesn't forgive him, not yet. Richie pulls himself out from under his father, and gets up, picks up his hockey stick and starts trekking back to the car. Vic holds his hand out to Don, helps him up. Don brushes himself off, starts to follow Richie. Vic puts his arm over Don's shoulder as they go. Don just barely allows it. LONG SHOT, AS THEY GO -- DON'S VOICE Have you ever had a shock run through your whole body. Like an electric current. Like the Electric Chair. That's what happened to me. Sometimes it takes some shock, some wild moment in your life -- someone's death, or maybe you come near dying yourself somehow. Something to change your life, something to shake you up from the inside out... and you never really know when or where it's going to come from. In my case, it was my son... and my... my... best friend, Vic Hudnut, who did it for me. They reach Vic's car in LONG SHOT; get back into Vic's car, silently, and Vic drives off down the streets again. CUT TO: INT. TAXICAB - DAY "Nurse" Cooper is putting on lipstick, and unbuttoning the top buttons of her blouse, pulling down the lapels to reveal some substantial cleavage, albeit wrinkled. The cabdriver turns up the main thoroughfare. "NURSE" How soon? How soon? Juniper Street... 3-3-2. CABDRIVER Streets are slippery, ma'am. We're getting there. He looks into his rearview mirror, and sees what he expects to see. The police car behind him has turned at the same corner he turned at. He takes a breath. Nurse thinks for a second, makes a decision, and unbuttons even one more button, looks ahead confidently. CUT TO: INT. THE BIG HOUSE - DAY ON DAD -- Peeking through the living room window. He gets excited. HIS VIEW -- Vic's car is pulling up in front of the Big House, and Vic and Don and Richie are getting out. Dad runs to Sid, jumping up and down like a dog who needs to go out to pee, now! DAD Tickets. The Ticket, She needs... too many. BLISTER! SID Your son? Here...? Now? What about Nurse Cooper...? Sid runs to the window, looks out. HIS VIEW THROUGH CURTAINS Don and Richie and Vic walking up the walk. SID Oh, boy. Oh, boy. EXT. THE BIG HOUSE - DAY Don, Richie, Vic walking up to the house, stopping to look -- VIC ...hard to say... I don't know why I didn't think of it... the Hansen's went to Florida Christmas Day... it's worth a try... They walk up further... RICHIE Grampa! HIS VIEW Dad in the window, holding the curtains back, frozen there. DON Dad! Dad?! Dad is frozen at the curtain, but Sid comes into view, looks through the window, sees them coming and pulls Dad away from the curtains. Don and Vic look at each other. VIC If we break in, we're trespassing. DON Maybe they'll answer the door. They go to the doorbell, Don rings it. Richie looks through the side windows. HE SEES: Sid pushes Dad down the hall away from the door. RICHIE They're running away. The three look at each other. DON Vic and I'll go around back. Richie... stay here in case they come out the front door. They split up as: CUT TO: INT. THE TAXICAB - DAY "Nurse" Cooper on the edge of the back seat, as the driver turns... and yes it's down Juniper Street. DRIVER Okay, Lady... just down the street now. "NURSE" Do I look all right? DRIVER If I may say it, lady, for your age... "NURSE" Yes, for my age...? DRIVER ...you're the sexiest fox I've ever seen. There's the house. "NURSE" Oh... what an adventure. Nurse Cooper is excited. Suddenly, her eyes widen, then pop. HER VIEW THROUGH ADVANCING WINDSHIELD FULL VIEW -- the house, with Richie out front and on the roof... two men climbing on to the roof from an attic's peak window... then working their way around the roof to the backside of the roof's peak. "NURSE'S" V.O. Do YOU see what I see? Behind the cab, the Police Car turns on its SIRENS. ON DON looking down the street, the cab and the police car with its sirens. He wonders what's happening, then looks up to see Dad and Sid just disappearing around to the backside of the roof. SID Time to go! DAD Oh, boy... Dad holds his nose like he's jumping into a pool, and they slide down the snowy slope of the roof... ON DON VIC AND RICHIE ...running around to the back of the house. Don leads the way now, possessed, fearless, determined. DON DAD! Where'd they go? Dad? ON DAD AND SID ...landing in a pile of snow, Dad helps Sid getup and they start to run through the back yard. ON DON, VIC AND RICHIE ...running around the side of the house. NEW ANGLE -- THE BACK YARD As Don, Richie and Vic arrive where Dad and Sid just were. They turn this way and that, trying to figure it out. Richie points at the ground. RICHIE Footprints!! DON Come on! Don leads the way, as they all start following the footprints like bloodhounds, methodically... and all too slowly... as -- ANOTHER ANGLE-FEATURING THE GARAGE OF THE HOUSE With the three footprint detectives in the background, they don't see what we see -- THE DOOR OF THE GARAGE OPENS AUTOMATICALLY, revealing Sid just behind the door, and suddenly one of the cars in the garage, The Jeep Cherokee-4WD revs its engine, starts backing out without stopping and then the Jeep blasts out in reverse. ON DON, RICHIE AND VIC Their heads turn, and their eyes... POP! ON DON Amazed, terrified... DON DAD! DON'T...!! DAD, STOP!! Don runs -- trudging through the snow... to get to the driveway, too late to do anything, but just in time to watch -- DON'S VIEW -- DOWN THE DRIVEWAY As the Jeep zooms out in reverse... and instead of stopping or turning into the street, the Jeep runs across the street and up the lawn of the house across the street, finally stopping when it hits the trunk of the big oak tree, but now digging a rut from the wheels reving against the force of the tree. Don runs after -- as Vic and Richie struggle to keep pace, well behind. NEW ANGLE -- ON THE STREET The cab has stopped on the street, and the cop car has stopped. The cops have gotten out of the car and are starting to walk up to the house, when the Jeep slips and slides quickly up the lawn across the street. IN THE JEEP Dad and Sid, with Dad at the wheel, trying to shift into another gear... DAD BLUR! See... more! Fast! SID Here. Do it! I told you. I don't drive. ...and Sid finally helps him, shift into first gear. Dad steps on the gas... they go. The blind leading the blind. ON SCENE As the Jeep swings out, slides, and finally goes down the street, nearly missing a few parked cars, and the kids who were sledding disperse fast. The two cops jump into the squad car and take off, slipping and finally sliding 180 degree turnaround to follow the Jeep. ON DON, arriving at Vic's car -- he jumps in, starts it, revs it, burns rubber on the ice, slides around 180 degrees, just in time to pick up Vic and Richie. DON I'm driving, okay? VIC It's about time. They jump in as the car moves off, slipping and sledding... ON NURSE COOPER Stepping out of the cab with one hand on the door, Watching the events unfold, looking this way, then that way... NURSE Amazing... amazing... (she jumps back in the cab) Follow that car. AND that one! And that one too!! The taxicab takes off. CUT TO: ON SCENE -- OVERVIEW FROM A HIGH TOR OVERLOOKING JUNIPER STREET AND ENVIRONS, THEN SEGUEING AND INTERCUTTING AS NEEDED BELOW: Three cars, two of them following the Jeep, which is basically frenetic in the directions it chooses to go. It goes up Juniper Street, then turns into and through someone's driveway, through the backyard, and right through a row of bushes, and into the opposing house's back yard, then, reversing angle, through and out their driveway onto the next street, and Vic's car goes right through and the police car follows and goes right through too, but not the taxicab, which despite Nurse Cooper's directions goes around the block, but comes out just in time to be actually ahead of the Jeep as the Jeep emerges, and the Jeep slams into the back of the taxicab and starts pushing it down the street, with the cab driver yelling to stop, and Nurse Cooper having the time of her life, waving to the drivers of the Jeep. SID Look, it's Nurse Cooper. Dad smiles, and they wave to Nurse Cooper. ON SCENE As a fifth vehicle, the WDDD-TV "EYE WITNESS NEWSVAN" joins the parade. The side door is open, and a videocam man hangs precariously out the door, shooting the scene -- while another man holds tight on to his shoulder harness. IN VIC'S CAR - JUST BEHIND THE JEEP Don is driving Vic's new Cadillac like a race driver, a white knuckler. DON Ok, hold on! RICHIE He's turning into the park. THEIR VIEW -- as the Jeep turns into a rocky, hilly park. The Jeep goes over one hill, and another -- and finally hits a ditch, starts to rev its wheels and can't move out. ON SCENE As Don's car runs over the same embankment and falls into the same ditch, spins its wheels but it's no-go. And after that, the police car runs into the same ditch, spins its wheels and it's no-go. The taxicab follows. Same deal. The newsvan follows and dips into the same ditch. Same result. The cameraman jumps out of the van with a Mini-Cam on his shoulder to stay on scene, and a NEWSCASTER, STACEY, jumps into the snow with a microphone. CUT TO: INT. THE OLD OAKS - THE TV AREA - DAY Most of the residents, elderly and nurses are glued to the TV News event. NEWSCASTER STACEY ...Jim, the two retirees, may now be trapped... in a ditch... and, let's just hope they can be rescued without incident. OLD OAKS RESIDENTS Boo! Boo! The Old Oaks residents, even the nurses, are on the edge of their seats. ON TV SET: TV NEWS VIEW While the Jeep spins its wheels, the police, Nurse Cooper, and the Newscaster with the Mic are seen trudging through the snow... from the ditch where their vehicles got stuck. BACK ON SCENE INT. THE JEEP Dad is accelerating wildly. Sid looks at the gear box. Sees: CLOSE: GEARBOX LEVERS, One level reads: "4WD" Sid pushes the lever and -- ON SCENE The Jeep's wheels grab the ground and it grumbles out of the ditch. INT. THE OLD OAKS - DAY The residents cheer wildly. ON SCENE Don and Richie and Vic watch the Jeep go over a ridge and they groan -- Don hits the wheel with the palms of his hands. DON Damn! He revs it hard, again and again, but it's no go. ON SCENE The cops and the newsmen and Nurse Cooper... each forty feet from the other, and groaning and turning nearly in unison, and trudging through the snow in that direction. INT. THE JEEP Rough and tumble, slip and slide... Dad and Sid. SID ...turn it that way. That way! DAD I do my own...! ...find the man! SID The Man you wanna find and The Man I wanna find are two different guys. You are gonna get us killed. Dad looks at him with a Who-Cares grin... and turns it the other way. They start to struggle for control of the wheel. ON DON IN VIC'S CAR Reving it, again and again. Turning the wheel, and then... suddenly the wheels catch a tree's root... and -- ON THE CAR As it shoots out of the ditch, and they spin out and away. ON THE JEEP Slipping and sliding and rolling over a ridge, nearly tipping over, then righting itself, and going strong -- ON SID -- his eyes popping at his view ahead. He holds on for dear life. HIS VIEW THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD -- They are heading for a cliff. EXT. THE JEEP IN THE SNOW - DAY Heading for disaster... as the Jeep sails right up and over the cliff -- ON THE CLEAR BLUE SKY AS -- IN TANTALIZING SLOW MOTION The Jeep sails effortlessly through the blue. ON FACES -- DON AND RICHIE As Don drives towards the cliff... craning necks to follow, then quickly chins drop and eyes turn down as -- ON JEEP In the blue sky in faltering slomo, then it plummets to earth and plows head first into a snow bank in the gulley below. ON VIC'S CADILLAC flying through the snow towards the cliff, and just in time. DON turns the wheel hard, and -- THE CADILLAC turns, slides around and around, and then stops... right at the edge of the cliff... miraculously. Don jumps out and runs to the edge of the cliff. Richie and Vic follow. THEIR VIEW FROM ABOVE The Jeep is buried head first in the snowbank, it's door flung open, and on one side Dad's lifeless body is strewn on the snow next to the Jeep. ON DON Terror on his face. DON DAD!! Don leaps off the cliff without a second of hesitation. RICHIE DAD!! Richie runs to the cliff side. Looks down, as does everyone -- they've all finally caught up. THEIR VIEW OF THE SCENE IN THE GULCH BELOW -- INTERCUTTING WITH VIEW ABOVE GULCH Don has fallen in the snow face first, motionless for a split second, GASPS HEARD from above, then he moves, looks to Dad's body... and rolls over to it. He looks into Dad's dead face... starts to weep... DON Dad? -- Dad! Suddenly, Dad opens his eyes, looks at Don... grins -- DAD You! He throws snow in Don's face. DON Dad -- my God. You scared the crap out of me. And Don throws some snow back in Dad's face. They both grin. DON Richie... he's okay. ON RICHIE AT THE TOP OF THE CLIFF looking down, tears in his eyes. And before Vic can stop him, Richie leaps... over the edge of the cliff. ON SCENE BELOW As Richie falls on the other side of his father, and he throws snow in Dad's face too. The three of them in a snow fight. DAD Ticket... you got the ticket? DON (with tears of joy) Yes, Dad... yeah, I got the ticket. And I found The Man, too. I did, Dad. I found the goddamn Man. Don, trying to throw snow, but he can't. He's laughing (or is that crying) so hard he can't move. Richie puts his arm around him, and Dad, laughing hysterically, jumps on them both... QUICK INT. OLD OAKS - DAY The residents watching TV... cheer! BACK ON THE OTHERS AT THE TOP OF THE CLIFF Nurse Cooper wiping a tear from her eye. Vic nods and nods and nods as his joyous grin widens. ON SID IN THE SHOTGUN SEAT OF THE JEEP Motionless. Then, he falls over... dead. OUR VIEW BEGINS TO PULL BACK -- PULLING BACK AND BACK AND BACK EXT. DULUTH, MN PARK - DAY HELICOPTER SHOT As the drama's participants start to disperse... the VIEW PULLS BACK AND BACK AND BACK... DON'S VOICE Dad, I think, had finally found the man. And I knew that I had found the man too... I still didn't know exactly what it meant, but I understood that Dad knew what it meant, and it was better not to try to describe it... you know... describe it... he just KNEW. And now, I just KNEW. And I think, maybe, Richie just KNEW too... and, goddamn, what a wonderful thing it is to find The Man. You know, the one inside yourself. As OUR VIEW PULLS BACK, the entire city of Duluth is revealed below... and the heavy drone of a Jetliner becomes overwhelming, mixing with the sound of DON'S VOICE, and -- DISSOLVE TO: INT. 747 AIRPLANE - DAY Don is looking through the window at the scene below... the City of Duluth receding into the distance, and PULLING BACK... DON'S VOICE I finally got a window seat... ...his place at the window now REVEALED, AND PULLING BACK MORE, DAD is sitting next to him, fast asleep, and the aisle just across from Dad, Richie is playing a video game with Don's laptop computer, looking over to check on Grampa every once in a while. DON'S V.O. It wasn't going to be easy. They say that the things that are worthwhile in life are never easy... you have to work at it... at least you do in this day and age. Dad opens one eye, then the other, looks over at the dozing Don, then the other way, sees Richie, winks, then looks at Don again and grins. Reaches out for Don's hand. Don blinks awake as Dad slams his palm against Don's palm, then takes his hand away, like a magician... and leaving an object in Don's palm. It's the Fashion Condom. Don looks in his palm, and grins. Dad grins knowingly. Richie looks at it, turns his head. DAD Busy. Busy. He starts to get up. Struggles with his seat belt. DON No Dad! You can't get up. Please. Richie leans in. RICHIE Dad... Grampa needs to go to the bathroom. DON Oh. RICHIE Don't worry, I'll watch him. Richie helps Dad out of his seat belt, and they head up the aisle. DON'S V.O. If I learned anything about My Dad as an Old Timer's patient it was that more often than not, there was a method to his madness... so I have a hunch he knew how important he is, how important it was for him to serve as the missing link... DISSOLVE TO: The lavatory door, reading "Occupied", and a line of people waiting outside. Richie looks at his watch, and smiles sheepishly at the next person in line. Richie knocks on the door. A Stewardess now comes forward and knocks on the door with a crowbar. And just as she's about to force the door open, the "Occupied" sign turns to "Vacant" and Dad emerges with shaving cream all over his face and head and hands, and no razor to be seen. He didn't need a shave anyway. DON'S V.O. ...not just the missing link between my old home and my new home, but between the generations... the link to my own son. Richie leads Dad back to his seat, helps him sit down, and then straps his seat belt for him. Don and Richie exchange a little knowing grin. DON'S V.O. I think maybe Richie felt that too. He understood how important my Dad was to him, too. ON DON Don shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath. Sunlight streams in through the window over his face. CUT TO: INT. THE AIRLINE BUILDING - PORTLAND AIRPORT - DAY Dad and Richie and Don riding a walking sidewalk. Dad feels funny about it, so he sort of dances to keep his feet off the ground as much as he can. Richie is holding an airline carton marked "Fragile, Living Animals", with little holes and the sound of Parakeets chirping inside. CUT TO: EXT. THE AIRLINE TERMINAL - OUTSIDE THE BAGGAGE AREA - DAY Dad and Richie and Don emerge with their baggage. Formerly Santa Claus, now the same guy has a sign, "Homeless... will work for food" guy is outside the door, and this time, Don gives him some money, returns the homeless man's nod. Dad starts to cross the street, and they catch him just as he's about to be hit by a Tram from the Portland Sheraton Hotel. And as the tram passes, an old pickup truck is revealed pulling up to the curb. DON'S V.O. It was New Year's Eve day, and... surprise... I had made a New Year's date... with, guess who, Jan Patrick. Jan leans over Bren to open the shotgun door and waves. Don doesn't see her, not until Max, the dog, barks from the back of the truck... and Don waves back, moves with Dad and Richie to the truck. The truck also has some young potted evergreen trees in the truck bed. Max is barking and shaking and jumping with joy at seeing Dad, and Dad feels the same way, and just climbs in the truckbed with him, and Richie follows. DON'S V.O. We left Bren and Richie to baby-sit Dad and the birds and Max, who was so happy when he saw Dad that he just went nuts. Dogs know. Dogs experience what every human wants to experience, unconditional love. The truck pulls out into traffic, as -- DISSOLVE TO: EXT. A SMALL FARMHOUSE WITH A SIGN IN FRONT "JAN PATRICK NURSERY - We have anything you need." As the truck pulls up in front, and Jan lets everyone off... except for Don. Then it drives off again. ON DON AND JAN. ON A MOUNTAIN CREST She smiles and he smiles back. DON'S VOICE Can you believe it, we never said one word to each other that whole magical New Year's Eve night. Jan and I were experiencing something... unconditional. Don and Jan in the truckbed having dinner, wrapped in a big Hudson Bay blanket. Mount Hood is in the distance as the sun sets behind it. They toast each other, clinking champagne glasses. Don's Voice never has sounded so mellow, easy, right. DON'S V.O. We drank champagne, waited patiently 'till midnite, drank more champagne. TIME PASSING -- Don and Jan sitting up, wrapped together cozily in the blanket, until the SOUND OF SOME NEW YEAR'S REVELERS' yelling Happy New Year from a passing car. TIME PASSING AGAIN -- Jan and Don come together and exchange their first kiss, and they like it so much that they do it again... and again. DON'S V.O. So, we kissed and kissed and kissed and then we screwed our brains out. Nobody makes love on the first date anymore, but it just seemed right... not only did we practice safe sex... but we used the fashion condom Nurse Cooper had given Dad, and he had given me. That seemed just right. Then we slept in the back of the truck 'till dawn. OUR VIEW has delicately MOVED AWAY to the STARLIT NIGHT and then, as the Sun Rises over Mount Hood, OUR VIEW returns to the sleepers, molded together, under the blankets in the open truckbed. A VERY, VERY, LONG DISSOLVE TO: A beautiful sunny day... mountains in the distance... birds chirping... DON'S V.O. I must have been doing something right... All my New Year's wishes came true. Jan and I were married. I sold my condo, and that paid off the mortgage on Jan's little farm. We grew things... and made a living at it. Don loads some little seedlings onto the back of the truck. Richie's mother called me that very day, New Year's, and told me she'd gotten married in Hawaii... INT. THE FARMHOUSE KITCHEN - DAY CLOSE ON JAN Cleaning up the kitchen table, a gallery of family photos on the wall behind her. Many of the photos are from the old gallery wall in the kitchen at Dad's house. But, just as many or more are new, and many of them have Don in the snapshots, with Jan, with Richie, playing with Max, with Dad, with Bren. And, finally, a big one of Sid, in front of the Christmas tree at the big house, smiling in heaven. DON'S V.O. Wasn't it, she said, really unfair to put so much pressure on Richie to decide which parent he should live with... and wasn't it time that a son Richie's age lived with his father and visited his mother once in a while? Jan moves to the kitchen window, her back to us, revealing in the FOREGROUND that the kitchen table she was wiping is the dinette set from Dad's house, and, yes, MOM'S CHAIR is set at the old Mom's Chair angle. Jan watching through the window as -- HER VIEW THROUGH THE WINDOW -- Richie comes along to help... and approaches Bren, then pulls a squirt gun out from behind his back and squirts her... she pushes him, then runs... and he chases her. DON'S V.O. Like what's her name -- Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, I'd learned so much from the most surprising places... from My Dad, who couldn't think straight, from my son, who I thought was supposed to learn about life from me, and from Vic Hudnut in my hometown, the best friend I didn't even know I had... 'til he saved my life... and from Jan, who came from Heaven to share her love with mine. STILL ON JAN LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW -- as Don catches her glance and throws her a kiss. Jan grins, sighs... DON'S V.O. Turned out Jan was not a divorced woman... she was a widow. Her husband caught a cold one day and just up and died of Pneumonia. Shit happens. Life is a bitch, and then you die. I don't like that saying. Uh-uh. Life is precious, live it! That's what I say, that's what My Dad does every day. EXT. OUTDOORS - DAY ON DAD -- OUTDOORS Dad is throwing bird seed to the winds, and a hundred birds fly in and out of nowhere and start pecking at the ground. DON'S V.O. Dad, well, you know My Dad, the missing link... the man with a method to his madness. He'd found the man just like I had -- but it takes a woman too. So, Jan and I figured Dad ought to have a full time, around the clock nurse... REVEALING -- Nurse Cooper breezes into frame, dressed like a real nurse, frilled head crown and all, -- joins Dad, crushing her ample bosom into his ribs. NURSE COOPER Almost time for our nap, Lester. Dad's eyes widen, as her hand moves down to his butt. DON'S VOICE And it just seemed our family was destined to grow... The homeless guy from Portland Airport comes out of a shed with a bushel of tomatoes, asks where he should put them, and Don points to the spot. DON'S VOICE ...and grow... again. Jan walks into frame, her belly heavy with child. She stands with Don and squints as they look to the horizon. DON'S VOICE Times have changed, it's harder to find the man, and all this love stuff must sound really corny now, but, you know what, I'll put all my money on corn any day of the week. There's still a good life out there, you can still look life right in the face, and demand that good life and grab it while there's still time. If you haven't found the man yet, I know you can, and I know you will. MOVING OVER DON AND JAN'S SHOULDERS TO THE HORIZON, the beautiful mountains, blue sky, and white clouds. MUSIC, OUR THEME IS UP, AND AWAY. THE END